Saving the Halfback

21. Bailey

21

Bailey

“ H ere to pick up for McCormick farms,” I told the lady at the desk. Dad sent me on an errand Saturday afternoon, when only part of our feed shipment had arrived. He had called down to the feed store, but their delivery driver was still out, making the last of his run. They would be closed Sunday and Monday, so here I was, running in mere minutes before closing to pick up the rest of our order.

I stifled another yawn. I had to find a way to get some decent sleep. I doubt I could play football running on nerves.

I had spent most of the morning thinking about what Mom had said. Well, that and ignoring Ed, which was starting to get easier. I did feel guilty. I felt guilty, but not just about what I had done. I felt guilty about Chase and not being there for him, and I felt guilty about Lachlan. About not opening up to him when I felt like I should. I had enough guilt to go around. So, when Dad sent me on this mission to the feed store, I jumped on it. I needed to focus on something different, and sitting alone in a tractor, harvesting the field, was no place for a guilty mind.

Mary smiled at me. “Bailey, I don’t get to see you much anymore. I’m so sorry about the mix-up.”

“It’s okay.”

Mary pressed a few keys on her computer, then printed a yellow slip. “How have you been these days? How’s your dad?”

“Good.”

“You know, he’s been going around telling half the town his daughter is a football player.” I groaned and she laughed. “I think he’s invited everyone to your game this coming Friday.”

“Thanks for the warning,” I joked.

“Hey, you hold your head high. We’re proud of you for not letting those boys push you around. You know, I always wanted to be on the basketball team, but at the time, there was only a boys’ team, and no girls would play. If only I had the guts you have.”

“I wish I could take credit for it, but really, everything just happened. They needed players, and I volunteered.”

“Well, I think you’re amazing, either way.” She handed the slip to me. “Take this around back, and Rick will help load it up.”

“Thanks!”

Rick and I had the truck loaded in record time, so I decided to treat myself and pulled up to the Mennonite bakery in town, across the road from the local park. I backed in, so I was facing the park, and ran inside for a homemade fry pie and hot chocolate, hoping the extra sugar would help keep me going.

I was back, sitting in my truck and eating the sweet goodness, when the sound of a whistle had me looking up. It wasn’t uncommon for people to work out in the park. There was a large forest area with trails attached. Many groups did tai chi and yoga, as well as jogging and stretching.

It was, however, my first time seeing Nolan there with his father. As I had suspected, Nolan’s father was the guy from football practices that often paced.

There was a rope ladder on the ground, and Nolan was side-stepping along it while his father threw a football back and forth with him. Around his ankles were bands, attaching one ankle to the other, stopping his feet from spreading too far apart.

Once he got to the end, his father blew the whistle, and Nolan would drop down to a push-up, then pop back up. It was a fairly good exercise, except, even from here, I could see the sweat pouring from Nolan’s face. He pushed himself harder and harder every time. His dad was saying something, and he would respond with one or two words, but they were so far away, I couldn’t hear, even with my window down. No matter his response, he never slowed or stopped the exercise.

I finished my fry pie and kept on watching. His dad said something that had Nolan taking a lap around the park, and while he was running, his father switched up the exercise, taking the ladder away and laying down cones and two dumbbell weights at one end. Nolan stepped up to the obstacle, not hesitating as he went down, taking one weight in each hand. He went into the push-up position and began crawling with the weights. At the end, he popped up, spun around, and did it again. From here, I could see his arms shaking by the fourth pass.

Just as it seemed Nolan would collapse, his father tapped him with a foot. He jumped to his feet, unsteady, and did a jog around the park. This time, his dad packed up all the equipment and just left, not even waving or saying goodbye. Nolan continued jogging and tracking his father with his eyes. As soon as his father drove off, he collapsed to the ground.

I grabbed my water bottle and was out of the truck, worrying he was going to overheat or something. Nolan lay in the grass, both arms thrown over his forehead, sweat covering his body and breaths heaving.

“Hey,” I said, pathetically.

