Chapter 53
Chapter
Fifty-Three
When Colton’s blue eyes landed on me, they widened.
We didn’t move; didn’t utter a single word.
I could see the emotions on his face, easy to read like they always were.
Surprise, confusion, fear, and happiness were the easiest ones to pick out.
What I hated seeing was the sadness and pain.
His eyes tried to read me and search for something like I held the treasure to the world behind my eyes.
Except that I couldn’t focus on that. His face was thin, showing the cheekbones in his face far too prominently. Unwillingly, my eyes traveled down his neck; slim and beautiful. It was just a regular t-shirt that was pulled tight across his chest.
I tried to stop my eyes from looking further, but I couldn’t help it.
What I expected was to see his round belly.
See the shirt stretched tight over it. For his hand to be resting on the bump like he did when he didn’t think anyone was looking.
The way he gently embraced our hatchling when he thought no one was watching.
My legs finally gave out, my knees hitting the dirt. In his arms was the chunkiest little baby I’d ever seen. As I looked at this little one, the brightest green eyes looked back at me. A sob broke out of me.
Seven months.
Colton had already given birth to our little girl.
Seven months had passed.
He had been without me.
Seven fucking months.
My mind reeled, bile coming up and threatening to release.
Suddenly, I wished I had listened to my dad. That I had asked more questions and hadn’t dismissed everything he had said.
I wished I’d stopped to speak to Peter. To ask what happened. To understand the pain that my mate had been through.
I’d ignored it, but I knew better. Dad was right. This was not the same little wolf I took to shop for cribs. The light that had once been there had vanished. My mate had been more than just hurt. The bond being so broken alluded to that, but this was something else entirely.
Every time I tried to breathe, it felt like my chest was caving in. Worse, Colton didn’t move either. He didn’t step toward me or say anything. Instead, he stood there, watching me as though I was just going to disappear again.
There was no controlling the tears. What had happened? I needed to know, and I should have known before I stepped into the clearing. I shouldn’t have confronted him. Not like that. Not without knowing everything that happened.
Closing my eyes, forcing everything that had collected around my eyes to rush down my face, I curled up. Shifting, my wings exploded out of my back, and as I lifted off the ground, rocketing into the air, I let my dragon take over.
He shifted us fully, letting out a horribly broken roar.
It was closer to a wail, devastating, and it still didn’t help.
How could it? What could I do? There was no fixing time that had already passed.
I couldn’t put a band-aid on this. I couldn’t apologize for this.
This was too big, too much. I’d failed my mate bond.
Failed my mate. Broken the promise to protect him.
I’d done that, and for what? Yes, I got Mason back, but going in alone was stupid.
It was so stupid, and now it could cost me the only thing in my life that mattered.
The bright green eyes now haunted me as I curled up behind my dragon’s consciousness as he flew a path around the edge of the lair, far above the clouds.
He wouldn’t go far. Colton was still our mate, no matter how broken our bond was right now.
We still had our duty. I just…couldn’t face him. Not yet.
There was too much. I wanted to throw up, but my dragon let out a stream of fire into the sky. Flying into the smoke before free-falling back to the altitude he had been flying.
We were broken. How could we face our mate? Our little wolf? He had confided in me, curling up against me and burying his face in my chest, that he was terrified to give birth. Our Omega had been so worried that it had kept him up multiple nights in a row.
I told him that the pain was probably nothing compared to the flareups he had.
That if he wanted to, he could crush every bone and scale in my hand if it helped.
I would drown him in my scent and make him come while going through the contractions that he would feel nothing but pleasure.
I’d promised him I would be by his side.
My dragon stopped flying, free falling, feeling the pain I was. Eventually, he pulled up, but it wasn’t easy. We got close to the treetops, grazing them with our legs as they scratched against the black scales.
Eventually, the moon was the only real light left.
Everything and everyone else had turned in for the night.
We needed to go back down. This wasn’t something he or I could run away from.
Whatever Colton wanted for us though, no matter what he threw: words, knives, magic…
we would take it all. There was nothing we could say to make anything of this okay.
Apologies were useless. “I’m sorry” felt like a cheap cop out and I didn’t even know the extent of the damage my time away from Colton had caused him. Let alone our little girl.
I let out another roar, fire following. He had to raise her all on his own.
I’m assuming my parents and it sounds like everyone stepped in to help.
However, I knew Colton too much to know that he wouldn’t give into their help easily.
He would try to do everything on his own, and I hated that thought more than I could bear.
