26. Bailey
26
Bailey
S hit… was he looking at me again? Or was he looking at me still? Had he always been looking at me? Was still, again? Damn it, I should’ve listened to Lachlan when he said slow and low. I’d been having a good time chatting with him, after the heart-to-heart stuff, though I’d forgotten most of the random stuff we had talked about. We came up with a few new plays for the team and decided I would be fine to return to class, so we slipped into the cafeteria during lunch because Lachlan needed food and I needed to run the plays by Nolan.
I peeled my eyes off my plate, avoiding Ethan’s piercing gaze. He hadn’t removed his eyes from me, as if he were trying to figure something out. I turned to Nolan and pointed my fork at him, but the second I opened my mouth to tell him the new game plan we came up with, Ethan smacked the table.
“Are you fucking serious, Lachlan?” he growled.
Lachlan laughed, and it was at that moment I realized why he was usually so carefree in art and during lunch. Ethan had a murderous look, and it really didn’t bother me. Lachlan held up his hands. “Her body, her rules, her choice.” I would never understand how he so easily put coherent thoughts and sentences together when he was high. Most of mine felt jumbled, and I’d smoked less than half of what he did. Lachlan was like a philosopher on weed.
I turned my attention back to Nolan. “Touchdown.” It was the ending to what I had meant to say and the only word to come out. Nolan burst out laughing so hard, tears were coming from his eyes, which had me laughing until I was coughing.
“This is why you don’t do drugs,” Ethan mumbled as he pushed a bottle of water toward me.
“I’m sorry, Bails. You just looked so serious. What were you trying to say?” Nolan asked in between fits.
“Ugh.” I gave up and went back to my crispy chicken nuggets. Lachlan slid over his breadsticks, and another lightbulb went off as to why they always held breadsticks in the back for him. The guy had everything planned. I narrowed my eyes at him. “Sauce or no deal.”
With a grin, Lachlan slid over the marinara sauce.
Ethan leaned forward, whispering, “You realize, if you get caught, you’ll be kicked off the team.”
I sighed, yeah…that had crossed my mind. I just wanted to see if it would help. Ed had been in the locker room after practice, and even though he wasn’t yelling or talking to me, I felt his eyes on me, and it was enough to cause me to throw up. I just wanted to see if it would make me think more clearly, see my past as it happened and not through muddled memories. It didn’t… I wished it had. If anything, it had caused me to mourn some part inside I didn’t think I was ready to feel.
“Hit her with the real-world shit when she comes down,” Lachlan snapped, his eyes suddenly piercing Ethan.
“Hey, don’t do that. Don’t fight,” I said softly.
Lachlan’s icicle eyes softened as they swung back to me.
Ethan stood up. “Both of you are putting the whole team in jeopardy. You’re better than this, B.” He stalked out of the cafeteria, taking his food with him.
Damn it, he had to hit me with the nickname. “I should probably see if he’s okay.”
“He’s fine,” Lachlan assured me.
I could feel myself sobering up as Lachlan told our big play idea to Nolan. I didn’t hear any of it, though. Guilt filled me, causing my heart to skip beats and my stomach to flop. The look in Ethan’s eyes was sheer disappointment, and I so badly felt the need to talk to him. To ensure he was okay, that he wasn’t mad at me. Even though Ethan was sitting with us and talking to me more, even using my nickname…we still weren’t close. Not like we had been before. So, what right did I have to check on him? Who was I to think he would even want me to?
“Hey.” Lachlan took my hand and flipped it over on his lap, tracing circles in my palm. “You okay?”
I took a deep breath in and out. “Yeah, just feeling back to normal, kind of sucks.”
He lifted my hand and kissed the palm briefly. My eyes flickered over to Nolan, who was watching us, watching me, but he didn’t look jealous or upset. He had a smirk on his face. Lachlan leaned close, whispering in my ear. “You’re just coming down. Weed doesn’t cause the lows other drugs might, but if you feel lower than usual, let me know, okay? Everyone reacts differently.”
I nodded.
“I’m keeping an eye on you in gym.” He winked.
