12. Chapter 12
Chapter 12
Ellie
I glance at a question on Charlotte’s reading comprehension homework sheet. "Okay, let's start with this one: 'Where does the story of the Green Knight take place?' Do you remember the setting of our story?" I tuck a stray black hair behind her ear as we lounge in a sea of plush toys and pastel pillows on her bed. Her room is a cozy capsule of childhood innocence, walls covered in unicorns and posters of cartoon characters.
A soft ray of fading sunlight hits a giant teddy bear tucked in a corner, and I smile. This room kind of reminds me of mine growing up—well, before Marcus came in and wrecked it one day. Mom grounded him for an entire month for destroying my beloved stuffed animal collection. I got him back by breaking a few of his video games. We were probably a bit too bratty to each other growing up.
Charlotte leans into my side, her little body radiating heat under the fluffy comforter, but she no longer has a fever. She’s a bit rosy-cheeked but seems to be on the mend. "In…in the forest?”
"Exactly," I say, ruffling her wavy hair, which spills over the pillow like a dark waterfall. There's no denying the kid's got smarts. “It's a magical forest with what?”
“Trees and rivers.”
“How were the rivers described?”
“Um, sparkling.”
“You got it. Can you write down 'magical forest' here? And put ‘sparkling rivers’.”
She steadies the clipboard we’re using and scribbles her answers on the homework sheet. Then, without prompting, she answers the next question, correctly writing that the story was about the Green Knight saving the river from drying up.
I give her a hug. “That’s right! Great work. Why were you so worried? You got this?”
She shrugs, a small pout forming on her lips. "I’m stupid.”
“What? Why would you think that?” I tip her chin to look at me. “Sweetie, why would you say that about yourself?”
“Mr. Harvey says I don’t listen and I get bad grades. I just get bored.”
“No, you’re not stupid. Don’t ever say that about yourself, okay? You’ve gotten all of the answers right today on your homework. I was just thinking about how smart you are.”
She glances up at me with big, sad eyes. “That’s because you’re here. I like having you here.”
I tap on the homework sheet, trying to get her focusing on that again because my heart is aching too much. I like Charlotte, too, but Jake was right about confusing her. This poor girl seems to be hurting for a maternal figure, and I’m still so curious about why her mother isn’t around. What does Charlotte do when Jake has to be gone for work? Doesn’t her mother pick her up then? Or is she stuck with babysitters? What about grandparents?
I still don’t know enough about Jake and I don’t like this feeling that my presence is making Charlotte think things that can’t happen—like me staying longer. For her sake, I think I need to think about heading out.
“How are you feeling?” I ask her after she finishes answering another question about the book we just read.
She stares at me for a moment. “Um, still sick.”
“What hurts?”
She coughs, but it feels a little forced. “My throat really—” Her attention shifts to the door.
Jake is leaning against the doorframe, his silhouette defined by the hall light. He’s observing us like he has been these past few days. He eats meals with me and Charlotte, and watched TV with us on the couch last night, but he’s been eerily silent, lingering on the sidelines. Our eyes meet for a second before he looks away, crossing his arms. I really wish he would stop wearing tank tops because those naked biceps are too much for me to handle.
Charlotte flashes him a smile and then coughs again, but it sounds about as genuine as a three-dollar bill.
“We have another book to read,” I tell him. “Care to join us?”
He’s still staring at the beige carpet as he shakes his head. “Just letting you know soup is almost ready.”
"Thank you." I offer a smile, hoping to coax one from him in return. No such luck. With a curt nod, he disappears down the hall.
I sigh, focusing on Charlotte. "Your daddy always seems…lost in thought."
Charlotte's gaze drifts to a dollhouse in the corner as she mutters, "Daddy's been grumpy since Mommy left."
My breath catches. Mommy left?
This feels like an opening to try to find out some more info because I haven’t seen any pictures of Charlotte’s mother hanging around. There was a turned-over picture frame on Jake’s nightstand when I was in his room, um, preoccupied with his body. But I figured that was a picture of his parents and he didn’t want their faces around while we did such unspeakable things to each other.
"That must be really tough," I say softly, unsure how far I can push without overstepping. "Do you miss her a lot?"
"Uh-huh" is all Charlotte gives me, sealing her lips as if they're under lock and key.
"Was your mommy funny? Did she read bedtime stories to you like we're doing?" I prod, nudging my glasses up my nose.
"Mommy was the best at voices," she whispers after a pause. “Do you want to see Mommy?”
“Um, sure.”
Charlotte hops off the bed with too much energy for a kid who is really so sick. She opens the door of her dollhouse and pulls out a locket. Then she bounces back to the bed, jumping onto it next to me. Yeah, this little girl is playing us now. I think she’s fully recovered.
“It’s hard to open,” she says, handing me the silver locket.
