Chapter 15 #2
Lexington strokes the lapel of his gray suit and looks intently at me through his glasses. “You and Miss Wang have really worked hard getting ready for this event,” he says in the end.
“Thank you, sir,” I reply stiffly.
He coughs again. “And I wanted to take the opportunity to let you know in person how deeply I regret recent events.”
I try not to show how surprised I am by his apology. I wasn’t expecting that, and for a moment, I don’t know how to react.
Lexington clears his throat yet again. It’s like a little explosion. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was nervous. “I hope you understand that the evidence against you initially seemed conclusive. I had to take action. I couldn’t just ignore it.”
“I know that,” I say. “It’s just…” I hesitate, and glance uncertainly at him. He nods encouragingly.
“Feel free to speak openly, Miss Bell.”
“I can’t help wondering if you’d have reacted differently if my parents were able to make regular huge donations to the Maxton Hall bank account.”
I can’t believe I actually just said that. I feel my heart pound rapidly and violently against my rib cage as Lexington’s eyes widen in outrage.
“Miss Bell,” he says. “I really must…”
I shake my head. “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s what I felt. You didn’t even give me a chance to defend myself. After everything I’ve done for the school in the last couple of years, I think I deserved better.”
Lexington stares at me. He opens his mouth and shuts it again.
I wonder if I’ve just made a big mistake, but then again, I don’t care. I’ve stood up for myself and addressed an injustice that’s been obvious at Maxton Hall for years. I don’t know if it will change anything, but that isn’t the point.
“Thank you for being so honest,” the head says finally.
“I am sorry for what happened. And I hope you know that I will take steps to stop anything like that from happening again.” His tone is as friendly as before, but a touch more formal.
Like he’s choosing every word with care.
“Should you have any more concerns, of whatever kind, my door is always open.”
I nod, although I know better. I watch Lexie as he walks back toward the bonfire, and realize that I’m no longer furious with him.
Right now, I’m grateful to him for teaching me a valuable lesson.
If I ever find myself in a position of authority, with power over other people, I won’t treat them the way he treated me.
Because now I know that there are at least two sides to every story, and everyone deserves to be heard.
James
My job this evening is selling bread-on-a-stick to the rest of the school—plus keeping as unobtrusive an eye on the crowd as possible and watching out for Ruby.
Now and then, I see her brown hair gleaming in the firelight or catch sight of her sprinting across the field, but she generally disappears from view as fast as she appears.
So I focus on the kids coming up to the table with their couple of quid.
I’ve never done anything like this before, and in the past I’d probably have thought it was totally pathetic. But tonight, it’s giving me a real sense of peace.
This whole year—or since Mum died, to be more precise—I’ve been grateful for anything that distracts me from brooding on everything in my life that’s going to shit.
When I’m with the events team, I don’t have to think about the fact that I’m basically homeless and relying on my girlfriend’s parents’ generosity.
When I’m training my heart out, I don’t have to waste time worrying that I’ve trashed Mum’s legacy to me.
And when I’m hitting the books, I don’t have to try to figure out what I’m even going to do with my life, let alone why I’m bothering with A levels.
I try not to let Ruby see, but that’s getting harder with every day that passes. The more I rack my brains, the clearer it gets that there are no answers to my questions—and the heavier my worries weigh me down.
“You’ve got flour down your jeans, bro.”
I jump and look up. Wren’s standing there, grinning broadly and pointing to my legs.
“Is it nine already?” I ask in surprise, looking at my watch. Wren and I agreed that he’d meet me here after my shift so that we can spend the bonfire evening together, in keeping with our ancient tradition.
Wren nods, and I try half-heartedly to brush myself down. Once I’ve handed the booth over to Kieran and wiped my hands on a towel, I emerge from behind the stall.
I’ve seen Wren every day on the way to school, in lessons, and at training, but it feels like weeks since we really talked.
“How’s it going?” I ask after a while. Partly because I don’t know what else to say, and partly because I really want to know the answer.
“I was about to ask you the same thing.”
“Good job I got in first, then.”