His arm fell away, and he pulled back to look at me, his face flush, eyes tired. “Bailey.” He was still trying to catch his breath as he pushed up to a sitting position, his coiled muscles twitching.

“Thought I would return the favor.” I offered him the bottle, and he smiled.

“Thanks…I forgot mine.” He began chugging the two litres.

“Go easy. After a workout like that, drinking so fast could cause you to vomit.” I knelt down next to him. See? I was paying attention in gym class during those athletic health videos.

Nolan slowed before taking the water bottle away and putting the cap on. “How long have you been watching?”

I shrugged. “A few minutes.”

“Our old house has a huge backyard, so I was able to train without distractions. My father hates the new place because there is no yard. So, we ended up here.” Nolan removed the cap and took another sip before putting it on and handing it back to me. “Thanks for the water.” He stood and started walking toward where I had come from.

“Where’re you going?”

“I have to keep going. I have a protein shake waiting for me, and a video reel of all my failures and what to improve on.”

I stopped, frowning. “Failures at what?”

Nolan turned around. “Practice.”

I looked around. “Did…he leave you here?”

Nolan gave a little chuckle. “No, I’m walking back.” My frown deepened. “It sounds bad, but it’s not. If I stop moving, my muscles will seize up. The condo isn’t far. It’s better to walk back and let everything cool down.”

My eyes swung to the truck. “Okay, I’ll walk with you.” I stepped up next to Nolan.

Nolan looked down the road, then back at me sheepishly. “Okay, I lied, it’s a bit of a walk.” He winced.

I smiled. “I know where it is. Condos don’t just appear in this town without someone complaining. Dad used to say he knew the farmer who owned that land.”

Nolan relaxed as we started walking.

“What I said before, about you being a health nut and all that. That’s your dad too…isn’t it?”

“He’s enthusiastic when it comes to exercise and proper diet,” Nolan said dryly. The longer we walked, the more drained I noticed Nolan had become.

“Sorry if I’m prying.”

“No…you’re not. I work out twice a day, as per his regiment.” Nolan changed his voice, sounding more like a drill sergeant. “ No sugar, it’s not sustainable energy. Focus on protein, you need to replenish your nutritional stores. If it didn’t come from or eat from this earth, it has no sustainable energy for you .” Nolan sighed, looking like he’d aged about ten years. “A few teachers at my old school called it abusive, hence the move, but it’s not. Like I said, he’s just enthusiastic. This is what he does for a living. He’s a personal trainer.”

“I thought you moved for football.”

“That’s what I tell most people.”

“And I take it you’re an only child, so he pours all of his enthusiasm into you.” I tried to joke about it, lighten the mood a little.

It didn’t cause the effect I wanted, though. Nolan just gave me a sad smile. “Actually, no. I have a brother. He was my identical twin. He died two years ago.”

I felt stupid. “Sorry.” I winced. To lose a sibling must be difficult enough, but an identical twin? It was hard to imagine two Nolans.

“It’s okay. I’m okay talking about him.” He chuckled. “I’m a great player because of my dad’s regiment. Seriously, you should have seen me before. Class-A book nerd who didn’t know how to throw a tennis ball, let alone a football. I was the genius introvert, and my brother was the football player. I wouldn’t be half the person I am now without my dad.”

I already knew about Nolan being a nerd from when he relaxed around me and Lachlan. “Was your brother’s name Nick?” I had a hunch.

“Yes. Nicholas.”

“How did he die?”

“He died from suicide.” He didn’t say he committed suicide. No, he said he died from suicide, and I got the feeling the distinction mattered to him. “Nick was Dad’s star player. He couldn’t memorize math equations, but he knew the plays inside and out. He made passes as if they were as natural as breathing. You think I’m a good player? You should’ve seen him. He had scouts watching him before he even made it to high school. He was going to be a big name in the NFL.” Nolan smiled—he really was proud of his brother—but I could see the pain in his eyes too. “My dad calls me Nick all the time, did even before his death. We were identical. It was always hard for him to tell us apart.” He played it off. “That’s how you guessed his name, right?”

