22. Nevin
22
NEVIN
As we walked through the busy shopping mall, Xan’s boots clicking loudly over the polished tile flooring, I self-consciously kept reaching to tug down the hem of my shirt. It kept riding up because Kace was right—it was getting to be too small for my growing baby-bump.
Now I felt awkward, like everyone in the mall was watching me. I hunched my shoulders up around my ears and gave another pull, which only caused the fabric to stretch and warp the print on the tee.
Xan tilted his head towards me. “Man, you really are growing like a weed, huh?”
Heat rushed to my cheeks. “Well… The baby is, anyway,” I mumbled. At least, I hoped I wasn’t gaining too much weight. My hips did seem wider though… Had Kace noticed? I frowned, but Xan waved a hand, dismissing me.
“Yeah, that’s what I meant,” he said, then hooked his arm through mine, tugging me towards the storefronts. “C’mon, let’s shop for tops first. That way you can change into something a little more comfy in the bathroom so you don’t feel so awkward, how about that?”
I was honestly surprised that Xan was so astute, but it touched me. “Thank you. That would be great. I do feel a little self-conscious,” I admitted.
His chocolate-dark eyes glittered with knowing as he led me into a large maternity store called Omega’s Place, and damn if they didn’t have a little bit of everything. Tops, bottoms, belts, accessories, shoes; you name it, this place carried it, and they only catered to Omegas, it seemed. No large Alpha sizing here.
We wandered up and down the rows of racks, flipping through hangers of clothing. Xan helped out by holding up cute tops and making comments like, “I’d totally wear this if I had a baby-bump,” and “One day, this’ll be me!”
It made me laugh, because the clothing he was picking out was so not his style at all. Guess flashy and flamboyant didn’t come in maternity sizes. What a shame. Maybe somebody should get on that. They’d probably make a killing!
I tried on a few outfits I liked, and after waiting in line to pay, we made a pitstop at the unisex bathroom. I changed into a lavender v-neck with a dragon on the front that said “Expect the Unexpected” and a pair of stretch jeans that felt so much better than the too-tight clothing I’d been wearing. I stuffed the old clothes into one of the shopping bags, did my business, then went back out to where Xan was waiting for me.
The minute I stepped out of the bathroom, Xan wolf-whistled. “Looking sharp, Nev. C’mon, let’s stop at The Candy Jar. I can use my discount and we can get a bag of goodies.” He beamed at me, and I couldn’t help but grin right back. His happiness was infectious, but I was beginning to think it was just the Howell charm.
I hadn’t been to The Candy Jar before, but as we walked inside, my jaw dropped a little.
It was so bright and colorful. The entire room was filled with oversized candy dispensers, their round glass canisters filled to the brim with a rainbow array of bulk candies. There were large jars with pink plastic scoops that held chocolatey confections and gummies, and trays of rope licorice in every color you could imagine. Scales sat on the corners of every counter, along with bags and twist-ties so you could scoop and weigh your own treats.
A rainbow lollipop sitting in a small bucket caught my eye. It reminded me of simpler times, like the year Father brought me and Zechariah home colorful lollies from a work event he’d gone to. We didn’t get candy very often, so it was both a huge surprise and a delicious treat. Of course, neither of us ate much dinner that night, and we were hyped up on sugar for hours, but it was a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
Literally.
My heart sank at the memory. Just a few months later, my brother died and my father’s flame all but burnt out. He was still there physically, of course, but his spirit was shattered from the grief of losing a child. It didn’t matter that he still had one who needed him. He became a broken man. I not only lost my best friend, but my only parent as well, and I felt so very alone.
Xan came up behind me, startling me out of my thoughts when he said, “Do you want it?”
“What?” I blinked a couple of times, trying to reacquaint myself. Suddenly, the overhead lights were too bright and the music blaring Lady Gaga was too loud.
“The sucker.” He pointed at the swirly lollipop I’d been staring at. He must’ve noticed. I shook my head and shrugged it off, but he huffed at me. “If you want it, just say so! Jeez, Nev. It’s okay to want things, you know. Here.” He strode over and plucked it from its container, then placed it in my hand. “I’ll buy it for you. No big deal.”
“Really?” I whispered, my heart still aching for everything that little-me had lost.
“Yeah, really. Let’s go check out. I got what I came for.” He held up a bulging plastic baggie of maple nut clusters with a conspiratorial grin. “And I’m not sharing these with Kace, either.”
We meandered down the aisles, me sucking on the corner of my lollipop and Xan crunching away at his sugary candies, just killing time, when Xan suddenly stopped. I fell into place beside him, following his gaze to where a cute Alpha and Omega couple were sitting on the edge of the fountain, holding hands with hearts in their eyes. They were young and in love.