Nolan took my other hand, placing it palm up on his lap and starting the same circles Lachlan was doing. “I’ve got her in history.”
Now, my heart was skipping beats for entirely different reasons. My breathing hitched, and I squeezed my legs together. I knew what I was feeling. I knew what was going on; I just wasn’t sure if I was allowed to feel this…without being punished for it.
As they traced lines along my palms, I felt the tingles spreading from my hand and up my arms. My nipples became tight. The bell rang, and I jumped, pulling my hands back. “Welp, time for gym class.”
If by “watching” me, Lachlan meant he would be distracting me, he succeeded. We were out on the track today, running and timing ourselves to compare to our run we’d done the previous week. I wasn’t sure how Lachlan did this high, because I knew he smoked a lot more than I did. He was practically running backward most of the time, telling me to keep up.
I was waiting for him to trip any moment with the amount of dancing he put into his running, but Nolan told me to give up. Apparently, Lachlan held back during most of our practices; he said the guy would dance circles around us and have perfect footwork while doing so.
That’s when another realization came to me. Coach was so baffled by how fast of a runner I was with zero training, but I did have training, didn’t I? Not able to bring myself to horseback ride anymore, I had often found myself going for runs. Anytime I felt the need to talk to my parents about what was going on, I ran. I channeled all that energy into it, and when I would return, completely emotionally and physically spent, I didn’t have the energy to talk to them any longer. Since Ed had left, I no longer ran.
At first, the rain started as sprinkles. Coach told us to ignore it and continue our timed runs. But it didn’t take long for the sky to darken and turn into a full-on monsoon, and the thunder started not long after. Coach instructed us to head back into the gym.
Nolan looked toward the parking lot as we all ran for cover. “Shit.”
I looked in the direction and saw his bike sitting next to my truck. “I can give you a ride home,” I told him once we reached the cover of the building.
“I can’t leave my motorcycle here,” Nolan said. “Especially on the week of our first game. Rival schools love to vandalize.”
“I can put it in the back of my truck.” I shrugged. It would definitely fit.
“It’s heavy.”
I smiled. “And? You realize it’s a farm truck, right? It can easily handle a motorcycle.” I’d loaded up feed heavier than his bike.
“Yeah, but you can’t exactly lift it in.”
“Lucky for you, I have the ramps in the back.” I winked at him and walked away, following Coach’s instructions to get ready for our next class. There wasn’t much left of third period.
Lachlan walked us to history class with his fingers threaded through mine and the promise that he was still on watching-me duty. I rolled my eyes at him but allowed the comfort he brought to me. I told him Nolan would be riding home with us, and he agreed that no way would we let him ride home in this weather.
“The rain is letting up,” Nolan said. We were working on a report, and he was, as usual, daydreaming and looking out the window. History bored him, yet he always did so well.
“No.” I kept my eyes on my paper, still writing my key points for the report. I would type up the final copy later.
“It’ll be fine.”
“The roads are slick, and what if it starts raining again while you’re riding?” From the corner of my eye, I could see Nolan open his mouth with another argument, but I cut him off. “I’ll worry about you,” I said honestly. “For me, just do this for me.”
He shut his mouth, and the corner of his lips tipped ever so slightly in a soft smile. He moved back to his paper. “Okay.”
“What’s going on?” Ethan asked from beside me.
I almost jumped. He had been silent all class, effectively ignoring me now that he deemed me a bad influence. “Nothing. Just giving Nolan a ride back to town.”
Ethan frowned but returned to his work.
After school, we waited until most of the parking lot was empty. “How do we do this?” Nolan asked.
“You bring your bike over to the top of the wheelchair slope, and I’ll meet you there.” I was glad the rain had let up; it would suck to have a slippery ramp. Nolan and Lachlan walked together to the slope while I brought the truck around and backed up. The moment I felt the edge of the slope, I rocked forward slightly and put the truck in park. I didn’t say anything as I got to work putting down the tailgate and getting the support bars in place. It was just by chance I’d had the ATV in the back of the truck yesterday, so I had everything in here still. Yay for procrastinating and not putting shit away. Take that, Dad.