“Yeah.” I gave him a small smile. “And your mom? Could she tell you two apart?”

Nolan laughed. “Always. We used to switch classes, so I could write exams for him, switch girlfriends, so it was more convenient. No one ever saw through it, except Mom. She would catch us every time. I thought I was getting good at pretending to be Nick, but nope, Mom was never fooled.”

Pretending to be Nick . It wasn’t often the true Nolan came out. I wondered if he was still pretending. “I don’t think I’ve seen your mom yet.”

“She moved out not long after Nick died.”

We stopped in front of the condo complex, and I turned to Nolan. “I’m sorry,” I found myself saying.

Nolan gave a small smile. “For?”

“Your brother dying. Your mom leaving.”

Nolan reached out, catching a piece of my hair that was blowing in the wind. He wound it around his finger, toying with the strand. “Is it a habit? Feeling sorry for things you have no control over?”

I opened my mouth to deny him, then quickly closed it, because yeah, maybe it was a habit. I wasn’t so much sorry I couldn’t change the situation; I was sorry that it happened. Sorry he was going through this. Nolan was the epitome of happiness. He oozed it at school. He poured positivity. But that wasn’t Nolan. That was who Nolan was hiding behind.

He unwound my hair from his finger and brushed it behind my ear. “Let me give you a ride back to your truck. Come on, we can take the motorcycle.”

I would’ve been fine to walk back myself, but, well, motorcycle! I tried to hide my giddiness as I followed him back to his condo. I must’ve failed miserably, because Nolan laughed as he used the code to open the garage door.

His sleek black motorcycle sat next to a small red car. Workout equipment filled every other square foot of the garage.

Nolan grabbed a key off a hook and two helmets off the back bench, handing one to me. I slipped it on, buckling up, then waited as he pulled the bike out and turned it around. He got on, holding it steady with his thighs while he put his helmet on. My heart was racing with excitement. Nolan reached up, his fingers grazing under my chin while he checked the straps. “Hop on.” He smiled.

I swung my leg over and sat on the seat behind him. There was a small lumbar support I leaned against.

“There are handles by your seat, these bars here.” He reached back and tapped. “You can hold on to those, or you can hold on to me. When I turn, just move with me. You don’t need to throw yourself into the turn, but don’t fight it. You can put your feet on here, but watch your leg on this.” He tapped a pipe near the footrest. “It gets hot.”

“All right.” I bit my lip as nerves mixed with excitement.

Nolan looked back at me, then reached over his shoulder. He took hold of my chin, pushing my bottom lip free with his thumb, running the pad over my lip gently, as if to soothe it. “You’re safe with me,” he whispered.

He turned back around, like it was nothing, but my heart had forgotten to beat. Butterflies took flight in my chest, and I had to take a few calming breaths. I instinctively grabbed on to the handles on my seat, bracing myself as he flipped a couple switches and the engine rumbled to life. He gave me a thumbs up, and I nodded, then remembered he couldn’t see me. “Ready,” I shouted, not sure if he heard my shaky voice over the engine.

The moment the motorcycle moved forward, my hands shot out, grabbing Nolan’s waist to balance myself, and I could feel him laughing. Intrusive thoughts wanted me to pinch him for it, just playfully, but I didn’t want to distract him from the road.

Riding on the motorcycle was breathtaking. The roar of the engine, the wind and sunlight in my face, all the while wrapping my arms around Nolan’s waist.

It wasn’t long before he was pulling up in front of my truck, but when I didn’t make a move to get off, he placed his hands on mine, which were splayed across his stomach. Nolan chuckled. “Want to go for a little spin?”

“Yes!” I nearly shouted.

Nolan gave a full laugh, and we were off again. He took us through town, and the more comfortable I got, the more I loosened my hold on him, my hands now resting on his thighs. I could feel myself moving with the bike, with him, leaning left and right when making those large turns. Soon, though, we were on the open road with the town passing behind us. My heart was beating rapidly at the speed we were going. All I could think was, if we toppled over right now, the road rash was really going to suck.

