13. Luna #3
I shift nervously, praying that he can’t read my mind.
The shame of all the indecent thoughts I had of the entire pack earlier weighs heavy on my shoulders.
At least Madden wasn’t the one awake. I don’t think I could stand making eye contact with Madden right now, considering he was there when my slick gushed out of me.
The shrill beep of the microwave cuts the silence between us.
Kane sets the plate in front of me before settling in the barstool by my side. When the first bite of melty cheese and tangy tomato sauce hits my tongue, my eyes practically roll back into my skull.
This is so amazing.
Everything here with this pack has been amazing. The waves of insecurity I was feeling earlier, the doubt I was feeling about my position in this pack, return .
I glance at Kane in between bites. His face is cast in the shadows of the dim kitchen and he’s staring at the counter in front of us as if he’s deep in thought.
I don’t know if I know how to handle silence between us.
“I—I’m sorry for falling asleep earlier,” I say softly after I finish my first slice. I also don’t know how to deal with the guilt and insecurity I’m feeling. The closest thing that comes to mind is apologizing.
I’m starting to realize that’s probably because begging for forgiveness has always been expected of me, even if I didn’t know what I did was wrong. Even if I knew I wasn’t the one at fault.
“You have nothing to apologize for, little one. I’m glad you got some rest,” he says, finally turning to look at me, his comforting soft smile back on his lips.
“I—I wanted to try and cook dinner,” I murmur, shoving more pizza in my mouth when he stays silent.
Kane is the most reserved out of all the alphas in the Ward pack. I guess Archer could also be considered reserved, but I feel like I can at least see when Archer is angry. He’s not very good at hiding his facial expressions.
With Kane, it’s a lot harder to try and gauge what he’s thinking. There’s a part of me that panics, sitting beside him when he’s silent. I can’t help but worry he’s secretly upset at something I’ve said or done, even though he’s shown me nothing but kindness.
“Why did you want to cook dinner?” he asks, finally turning to look at me.
“Because—because I wanted to be helpful,” I say, unable to continue holding his intense gaze.
“I’m sure everyone here has already told you this, but if you need to hear it again, I’m more than willing to say it.” He reaches out to brush his fingertips against my arm. “You don’t have to do anything for us.”
“But—but you’ve done so much for me, I can’t just sit there without doing anything to help you all,” I say, clutching the hem of the t-shirt I’m wearing, my throat closing with panic.
“Hey, look at me, little one,” he says softly as he gently massages the spots of tension in my shoulders. When I look into his eyes, I can see the sincerity in his gaze. It’s almost as if he’s making sure I know there’s no room for doubt in his mind.
“Just because you don’t have to do anything for us doesn’t mean you can’t, if you want to.
What we mean is you only have to do things you want to do, nothing more, nothing less.
So you’re more than welcome to cook us dinner, but only if that’s what you want to do.
Nothing bad will happen if what you want doesn’t match the way you were taught to serve alphas in the past.”
I’m grateful his calloused fingertips are still tracing small circles into my skin because if he weren’t, I think I’d turn into a blubbering mess. I’m still barely holding back tears as I give him a jerky nod before turning back to the rest of my pizza slice.
I don’t pull myself together until I finish my food, washing it down with water and my pain medication. Kane just sits there by my side, offering me silent support.
I hobble over to the sink, washing my hands quickly and drying them on the back of the t-shirt I’m wearing before I turn to face him again.
“Thank you,” I say, biting the inside of my cheek.
“I—I really do appreciate all you and your pack have done for me. I just—I just think it’ll take me a while for part of my brain to believe what you’re saying.
” My eyes widen in panic at my words. “Not that I think you’re lying to me, or anything, I just—I just?—”
“I get it,” he says. “No need to worry.”
My shoulders relax in relief.
“I know you just slept for a while, are you tired yet?”
I glance up at him, a bit hesitant. Why is he asking?
He seems to see my hesitation. “I’m not tired just yet,” he says, “I was just wondering whether I could show you where I go when I can’t sleep, so just in case you can’t sleep in the future, you have somewhere to go.”
“That would be really nice,” I say, a bit relieved.
He sweeps me into his arms, carrying me through the parts of the first floor I haven’t been shown before. All of them seem to be really comfortable sweeping me into their arms and carrying me places, almost like a princess.
“I have a hard time falling asleep most nights,” Kane murmurs softly as he nudges open a door. “I usually spend my time in here.”
I can’t keep in the small gasp that leaves my throat. This room is heavenly.
The room is warmly lit with a collection of lamps scattered throughout the space and a cozy electric fireplace in the corner.
Every single wall is covered floor to ceiling with bookshelves.
The ceilings are so tall there’s a rolling ladder attached to the shelves so that the upper shelves can be reached.
In the center of the room, there’s a cozy collection of plush, worn-in leather couches.
“Do you like it?” Kane asks, his eyes twinkling with amusement. Probably because he can very obviously see in my face that I absolutely love it.
“It’s—It’s amazing. I’ve never seen anything this amazing before.”
The badly funded public library I went to as a kid when I still went to school is incomparable to this.
“I’m glad you like it, I had a sneaking suspicion you were the type to enjoy my little library.”
This is definitely the furthest thing from a little library, but he’s free to call this paradise whatever he wants.
He walks me through the room, guiding me through all of his organized sections. He has practically every single kind of book possible from textbooks to classics.
“Do you have a particular genre you like reading?” He asks.
“I—I like romance,” I say, my cheeks growing red with embarrassment. “I didn’t have much back home but I had a few romance novels that I really liked.”
He nods, humming to himself before carrying me to a dusty-looking corner of the library.
“These used to belong to my mom. She was also a big fan of romance novels,” Kane says softly. “None of us really touch this part of the library, but you’re more than welcome to take whatever you’d like.”
“Oh my gosh, I couldn’t take something that special, it’s really okay, I can read whatever.”
“I think she’d be happy they’re getting some use,” Kane says. “So please, I know they’re kind of old, but maybe you can still find something you like.”
“Thank you,” I say, my heart melting. “You can set me down now, I think I can make it over to the sofa by myself once I’m done looking at everything.”
“Are you sure?” He asks, setting me down on my feet, but keeping his hand against my waist.
“Yeah, thank you,” I say, smiling up at him.
He moves to one of the couches and I turn and glance over the worn spines of all of the paperbacks in front of me.
There was a sadness in his eyes and his shoulders when he mentioned his mom. I wonder what happened.
I find a sweet-looking historical romance book and bring it with me, shuffling across the floor. I glance at the couch Kane’s situated himself on, reading his own book, and hesitate.
There’s a part of me that wants to join him and sit curled under his arm. But I’m scared.
Too scared to be adventurous like that.
I settle myself in the armchair right next to him. “Thank you for this,” I say softly.
“You have nothing to thank me for,” he says. “I’m just glad I have someone to share this space with.”
I’m sucked into a story following a princess with abusive parents being rescued by a prince from another rival country and can’t help but imagine Kane’s face when the prince is described.
Before I know it, a couple of hours have passed.
Kane’s eyes have closed and his breaths slowed a while ago.
Considering he’s talked about how hard it can be for him to fall asleep, I’m glad he’s able to get some rest now.
Then his scent sours and his shoulders tense. An almost inhuman sound comes from him. It’s almost like a scream that’s caught in his throat.
I think I understand why he doesn’t like sleeping if this is what happens when he closes his eyes. Whatever demons Kane is battling haunt him whenever he’s asleep.