I put the ramp down and grabbed a strap to tie it to the hitch of the truck, so it wouldn’t slide around while we loaded up the bike. When I turned around, Lachlan and Nolan were standing there, grinning at me. “What?” I asked.
“That was hot as hell,” Lachlan said.
“Yeah, I had no idea watching a chick do all that was such a turn on,” Nolan said.
“You should see her ride a horse, lasso a cow, and flip it over,” Ethan said. I hadn’t seen him standing off to the side, leaning against the rail of the school stairs.
“What? Really?” Nolan asked.
I rolled my eyes. “It was a calf, not a full-size cow, and I was like ten.” I turned back to Nolan. “You’re going to have to load it up because I’m not tall enough.”
“So, just ride it right on?”
“No! You’ll break my window or something. Walk it up. With the slope from the wheelchair ramp, it shouldn’t be too hard, but you might need to give a little gas at the top. Once the bike is at the top, just step up on the tailgate and keep walking the bike forward.”
Nolan smiled. “Motorcycle.”
“Shooting star,” I snarked.
“I’ll spot you,” Ethan said. He pushed off the railing and walked over to the other side of the ramp.
Nolan nodded to him. He started the engine and walked it up to the ramp. He gave a bit of gas to get on the ramp, but otherwise, he was able to walk it up smoothly. Ethan helped by steadying the bike on the other side while Nolan stepped up onto the tailgate. Once the bike was in, I handed the tie straps to Nolan. I had no idea where I could secure them on the motorcycle , but he seemed to know.
“Watch your clutch cable there.” Ethan pointed to a spot on the bike.
Nolan nodded. “Thanks.”
Once everything was secured and put away, I pushed up the tailgate and dusted off my hands.
“Got your keys?” Ethan asked.
“Yep.” I pulled my keys from my pocket and held them up. He snatched them right away.
“Thanks, I’m driving.”
“Hey! What… You can’t—”
“No,” Ethan snapped. He lowered his voice as he got in my face. “You think I’m stupid enough to let you drive under the influence with a Harley in the back and two friends in the cab?”
“I wasn’t… But I feel—”
“Fine?” He shook his head. “They all say that. Have some brains, B. Get in the truck.” His words were a command; he wasn’t budging on this.
Lachlan and Nolan got into the back, and I braved the passenger seat. I was pissed off at what Ethan was insinuating, though. If I didn’t feel a hundred percent, I never would’ve offered to drive anyone. I wasn’t sure exactly what I would’ve done, but I never would’ve put other lives at risk. Shame filled me.
“Why do I feel like we just got scolded by Daddy?” Nolan whispered. I suppressed a laugh, nearly choking. Ethan slowly shook his head, but I could see he was holding back a smile.
As we left the parking lot, I spotted Chase’s car. Though he sat inside with Hadley, he was focused entirely on us. I gave him a little wave as we passed.
“Where’s your car?” Lachlan asked Ethan.
“I didn’t drive today.”
“Oh?”
“Got an Uber.”
“Eth!” Now it was my turn to scold. “Why not just call me for a ride? I could’ve stopped by your place and picked you up. Do you have my number?”
Ethan shuddered. “No, I don’t need a ride from you.” His voice was flat.
Oh. That probably shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. I scooched down a bit farther in my seat.
“That was a bit harsh,” Nolan said.
“No, it’s fine. He’s right, we aren’t those kinds of friends anymore.” I glared at Ethan, but he neither confirmed nor denied my accusation. There was a tick in his jaw, and that was the only response I would get. I turned music on for the rest of the drive. I could hear Lachlan and Nolan talking, but it was all hushed tones, so I couldn’t make out exactly what was being said. Gossiping hens.
I directed Ethan to Nolan’s place, then I busied myself getting the ramp ready for him. Nolan walked his bike off; it was much easier than loading it on. Once his bike was parked, he helped me put the ramp and everything back into the truck bed and then closed the gate.
“Need a ride tomorrow?” I asked while Lachlan and Ethan got back into the truck.
