Chapter Sixty-Seven
Tori
It’s been three days since we were told that Noah and his unit were missing.
Every part of me wanted to curl up in bed, lie in the darkness, and let my sadness take over, but what good would that do?
It would hurt Noah to know I was hiding away and leaning into my sadness.
No, until we had definitive answers, I needed to try and keep going.
So, I put one foot in front of the other.
I did it crying, I did it anxious, I did it angry, but I kept doing it.
It was the day of my baby prep day that the girls had organized, and even though every part of my mind, body, and soul screamed at me not to go, I pushed through and went.
I was waxed, plucked, scrubbed, and painted.
I left that spa feeling a little lighter and with a glow that I hoped would see me through until the birth.
We stopped off for some dinner at a local Italian restaurant and stocked up on some more baby essentials, even though my daughter had enough to see her through until she was three, but still, the distraction was welcomed.
For just a few hours, I wasn’t living in a real-life nightmare.
I was just a mom-to-be, enjoying a spa day and shopping with friends.
“You doing okay, Tor?” Gabby asks, reaching for the bags I’m holding as we walk through the bustling New York streets back toward her car.
“Yeah, I think I ate too much. My stomach feels tight, and I just feel uncomfortable.” There has been this tight feeling around my stomach for the last few hours, and I am desperate to get home to sleep.
“Ugh, I used to hate that feeling. Towards the end of my pregnancies, it felt like my babies were pressing on my bladder all the time,” Ria shares.
“That’s exactly it. I think I need to go to the bathroom again because this pressure, holy cow.
” I whistle. We stop when we reach Gabby’s car, and as she clicks the key fob, her brand new Range Rover beeps letting her know it is open.
Then the intense pressure builds, followed by a gush of something warm and wet.
“Oh, my god. What was that? Did I just pee myself?” I say frantically, looking down at the liquid trickling down my legs.
“Tori, I think that was your water breaking,” Ria says on a gulp.
Panic sets in. No, no, it can’t be. I have at least three more weeks, and Noah isn’t here.
A cramping shoots from my stomach into the tops of my thighs, stealing my breath, and I buckle over in pain on a whimper.
“Oh, my god. We need to get you to a hospital,” Ria says, her tone panicked.
“She helps me into the back seat of the SUV, and everyone else climbs in just as another contraction follows, and I cry out in pain.
“Hurry, please,” I scream.
“Breath, Tor. In and out, in and out,” Ria soothes, holding my hand.
Gabby tears out of the parking lot, causing us to all tilt to the side, and has me reaching for the Oh Jesus handle.
“Easy, Richard Petty, I think Tori would like to make it to the hospital in one piece,” Ali yells, bracing her palms on the dashboard.
“Sorry.” Gabby winces, doing her best to weave through the New York traffic.
Beads of sweat coat my forehead as another contraction takes hold. I throw my head back against the leather headrest as a long, painful groan escapes.
“Gabby, how long?” Ria asks, her tone calmer than before.
“Sat nav says thirty minutes.”
“I don’t think the baby is going to wait that long. These contractions are coming thick and fast,” Ria replies.
“I can’t have my baby in a car,” I scream as another contraction blindsides me.
“You won’t.” Ali twists in her seat to reassure me. “Gabby, head to the apartment. I’m calling Harry.”
Gabby shrieks as the wipers on the windscreen start swiping frantically and the screen wash sprays over the glass, earning a beep from a neighboring car.
“What are you doing?” Ali yells. “Why are you acting like you’ve never operated a vehicle before?”
‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m panicking, okay. Brad will freak out if she has the baby on his new seats. You know what he’s like with being clean.”
Ali waves a dismissive hand. “It’s leather, it’ll wipe.”
“I can’t do this, Ria. I can’t do this without him,” I sob, and she squeezes my hand so tight it distracts me from the contraction that is building.
“Yes, you can.” She sounds confident, but I wish I believed her. As the next contraction hits its peak, I break, sobbing uncontrollably, mourning a moment I haven’t yet had. Noah won’t get to watch his daughter be born, and that breaks a part of my heart that I’m not sure will be fixable.
“I can’t do this. I can’t do this,” I chant, my tone panicked, my breathing erratic, my thoughts even more so.
I won’t survive this. Why isn’t he here? What if he never gets to meet her? What if something happens to my baby because we can’t make it to the hospital?
“Tori, breathe for me,” Ria instructs, but she sounds so far away. Blood thunders in my ears, and I can feel myself spiraling.
The car comes to an abrupt halt, and the car door is wrenched open. Harry’s terrified gaze meets mine. “Tor.”
I try to say something, but another contraction, the biggest one yet steals my words. When it subsides, Harry lifts me into his arms.
The ride in the elevator to the apartment goes in a blur as I try my hardest to breathe through the intensity of my contractions that now spreads to my lower back.
