13. Chapter 13
Chapter 13
Jake
T he aroma of bacon and fresh coffee fills the breakfast nook. Charlotte chatters away at the table, which is scattered with a few books and crayons, while I sip my coffee and nod along, glancing up now and then to watch Ellie cooking breakfast across the kitchen. She smiles as she opens the waffle maker, carefully using a fork to move a waffle onto a plate. I know I need to stop glancing at her, but the woman is gorgeous with that messy morning hair of hers wrapped in a bun, the morning sun filtering through the window to create a halo around her. Her glasses keep slipping down her cute nose, and she crinkles it every time.
It's only been a few days, but Ellie moves around my kitchen as if she's always belonged here. The thought leaves an ache in my chest—the familiar warmth of longing and the cold stab of guilt. No woman has been in my kitchen since Sarah. The thought comes abruptly, as those thoughts often do when I look at Ellie for too long.
Charlotte nudges my arm. "Daddy," Charlotte's voice pulls me back, and I shift my gaze to those deep brown eyes so much like her mother's.
"Sorry, sweetheart." I clear my throat. "What were you saying about the book?" I try to focus on Charlotte again. She's telling me about the story Ellie read to her last night, her eyes bright with excitement. I can't remember the last time she seemed so happy and carefree.
She starts going on about knights and castles, so I nod. But my damn mind slips to Ellie again. I glance over. It's Thursday, and Ellie has been here less than a week, filling our home with more laughter than it’s used to now. It feels natural, like she’s always been a part of this—part of us. But it’s messing with my head, stirring up feelings I’m not sure what to do with. I've had a little crush on Ellie ever since she moved next door at the duplex, but this is different. It's like we're playing house, and every second of it chips away at the wall I built around my heart after Sarah died.
I pull my gaze away, staring into my dark coffee. How can I let myself feel this way when Sarah's memory is still a living thing in this house? It's like I'm betraying her with every sideways glance at Ellie, every shared smile. And God help me, I don’t know why I kissed Ellie a few days ago in the stables. We haven't even talked about it. Which I’m okay with. It’s better left buried and I need to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Charlotte interrupts my spiraling thoughts again, holding up one of her books to show me a page. "Can you read this sentence? What is this?" She points at a word.
"Perseverance," I say, leaning over to read the line she's pointing at. “It means to keep going. Not give up.”
Her eyes get wide and she nods. Then her little eyes glance at me and she forces a cough. “Okay. I’m per…per-ser-vance with being sick.”
I chuckle. “Something like that.” I sip my coffee, smirking behind my mug. I know what she's doing. She’s not sick anymore—I think she was mostly better on Monday. But I don’t have the heart to call her out on it because I think she’s clinging to the comfort of having Ellie around. I think I am too, but we both need to stop.
Maybe if Ellie wasn’t my best friend’s baby sister, things would be different. Maybe not. I just don’t think I’m ready for any of this—risking the pain of future loss. The duplex repairs are far from done, but come Monday, Ellie leaves. Because if I fall for Ellie and something happens...if she gets hurt and I can't save her...No, I can't go through that again. Not after Sarah.
I wouldn’t survive that.
I need to get my mind off this, so I pull a joke from my reserves. “What did the horse say after it tripped?” I ask Charlotte.
She slaps her book closed and gives me an unamused look. “What?”
“I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup.”
She groans and rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling. I hear a snort from the kitchen and Ellie is looking at me, smiling too. I don’t like to acknowledge what that smile does to my heart.
Ellie brings over a platter of food, setting it down in the middle of the small table. She’s wearing a snug flannel shirt and PJ pants, but they do nothing to hide her figure. I scold myself for checking her out. Ellie settles into the seat beside me, her knee brushing against mine. I fight the urge to pull away, hyper aware of her closeness. Of the lingering scent of her shampoo. Of how much I want this. Want her.
“Thank you,” Charlotte beams, grabbing a handful of bacon and dropping it on her plate.
I raise an eyebrow, playing along with the charade we both know she's keeping up. "You don't think bacon will upset your stomach?" I ask.
Charlotte hesitates, a guilty spark flickering in her eyes. She returns some of the bacon to the platter. "Maybe just one piece.”
Ellie and I exchange a knowing glance. Then Ellie perks up as she butters herself a waffle. “What do elves learn in school?”
Charlotte grins. “What?”
“The elf-abet.”
Charlotte cracks up like it’s the funniest joke she’s ever heard.
“You laugh at hers but not mine?” I say, looking at my daughter like I don’t know who she is.
“You already told me that joke, Daddy. Get some new material.”
Ellie and I laugh, and I allow myself just this one time to sit here and enjoy life with these two like we’re a unit.
After breakfast, Charlotte goes to her room to read and tackle homework. In the kitchen, Ellie and I tackle cleanup, our shoulders brushing occasionally and making my pulse race.
"Charlotte's really milking this sickness," Ellie says with a chuckle.
“So you noticed, too? I don’t like her missing school, but I think she’s getting more work done here.” I scrub a plate with my sponge. "You've been good for her, Ellie. She's excited about learning again...happiest I've seen her since—" My words trail off into a heavy silence, an invisible line drawn that I'm not ready to cross.