“Please.” Nolan smiled at me. Then he reached out, pulling my lip free and easing his thumb across it in a gesture I was starting to understand was his way of chasing my worry away. “Don’t let Ethan’s grumpiness get to you.”
“Oh, that? I’m used to that.” I smiled, but it was tight.
Nolan looked up to the truck, and I didn’t have to look to know Ethan and Lachlan were watching us. I could feel them staring through the mirrors. His blue eyes shifted back down to me before he leaned forward and slowly pressed a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth.
I had leaned forward, turning my cheek for him to do so, and part of me wished he had kissed me on the lips. I didn’t think I would ever have the courage to initiate it myself, but even if this was just a platonic gesture of comfort, I would take it.
I hoped I didn’t look pathetic leaning into Nolan. I hoped I didn’t look like any of the names Ed would call women who showed PDA. Nolan was comforting to me. We were platonic friends.
I was nervous to pull back and look him in the eye, but when I did, he smiled, brushed what strands of my hair had broken from the ponytail behind my ear, and whispered, “Call you later.”
I nodded, sure I was fifty shades of pink by the time I made it to the truck.
I got back into the passenger seat and was so relieved when Lachlan broke the silence right away, instead of making me sit in it for a while. “You know what I was thinking? Eth, you remember, we must’ve been eight or nine or some shit, when we got the canoe off Murfield's dock and went fishing.” Lachlan didn’t live far from Nolan, so it wasn’t long before Ethan pulled down his street.
Ethan didn’t take the bait, didn’t respond.
“We did that a lot,” I said.
“Yeah, I’m talking the first time with the four of us.” Lachlan leaned forward in between the seats, resting on them. “Back when Ethan still refused to admit he was one of us and did everything in his power to deny himself any ounce of happiness,” he deadpanned, staring directly at Ethan. “You remember that…don’t you, Bailey?”
My eyes swung to Ethan. “Yes,” I whispered.
Ethan pulled into Lachlan’s driveway and put the truck in park. “What’s your point, Lachlan?”
“Nothing, was just thinking. I knew you would’ve remembered, Bails, you were the one practically dragging him onto that canoe. See you tomorrow.”
I smiled softly at Lachlan, and then he was sliding out of the truck. Ethan and I sat in silence as he pulled out of the driveway and put the truck into drive. It wasn’t until I noticed we were heading out of town that I spoke. “We should drop you off first. I can drive home from your place.”
“No. I’ll drive you home.” His voice was emotionless, and all I could think was Lachlan was right. Ethan was doing that distancing thing he used to do when he was younger.
I sighed. “Ethan, I know I hurt you guys by not talking for so long. I’m not going anywhere, I want to fix things, I want to make up for it.”
“Don’t. There’s nothing to make up for, it’s better this way.”
I frowned. Was it really better for him to keep us away? Because, to me, what was better was having them all back. Having my friends with me, hanging out, having fun with no pressure, no fear, and no guilt. To be normal again.
He took us down my driveway and parked outside the house. “Bye,” was all he said as he got out of the truck.
I quickly got out. “You can’t walk back! Take the truck.”
“I’m fine,” Ethan said, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and walking down the lane.
“Ethan! Don’t be dramatic, just take the damn truck. You can pick me up in the morning.”
Ethan whirled around on me. “I can’t take your truck. Do you have any idea what my father would do if he saw it in the street?” He straightened, clearing his throat. “I’m used to this, Bailey. I’m fine.”
“I don’t care, it’s insured.”
He turned back around and began walking again. Fine. I could be stubborn too. I turned around and walked back to the truck. I got in and turned it on, pulling around and slowly creeping behind Ethan.
“What are you doing?” he asked when I rolled down the window.
I shrugged. “Either you take the truck and drive back, or I follow you the entire way, then drive back home. Take your pick.”
Ethan stopped walking, and I pressed on the brake before I would run him over. Giddiness filled me as he looked up to the sky, likely contemplating his choices before growling and turning around. I got out of the truck as he got in. “I’m usually done with chores by five.” I smiled sweetly at him.
“I’m going to park this at Lach’s.”
“Whatever you want.”
He sighed. “See you at five.”