I press my thumbnail into the crack and pop it open. Inside is a picture of a woman with brown hair and eyes that are very much like Charlotte’s. An inscription opposite the picture reads: Sarah. Forever In Our Hearts.
“Your mother is very beautiful.”
Charlotte nods, taking the locket and gazing at the picture. “Daddy says she’s an angel now and watches over me.”
The words hit me with the force of a freight train—Jake, a widower, Charlotte motherless. No wonder he's got a fortress around his heart and Charlotte seems to have a loneliness swimming around her.
"Sweetie, I—" My throat tightens with emotions I wasn't prepared for. I swallow hard, gathering my composure. "What happened to your mommy?" I ask gently.
She hesitates, clicking the locket closed. "There was an accident. Daddy doesn't like to talk about it." She puts the locket around her neck, tucking it under her shirt.
Though there’s still so much I don’t know about Jake, part of me finally understands him. He already lost the love of his life—why would he risk that kind of pain again?
And Charlotte…this poor little girl. She must miss her mom so much. No wonder she’s been having behavioral problems and struggling with school.
Now I’m really feeling torn. I understand why Jake doesn’t want me here, but Charlotte really needs some extra attention and support right now. She’s a smart kid, so her struggles have nothing to do with her ability to complete assignments. She’s just hurting. But if I help too much, get too involved, I might only hurt her more.
And myself.
Marcus has to know about the loss of Jake’s wife…but I guess it wasn’t really his place to tell me. Still, I wish I had known all of this sooner.
Charlotte cuddles closer to me, her small hand seeking mine. I squeeze it gently, just wanting to comfort her.
"Can we read another chapter, Ms. Carter?" Charlotte asks, looking too innocent and hopeful that it makes my stomach twist with guilt.
"Of course, we can. But just one more, then we should go eat that soup your daddy made." I wrap her in an embrace. As I begin to read aloud, I can feel my heart cracking.
After a very silent dinner where the only sound was Charlotte humming to herself as she watches a video on her tablet, Jake runs off to do more chores, telling me to leave the dishes and he’ll get them later. Well, he cooked so it only feels right for me to clean up. Once everything is washed, I make sure Charlotte is entertained and happy in front of the TV, then I slip outside. Part of me just needs to check on Jake, who's probably knee-deep in another chore. Ever since I've been here, that man has found every excuse under the sun to keep busy and avoid me.
As I walk across the dirt, the sky is ablaze with purples and oranges, painting the horizon in strokes of fading light. Long shadows stretch across the yard, reaching toward the barn where I spot Jake wrestling with a stubborn gate. Horses roam freely in the pasture beyond, their silhouettes graceful against the backdrop of the fading day.
"Hey," I call out as I approach, my boots crunching on the gravel. My voice sounds too bright in the quiet expanse, and I shiver as a slight breeze hits my bare arms and legs—I’m wearing a light summer dress today.
Jake doesn’t glance up, only keeps working, trying to hammer something free from a hinge. “You’re no ninja,” he says, which surprises me.
I wasn’t expecting that bit of humor, so I smirk. “Because you know a lot of ninjas?”
“No, but I don’t need to. You got heavy footsteps. You’re loud.” He pauses his work abruptly, his Adam’s apple bouncing.
I think we’re both catching his unintentional slip, both of us thinking of the way he kept demanding I say his name last Saturday. I was more than happy to moan it loudly, over and over.
Recovering, he starts hammering the hinge harder. “Charlotte okay?”
“Yeah. She’s watching TV.” I watch him work for a moment as I chew my lip. I can’t even imagine what he’s been through—how much pain, and yet he still had to get up in the morning and put on a brave face for his daughter, then go out into the world to do his job saving people. Was there anyone here to save Jake?
I’m not trying to fill that void, I just…I guess I’m just worried about him now. He’s been through a lot, and I imagine all he’s ever done is keep it bottled up inside.
“Seems like a stubborn gate,” I comment, trying my best attempt to make friendly chit-chat.
"Always is," he grunts, finally getting the gate to budge.
“I’ve noticed you’re very handy. It’s impressive the amount of work you do around here.”
"I grew up on this ranch fixing things. The army just reinforced it—discipline, you know?"
I nod, my curiosity piqued, and I take the opening he's given me. "You grew up here? Tell me about your family? You don't talk much about them."
He hesitates, hammering on another hinge, then sighs. "Not much to tell. Parents passed away a while back, and I inherited this place. Now it’s just me and Charlotte. More if you count the workers, but they mostly do their own thing."
"Sorry to hear about your parents. I understand how hard it is to lose them."
He glances up at me for a moment and nods.
Suddenly, with his gaze now on me, I’m feeling a tad uncomfortable. Or maybe it’s this mix of emotions inside me. Whatever it is, I point at the pasture, catching sight of a chestnut horse ambling towards us. "You ever think the horses get lonely out here?"
"Sometimes," Jake says, following my gaze. Then he stands, dropping his hammer and pulling some sugar cubes from his pocket. "You can feed Caramel."