We clean in silence until everything is on the drying rack. Then, catching me completely off guard, Ellie says softly, “Since Sarah?”
At the mention of Sarah's name, the sharp edges of that day slice through my thoughts—blaring sirens, twisted metal, and Sarah's hand slipping away from mine as we reached the hospital. The pain seizes my chest, a vise grip of memories I can never escape.
I arrived at the scene of that horrible car accident. Did everything I could, but she…
"Jake?" Ellie's voice pulls me back, her concern etched in the crease between her brow. “I…I’m sorry. Charlotte told me about her and…I’m sorry I brought her up.”
I clear the lump in my throat. "It’s…I was just thinking." I manage the faintest of smiles, but it doesn't reach my eyes. "It's okay."
Fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, she says, “The repairs on the duplex will take at least a couple of weeks. If…well, if you and Charlotte don't mind, I could stay a bit longer. Help Charlotte catch up on her schoolwork and lend an extra set of hands around here.”
Her offer dangles in front of me, tempting. And Elijah's words echo in my mind: “Sarah would want you to be happy.” But happiness feels like betrayal, and the fear of losing someone else claws at my insides.
But if Ellie stays, Charlotte will be happy. And isn't that what matters most?
Something inside me is starting to shift. Maybe I could try. It feels too soon, the pain of losing Sarah too raw, but part of me wants Ellie here, with us. I touch her cheek, stepping closer, about to shatter my own rules—
"Daddy! Someone's here!" Charlotte's voice pierces the moment.
Ellie and I stare at each other for a heartbeat, whatever I was about to do forever lost, then I rush to the window. My heart leaps into my throat. It's Marcus' truck pulling up outside, a sight that sends ice through my veins. My best friend, Ellie's protective older brother who'd never forgive me if he knew she and I...
"Damn," I mutter under my breath, the weight of everything crashing down all at once. I turn around. "Marcus is here," I say, the words feeling like lead in my mouth.
Ellie's eyes widen, reflecting a fear that mirrors my own. We both know Marcus' protective streak over Ellie can be a force of nature all on its own. I watch her hands tremble slightly as she snatches up her laptop from the kitchen island and I follow suit, stuffing odds and ends into drawers—anything to erase the evidence that Ellie's been living here.
"Uncle Marcus is here?" Charlotte appears, her voice bubbling with excitement, completely oblivious to adult problems.
"Yeah, sweetheart, but listen—" I start, only to be cut off by her squeal of delight. It's then the dread hits me full force. If Charlotte mentions Ellie being here, it'll be an inferno I can't control. And Marcus—he wouldn't let it slide. Our friendship would be ruined.
"But you’re not feeling well enough for company, are you?" Ellie pitches in, her voice steady despite the clear panic in her eyes. “I thought you were still sick.”
That gets Charlotte to pause as she contemplates getting caught in her lie. “Um…but I could still see him even if I’m sick.”
I touch her forehead. “You still feel warm. I think you should go lay down. You can see Uncle Marcus when you’re all better. Unless you’re feeling better now?”
She looks at Ellie with the saddest eyes that make me feel like crap for playing into this lie, but she nods. Ellie takes her hand, leading her quickly down the hall just as the doorbell rings. My heart pounds against my ribs like it's trying to break free.
Taking a steadying breath, I open the front door. Marcus grins at me, oblivious to the turmoil going on in my house. "Hey man, thought I'd drop in since we haven't hung out in awhile."
"Uh, yeah, sure has." I glance nervously back towards the hallway. "Want to check out the stables? I could use some fresh air. Go for a ride."
"Actually, where's Charlotte? She still home from school? I brought her something." He reveals a stuffed purple unicorn I know my daughter will love.
"She’ll love that. But, ah, she's not feeling great. Resting in her room." I lie smoothly, or at least I hope it sounds smooth.
Marcus eyes me, probably wondering why I’m blocking the entire door and refusing him entry. “Poor kid. Can I at least pop in to say hi?"
"Don't want you catching it too."
Marcus studies me for a long moment, eyes narrowing. "Since when are you so paranoid?"
Shit. I force a chuckle and move from the doorway, hoping that will break his suspicious gaze. “I’m not. But she really is napping. Hasn’t been sleeping so I don’t want to wake her. But…come in.”
He finally relaxes and walks inside, setting the unicorn on a side table. He heads for the living room. "So, enjoying your time off? When do you go back?” He settles into the leather couch and I sit in a chair angled toward it.
“Fine. Getting a lot done around here. Repairs. I’m on schedule in a couple of weeks. How’s your work?”
Thankfully, he goes on for a bit, talking about some recent work calls and a tough situation with an apartment fire. I nod, really hating myself for not being able to pay attention. I can’t get my thoughts off of Ellie, who is just down the hall. I’m picturing every worst-case scenario, all involving Marcus discovering she’s been in my house. In my bed.
“Jake?”
My gaze shifts to him. “Hmm?”