My dragon banked, and I wanted to pull him back. Tell him I wasn’t ready, but he refused. He was ready to face it. All I felt was the panic attack threatening to take over. Shoving my consciousness forward, I shifted and landed onto the gravel of the driveway.
Looking up, my panic attack froze. Colton was sitting on the porch, his legs hanging off the edge.
His eyes felt brighter than the moon, looking at me as if he were peeling away every layer until he got to my soul.
I couldn’t hide behind anything. No pockets to shove my hands into.
No shirt to brush out. No sleeves to pull at.
His hair was down, looking so different as it framed his face. Colton was beautiful. There was an air about him, as though he had accepted who he was. His time here, safe with my family, had given him far more confidence about being himself than he had before.
I wanted to talk to my dad. I wanted to know what happened before I confronted Colton, but here he was, watching me as I stepped closer without even thinking about it. My body moved, our bond straining to touch each other.
When I was a couple of yards away, he reached over and held out a neatly folded stack of clothes.
Reaching out, I took them from him and slipped them on.
I noticed earlier too that everything seemed a little tighter, but I wondered if it was just because they were pulling from the section of my closet that was from high school.
“Thank you.” My voice was hoarse as I murmured.
Finishing dressing, I looked at my little Omega. He didn’t feel little anymore. It felt wrong to say that about him now. The look in his eyes, which he carrier like armor, was enough to make me think twice.
“Ty told me.”
I swallowed, watching as he laced his fingers together in his lap.
“Selene said there was a possibility this would happen. Your mind would heal, but you would lose everything that happened when the wound was open.”
“Colt…”
He forced a smile onto his face, and it looked horrible. “Honestly, it might be better for everyone if you didn’t remember what happened. I don’t know if you could live with yourself if you did. Plus, we don’t actually know what happened to you while we couldn’t find you.”
My heart sank and stepped up to him, before going down on one knee.
“When it's time for souls to meet, there's nothing on earth that can prevent them from meeting, no matter where each may be located. When two hearts are meant for each other, no distance is too far, no time is too long, and no other love can break them apart.”
“Jaime Lichauco.” His voice was much quieter. “That one is on your shelf.”
I nodded, knowing that my own words would never be enough here.
“But loving you was never a mistake, despite all my downs.
I'll try to change myself for you because you deserve better.
I don't have the heart to see you with someone else, so I want to become better for you.
Why? Because you're the only person I want to keep in my life.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know that one.”
Again, I opened my mouth to speak, but no words would come out. The way he looked at me was so hollow. Finally, I bowed my head.
“If you want to reject me, Colt…I’ll accept it.”
My dragon roared in argument, but I couldn’t care less. I didn’t want to look. I didn’t want to confirm the relief on his face. All I knew was that I might never ever be able to apologize enough.
The gravel crunched for a moment before I looked up, coming face to face with Colton. He was squatting in front of me, his eyes focused on me. I couldn’t smell him, but I felt the air move with his breath.
“I didn’t make it through all that pain, Marcus, just to reject you. If that was the plan, I would have just given up when the pain was too much.” Anger suddenly took over and I couldn’t breathe. “How dare you suggest it.”
He moved his hands to his knees and pushed up.
Looking up at him, I felt tears slip out.
It was a face I never thought Colton could possibly make.
Anger and pain rolled up together as he looked like he was barely holding it together.
I wanted to reach out, but I felt like I didn’t have the right anymore.
“I don’t hate you.”
“Your face says otherwise.” It tumbled out before I realized.
For a long time, he regarded me before I watched his face fall. “I don’t. Sometimes it felt like I did, but I don’t.”
“Colt…”
“I need time.”
That single sentence felt like a spear through my heart. My hand went up to chest, clutching my shirt, searching for a wound that wasn’t there. When I looked back up at him, Colton had already turned his back and headed up the steps.
“Come inside. Candy left you a plate in the fridge. You can sleep in your old room. The sheets have been changed.”
He didn’t turn around as he spoke. Opening the front door, he stepped into the house. Leaving the door open for me, but it might as well have been a slam in my face. Curling up again, I buried my face in my hands.
Eventually, though, I picked myself up off the floor.
Closing the door quietly behind me, I stood in the house I grew up in, feeling out of place.
The last thing I wanted to do was eat, and so I walked up the stairs.
I don’t know why there had even been a little hope that Colton was waiting for me.
That despite his words, he was still willing to be next to me.
There was nothing. The room was empty, silent, and cold. Stepping in, I closed the door quietly behind me. Tomorrow I would speak to my dad and apologize. I should have listened. He knew better; he always did. This was so much worse than I could have imagined.