Wren grins, and we stroll away from the fire, toward the edge of the field, where people are sneaking cigarettes and the occasional beer.
“I’m fine,” Wren replies eventually.
The music from the loudspeakers fades as we get farther from the bonfire.
“So…what’s it like?” I ask cautiously. Wren has barely told us anything about his new life.
He doesn’t talk about the house they’ve moved into, and he’s told us nothing about how his parents are coping.
I know from Alistair that he’s been at training as little as I have, but anytime I ask him what’s up, he changes the subject.
Wren is embarrassed, that much is obvious. And it’s killing me that he doesn’t think he can talk to me about it—after all, we’re both in the same fucking boat.
I’m expecting him to duck my question yet again, but he surprises me. “Different,” he says. “But it’s OK. We’ve finally got the internet working.”
He pulls a hip flask from his inside jacket pocket and takes a big swig. Then he holds the little silver flask out to me. I only pause a moment, then take it and drink. This moment feels almost like the old days.
“I’m slowly getting used to Gormsey,” he continues. “But it’s really weird, the way everyone keeps saying hello to me.”
“It’s the same on Ruby’s road,” I say, handing him back the flask. “I’m on first-name terms with everyone these days.”
Wren grins. “It’s kind of nice too though.”
For a while, we walk in silence.
“I might have found a buyer for my shares in Beaufort’s, by the way,” I add once we’ve come to a stop a good way from the fire. “My financial adviser is doing every background check you can think of, but it’s looking pretty good.”
“That would be big, bro,” says Wren thoughtfully. “I’m happy for you.”
“It’s not definite. And I want to meet her in person again. But yeah, if it all goes to plan, it should be done by the time we finish school.”
“Wow. Fingers crossed.”
“Thanks.” I give him a wry sideways smile. “Then I’ll finally be able to let the Bells have their sofa back. No matter how often I suggest it, they won’t let me move into a hotel.”
Wren’s lips twitch. “I believe you.”
I raise a surprised eyebrow, but he doesn’t let me ask him what he meant by that. “I was thinking it’s about time for a little housewarming.” He twists the hip flask in his hand, then runs his fingers around the engraved rim. “I’d like you guys to see my new place.”
“Cool,” I say at once. “When?”
“Next weekend, maybe? I…” Wren breaks off and clears his throat. “Will you help me get the shopping in? Booze and snacks?”
“Sure.”
He nods and lifts the flask to his lips again. I can see the relief in his eyes but don’t quite get why.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d all be up for it,” he says after a moment.
“Course we are,” I say, confused.
He just shrugs.
“Listen, I know I’ve been a shit friend in the last few months. But of course I want to know how things are for you, and what’s going on. I just thought you didn’t want to talk about it, so I didn’t want to pressure you. I’m sorry if it came across as if I didn’t care.”
Wren shakes his head. “It’s not that,” he says.
“What, then?” I ask cautiously.
“Normally…oh, God knows. We’re going through the exact same thing, but it feels totally impossible to talk about the whole shit with you.”
“Hence the flask?” I ask with a tentative grin. Wren grins faintly back and raises a toast.
“There’s so much going on right now. I’ve been applying for loans and sorting my room, and now I’m looking for a job. But nobody wants anyone who’s about to leave for uni.”
“That must be crap. I’ll keep an eye out too if you like.”
Wren just shrugs. But I make a mental note to scan through the ads as soon as Mr. Bell has finished with the newspaper in the mornings.
“Thanks.”
“Is there any other news?” I persist. “You seem…different.”
Wren snorts with laughter. “That’s one way of putting it.”
We walk a few more steps over the grass, then he stops abruptly.
He leans his head back and stares up at the sky, which is a deep violet now.
The music is so quiet from here that you can hardly make out what song they’re playing.
That’s the only reason I catch Wren’s next words: “I think I’m falling in love. ”
Startled, I give him a sideways glace, but Wren’s face is so gloomy that I don’t dare ask for details.
“You look like that’s the end of the world.”
He exhales audibly and crosses his arms behind his head. “I don’t know how to deal with it. I mean, why now? It’s really not a great time for it.”
