Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
Noah
I stare out the window of the plane, feeling like, once again, I’ve left a piece of my heart with Tori.
The past few weeks have been a dream and a living nightmare all at once.
No matter how long I go without seeing her, I still want her just as much as the time before.
I’ll never be over Tori Walker, but I also know she’ll never be mine.
It took every bit of strength to leave this morning.
I wanted to tell her I’d give everything up for her if she wanted a life with me.
But she’s happy, really happy, and I don’t want to fuck things up for her.
I already feel like I ruined her life once because of Scotty; I can’t do it again.
She’s not ready to commit to anything, and honestly, I’m not sure I am either.
The fear of letting go of the only thing that has kept me from spiraling back into that dark place is terrifying.
I know joining the special forces saved me, and ironically, grounded me.
As much as I want Tori, sometimes the things we want aren’t right for us, no matter how desperately we want them.
God, this is such a mind fuck; to yearn for the one you can’t have because she belonged to someone who was like a brother to you.
I think some part of my soul loved her before I even met her, but it didn’t matter that I saw her first because she was his first. I let my mind wander back to the very first time I ever saw Victoria Walker when I was twenty-one.
I pushed through the doors of The Hanger, the bar on base where we go to hang, and blow off some steam. I come here every Friday with the guys, and this evening, I need a whiskey on the rocks more than I need my next breath. Training was next level, and every muscle in my body aches.
I nod at fellow soldiers from the other units as I make my way to the bar, sliding onto the worn leather barstool.
I lean my forearms against the bar, my gaze scanning the place looking for Jessica or Candace, the usual Friday night girls, but my focus is stolen by a petite brunette with eyes like a midnight sky and a smile that should come with a warning, who pops up from the bar like a jack-in-the-box.
“Hey, what can I get you?” Her accent screams North Carolina, and my eyes roam her body. Dressed in the uniform of tight denim jean shorts and a black waistcoat that outlined her curves perfectly, she was a walking hazard, because I had a feeling that one taste of this girl would ruin me.
“Hey, eyes up here, soldier,” She says, clicking her fingers with a bite of sass to her tone.
Oh, I like this girl.
“Sorry, I just haven’t seen you here before. Are you new?” I ask.
She nods. “First night on the job, so go easy on me.”
Oh, darlin’, I’d devour every bit of you.
I mentally chastise myself, but there is something about this girl that has me instantly attracted to her.
“What’s your name?” I ask.
“Victoria, but everyone calls me Tori.”
“Nice to meet you, Tori.” And for some reason, I reach out my hand for her to shake.
Smooth Noah.
“So formal. I like it. And does Mr. Formal have a name?”
“Noah, but you can call me anything you want darlin’.”
Where this confidence and bravado have come from only God knows, but there’s something about her.
She chuckles and playfully rolls her eyes, and I realize she still hasn’t released my hand . The warmth of her skin tingles up my arm, directly to my heart.
“Nice to meet you, Noah.” She smiles.
“Not as nice as it is meeting you, Tori.” I give her a wink, and I swear she gasps.
She removes her hand and nervously tucks a strand of her long brunette hair behind her ear. “So, that drink. What can I get you?”
I give my head a little shake. “Uh, yeah, sorry. Whiskey on the rocks,please.”
She taps the bar with her knuckles, “Coming right up.”
I track her movements, watching as she takes a glass and fills it with ice, and then reaches for the top-shelf liquor. I place a twenty dollar bill on the bar and slide it toward her when she places my drink in front of me.
“Keep the change,” I offer as I lift the glass to my lips, instantly relaxing when the burn of the whiskey hits the back of my throat and warms me from the inside out.
“That drink is like three bucks, are you sure?”
I nod, and she takes the note, tapping the cash register, which opens with a ding. She places it inside and then places the change in her back pocket.
I expect her to turn on her heel and serve the other waiting soldiers, but she stays exactly where she is.
“So, what’s your story, Tori?” I smirk. “How did you end up working here?”
“Have you been sitting on that little catch phrase since I told you my name?”
“Maybe.” I grin.
“You’re such a poet, I think you’re in the wrong job. You should totally quit and write poetry.” She rests her hip against the bar and leaning toward me, close enough that I can smell the sweet sugary scent of her perfume.
Fuck, she smells good enough to eat.
“I needed a job. I live two towns over, and just dropped out of college.”
“Why?” I ask.
