Chapter 8
Eight
I hadn’t forgotten my argument with Zoya. I was tired of defending my position as Patrick’s protector. I thought only to check on him before going to speak with Orthorr again, but when I found him crying, I could not make myself go. Even after he’d fallen asleep, I didn’t move. His hand was fisted in my tunic, keeping me close, his head resting on my arm. He could not cuddle, not with the injury, but it was obvious he needed to be held. I was not taking that from him, and I wouldn’t allow anyone else to pull me from him, either.
While he cried, Finn and Zoya stepped out to give him privacy to feel his feelings. I still didn’t know what upset him so much, but it didn’t really matter. He would tell me when he was ready. Or when he had the ability. He’d surprised me earlier by speaking to me. I hadn’t known he could converse so well already.
Finn came back while Patrick slept. He spent a lot of time sitting with members of the clan, writing down our stories. We shared our history through our stories but had never written them down before. Finn was good with words and writing. He volunteered to write it all down for us, and Orthorr was pleased to accept. That Finn was making time to check in with Patrick and teach him the language made me appreciate him even more.
“You have been teaching him,” I murmured, quiet enough not to disturb Patrick.
Finn nodded. “He wants to understand. It makes him feel better. He’s still scared.”
My hold on Patrick tightened a little. “Why? What makes him afraid?” Dread settled into my gut. “It is not me, is it?”
I tried so hard to be calm around him. I got frustrated during my argument with Zoya. I didn’t want to scare him.
Thankfully, Finn shook his head with a smile. “No. Not you. When he speaks of you, it is with fond exasperation. You are a bad teacher.”
My mouth twisted to hide my smile. That wasn’t a terrible assessment. I wasn’t sure how to teach our tongue. I pointed out things and told him the words, but I didn’t know where else to go with such things.
“I am grateful to you for teaching him.”
He patted the leather-bound book in his lap that Rath acquired for him from another clan. “It’s what I’m hoping to do for the rest when they come. To help them understand. He’s kind to let me practice with him.”
They practiced with each other. Finn with his teaching, Patrick with his learning. I hoped they became good friends. It would be one more reason for Patrick to stay.
“What is he afraid of?”
Finn’s brow furrowed a little. “I will not tell the story. It is not mine to tell. But he is afraid his town will look for him. They want to hurt him.”
Outrage filled me, and it took great work to not crush Patrick against my chest protectively. “For what reason?”
Finn looked resigned when he said, “For being like me. For being attracted to males. It is not allowed in most towns. If they catch you, they’ll kill you for it.”
I’d heard this from Finn before. He’d had trouble believing such things were of no consequence here. Especially since a tribute from another town was shaming him for it. It took time for him to accept he was free to love who he wished. He chose Rath.
My gaze dropped to Patrick again. I wanted him to choose me. I did not know him well, Zoya refused to translate all day, but he was sweet. He noticed early that I preferred the dark meat on the platter and would put it closer to me so that I could enjoy it. His eyes, dark green like the forest I loved so much, were always soft, full of what I hoped was affection. I wanted to keep him, to bond with him, but many continued to remind me he would not stay forever. Once he was healed, he would leave. And my heart would go with him.
“You like him,” Finn murmured.
I hummed and did not bother to deny it. “He calls to me.”
“Oh. You want to bond with him?” He sounded surprised, drawing my attention off of Patrick’s sweet face. “I thought it was only temporary.”
“Would he choose me, I would not say no. But it is not my choice to make. You know this.”
Finn looked as though he would start crying with my response, startling me.
“What’s wrong? What did I say?”
He wiped a stray tear, shaking his head. “It’s nothing. You are just very sweet. All of you are. I wonder who started those awful rumors about you. If people knew just how sweet you all are, I’m sure they would be clamoring to join you.”
The idea made me smile, but I shook my head. I did not believe that. It was not only our clan that had tributes, and not all were like us. It was because of them that the rumors existed. We did not deal with them often, but the few clan wars we had were with them. I would not tell Finn this, though. He was a gentle soul, and I did not want to frighten him.
He stayed for a while, keeping me company while I lay with Patrick. After a time, Patrick’s grip on me loosened as he fully relaxed, but I could not make myself move from him, and thankfully, no one asked me to. It was only when Rath returned from the hunt that Finn left.
“Verus.”
I looked up at Finn in the entrance to the tent. He looked soft and full of affection. I wasn’t sure what I’d done to earn that look.
“Hmm?”
“You are his protector. He feels safe with you. He wouldn’t cling to you otherwise. If he wants to stay, I hope he chooses you, too.”
My heart ached for it, but I chose not to repeat it. I was not the one who chose. It was up to Patrick if he thought I was worth staying for.
It was late when I woke up with Verus pressed up against my side. I’d slept a lot longer than I thought I would. The fire in the center of the tent was tempered, not so overwhelming but still warm. Even if it was out, I would probably still be plenty warm, thanks to Verus’s presence next to me. He was asleep, his forehead resting against mine, his arm not being used as a pillow thrown across my waist.
I shut my eyes for a moment, soaking it in. I was being held by a handsome man who cared for me, and there wasn’t any lingering fear that we would be caught and killed for it. Finn assured me more than once that being attracted to men was fine here. He would know, being bonded to one. I wished I could keep things like they were forever. But they liked to remind me I wouldn’t be here for very long. I shouldn’t get used to being held like this.
My breath stuttered as I fought the urge to cry. Why did everything have to be so grim? Why couldn’t I just be happy for once? I’d thought I had that, for just a split second, when Richard confessed to me. It hurt that he gave me that moment, only to rip it away from me again. I couldn’t stomach feeling that way twice, but I didn’t want to end up alone, either.
Verus’s hand moved from my waist to cup my cheek, his thumb stroking over the skin. My eyes flew open in surprise, and I sucked in a sharp breath when I remembered how close he was.
“Why is Patrick sad?”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to explain. I didn’t want him to remind me again that I couldn’t stay.
“I want to make you happy,” he murmured, his brow drawing tightly together. “How can I make you happy, Ravsol?”
He’d called me that before. I still didn’t know what it meant. It didn’t really matter right now. He was offering me happiness and for just one moment, I wanted to seize it. To give myself a better experience than what Richard had done to me.
“Can… Can you kiss me?”
Verus sucked in a breath, and I squeezed my eyes shut, preparing myself for the rejection. I didn’t see it coming when he pressed his lips against mine. So soft and slow, like the first day after he scared me when he would creep through every motion to not frighten me again. I couldn’t easily chase after him when he pulled away, so I pulled him back down with a gentle grasp on his neck. He groaned into the next kiss, wrapping himself around me, surrounding me with him. I threw my arms around his neck, sinking into the kiss with abandon.
It was… perfect.
Everything I ever dreamed of.
I never ever wanted to stop.
Couldn’t I have this forever?