22. Bailey
22
Bailey
Sunday
“ I nteresting, isn’t it, Shelly, all that I can see when sitting here on this porch.” My dad took a sip of his tea as he sat in his chair. Mom sat next to him, smiling and shaking her head slowly while she read her book.
I grumbled. “He’s a friend, Dad.”
“Yes. I know that. Does he know that?”
“Oh, John, would you leave your daughter alone?” Mom said, without looking up from her book.
“I send her to town for a load of feed, and she comes back and tells me a boy is spending the night,” Dad defended himself. “That’s the last time I send you to the store. You’ve been grinning all day.”
I nearly rolled my eyes. He hadn’t seen me all day. I’d been on the combine, working.
Last night, Nolan and I talked about mundane things until our voices became so quiet and rough with sleep that we both fell asleep. I wasn’t sure how long he stayed on the line, but my phone was dead this morning. After I charged it, I checked to see a text from Nolan saying he would see me tonight at ten.
“Locked up, she will be,” Dad whispered loud enough for me to hear.
Mom’s smile grew as she flipped the page.
I saw the headlights of the car coming down the road far before it hit our drive. I bundled up like Nolan had said, wearing my coveralls over my sweats and hoodie. This was a platonic hangout with a friend, not a date. Plus, I could already feel the temperature outside dropping.
Dad stood up on the porch as Nolan’s car pulled up next to my truck. Nolan got out and was taking large bins out of the back. I went to go meet him, but Dad stopped me. “Let him come here.”
I shook my head in disbelief. “This isn’t the nineties! Please don’t threaten him with a stupid gun.” Dad grinned, and I tried to hide behind my hand.
Nolan walked up to the house, his blue eyes on me and a grin on his face. Then he nodded. “Mr. McCormick.” He held his hand out to my dad.
Dad took his hand and said, “Call me John.” I wanted to groan with embarrassment, but my mom stood up.
“I’m Bailey’s mom, Shelly,” Mom said, and Nolan shook her outstretched hand.
“I’m Nolan.” Thank god Nolan didn’t even hesitate shaking both their hands.
“What do you have planned for tonight, Nolan?”
“Well, sir, this time of year is perfect for stargazing. I have some of my equipment. We should be able to see Jupiter, but even cooler, there’s a meteor shower tonight. It’s just a science project I’ve been working on.”
“Meteor shower?” Mom raised an eyebrow, intrigued.
“Yep. Showers happen often, but usually during the day, when we can’t see, or people just don’t take the time. This one has been going since nine tonight, but between eleven and three a.m. is peak.” This…this was Nolan. I couldn’t help but allow my heart to melt a bit.
Dad relaxed slightly, likely not seeing Nolan as a threat anymore. Nolan hadn’t styled his hair in any particular way; it was left messy. He wore a hoodie and sweatpants, nothing indicating that he had dressed up to try and impress me, and to be honest, that impressed me.
“You are welcome to join us if you would like to see as well,” Nolan offered.
Mom put a hand on Dad’s shoulder, stopping him. “Oh, don’t go worrying about us. Past his bedtime.”
Dad laughed. “I think I’ll be up for a while, have some paperwork to do. Good to meet you, Nolan.” Nolan waved as Dad went inside and Mom followed with a goodbye.
I jumped down off the porch and helped pick up some of the cases Nolan had with a grin.
“What?” he asked.
“I think you shocked my dad by inviting them out with us.”
Nolan looked past me to the house before blinking back down at me. “I didn’t want to get you into shit about the no-dating rule.” The air left my lungs. I had to fix this. “We need to find a place with high ground.”
I led Nolan toward what I’d dubbed as The Hill when I was younger because it sucked walking up it. So, The Hill was more of an ominous name for me. I showed Nolan the highest spot in the field, and after looking around, he pointed to the pasture on the other side of the fence.
“What about there?”
“Unless you want cows and a particularly mean bull chasing us, I wouldn’t recommend it.”
“Yep, this spot seems good.” Nolan chuckled as he got to work, spreading out a blanket, a thermos, and some snacks. I eyed him suspiciously, and he only grinned back at me before pulling out another blanket and laying it next to the first.
It was when he got the telescope out and set it up that I got to see the real Nolan again. He focused on the sky, looking around at the thousands of stars, then positioned his telescope a little more, using a compass and an app on his phone. He looked through the eyepiece, adjusting the scope. “I give you the giant among giants, Jupiter.”
I stepped up to the scope and looked through. “Wow.” I was surprised by the amount of detail. “I can see the color! That’s so crazy.”
“See the brownish-red circle on it? Like a spot?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s called the Great Red Spot.” I looked up at Nolan, raising an eyebrow. He laughed. “I swear, that’s what they named it. The Great Red Spot. It’s a vortex that’s been swirling for centuries.”
I guess I had named this hill The Hill , so who was I to judge? I looked back into the scope. “So cool.” After a while, Nolan moved the scope to show me Mars, and again, I was amazed. It wasn’t until he showed Neptune that I was absolutely blown away. Neptune was more of a small blue dot in the sky, but still…it was there. It existed.