I leaned forward and pointed toward a long driveway. “That’s where I live,” I yelled.

He nodded his head. Nolan drove us around a concession before bringing us back into town. As we slowed down, I noticed my hands had moved back to his stomach, and I was now leaning into his back, my chest nearly pressed flush against him. He pulled up to my truck this time and placed his motorcycle in park, turning it off and putting the kickstand down.

I slid down and took my helmet off, handing it to him. “That was a lot of fun.”

“Glad you liked it.” He pulled his helmet off. His hair was all a mess, and I couldn’t help myself as I reached up and messed with it more. It suited him better than the clean style he normally wore.

I mulled something over for a minute before asking, “Is this a Nick thing or a Nolan thing?”

Nolan smirked. “Would you be surprised if I told you this was a Nolan thing?”

“Yes, actually. Seems something an extrovert would be into, not a geeky introvert,” I teased.

“I went through a phase learning about small engines. My uncle got me this for my sixteenth birthday.” Nolan looked down for a moment before meeting my stare again. “I have to get back. My dad will be looking for me.”

I nodded. “Thanks for the ride. You’ll have to take me to school on it sometime.”

“Deal.” I turned to leave, but Nolan stopped me, his hand resting on my hip. “Hey.” He cleared his throat. “Sorry if this sounds awkward, because this is geeky, introverted Nolan talking, but any chance you would like to go out sometime? On a date…or…” My face fell because, of course, my mind went straight to Ed, but Nolan got the wrong idea. “Or it can be completely platonic.” He dropped his hand from my hip. “We can invite Lachlan too.”

“It’s not—” I frowned. “I don’t think I can date.”

“Ah, is it your parents, a rule or something?”

“Yes.” Because that was the easiest explanation I could give him. Even so, my heart crushed a little at the weight of yet another lie.

“All right, no date, but let’s hang out. Completely nerdy geeky Nolan stuff, nothing cool and exciting.”

“Trust me, my life doesn’t need anything exciting right now.”

“I’ll text you later.”

I was lying in bed under the covers, hiding from the noises of the night, when a text came through. I grabbed my phone, needing the distraction, even if it was my dad telling me what we would be working on tomorrow.

Chiseled God: Think your parents will be cool with us hanging out on your property late?

I rolled my eyes at the name Lachlan had given Nolan and quickly edited the name, so no one would think that’s what I called him.

Bailey: They won’t mind.

Nolan: Your place, ten tomorrow night?

Bailey: Platonic hangout, not a date at ten at night? I wiped the tears that were now drying on my face and stared at my phone, holding on to it like a lifeline.

Nolan: Stargazing, tell them we will be stargazing. For a science project. A very nerdy platonic science project.

Bailey: Okay.

I floundered around, trying to think of something else to say, anything to say, because before Nolan texted me, before the noises sang in the night, I was reliving every one of the rules— his rules—I had broken today. The crazy part was, I hadn’t even realized Ed had rules. He never told them to me; they just always were. Expected. There was no beginning, there was no start to his madness. He was so kind and caring, and then how… How had it transformed to what he had become?

Nolan: Night.

The ping brought me back to the present.

Bailey: Night.

My head told me how I should leave Nolan alone. How much he likely didn’t want to keep talking, but my heart…

Bailey: What are you doing right now?

Nolan: Lying in bed. You?

I smiled and snuggled into my comforter.

Bailey: Same.

The phone began vibrating in my hand as Nolan called me. I had a mini freak-out, my heart pounding in my chest as I shot up in bed before I answered it. “Hi?” I whispered in the dark, though I wasn’t sure why. My door was closed, and my parents’ room was on the other side of the house. Even if they heard me talking on the phone, I knew they wouldn’t care.

“Hey,” Nolan whispered, his voice raspy with sleep. “This is easier than texting. My fingers are getting tired.”

I chuckled. “I bet.” I settled back into my pillow. “How long were you at the park before I came by?”

