Chapter 10 Prom Night
MAGDALENA
EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD, MAY
It’s the perfect dress. I bit my lip as I walked up to the mirror.
A whisper of happiness tugged at the corners of my lips.
The dress was baby-blue chiffon, sleeveless, with a sweetheart neckline.
Hugging my waist was a belt with glass crystals that matched my earrings.
Mom wanted me to wear the matching crown, but that would have been too much.
Besides, I already felt like Cinderella.
It wasn’t often I felt any emotion, not since he disappeared. I sighed …
Don’t think about him.
He was just a crush.
No, he wasn’t.
What makes me sound crazier, obsessing and missing a boy I haven’t seen in eight years or arguing with myself?
None of it made sense to anyone, not even me.
If my parents had known I was still missing him, they’d take me to another psych ward.
Despite the drowning therapy sessions, my memories of Killian were the first to slowly trickle back to me after I left that awful place.
I still didn’t remember what I’d done, and except for the drowning sessions, I hardly recalled anything that happened while I was there.
My parents told me a little bit, that I’d tried to kill myself.
But that’s it. Usually, they’d end the subject pretty fast. I had the feeling Dr. Laurent had told them to try to not discuss it with me in detail.
Everyone still believed Killian killed his parents.
So many years had passed since he’d disappeared.
I wished it didn’t hurt as bad the first day.
I’d just become really good at putting a smile while feeling like an empty shell.
I don’t want to go to prom with Mael. I want Killian.
Where the fuck is he? Tears threatened to spill, so I took a long breath while resting my forehead in my hands.
This was why I pushed all my emotions to the deepest parts of me until I was numb, because if I let one surface, then all the ones which belonged to him spilled out as well.
Come on, be a normal girl. Go to the stupid party, pretend to have fun, and then come home.
All that mattered was that in a week, I’d be free in London.
I wouldn’t have to hold back and pretend anymore.
Mom and Dad would return to their lives here with my siblings, and I could be my real self.
I already had a ticket to Ireland for the weekend.
Ireland in two weekends … I’ll find him.
The thought made me smile and move my waist with a little victory dance.
Glancing in the mirror, I found Mom smiling at my little dance from the door.
“You look like Cinderella.” She walked into my bedroom; our gazes held in our reflections. I swept my hands down the skirt of my dress as if I was trying to keep something from escaping.
Mom placed her palms on my bare shoulders while admiring the dress. “I can’t believe how beautiful, intelligent, and big you are. I can’t believe how fast you’ve grown.” Her voice broke.
“Mom, don’t start or I swear I’ll stay home.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just … I dreamt of having a little girl all my life. You’re my dream, Magdalena, and you’ve exceeded all of our expectations. I’m so happy for you. So proud of you. Cambridge. That’s unbelievable.”
“Do you think Dad’s happy with me too?”
Her eyes widened, and her mouth fell agape. “Honey, of course. Why wouldn’t he be? Are you kidding me? Magdalena, your father just got caught up with the birth of the royal twins. But he loves you more than anything. You’re his world.”
“I’m not upset that he isn’t here for this. This isn’t important to me, Mom. It’s just … Dad has always had high expectations. And I messed up—”
“Hey.” She turned me to face her. “That was just to keep you distracted, okay? All that prime minister crap was just to keep you busy and distracted. And about what you did … I don’t want to hear you blaming yourself ever again.
You needed help, and we obviously missed the signs.
And you’ve been doing perfectly fine since.
You’ve gone to every therapy appointment and taken every pill.
So, stop it. You can go draw stick figures on a canvas, and that will be more than enough to keep us happy. ”
I faked a chuckle, so she’d feel better. “Stick figures, Mom, yeah, right.”
“I’m serious. We have more than enough money for you to just sit around and listen to music all day, maybe read a fun book, not all those religious books you like.
My point is, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.
” For a minute, the weight, the pressure lifted from my shoulders, and Mom and I embraced.
I exhaled it all out. It would’ve been so nice to believe her, but I knew Dad expected me to accomplish something, to be the best at something, and after fucking up so badly years ago, I needed to prove myself to him.
