3. Jordan
3
JORDAN
“ I t’ll be fine,” I tell myself as I head to the meeting place set up by Max for Michelle and me today. “It’ll be okay. Max has made this all absolutely perfect, and there won’t be a damn thing to worry about. He trusts her, so you should too.”
But it feels like the racing chaos of the city is a little too much for me as I travel, a bit like life is speeding past me out of my control and there isn’t a damn thing that I can do to stop it. Not sleeping much because of the nerves and discomfort for what will happen today hasn’t helped me one bit. But I have to get over that. I have to keep remembering that Benji has recommended me, that Max has given him a lot of good work, that I have to put my faith into all of this for it to work.
I check my messages from Max once more as I go, checking the meeting spot, reading the details of the apartments that he has found for us which have immediate vacancies, and ensuring that I take on board the warnings he included. He let me know now how much potential danger Michelle really could be in and the terrible things that could happen to her if she is caught. It does make me a little more protective over her, but I’m still going to keep my wisdom about me. I won’t let her do anything to pull the wool over my eyes, if that’s what she’s intending to do. I can protect and watch her at the same time.
“You can do this,” I remind myself. “You know you can do this. You’ve been thinking about it all night. Just don’t lose your head.” That’s the main problem I have around her, losing my head in her presence because she’s so damn captivating…
But I’m not going to fall into that trap today. I absolutely refuse to. I won’t let her suck me in with her beautiful eyes and ruin me. Just because no one has made me feel like this before, it doesn’t mean that I need to get in a mess over the first woman who does. Perhaps it’s just my brain trying to let me know that I can open myself up to a relationship now if I want to. It was always too hard for me before. I could never quite manage it with my career, but everything is different now. Everything.
She’s there . It strikes me hard to lay my eyes upon her, to see her standing waiting for me. This is close to her safehouse, so I know she hasn’t gone far, and it’s an area where she can keep herself pretty much hidden away from anyone, but the anxiety radiates off her. I can feel it all the way over here. She’s nervous for sure, scared of what could become of her.
But that doesn’t necessarily make her an honest person. I can’t forget that. She still could be manipulating me. There is no guarantee that Michelle just isn’t really good at what she’s doing, even better than any spies who have come before her. I make sure my guard is up high, and nothing can penetrate through it as I cross the road to greet her. I need to stay strong.
“Jordan.” She visibly lights up as she spots me too. “Thank goodness you’re here. I was just about to contact Max.”
I check my watch. I’m not late, so I don’t know quite why she’s in such a flap, but I choose not to get into that with her. For now, I want to focus on what we need to do here. “I have a wedding ring for you. Did Max tell you he wants us to be married?”
“Yes.” She nods and takes the ring from me. Michelle’s hand trembles as she slides the ring onto her finger. “He did tell me that. He said it’ll be better not to put my surname on the lease, but to use yours. Lebedev sounds very Russian and will also link to me easily.” She giggles girlishly. “But I’m sorry, I do not know your surname yet. I'd better learn it.”
“Miller.” Uh-oh, I suddenly realize how strange that’s going to sound. “So, you’ll be Michelle Miller. Will that work?”
She whispers Michelle Miller over and over to herself, I assume trying to get herself used to the odd-sounding name. Finally, she nods and grins at me. “You know what? Michelle Miller is a nice name. I think I’m going to like it a lot.”
I don’t even notice how infectious her smile is until I catch myself grinning back at her like an idiot. As rapidly as the smile creeps up onto my face, I smack it away because I don’t need to lose myself already. We aren’t even fake-married and looking for our apartment yet, never mind living together under one roof in the small place which her budget allows for…
“Right, let’s get going.” I cough awkwardly. “The sooner we can get to the addresses that Max has given us, the better. They are all pretty close to the center of town, which will help with any work that you might get. If you can avoid public transport, I imagine life will be simpler for you, but it’s also far enough away that you can keep to yourself if you feel the need to do so.”
“Well, since this is the first time that I’ve been outside in over a week, ever since Max took control of my life, I don’t think I’ll be out much. Locking myself away from the world makes things a lot simpler because I know I’m safe then. Outside scares me.”
Her face falls, and I can see an intense glimmer of vulnerability and fear. I kinda hope that’s real because it definitely seems so.