“I hated it.” I admire her ability to be so brutally honest. “And what brings you here? What made you become a marine?”
I think about lying, cracking a joke, but something about this girl has me wanting to share a little truth. “Running away from things I can’t control and trying to find my home.”
My honesty must take her by surprise by the way she looks at me so intently, like she’s searching my face for more answers. But I’d tell this girl everything if she asked. I could spend all night talking to her.
“So why a military base bar?” I question.
“I grew up here. Well, here and England. Our dad was in the Royal Marines in England. He came here on a draft swap, met my mom, fell in love, got married, they moved to England, had us, and then we moved back here when I was five.”
“Wow, that’s some life you’ve had.”
She shrugs. “It’s been fun, and my twin brother is based here. He helped get me the job.”
“Who’s your brother?” I ask hesitantly.
“Oh, he’s just walked in. Harry, over here,” she yells, and when I turn to see my buddies, Harry and Scotty, head toward me, my stomach nearly falls out of my ass.
“Hey, bud, when did you get here?” Harry asks, clapping me on the back.
I try to speak, but the words get lodged in my throat.
“Oh, I see you’ve met my twin, Tori.”
I nod like an obedient puppy.
“You know each other?” Tori asks, pointing to Harry and me.
“We all do, pretty girl. Come here,” Scotty says, leaning over the bar and pulling Tori in for a kiss, my heart sinks.
“That’s enough,” Harry groans. I have so many questions, but I’m too shocked to speak. She’s Scotty’s girl? How, when?
“You two are together?” I ask, not really wanting the answer, but before I fall headfirst for this girl, I need to know.
“It’s ermm, complicated,” Tori says, chewing the inside of her cheek.
“They’re hooking up, and the less we talk about it, the better. Whiskey, please, Tor. Large.” Harry slides onto the stool beside me. “Jack and Brad are finishing up in the gym and will be heading over.”
I don’t reply. I’m too busy staring at Tori as she pours another two whiskeys, but her focus isn’t on the task; no, it’s on me.
She gives me an apologetic smile that does something to my body.
The news that she’s hooking up with Scotty is like a bitch slap to the face, because now there is no way I can pursue her.
There is an unspoken rule, a bro code: you don’t fuck around with your friend's girl, no matter how badly you want them.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Dean, one of the guys I have done many tours with, asks, pulling me back to the moment.
“I’m not sure you have enough, buddy.” I chuckle.
He grins. “So who is she?”
“She? What makes you think I’ve got a woman on my mind?”
“When a guy has that faraway look, it’s usually a woman. So who is she?”
I clear my throat, straighten in my seat and adjust my bulletproof vest. As soon as this plane lands, we are transferring to a car.
We are already taking a risk landing where we are, so we need to be quick and have our wits about us the minute our boots hit the ground.
We have been tasked with evacuating some high-profile people who were warned not to enter the country but got themselves into some trouble, and now we have to go save their asses.
So right now, my mind being on Tori isn’t ideal.
“It’s complicated.” I sigh.
“How so?” Dean continues to probe. He’s not usually the chatty type, but today, he’s worse than a soccer mom at a PTA meeting.
Deciding I have nothing to lose by telling him, I open up. “A buddy of mine, he erm, died when we were on operation and she was his girl.”
Dean stares wide-eyed. “Wow, I wasn’t expecting that.”
“See, I told you it was complicated.”
“How long has this thing between you been going on?” he asks.
I stretch my neck and feel it click, anxiety and tension building in my body.
“I think it’s nearly ten years at this point, on and off. No matter what I do or how hard I try to keep away from her, something draws us back together,” I admit.
“Sounds like she’s your soul mate if you ask me,” Dean says.
I shake my head. “There’s so many reasons we wouldn’t work. Besides, she doesn’t want this life, and I couldn’t expect her to, not after what she’s been through.”
Dean rubs a hand over his short beard. “Maybe you need to think about what you really want. If this job is the only thing standing in your way, maybe it’s time to call it a day.”
I let his words sink in. Is he right? Maybe? But she doesn’t want to settle down and have kids, she says she’s happy, she’s built a life that doesn’t include me, and I don’t want to fuck it all up. And these days, this job is the only thing holding me together.
No, I’ll have to settle for being her friend and loving her from afar. But that notion is easier to follow through with when we are thousands of miles apart. Lord only knows how I’ll feel if I ever get to see her again. I guess I’ll have to let fate decide that one.