Chapter 68
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Tori
I don’t think I have slept in the past forty-eight hours.
After my dramatic homebirth, we went to the hospital, and even though she was a little early, baby girl is doing great, and there were no concerns.
We stayed overnight for monitoring, and since we got back to Ali and Harry’s apartment, I have been in my newborn bubble of breastfeeding, diaper changes, and contact naps, and it has been the distraction I needed.
There is still no word from Noah or his unit.
They are still missing in action, and it has been nearly ten days.
My wandering thoughts are interrupted by a small wail from my baby girl. She still doesn’t have a name, it didn’t feel right to name her until Noah was home, so for now she will remain as baby girl Jones.
“She smells like baby powder and pancakes,” Lexi, Noah’s eldest niece, says with a wrinkle of her nose. “I like her.”
“She does smell like that,” I agree with a smile.
“My turn, my turn,” Noah’s other niece, Elle, pleads, jumping up and down.
“Okay, but be very gentle. You need to sit on the couch,” Jack says in a soothing tone as he lifts my baby out of Lexi’s arms.
“Okay, daddy,” Elle coos, widening her arms ready for Jack to lay my baby in her lap, but never really letting go.
“I forget how tiny they are,” Jack says.
“Ready for another?” I tease.
He shakes his head. “Four is quite enough.” Jack chuckles. “I think me and Ria would lose our damn minds.”
“I go play, Daddy,” Elle declares as she tries to wriggle away. Jack cradles my baby into his chest and shakes his head. “She has the attention span of a puppy, that one.”
“Just like her Uncle Harry,” I joke.
“I heard Uncle Harry was needed?” Harry grins, sliding in beside Jack.
“Yes, we’re just talking about your lack of attention span,” Jack deadpans.
Harry ignores his jab and reaches for his niece. “Come to Uncle Harry.”
Jack passes her, as if she were made of glass, to him, and baby girl settles on his chest and begins to fuss.
“Hey, no crying,” he soothes, rubbing small circles on her back.
“Here, you are doing it wrong,” Brad states, trying to take my baby from Harry.
“Excuse me, I am her uncle. I know what I’m doing,” Harry says firmly, but baby girl wails, and my instinct is to take her.
Brad gestures for Harry to pass her to him, and Harry reluctantly places her in Brad’s waiting arms.
“She has wind. My nephew used to get it really badly. You want to put her up here.” He places her over his shoulder and stands up and begins to sway.
His large tattooed hand covers her entire back, and he rubs three firm circles and then pats her, repeating the movements until a burp that sounds far too loud to be coming from someone so tiny leaves my baby’s lips.
“There you go, that’s better,” Brad coos.
“Ugh, I want one.” Gabby appears beside Brad.
His eyebrow quirks up. “Yeah?”
She nods enthusiastically. He whispers something in her ear that has her giggling, and Harry covers baby girl’s ears.
“Hey, no sexy talk around my niece,” he scolds.
“Come on, Uncle Brad is going to take you for a walk around the apartment and tell you about the time your daddy locked us out of our wagon, and we had to walk thirty miles…” Brad’s words drift off as he walks away with my daughter, and thick emotions creep up my throat.
I love that they are telling her about Noah, but it only makes me miss him more. He should be here.
Harry gives me a look, that look that’s shared between twins, where we can tell what the other is thinking without saying a word. I give a nod and a meek smile to let him know I’m okay as he heads toward the kitchen.
They have all rallied around me, supporting me and loving on us both. My parents are due today. It was the earliest flight they could get after baby girl’s unexpected early arrival.
Ria comes up beside me and places a gentle hand on my shoulder. “How are you doing, babe? If this is all too much, you just say.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s fine, this is what I need.”
Being surrounded by them all helps fill the gap that Noah left, just a little. I turn to face Ria and take in a deep breath, feeling my emotions creeping in before I’ve had the chance to say what I want to say. Blame the hormones.