“I see. Erm…” Actually, as it turns out, I don’t really know how to deal with her vulnerability. “So, shall we go?”
The silence that fills the air as we walk to the first apartment is awkward as all hell. I would love to be able to find the right words to fill it, but I have nothing. My mind spins through all kinds of conversation topics, but nothing feels quite right. I don’t know Michelle well enough to talk about anything, which makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Since when did I get so weird?
“Here we are.” I point up to the first building. “Shall we go and check it out, Mrs. Michelle Miller?”
I expect her to laugh and take it as the joke I kinda mean it to be, but instead, she nods with a very serious expression on her face and reaches out to hold my hand. I almost comment on this because it’s so unexpected, but I snap my lips shut at the very last moment. If we’re married, then it’ll make sense that we hold hands. I slide my fingers through hers, feeling those all too delightful electrical sparks running through my body once more, and we head inside. Every step up to the apartment is just another chance for me to remind myself not to lose my head. Michelle is trained to be seductive. She’s built to have men falling at her feet. The one thing that I don’t want to do is end up as one of those guys. I can’t, whatever she makes me feel…
“So, this is the one you want?” I ask Michelle as we finish our tour of the second apartment. “You don’t want to see any of the others on the list? I think we have a few appointments set up if you want to see them first?”
“This is the one,” she tells me firmly. “I know what I want and what I like. This is it. This is where I want us to live.”
Us . That’s the part that’s going to get me. I don’t know if there is enough room for us both to live here for the time being. I know that this is Michelle’s home and she can choose wherever she wants, but it doesn’t seem big enough for two people to coexist within. Maybe a couple, sure, but we aren’t actually a couple. There is only one bedroom, and not much maneuverability, but I suppose I’ll just have to go along with whatever she wants. I’m just the accessory here.
“Great, I’ll call Max and then we can sort out the paperwork.” I force myself to smile. “Sound good?”
“I can get the paperwork done while you make your call,” she reassures me. “I’ll put your name on the lease for now, and then at some point, we can maybe break up, which is the moment that you’ll move out. Whenever that time comes.”
Thank goodness the guy who was giving us a tour has already gone back down the stairs. I wouldn’t want anyone to hear a comment like that or they might get the wrong idea. Well, the right idea, since we’re clearly planning a breakup, but all of that is meant to be discrete. I don’t know how much Michelle understands that. Perhaps when we have all of this in place, we will have to hold a crisis meeting and get everything sorted out. Boundaries will help us both.
“Sure, whatever you want. Thanks, Michelle. You go and get all of this squared away.”
I can’t seem to stop myself from admiring the curve of her ass as she walks away from me. I know that I shouldn’t, but the rational side of my brain is completely overshadowed by the side of me that just wants to see her. She’s so deliciously curvy, it’s impossible. And the sexy, short dress that she has on today is unbearable. I hope she doesn’t always intend to be so revealing because she’ll draw a whole heap of unnecessary attention her way. She needs to fly under the radar as much as she can.
Once she’s out of sight, I sigh heavily to myself and head over to the window to take a look out at the view while I call Max. Actually, while this apartment might be a lot smaller than mine, it’s got a nice view out the window. I could look at it for a long time… or is that Michelle? Much as I keep trying to get away from it, she’s the one I can’t stop thinking of.
I grab out my cellphone and call Max, needing to speak to him before I go too far down that rabbit hole.
“Hi, Jordan.” He sounds pleased to hear from me, which gives me confidence once more. “How’s it going?”
“Michelle has picked an apartment. I just wanted to let you know to cancel all the other appointments.”
“Good, great…” He pauses thoughtfully for a second. “And things are okay with the two of you? I know you had doubts…”
I still do. They aren’t going to shift, but I fear for anyone else being put on this job. I think my suspicion of Michelle is what will allow me to keep on top of things. I won’t fall for her seduction no matter what she tries.
“Yeah, things are fine,” I tell him in the end. “I can make this work. I don’t have any worries. There have been no signs of danger so far, but Michelle is definitely very worried about being outside, so I’ll have to help her work on that.”
“Right, exactly. That’s good. If she wants to have some kind of real life here, then she’ll have to find a way to get out into the world and to do it safely. With you working with her, I know she’ll be able to achieve that.”
I hope he’s right. If Michelle is who she pretends to be, anyway. I guess I’ll find out…