“Fun fact, Neptune was the first planet to be discovered through mathematical calculations,” Nolan said. “It’s named after the god of seas.”
“I thought the god of seas was Poseidon.”
“Well, yes.” He walked over to the blankets as he spoke, and I followed, both of us lying down and looking up at the sky. “Poseidon is from Greek mythology, while Neptune is from Roman mythology and thought to be the god of fresh water. But since he’s the Roman equivalent to the god of seas, people identify them as the same.”
And then the story came. He went into detail about how the planets got Roman names of the gods. How the early astronomers were Roman, that they wrote in Latin, and Latin was the language of the Roman Empire.
I smiled, my eyes roaming over Nolan’s relaxed features as he looked up at the sky, talking away. We were talking about history, my worst subject, but it was so much more. He was opening up to me, showing me his passion, and I felt it. This little string tugging in my heart and, suddenly, history was the most interesting subject.
Eventually, his eyes drifted down to me. “What?”
“I thought you were just joking, saying you were geeky,” I teased.
A blush spread across his cheeks, visible even in the dark, our lantern the only light illuminating us. “Is it too much?” For the first time tonight, Nolan seemed nervous. The confident bravado he normally wore was gone, and he appeared somewhat timid.
“Definitely not. I never took the time to look up and think about the stars.” A streak flew across the sky—it happened so quick. “A shooting star!”
“Almost. That was a meteor. Keep an eye out, and more should come. It’s supposed to be a fairly busy sky tonight.”
“So, my wish won't come true?” I asked with a pout.
He chuckled, rolling over onto his side and using his arm to prop himself up. “Well, technically, shooting stars are meteors, so wish away.”
I smiled, then closed my eyes, concentrating.
“What are you wishing for?” Nolan’s voice came out low, his breath giving away how close to me he had moved. Still, I felt…safe. I was beginning to trust him.
“Unlimited supply of chocolate chip brownies.”
He laughed, and I opened my eyes, watching him flop back down. “You would.”
I rolled over, propping myself up this time and looking down at him. His blue eyes were dark in the dim lantern light. “I wished for more…more time like this. Feeling normal. Feeling eighteen and not eighty.”
He gave a sad smile, moving so his arms were behind his head as he peered up at the sky.
“What did you wish for?” I asked.
He was quiet, his eyes roaming the skies, and I could see the deep thoughts being processed on his face. “Yesterday, you asked me if the motorcycle was a Nolan thing…or a Nick thing.”
My chest got heavy. “I didn’t mean—”
“No, it’s okay. It didn’t bother me.” He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them, he turned his head to me. “I haven’t been Nolan for a while. Everyone loved Nick so much, and when he died, they were devastated. Losing him tore our family apart. After my mom left, I went and got my hair cut just like Nick’s. I waited for people to call me out on it, but they didn’t. It was just like when Nick and I would swap places for the day; no one blinked an eye. I went to my father and told him I wanted to play football. I think it was the first time I’d seen him smile in weeks.”
Nolan looked back up to the sky. “He smiled with every gain I made. Every catch, every throw. As I got stronger, he praised me. I fed off his praise. I devoured it, and the more he gave, the more I pushed myself. I would do anything for my father. Until…the praise came less and less, the critiques more and more, and I’m trying to keep up. To be the one to make him happy and to give him what he wants. I just can’t seem to get there anymore.”
I put my hand on Nolan’s arm. He took his arm from behind his head and slipped it down, threading his fingers through mine. “Because you’re not Nick. No matter how hard you try to pretend otherwise.”
Nolan nodded, keeping my hand tucked in his as he rolled onto his side. “Everyone was okay with me being Nick. For some, it’s all they’ve known. Except you. You asked about Nolan. So, I wished for more time like this. Maybe I can find Nolan again.”
“Can you just stop pretending? Quit the team. Eat a cheeseburger. Tell your dad you’re switching classes and going back to those AP courses. Lachlan would like that. Not many of the football players are in his classes.”
Nolan chuckled. “If only it were as easy as wishing on a meteorite.”
“Star,” I corrected. He smirked.
“What’s one more year, and if football gets me into my university of choice, what would it matter, anyway? I’ve put a lot of work into it.”
“It matters if you’re happy or not. Life’s not just about progress.”
“Well…there’s another side to pretending to be Nick. My dad doesn’t cry as much anymore. At school, Nick’s friends accepted me into their group and didn’t seem as somber. And I… I’m his twin. I’m his DNA. I’m everything he is made up of. So, as long as I am him, maybe for me, it feels like he didn’t leave, after all.”
Everyone mourned the loss of Nick, and when Nolan became Nick, they rejoiced in having him back. But no one mourned the loss of Nolan. I think… I think Nolan might be mourning the loss of both.
I looked back up at the sky. “I don’t see shooting stars anymore. Is it over?”