“Depends, how long were you watching?”

“Not long, I don’t think.” Maybe a few minutes, maybe more. I was too busy watching him and not looking at the time. “So, this platonic science project…should we invite Lachlan? I know he likes astronomy.”

“He does, and we could. I will if you want him to be there. I was kind of hoping to hang out with you myself for a bit, though. We don’t have a lot of time together.”

I sank down into my bed, turning on my side and getting comfortable while I talked. “We have almost every class together,” I pointed out. “And we have practice almost every morning together.”

Nolan sighed. “Alone time…platonic alone time. You and Lachlan get your ride to and from school. Even at lunch, I have to battle the football team for your attention.”

“The entire team?” I raised an eyebrow, though he couldn’t see me.

“Practically. Sam and Hersey, usually, but—”

“Wait…who’s Hersey?”

“Uh, he’s our safety…I think his actual name is Alex.”

“Oh, Alex… He doesn’t go by Alex? Oops, I’ve been calling him that this whole time.”

Nolan chuckled, his voice low and muffled, like he was trying to mask it. “I doubt he minds. Call him Hersey on Monday. If he doesn’t notice, then he doesn’t care. If he frowns, then he likes it when you call him his actual name.”

“And what will that prove?”

“That I have more than Lachlan to worry about,” he murmured sleepily.

I pressed my lips together. “I can’t date.”

“I know, your parents. I’m honorable.”

I slowly shook my head. I should tell him the truth, but even trying to voice it in my head sounded crazy. I didn’t want Nolan to see me as crazy; he was a good friend. “Have you had a girlfriend?”

“Nope.”

“Seriously?” I found it really hard to believe.

“Promise. I’ll never lie to you.” I suppressed a groan, more guilt settling in. “Before my brother died, I was so wrapped up in my studies and testing that I never had time for any girls. I wasn’t interested. After he died, I was so busy with football and filling his shoes that I, again, never had any interest in anyone. It wasn’t until I practically got my nose broken by a cute little number that I paid attention to the opposite sex.”

I snorted.

“Ha, I heard that. Cute.”

“I didn’t break your nose. And stop calling me cute . I’m a lean, mean football player now.”

“Adorable.”

After a pause, in which I heard Nolan stifle a yawn, I said, “I like this side of you.”

“The one that compliments you. If it doesn’t bother you, I will do it all day long.” His voice was light and joking.

“No, it doesn’t bother me, but that’s not what I meant. I meant, you. Nolan. The somewhat awkward sweet guy, instead of the hot-shot quarterback.”

“Ah… You prefer Nolan, not Nick.”

“Well, yeah. I like you. I never met your brother.”

“I do a pretty good impression of him.”

“I’m coming to understand that. And tomorrow, when we go stargazing, who will I get? Nolan or Nick?”

There was another pause, and in his silence, I mentally cursed myself. I was talking about his dead brother so carelessly. Had I gone too far?

“Nolan. You’ll get Nolan, if you don’t mind the awkwardness.”

I smiled into the dark. “I don’t mind.”

“Good, because Nick can be a little forward, and he definitely wouldn’t have cared about your parents’ rules. He would’ve likely taken you behind a tree and—”

“Nolan!” I cut him off.

“What? It’s the truth. He, uh, got around. He was a good guy, though.” Nolan cleared his throat. “We should probably get some sleep, it’s nearly midnight.”

“Okay.” My eyes darted around my room for a bit, scanning for someone. “Nolan?”

“Yeah.” He yawned one more time.

“Strictly platonic and all, could you…stay on the phone for a bit longer? I just, well, I can’t, I mean—”

“You don’t have to explain yourself. I’ll stay on. But don’t go complaining that I snore in my sleep, because that will be difficult to explain to Lachlan.”

I laughed. “I won’t. He’s a good friend, Lachlan.”

“He is. I don’t mean anything against him. He’s probably the truest friend I’ve ever had.”

“Yeah…same.” At least, one of the truest friends I’d ever had.