Xan sighed wistfully, his shoulders slumping forward. “One day, that’ll be me…”
I turned to see the almost-lovelorn look on the younger Omega’s face as he stared at the couple. His lips curved down at the corners. It surprised me a little bit. Sure, Xan talked the talk about finding an Alpha, but I guess I’d assumed he’d been wanting hookups and flings. Not anything real. Definitely not love, especially because of how much he teased Kace about his “happily-ever-after bullshit.”
I reached over and patted Xan’s back, offering him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. The right Alpha will come along.”
Xan looked a little sad as he said, “I sure hope so... C’mon, let’s get out of here. This place is suddenly suffocating and I’m sure my brother can’t wait for you to be home and in his arms again.” He rolled his eyes with a soft scoff, but I had the feeling he was just trying to cover up for his moment of vulnerability.
We were nearly to the exit when I heard a familiar voice call my name. “Nevin?”
My blood ran cold. My heart kicked in my chest, threatening to stop entirely as a shiver ran through me from head to foot. Just keep walking. Ignore her. Pretend you didn’t hear her. Except Xan stopped and grabbed my arm. “Nev?” he asked, confused, and I knew I was screwed.
I slowly turned around to see one of my fellow Omegas from my familial pack, a sweet middle-aged woman named Kerri, staring at me as if she’d seen a ghost. When I faced her, her jaw dropped and her big eyes filled with tears. She rushed up to me, reaching out to cup my cheeks in both hands, as if to reassure herself that I wasn’t a dead man walking.
“It’s really you… You’re alive? But how?” she whispered. “Rex said that you were dead.”
“Almost,” I croaked out, my throat suddenly tight.
“Oh, honey!” Kerri threw her arms around me in a tight embrace, but quickly pulled back. Her brow furrowed. “You’re pregnant? I don’t understand. Nevin, I thought you were barren.”
“I was,” I said, but how did you even explain something like this? Especially to a woman who was essentially raised in a cult? “I… It’s a long story.”
She brightened and took my hands in her smaller ones. She gave my fingers a squeeze. “That’s wonderful news. Now you can come back and be a part of the pack again,” she exclaimed, and my stomach knotted, nausea roiling. No. Nonononono.
“No!” I barked, jerking out of her grasp. “Kerri, please, listen to me. Please, whatever you do, don’t tell Rex that I’m alive. Don’t tell him that you saw me. In fact, just pretend this never happened.”
She looked confused. “But… Your father?—”
“No.” I bit out the word on a sharp growl. She flinched back. “I never want to go back there. Ever. You don’t understand. No one understands, and no one ever will, but I’m begging you, Kerri. Pretend you never saw me today. Please… I-I need to go.”
My heart hammering in my throat, threatening to choke me, I spun on my heel and took off running for the exit sign emblazoned in red above the double doors several yards away. I heard Xan’s voice call out after me, but panic clung to me like a second skin.
I couldn’t breathe, not even after I burst out into the fresh air and escaped into the parking lot. Not even as I made a beeline for Xan’s car and collapsed in the front seat. Not even as tears began to spill down my cheeks, as I hugged my bags of new maternity clothing to my chest.
I sobbed.
A minute later, the car rocked as Xan swung the driver’s side door open and got in. “Nevin? Hey. Hey, it’s gonna be okay—” he started, but I hissed at him, baring my fangs.
“No, it’s not!” I cried out. “If she tells Rex that I’m alive?—”
“She won’t,” he assured me, then blew out a sharp breath. “We should probably tell Kace, though, just in case.”
Alarm rang through me anew. “No!”
His eyes grew wide in surprise. “What? Why?”
“I-I don’t want to worry him more than I already have,” I mumbled, sniffling and wiping my nose with the back of my new shirtsleeve. “You’re right. It’s fine. It’s probably nothing. I’m probably just overreacting. Pregnancy hormones and all, you know?”
I forced out a laugh, then scrubbed both hands over my face. God, I probably looked like a hot mess. Kace would know something was up the minute he saw me, but maybe I could pass it off as a pregnant Omega thing. I hoped so, anyway.
“If you say so.” Xan didn’t sound so sure, but I was. I was scared—terrified, honestly, that Kerri would tell Rex that she’d seen me and that I was pregnant—but I wasn’t going back. I was finally free of that monster and his abuse. I wasn’t spending the rest of my life in a cage. I had Kace now, and I would fight for my freedom, and my happiness. I didn’t want Kace to worry.
For now, I’d keep it tucked away inside my chest.
Hopefully, he’d never have to find out.