Chapter 6 #2
I nod. Yes, I saw. I saw her look of disbelief and disappointment, and it cut me to the bone. I know that I’ve made major mistakes in the past. But taking those photos—that kind of thing is not part of my life now. Scheming like that doesn’t fit the man I am now. The man I want to be.
“I didn’t even realize the pictures were still on my phone.”
Ruby nods. Then she exhales audibly. “It’s going to be hard to convince Lexington of the truth.”
“Probably.”
For a moment, we’re both lost in thought.
“How’s Lydia?” Ruby asks in the end. “What’s going to happen to her now?”
I clear my throat. “She’s living with Aunt Ophelia and has a tutor to get her through her A levels. Dad threatened to press charges against Sutton if she didn’t go along with it.”
Ruby stiffens, and I see the same rage that I’m feeling flicker in her eyes.
“I wish I could pack my bags too.”
“Why don’t you?” she asks cautiously. “Maybe then he’d come to his senses and realize that he’s made a mistake.”
I shake my head. “I can’t let things at home keep escalating. If I go, I won’t have any chance to convince Dad to let Lydia come back.”
Ruby frowns. “So that means…”
“…that for the time being, I’m doing what he wants,” I say flatly.
“Oh, James.”
I shrug my shoulders. The last thing I meant to do when I came over was burden Ruby with more of my family shit.
“Do you think he’ll ever change?” she asks, stroking the back of my hand with her thumb.
I think for a while, listen to my heart. I’ve never considered whether Dad could ever be different. For me, he’s only ever been Mortimer Beaufort—a businessman with the highest expectations of me, someone who’s heaped so much pressure on me all my life that I’ve felt suffocated by it.
I regularly dream that I’m in the sea, with my dad standing over me, watching me drown. That’s how I feel right now.
“No, I don’t,” I croak.
Ruby budges closer still, and I lean my head against her. “I’m here for you,” she whispers.
I can’t reply. I just wrap an arm around her side and hold her close.
“I thought I’d go and see Lydia this weekend,” I say after a while. “Ophelia will look after her, I know that. But she doesn’t know anyone else in Beckdale, and I don’t want her to feel lonely.”
Ruby looks compassionately at me, but that’s the last thing I want. She’s got problems of her own and doesn’t need my family’s on top.
“Can I come too?” she asks after a while.
“To see Lydia?”
Ruby nods. She must sense my surprise, because before I can answer, she hastily adds: “Well, sometime. And only if you want me to.”
“I’m sure Lydia would love that.” I lean back a little to look at Ruby. “And so would I.”
I’d have given anything to spend the rest of the day with Ruby, but there’s something else I have to do today, and it’s far from pleasant.
I park outside Red Heaven and get out. I’m not used to driving myself, but when we got back from Pemwick, Percy called in sick and hasn’t been seen since. I don’t blame him. Dropping a weeping Lydia off at Ophelia’s and then driving back like nothing was wrong can’t have been easy for him either.
I slam the door a bit harder than I need to and walk the few feet to the club entrance. The sun has completely set now, and there’s just a faint red glow on the horizon.
I push the heavy velvet curtain aside and step inside.
The familiar powdery, sweet smell fills my nose and presses up against my head.
I don’t think I’ve ever been in this place sober before.
When not under the influence of alcohol, there’s something surreal about the smell, the sight of the poles, the dancers writhing around them in the pinkish-red light.
Like a world where I’m a stranger, no longer at home.
“James!” Bear roars from a way off. There’s nobody but him and the dancers in this part of the club, which is hardly surprising as it’s still way early.
I turn and the club owner comes toward me, arms outstretched. His name doesn’t fit his tall, slim physique, or the tailor-made Beaufort suit he’s wearing. “First Cyril and now you. To what do I owe this honor?”
“Bear,” I greet him, holding out my hand. His grip is almost as firm and unyielding as Dad’s. I don’t flinch though. “I need to see Cyril. Where is he?”
A serious expression crosses Bear’s face, although his smile doesn’t slip a millimeter. “He’s in one of the back rooms, having a good time.”
I swallow. “I hope he’s in a fit state to talk to me.”
Bear beckons me through, across the club. “You look grim. What’s he been up to?”
I fix my eyes on the heavy door that leads to the VIP area without giving him an answer.
“You know I won’t have fighting in my club, James,” he continues, his voice deep. “This isn’t the place for settling scores.”
“I’m not planning to get into any fights,” I say.
“Good,” Bear answers curtly, opening the door for me. “He’s right at the back.”
I nod and walk down the corridor toward the area Bear showed me. I have no hesitation in throwing the curtain aside.
Cyril is sitting on a black leather sofa. He looks chilled, head back on his hands, watching the dancer moving to the music in front of him. He watches as she thrusts her hands into her hair and circles her hips. She moves slowly downward…
I clear my throat.
Cyril doesn’t turn to look at me, but I see every muscle in his body tense.