“Ali, can you get me some towels? Gabby, some pillows?” Ria takes control, and I’m grateful.
“What do you want us to do, sweetheart?” Jack asks as he and Harry help lower me to the couch.
“Leave. She doesn’t need an audience.”
“No, Ri, I’m staying,” Harry demands. I grab a hold of his wrist.
‘I’m okay,” I try to reassure him as I squeeze my eyes shut, the pain now shooting up my spine.
Harry lowers to face me, his eyes pooling with emotion. “I can’t leave you like this. I want to be here for you.”
“I’m okay. I can do this,” I lie. I absolutely can’t, but I don’t want my brother to see me like this.
“We are here, we have towels, sheets, and a bowl of water, apparently,” Ali says with a scrunch of her nose.
“What’s with the water?” Brad asks.
Gabby shrugs, setting the bowl down on the coffee table. “I don’t know. That’s what they do in the movies, a bowl of hot water and towels?”
I welp in pain as another contraction, along with the intense need to bear down takes over.
“Get her on the floor. We need to see how close this baby is to coming, Jack call 911,” Ria commands as she places a pillow against the couch, and Ali lays a towel down on the floor.
“On it,” Jack confirms, hurrying down the hall with Brad right behind him.
Harry helps me to the floor and presses a kiss to the top of my head. “Love you, sis. I’ll be right in the other room if you need me.”
I nod in thanks and manage to say, “I love you too.”
“Okay, Tori, honey, how bad are these contractions? On a scale of 1- 10, 10 being the worst?” Ria asks, kneeling in front of me.
As another one builds and the pressure on the base of my spine reaches an all-time high, I yell, “A fifteen.”
“I think we need to take a look and the doctor shouldn’t be long,” Ria suggests.
I nod, bending my knees up, and she lifts my dress, helping me out of my underwear.
When I’m in position, she takes a look. Her eyes widen, and the color drains from her usually glowing face.
“What, Ria, what’s wrong?” I demand frantically.
“I ummm, I see the head,” she says on a shaky breath.
My vision blurs and my chest feels heavy as I process what she’s just said. I can’t do this here, now, without a doctor, without Noah.
“No, no, how do we keep her in,” I wail.
Ali chokes on her own laughter, “I don’t think it works like that, Tor.”
My chest constricts; my breath now lodged inside my shrinking throat.
I can’t do this. I can’t do this without him.
My panic must be visible because Ali settles down beside me, grasping my hand between both of hers, her voice firm and strong, yet oddly comforting. “Tori, honey, I need you to slow it down and look at me.” I do as she asks as Ria lays down another towel,
“This is going to be tough. This will be the hardest thing you will ever do, and it’s gonna hurt like a bitch.”
Gabby cuts off her words with a gasp. “Ali, stop. Why are you trying to scare her?”
“I’m not, I’m telling her the truth. This will be tough, but you, Tori Walker, are tough and so strong. You can do this. If there is anyone on this earth that can do this, it’s you.”
I let her words sink in as another contraction slowly builds.
“And we are going to do it with you,” she says firmly.
“Okay, okay, what do I do?” I ask, my voice cracking.
“When you feel that pressure building, I want you to bear down and push, like you are going to the bathroom,” Ria explains.
I screw my face up as the pain climbs its way up my body.
“Push Tor,” Ria coaxes, and I muster every bit of strength I have to bear down and push.
“Good, good, that’s it. Keep going,” Ria encourages, and it’s clear she’s done this many times, and I’m thankful she’s here with me.
I let my head fall back against the couch, waiting for the next contraction, but I don’t have to wait long. I lean forward silently, squeezing Ali’s hand as Gabby and Ria support my legs.
“That’s it, Tor. You’re doing it,” Ali cheers. I bear down, willing myself to keep going, as Noah’s voice floods my ears, telling me to keep fighting, to keep going.
A deep, guttural roar—something verging on animalistic and primal—rips from me as my body reaches the peak of its pain threshold, stealing all my senses. The world goes dark for just a split second, and then I am met with the most beautiful sound.
The sound of my daughter’s cry.
Ria places the screaming bundle of perfection onto my chest, and the minute her skin connects with mine, I am overwhelmed with emotion and a love I can’t describe.
I glance around at the girls’ crying faces as they soak in my new daughter. No amount of thank yous will be enough for the way they just supported me, but I say it anyway.
I look down at my daughter, who is all big blue eyes like Noah and dark hair like mine, and when I kiss the top of her head and breathe her in, a rush of calm floods my body.
All my sadness is stolen away because of her, because I now have an even stronger purpose to keep fighting, to keep strong and have faith that everything is going to be okay.
I watch in awe as my daughter stares back up at me, taking in her surroundings, and I press a soft kiss to the tip of her button nose and smile.
“Welcome to the world, baby girl Jones. I’ve waited forever for you.”