Everything snapped back to the way it was seconds before she uttered those words. “Come. It’s getting late. Let’s get you all ready. Where’s your purse?” she asked.
“Here. Can you give me one more minute up here?” I grabbed the purse from the bed. Mom leaned in and kissed my forehead. Her forehead kisses always felt good.
“Your corsage is still in the fridge. Meet me in the living room?”
I nodded as she walked out of the room ahead of me.
Taking in my reflection one more time, I questioned if I could go through this whole charade.
It was obvious I needed something, so I rummaged through my drawer, searching for my only two treasures: the knife Daddy gave me on my fifteenth birthday, and the engagement ring Killian gave me on our wedding day.
I placed the ring on one of my silver necklaces and clasped it around my neck.
Usually, I didn’t take the knife anywhere, but I didn’t feel safe. The only reason I agreed to this was because Bessie and Mom practically begged me.
I ran my thumb along the hilt, over the swirls and grooves which lead to the heart-shaped knob at the end.
After I Pulled it from the velvet sheath, the platinum on the polished sharp end shimmered against the light.
It was so beautiful. Sometimes, when I was unable to sleep, I’d take it out, relishing the weight and detail as I polished it with a silk handkerchief.
After slipping it back into the sheath, I put it in my purse.
It was as though Daddy was going with me, so I felt much safer now. Everything’s going to be fine.
As I walked down the stairs, I wondered why I was feeling like this but couldn’t come up with an answer.
It wasn’t as if this were my first party ever.
Daddy had taken us to many functions. Maybe it was because it was the end of an era for me.
Next week was graduation, then two days later, we’d all fly to London.
Downstairs, Mom was waiting to slip the corsage onto my wrist. I saw her smile but could hardly hear the words she was rambling, as if I were underwater. A knock at the door had my heart pumping faster, so I ran to the kitchen to drink some water, hoping whatever was wrong with me would go away.
To be honest, Mael looked spectacular in his penguin suit, with his dirty-blond hair swept to the side, light-blue eyes, and tall, muscular frame. He was such a jock, so I had to resist rolling my eyes. I read his lips as he complimented me on the dress.
“Thank you.” My gratitude made him smile.
He hooked his arm through mine and turned me to face Mom, who took pictures of every step we took toward the door.
Why is my throat closing? After Mom slipped the corsage on my wrist, Mael drew me closer so we could take more pictures at the main entrance.
With his arms embracing me from behind, my heart drummed in my ears, and a thin layer of sweat coated my skin. What the fuck is wrong with me?
“Honey, are you okay?” Mom asked, her face filled with worry, so I nodded.
I think that was the third time she’d asked me.
Thank God I caught the question. Mael’s palm cupped my jaw, turning me to face him.
Our gazes locked. They were beautiful, his eyes, so why didn’t I ever like him?
Instead, my skin was covered in goosebumps, the same way it reacted to big black spiders.
A cold shiver ran up my spine. I was cold and hot all at the same time, as if I had a fever.
My body was becoming frustrating with all these random reactions.
Maybe I really was getting sick. It didn’t help that I hadn’t slept well since I agreed to go to this thing.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” The muffled words came from him.
I faked a chuckle and said, “Oh, nothing. Just a little nervous.”
“That’s so cute of you. I know you don’t usually go to parties, but that’s all this is.” He shrugged. “Bessie will meet us there.”
I nodded. It was nice of him to comfort me and tell me my best friend would be there.
I could be so judgmental of him sometimes.
“Okay. We should get going, Mom.” While Mael and I spoke and gawked at each other, she took more pictures.
I chuckled and loved Mom’s determination to catch every moment.
Maybe in ten years we’d sit down and joke about the pictures and how silly it had been.
“Yes, you should. Don’t want to miss any important events.”
When Mael opened the door, I peeked back at Mom. I wanted her to tell me to stay home, that we’d watch some romantic movie together. She waved at me with a smile, and I mirrored her.