"Is that really its name or are you trying to bribe me with sweets?" Despite my sass, nerves tingle down my spine as the horse gets closer. Though I grew up in Cedar Ridge, I didn’t grow up around horses like Jake. They honestly make me a little nervous—they are huge.
“That’s her name.” Jake flashes me a rare half-smile. "And it's not a bribe if you want to do it."
"Fine, but if I lose a finger, I'm blaming you." I extend a shaky hand as Jake places the sugar cubes in my palm.
"Like this," he guides me, his hand covering mine. A shock of awareness zips through me at the contact, my pulse thrumming in my ears louder than the distant whinnying.
Jake moves my hand closer to the beast until Caramel dips her head over the fence and licks up the offering, slobber included.
"Ugh, gross." I grimace, looking at my sticky hand.
"Part of the charm," Jake chuckles, wiping my hand on his jeans. There's an ease between us that feels dangerously comfortable. "Good thing I didn't invite you to go riding. You'd have panicked and fallen off."
"Maybe," I admit, wiping more slobber onto Jake’s thigh, "but sometimes you've got to face the scary stuff. That's when the magic happens."
"Magic, huh?" He's so close now, I can see flecks of gold in his brown eyes. My heart races, urging me to close the gap, to taste his lips that I’m already missing after two days.
"Yes," I whisper, breathless with the closeness.
"Here." He gently takes my hand again, guiding it to stroke Caramel's nose. "Not so scary."
"Soft," I marvel, and our eyes meet again as we share a smile. For a split second, Jake's walls seem to crumble, and I catch a glimpse of the warmth he keeps hidden away.
But before the moment can stretch any further, Caramel snorts, breaking the spell, and I step back, laughing nervously at my own boldness. “Well, maybe that’s enough of facing my fears for one day.”
"Let me show you something," Jake says, his voice a low rumble that sends a shiver down my spine.
I follow him as he strides toward the stables, the setting sun still casting long shadows across the dirt.
We navigate through the dusky light of the barn, and Jake stops at a particular stall, nodding for me to peer inside. My breath catches at the sight—a brown mother horse lying close to her foal, their bodies a tangle of warmth and serenity.
I press a palm to my heart. "Oh, Jake...they're beautiful."
"Her name's Bella," he says softly, watching my face. "Gave birth just last week. I wasn’t here to see it, but mother and baby are doing just fine."
"New life," I murmur, my heart swelling at the scene. A pang of longing flutters in my chest, surprising me with its intensity. "Family is something precious. I would love to have my own baby someday…" The words slip out before I can stop them.
"Family's everything," Jake responds, his proximity making my skin tingle. He's closer now than I realized, his voice laced with an emotion that's raw and real. "Charlotte's the best thing that ever happened to me."
I bite my lip, fighting the urge to ask about Sarah. “She’s a wonderful little girl. You have so much to be proud of.” I glance up at him through my lashes, not really sure what I’ll see. But there’s a softness in his gaze, pulling words from my throat I probably shouldn’t say. But they’re too eager to get out. “I’ve really liked getting to know more of you these past few days.”
"Ellie," he starts, his voice deep and gentle, "thank you for taking care of Charlotte. It’s the happiest I’ve seen her at home in a long time. But I can’t say it has been easy having you here. You’re too tempting."
I look into those brown eyes, rich with layers I'm only beginning to understand. His gaze holds mine, and in the quiet, something shifts—like a current passing through the air between us. “Who says you have to resist?” I say, barely above a whisper, because screw being “professional” around each other and trying to deny all of this chemistry.
And then he leans down and kisses me. It's tender, more tender than any kiss before, tasting of vulnerability and hope. I kiss him back, my hands finding his chest and pressing against his warmth. My body responds with a yearning that's both terrifying and exhilarating.
In this moment, my feelings for Jake swell beyond the confines of my heart, growing into something wild and untamed. I'm lost in the softness of his mouth, the firmness of his embrace. And I also realize I’m falling for this firefighter, completely and hopelessly.
I’m in trouble.
A cough pierces our bubble. "Uh, Jake? You want the horses brought in for the night?" a ranch hand calls from the stable entrance.
Jake pulls away abruptly, putting space between us as if the closeness burns him. "Yeah, go ahead," he answers, his voice steady but his eyes betraying a flicker of something like panic.
The awkwardness descends like a fog, and I scramble for something—anything—to lighten the mood. "Well, looks like that nighttime horseback ride will have to be a raincheck, huh?" I say, trying to ignore the way my voice wobbles.
Jake doesn't smile, just gives a curt nod and walks away, leaving me standing alone amid the sweet scent of hay and the musty smell of horses. I turn back to Bella and her foal, their peacefulness a stark contrast to the turmoil now churning inside me. I watch them and wonder how something so simple can feel so painfully out of reach.