“I, um, haven’t had the chance to thank you properly for what you did. You girls got me through her birth and I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have you there.”
Ria’s eyes well with tears.
“Next to giving birth to my own girls, helping you bring my niece into this world was the most amazing day of my life. I’m just sorry my brother wasn't there with you.”
Emotion clogs my throat, and I fight to get the words out without crying. “I had the next best thing,” I say softly, and she begins fanning her face with her hands.
“God, my mascara must be halfway down my face.”
I giggle and swipe a tear that’s rolled down my cheek and throw my arms around her.
“Okay, food’s ready,” Ria calls, stepping out of the hug and heading to the kitchen area.
The girls have been making lunch in the kitchen, preparing various dishes in anticipation of my parents’ arrival.
The scent of cherry pie fills the air, and my stomach rumbles.
I can’t remember when I last ate today. I haven’t had much of an appetite, but Ria keeps reminding me, if I want to keep my milk supply up, I need to keep hydrated and feed myself.
The apartment is full of people, children, food, love, and support.
It’s just missing the one thing I crave the most.
Noah.
Come home to us, please.
We all lay about in food comas. Ali set up a movie for Jack and Ria’s girls to watch in the den, and my baby girl sleeps soundly in the bassinette beside me.
My parents called to say they landed safely and they would be over as soon as they got their luggage and a cab. I can’t wait to see them. No matter how old I get, I’ll always need my parents.
“I don’t think I could fit another thing in my mouth,” Gabby says innocently, and I can already hear Harry’s mind working.
“I’m sure Brad’s got something he could fit in your mouth,” he says, chuckling like an adolescent boy.
Gabby tosses a couch cushion at him as Ali playfully taps his chest.
“Thank God for stretchy pants,” I announce. ‘I don’t think I’ll ever wear anything that doesn’t have an elasticated waist ever again.”
“Give it time,” Ria says, winking from across the couch where she lies on Jack’s chest.
Watching them all with the other halves makes me pine for Noah. Feeling the emotion about to take over, I get up and announce I am using the bathroom. When I reach the bathroom, I close the door and slide to the floor, covering my mouth to smother my cries.
Everyone keeps saying how well I’m copying, but the truth is, I am silently drowning.
A piece of me, a piece of us, is missing, and as the days drag on, the not knowing is the worst part.
The words what if linger in my mouth like a sour taste.
I feel like I am stuck in time with no way towards the future.
I allow myself a few minutes to cry in the silence of the dark bathroom and then rise to my feet, splashing cold water on my face and taking a centering breath before heading back to the others.
There is a light tap at the front door.
“I’ll get it,” Harry yawns, stretching his arms above his head before he slides out from a sleepy Ali. “It’ll be mom and dad.”
I flick on the kettle and lift open the cabinet in search of the herbal teas.
“Tori,” Harry calls.
“Just a sec.”
“Tori,” Harry says a little firmer this time, but there’s an air of something in his voice that has me closing the cabinet and turning to face him. The box of tea bags slips between my fingers as I focus on the person beside him.
My head swims, the floor beneath suddenly feeling unsteady as my mind, my body, and my eyes play catch up. Looking utterly beautiful and broken, like he’s crossed oceans to be here, dressed in military boots and black clothing and staring back at me, is Noah. My Noah.
“Hey, darlin’.”
I stand, frozen, not sure if this is a dream that I’ll wake from if I move, but when the sultry sound of his voice echoes in my ears, my feet move toward him like a powerful magnet.
I couldn’t stop the pull that my body has to him if I tried.
I throw my arms around him, and he squeezes me so tightly as if he were checking it was really me.
His touch instantly takes away all the pain of the last five months, and when his lips crash down on mine, I whimper, allowing myself to get lost in his kiss.
My fingers weave into his dark hair as he fists mine, deepening our kiss, sending sparks of life through my body.
With every caress, he pulls together the scattered pieces of my heart, fusing them back together in a way that only he could.
He’s here.
He found a way back to us.