I said nothing about the fact that Nolan never let go of my hand as he looked back up at the sky. I didn’t remove my hand, either; his grasp was warm and welcoming. “Not over, it can go on for hours. When they reach Earth’s atmosphere, it’s like hitting a wall, and they catch fire and burn up.”
“So, what we’re seeing is like their final journey before they burn up? Do they turn to ash?” One last chance to be who they are before they burn alive.
“Sometimes. Some of them survive. They land on Earth and become meteorites. Priceless, really,” he said. “There’s one.” He pointed, but my eyes were on him. He glanced over and chuckled lightly when he caught me staring. “What?”
“I like you.” I squeezed his hand. “I like Nolan, just the way you are now. How your eyes light up at the falling stars. How much knowledge you have about the constellations and planets. I’m kinda glad I ran into you on the first day of school.”
It was dark enough now that I couldn’t see the color of his cheeks, but the way he fought the smile threatening to spread on his lips had me thinking he was blushing. “Yeah, I’m glad you ran into me too. I could’ve done without the broken nose, though.”
“Ugh, oh my god.” I let go of his hand and shoved his shoulder playfully. He laughed. “I totally didn’t break it. It’s as perfect as ever, chiseled god,” I teased. “There was barely any blood.”
“Well, the evidence left on my shirt begs to differ. It was a massacre.”
I rolled my eyes. “Overreacting much?”
“Me? Never.” He settled back on his blanket, arms back up and under his head. “What do you mean by chiseled god?”
I laughed. “Lachlan put that as your contact in my phone.”
Nolan burst out laughing.
We lay on the blankets a while longer, watching a few more falling stars burn as they hit Earth's atmosphere. Nolan poured some hot chocolate for us before resetting his telescope. The stories behind the constellations were my favorite part. Nolan got so passionate when talking about Greek mythology that it was hard not to pay attention.
When it had been some time since we last saw a meteor pass, we decided it was time to pack everything up. My arms were full with the cases, so when I yawned, I tried to hide it in my shoulder.
Nolan chuckled. “Yeah, maybe doing this on a school night wasn’t the smartest.”
“With how strict your dad is, I’m surprised he let you come out,” I said, sliding the cases into the car when he opened the back.
Nolan shrugged. “He’s not too bad once you get to know him. He does care a lot. He’s happy when I put in extra work, so I usually do that first before I ask him for things.”
I paused, leaning against the trunk of his car. “What extra did you do for tonight?”
Nolan smirked. “Thirty-kilometer run. That's not that bad, but it’s going to suck tomorrow because of the morning workout and then football practice.” He reached out, almost without even thinking, and took my hand in his. “It was worth it, though.”
I looked back over my shoulder at the house. The lights were on, and I could see Mom and Dad in the kitchen window.
“Will they care? That you were out so late? I know they have rules about dating…are they as strict about other things too?”
My gaze swayed back over to Nolan. “No.” I had to tell him. I had to let him know. “Actually, I lied. There’s no rule against dating. I don’t even think my parents would know how to make up rules, never mind enforce them.”
Nolan appeared hurt by this but was quick to recover, clearing his throat. He still held my hand in his, but with the other hand, he reached up, rubbing the back of his neck. “Ah. That’s okay.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to date.” I don’t even think I would know how. “It’s just… I have an ex, and things are complicated. I don’t think I can date right now.” Ed was getting better, would he fully recover? Would he come back for me? Or would he press charges? All of these things were weighing on my mind.
“Bailey, you don’t owe me an explanation. This”—he held up our hands—“is platonic friendship. I’m completely fine with it. If this is all you’re able to give, I’m happy with that.”
His words filled me with gratitude, a smile lifting me, but then I could feel my brows knit together. What confused me the most was that I knew what I was supposed to do, but I wasn’t sure how to do it without giving him the wrong impression. I really cared about Nolan. I wanted to have more evenings like this…so, I had to thank him properly, right?
Taking a deep breath, as if I were trying to gather as much courage as I could muster, I moved toward him in a mechanical way. The movements were automatic, as I had been taught.
Nolan’s hand squeezed mine, and my heart began to race, unsure if this was right or not. And then, he dropped my hand and stopped my forward momentum by cupping both sides of my cheeks with his palms.
“You okay, Bailey?” I found it hard to breathe. Was I okay? Was I doing this wrong? I hadn’t realized I had bit my lip until Nolan pressed his thumb to my chin, freeing my lip and running the pad of his thumb over it, as if smoothing out the harm I had caused it. “You owe me nothing,” he whispered. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, just to make me happy. I don’t want you to.”
Wait…what? I looked into his blue eyes, completely lost. Was this not how people showed their gratitude to people they cared about? I could feel something inside of me, something that had been twisting for some time, snap. The snap caused a release, and this tightness and pressure within my chest completely disappeared.
Nolan dropped his hands and pulled me into his chest. This time, my body didn’t move mechanically. This time, my body did what felt right, and I wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face into his chest.
Nolan chuckled, a deep, throaty sound that I felt in his chest. “That’s better,” he cooed. “Come on. I’ll walk you home.”