“You think the campground is closed for the rest of the season?”
“Mmm. Probably.”
"Right." He drags the word out, skepticism etched into every syllable. "You're acting strange. Everything okay?”
Shit. Shit. I clear my throat. “Yeah. Sorry. Just been worried about…Charlotte. If she’s sick much longer, I’ll take her to the doctor.” Fuck, I really am the worst, playing into this lie and using my daughter’s sickness like this.
Marcus’ face turns serious. “That bad?” I’m about to respond, when Marcus spots something on the carpet and leans over to pick it up. It’s Ellie’s glossy pink lip gloss.
My heart drops to the floor.
Marcus eyes it a moment, turning it over. Then he lifts an eyebrow and looks at me, waiting.
I snatch the lip gloss. “That’s Char’s. She’s too young for makeup but wanted to play dress-up last week. I figured this was innocent enough.” I blurt out the excuse, praying he buys it.
Slowly, a knowing smile spreads over Marcus’ face. "Or maybe Jake Wilder's got himself a lady friend?"
“Nope,” I shoot back quickly, squeezing the lip gloss tub so tight I’m afraid it might crack.
"Come on, man, if you've got a girl, I'm happy for you."
I swallow hard, grasping for another excuse. "There's nothing to tell. I'm not seeing anyone."
"Bullshit." Marcus folds his arms, eyes narrowing. "You're a terrible liar, Wilder. Always have been."
Panic rises in my chest, choking me. I open my mouth but no words come out. How did I get into this mess?
Marcus sighs, expression finally softening. "Look, I'm not trying to interrogate you. I'm just concerned, alright? We've been friends a long time. You can tell me anything." He offers a wry smile. "I'll keep your secret. Scout's honor."
Yeah, but you won’t keep our friendship. The urge to tell him the truth wells up inside me because he’s right: I’m a terrible liar. But I clench my jaw. I can't tell him. I can't.
But his eyes hold a glimmer of knowing, a hint of triumph at cracking my resolve.
Shit. I'm so screwed.
"Fine," I start, fumbling for a way to shift the conversation and then get him out of my house before he discovers Ellie. "There's someone, but it's casual."
"Really?" His face lights up with a grin. He leans in like he's expecting some juicy details. "Anyone I know?"
My response is curt, the words clipped as I cross my arms defensively. "Someone from out of town."
He nods thoughtfully, looking like he’s finally going to drop it. “Well, whoever she is, I’m happy.” He leans forward to pat my knee. “Honestly, I worry about you sometimes, man. I know it’s been really tough since, you know…and I’m relieved to see you opening yourself up again. Taking a step. I support it.”
My head bobs up and down because I’m feeling a bit sick from the lies and secrecy. Marcus has always been that supportive guy and he’s always had my back. After Sarah died, he stayed at my place for months just helping out with Charlotte so I could have those moments to myself to grieve without worrying if my daughter was taken care of. His company helped out Charlotte a lot too when she just couldn’t stop crying about Mommy being gone. Marcus is a friend you thank God for, and I’m a fucking bastard for betraying him.
Why couldn’t Ellie be anyone else’s sister? Why did my heart have to start falling for her?
“Thanks,” I manage to say. Then I stand. “Sorry to cut this short, but I should probably check on Charlotte. Can we catch up another time?"
"Of course, bro." Marcus stands, clasping my shoulder with a firm grip. "Family first, always."
I walk him to the door, my heart still thumping against my ribs.
Once outside, Marcus hesitates, raking a hand through his sandy hair. "Hey, you haven't seen Ellie around, have you?"
The name hits me like a blow to the chest, stealing my breath. I force my features into a mask of nonchalance. "Ellie? Nope. She doing okay after the duplex accident?”
He furrows his brow, the lines etched deeply with concern. "Yeah, I think she’s okay. She hasn't been returning my calls, and she won't tell me where she's staying. It’s unlike her."
I grunt in response. Probably best not to say too much.
His expression darkens, and he frowns. "I just hope she’s not with some asshole.” Marcus clenches his jaw. "I swear, I'll kill him."
Ellie is right about his over-protectiveness. It borders on too much. “You don’t think she’s old enough to take care of herself?”
He snorts. “Sure, she’s a big girl. But I promised Dad to always watch out for her. You don’t know some of the losers she dated in college. Just want to keep her safe.”
I cross my arms, suddenly feeling defensive. “She could be with a decent man.”
Marcus snorts again. “Still, I need to meet him and approve first.” He slaps my shoulder again and then turns to leave. “Take care of yourself, and let me know when Charlotte is feeling better so I can visit her. And you need to fill me in on this mystery woman soon.”
I don’t respond, just watching him climb into his truck and drive away. Then I close my eyes, the sick feeling in my gut growing stronger. I can't afford to lose Marcus as a friend, and I can't be responsible for fracturing Ellie's relationship with her brother. Having Ellie around, getting close to her…it’s not going to work.
I push off the doorframe, steeling myself for what I have to do next. No matter how much my heart protests, I know I have to end whatever is starting with Ellie. It's the only way to protect everyone involved, including myself.