“Linette,” he says, without taking his eyes off the dancer. “Can we take a break?” There’s no intonation in his voice, no hint of emotion.
Linette stops in surprise, but nods as she sees me standing there. She steps off the little dance floor and smiles at me as she passes.
I walk slowly over to the sofa. I pull up a leather footstool so that I can sit facing Cyril. He doesn’t even bother to look at me. He stares at the ceiling, eyes dim, as if he’s on something way harder than mere booze.
I remember what he said yesterday. The provocation in his voice: Ask him, Ruby.
Ask him who took the photos. The way he gave me back my phone with his mocking thanks.
It cost me every ounce of strength I possessed not to go for him then and there, but to walk away and leave him standing by Lexington’s office.
I know Cyril. Hitting him was exactly what he wanted me to do.
And he’s probably hoping I’m going to do it right now.
But I’m not giving him the satisfaction.
I’m not going to use my anger to help him compensate for his own pain.
Because Cyril is clearly hurting. Anyone who’s known him as long as I have can see that.
Eventually, I begin bluntly, “Dad kicked Lydia out.”
My words have the desired effect: Cyril flinches and looks at me through half-closed eyes.
Lydia is the only person that interests him. I knew that would get through to him.
“He shouted, hit her, and sent her off to our aunt’s in Beckdale, Cy,” I continue calmly. I swore I’d keep a cool head, but the moment I remember that, my fists clench automatically. It’s pure instinct.
Something dark flickers in Cyril’s eyes. “He said he’d make sure Sutton left her alone,” he says hoarsely. “That we could get rid of them both in one go.”
My nails dig into my palms. “What the fuck did Ruby ever do to you?” I growl.
Cy snorts with laughter, but it’s anything but amused. He rubs both hands over his face and then digs them into his dark hair. “Before the two of them showed up, everything was perfect, man.”
“Nothing was perfect. Before Lydia met Sutton, she was doing shit.”
Cyril’s shoulders cramp up. Now he clenches his fists too. “That’s not true.”
“Maybe you didn’t know her as well as you wanted to think.”
“Fuck,” Cyril groans, punching the sofa cushion. “All I wanted was for things to go back to how they used to be!”
“You’re acting like everything used to be so amazing, Cy. But that’s just not true.”
“We used to have the best time together,” he says, his voice shaking. “We didn’t give a shit what anyone else thought. We were invincible, James. And now that’s all gone.”
His cheeks are flushed, his shoulders rising and falling rapidly.
Suddenly, I see what the problem is. I never wanted the life my parents had planned for me, but it wasn’t like that for Cyril.
I was always afraid of the future, but Cyril was looking forward to going to Oxford and following the path laid out for him.
I always had a suppressed yearning for something more burning inside me, but Cyril was happy with his life.
“Don’t try to tell me that what you did was out of any kind of friendship.”
“But it really was. I was trying to get back to being best mates.” Now it’s Cyril who looks like he’s about to jump to his feet.
“You were looking out for yourself. You were selfish. Because you can’t deal with change.”
“That’s not true,” he replies.
“What were you thinking? That my father would be delighted by the news?” I ask coldly.
“He said he’d get rid of Sutton. That was all I cared about.”
I snort. “You’ve achieved the exact opposite of what you wanted. Neither Lydia nor I will ever look at you the same way again.”
Cyril flinches. It’s as if I’d slapped him in the face. “I…I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t want him to punish Lydia.”
I lean forward on my seat and look Cyril in the eye. “You hurt the two people who matter most to me in the world. I’ll never forgive that.”
“I can’t undo what happened.” His voice sounds agonized, he’s practically squeezing the words out.
“Yes, you can.”
He shakes his head. “Lexington wouldn’t believe a word if I went to him now. And what would people think of me?”
I thump the table between us with all my strength. Pain explodes in my fist and shoots all the way up my arm, but I couldn’t care less about that right now.
“I don’t give a flying fuck what people think of you, Cyril! You’ve wrecked Ruby’s entire life with your shitty lies.”
I glare at him. He stares back, stone-faced.
“I know you’ve still got the originals. I’m giving you a week to take them to Lexington.”
“I…”
I stand up and look down at him. “If you don’t give Lexington the photos, me hating you will be the least of your problems,” I say, deadly quiet.
Cyril swallows hard. He looks down at his hands, clenches them into fists, then relaxes them again. There’s no mistaking the bitter battle going on inside his head.
But I can’t help him. I’ve said all I had to say.
“James,” Cyril croaks again, his voice raw, once I’m almost out of the lounge. “I really didn’t mean for this to happen.”
The combination of fury at Cyril and not knowing what’s going to happen to Ruby and Lydia almost makes me dizzy. Cyril might not be a bad person at heart, but at this moment, I don’t know if our friendship can be saved. Right now, I can’t even look at him.
“I know.”
I leave the club without another word.