Chapter 6
SIX
Hara
I woke up with Ethan pressed into my side as if he wanted to burrow inside me.
He slept curled up, knees pressed against my thighs and his head digging into my ribcage.
His breath whistled over my scales. I turned onto my side to face him, and he murmured something.
I waited for him to wake, but he remained asleep.
This human. He was so fragile. He tired faster than me, and his thin skin bled at even the shallowest scratch.
He had so many weak points on his body. I had heard from the human females at our settlement that humans relied on weapons for their defense rather than their own biology.
It made sense. Ethan wielded his laser gun with practiced ease.
And at the same time, he was so strong. Defiant. Stubborn. Even outmatched in strength against the Rogastix, he hadn’t backed down. He handled pain as well as Kaluma warriors.
I ached to touch him, but I wanted him to sleep. Yesterday had been brutal for both of us, but by sunset yesterday, he’d been nearly dead on his feet. He’d tried to hide his sluggish movements, but I was attuned to everything he did.
He had begged me to leave him, but while his words said one thing, his eyes said another.
They said, Stay. Don’t leave me alone. And even if they hadn’t, I would have stayed anyway.
I couldn’t deny that I was a bit infatuated with the human.
How his brown eyes caught the sunlight and glowed.
The flex of his scarred hands. The way he walked.
I remembered a word that Karina had said in her language about Bosa.
That he had a swagger. Her description hadn’t made sense to me at the time. But now I got it. Ethan had it too.
“S-s-wag-ger,” I whispered out loud.
Ethan’s nose wrinkled, the little dark dots on his skin scrunching together before his face stretched into a yawn. He blinked those warm brown eyes open, and they immediately focused on me.
His mouth stretched into a grin. “Hey there, Goldie.”
Swagger.
I fluttered my fingers over the top of his head, loving the way his short hair pricked at my scales. Kaluma warriors wore their hair long, nearly always. I liked that Ethan couldn’t hide behind a mane.
He seemed to realize that he was curled into a ball tucked against me, because his brows drew in before he rolled onto his back and lifted his arms over his head.
He shifted from side to side on a big stretch, and his back cracked, which elicited a deep rumbling moan in his chest. The sound made me feel warm, and I wasn’t quite sure why.
His head lolled to face me as he folded his hands behind his head. The grin was back. He always grinned for me. Did he grin for everyone? Would he grin for Rilee? And why did that bother me so much?
“Hey,” he reached for me, running a finger across my forehead. “What’s with the frown? Did you sleep okay?”
I hadn’t realized I was frowning. I quickly smoothed my features, pushing all thoughts of his grin directed at Rilee from my mind. I smiled and nodded.
He went up on a forearm. “Yeah? Me too.” He squinted at the rising sun. “Gonna be a hot one. Do you get winter on this planet?”
“W-winter?”
“A cold season. He sat up and wrapped his arms around himself. Fluttering his lips, he made a sound like, “brrrr.” I stared at him, unsure what that was meant to portray.
He barked out a deep laugh. “I was pretending to be cold. Winter? Cold? Get it?”
I did, so I nodded.
“So do you get one?” He rose to his feet and dusted off his hands. I stood with him and nodded again.
“So you have seasons then.” He said, mostly to himself. Blowing out a breath, he scratched at a scab on his stomach. He wore only his pants and boots to sleep, saying he slept hot, whatever that meant.
He dug in his pack and pulled out a bundled of fabric before unfurling it into a shirt. He slipped it over his head and torso in one smooth motion before rotating his elbows within the fabric and sticking both of his arms out through the sleeves at the same time.
Swagger.
He glanced down at his wrists and blew out a whistle. “That paste shit you makes works wonders, Goldie. Look my skin.” He shoved his wrists toward me, and I felt a swell of pride in my chest. This was what I could do for him. I was the best healer in our settlement, after all.
He was so different than the Kaluma males I’d lived with my entire life.
I’d heard the human females of the settlement talk badly of their male counterparts on Earth.
Maybe this one was an exception. Or maybe I wanted to believe so badly that he was good, because he was the first male in a long time that didn’t disgust me.
His presence was like a reset in my brain.
He didn’t remind me of our former pardux—I couldn’t even think his name without feeling sick—and he didn’t carry the guilt like the others did back at the settlement.