That makes me laugh. Wren glares at me.
“Sorry. I just don’t think love ever waits for a convenient moment. It creeps up on you from behind, just when you’re least expecting it.”
He snorts. “Which makes love a sneaky bastard.”
I grin. Wren maintains his angry face for another couple of seconds, then has to grin back.
“I just keep on thinking about our original plan. And then I look at us now and can’t help laughing at how stupid and na?ve we were all those years,” he says in the end.
“But this can still be the best year of our lives.”
He lowers his arms with a hmph. “God, no. No way can the best year of my life start as fucked up as this. I’m not having it.”
“You’re right. I just wanted to say something optimistic.”
“You’re spending too much time with Ember,” he says. When I glance at him, he hastily adds: “And Ruby.”
Wren kicks a stone down the path. We watch it skitter away a few yards. “What was it like for you? With Ruby, I mean.”
I have to think about that for a moment. “It just kind of happened. I wanted to fight it at first, but I soon realized that was pointless. I love Ruby. And that’s not changing anytime soon.”
Wren’s eyes widen slightly. “Seriously?”
I shrug. “Yeah.”
“That sounds so serious. Like you’re sure you want to spend your life with her.”
“Yeah, maybe I do.” The words come of their own accord, and even though it was such a struggle six months ago, they don’t scare me any longer. Quite the opposite, in fact.
“Shit, bro.” Wren shakes his head.
“Want to tell me about her?” I ask.
He rubs the back of his head. “I’d rather not.”
“OK. But just so you know: I’m here if you want to talk. And I think maybe we should do more of that.”
“Thanks. Me too.”
I watch some of the juniors running around the fire, chasing one another with sticks. Some of them are sword-fighting, and I see Lin telling them off. Lin, who poked me in the back with a stick herself not so long ago.
“Heard anything from Cy lately?” Wren asks out of the blue.
I watch the sparks rising up from the fire and fading away against the sky. “No.”
“I’m starting to get worried. He hasn’t been in school for two weeks. Nobody knows what’s up with him.”
I shouldn’t give a fuck, but I can’t help the alarm that rises in me.
“Maybe I should invite him to my party,” Wren continues. “Although he probably wouldn’t come. He’s been ignoring all my messages. He must be feeling bad over the thing with Ruby and Lydia.”
“And so he fucking should.” It slips out, sharper than I intended. I sigh. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive him. He could have wrecked Ruby’s entire future.”
“But he admitted his mistake and tried to put it right, didn’t he?”
I don’t answer.
“There’s no harm inviting him. Trust me, I know he fucked up. But so have we all. It would be kind of hypocritical not to be there for him, don’t you think?”
I grit my teeth. Then I stretch out my hand for the flask. I take a couple of swigs, enjoying the burn as it works down my throat.
“I hate it when you’re right,” I say.
Wren grins and puts an arm around my shoulder.
Once I’ve said goodbye to him, I go back to searching for Ruby. There’s a blanket in my car, and a mini speaker, in the hope we might be able to hang around a bit after the event, looking up at the starry sky.
We haven’t had much time to ourselves in the last two weeks.
Ruby’s parents aren’t strict, but the thought that they might walk in on us at any minute has made me keep a certain distance from her.
I really don’t want to disrespect the Bells.
After all, I’m grateful to them for giving me a roof over my head.
I find Ruby by the bonfire. She’s standing next to Lexie as he gives his closing speech and thanks everyone for coming. She’s bathed in the glow of the fire, so that she looks almost like an avenging angel.
I keep my eyes fixed on her as I pull my phone out of my pocket, open the camera, and click. I shiver pleasantly as I see the photo.
I’m about to slip the phone back into my jeans when a notification flashes up.
My hackles rise as I see that it’s from Dad.
After I ignored his first email, he wrote again last week to say that he was disappointed in me but would give me one more chance to come to my senses.
I still didn’t reply, hoping that he’d finally leave me in peace.
But when I open his message, I can see that I was wrong. As far as Dad’s concerned, this isn’t over. It’s only just beginning.
Fine. You asked for it.