He was just… Ethan. I reached out and trailed my hand over his arm, where dark, course hair rasped over my fingers.
This body hair was new to me. He’d had it around his cock too, while Kaluma males were hairless except for their heads.
Ethan had it everywhere, including a short stubble on his upper lip and lower half of his face.
He’d scratched at it a few times, which made me curious. I touched his chin, where the hair tickled my palm, and I smiled as I snatched my hand back.
He grinned and placed my hand back on the side of his face. He rubbed it there, and I huffed a laugh. “Feels weird, huh?” he asked. “Getting a little long for my liking. Might have to use a blade to shave it. You don’t happen to have an electric razor, do you?”
I didn’t know what that was.
He dropped my hand with a laugh. “Yeah, didn’t think so.
” He sighed as we began to walk. “Still wish you’d go back.
” He grabbed the straps of his pack at his chest and squinted into the sun.
He seemed to be mulling something, and I waited patiently until he spoke again.
“You have a husband or something back home? Kids?”
The word husband was familiar, and I recalled a memory of the human females speaking. Husband met something similar to mate. A life partner. I shook my head.
His eyebrows went up. “What? Did you say no?”
“No,” I answered, remembering to use my limited range of his language.
He stared at me. “Why the hell not?”
I looked away. I didn’t want to think about why not. To Ethan, I wasn’t the female who couldn’t move on, who still walked around like damaged goods. I didn’t want him to see me as anything but his Goldie.
He reached for my hand and did a curious thing where he linked his five thick fingers between mine. The action was familiar. He’d done it in my visul.
“Never mind.” He chewed his lip. “It’s okay you don’t have someone. Fuck, I don’t even know. Maybe your species isn’t binary.”
“M-male,” I tried, hoping that was the right word.
“Males? You have males in your species?”
I nodded.
He blew out a breath. “Yeah, okay. But you don’t have one that’s all yours?”
I shook my head. I pressed a finger to his chest.
He glanced down at it. “Me? No, I ain’t got a wife Goldie. I ain’t got anyone.”
I didn’t know what ain’t meant, but I recognized something in his tone that I felt myself, and I knew he was alone too.
That emptiness in me called to the emptiness in him, which was the only reason that I stopped abruptly and pressed myself against his body.
Hip to chest. He went still and stiff with our clasped hands pressed between us, until slowly, his other hand crept from my hip to around my back. He laid it there without pressure.
The hair on his chest felt foreign against my scales but also welcome.
He smelled like my medicine and a little bit of the musty scent that was unique to him.
I hadn’t been this close to a male since…
since him. And all those times, I’d retreated so far deep in myself that I wasn’t in my body. I didn’t feel or think. I was empty.
But with Ethan, I felt him everywhere—his breath in my hair, the steady beat of his heart in his chest, and the sweat of his palm in mine.
And then I felt something else, a hardness stirring between us that was also familiar. Unexpected. My stomach warmed and the roof of my mouth tingled. Was this—?
He gently pushed me away and dropped my hand.
His pants contained a visible bulge, that he adjusted quickly.
His eyes… they were nearly in shadow as his brow furrowed deeply.
“Goldie, I don’t…” He turned away from me, staring into the distance.
“It doesn’t matter what planet I’m on. I’m not a good person. I’m a criminal, okay?”
I didn’t know what a criminal was, but I did know he was wrong.
He was a good person. I tried to reach for him, but he sidestepped my touch.
I felt sick, and a whimper clawed up my throat.
His face crumpled. “Hey, no, don’t be upset.
Don’t…” He made to touch me, then thought better of it.
“Goldie, you have a life here that I don’t fit into.
I’m sure you have lots of options, and they are all better than me. I’m sure of it.”
No. All my options all made my skin crawl.
He smiled, but it was sad. “You deserve the world. This world.” Then he pointed to Corin looming in the distance. “That one. Hell, all of them. It’s me who doesn’t deserve you, Goldie.”
He had a lot to give, but I didn’t know how to tell him that.
And his words were a sharp slap that made me realize I had to stop this madness. He wasn’t wrong in that he didn’t fit in this planet. Sherif would probably kill him. I could never have a future with my human.
So I took a step back, ducked my head, and nodded.
He didn’t like that, though. He released a harsh breath. “Fuck, this isn’t… Damnit.” He slammed a fist into a nearby tree, and the thwack surprised me. “Fuck.”