17. Caleb
CHAPTER 17
Caleb
I had to leave that washroom before I reached out and touched her. I had no plans to do that. I wanted to give her the towels and then I was going to leave and retreat back to my room. She’s been through enough tonight. I didn’t want to cross any lines, but seeing her like that, flushed from her orgasm, my name on her lips as she came. My resolve snapped, and I needed to take some control.
I head straight to my en-suite washroom and turn the shower on cold before stripping and stepping under the water. It does nothing to calm my erection. I lean forward, bracing myself on the wall with one arm and reaching down with the other. I wrap my hand around my cock, giving it a good stroke. I groan as I remember the view of Bailey’s breasts as they came out of the water when she climaxed. I hear her breathy moans; her calling my name. I groan and stroke myself faster. I imagine what it would feel like to have her hot pussy clench around my cock when she comes. The thought alone has me tumbling over the edge, calling her name as I come.
I finish my shower and climb into bed, staring at the ceiling, I toss and turn before I finally fall asleep.
My hand s are red and they slip as I try to hold pressure on the wound.
“Stay with me!” I yell.
Tyler screams in pain as his eyes begin to roll back. I push harder on the wound with one hand, quickly tapping the side of his face with the other.
“Tyler, you fucking stay with me. You’re not dying on me.”
I watch the life slowly drain from him. His eyes roll back, and his eyelids start to close. His body relaxes into the ground. The sound of gunfire surrounds me. The sand is irritating my nose. I’m sweating like crazy in my gear. I continue to hold pressure despite him slipping away. I look up to call for help, but my eyes are met with the barrel of an AK-47.
I jolt awake, my body covered in sweat and my legs tangled in the sheets at the end of the bed. Finn tends to leave the bed during my nightmares, so I’m not surprised I don’t feel him near my feet. A hand reaches out and touches my forehead, and I’m immediately on alert. My head snaps in the direction the hand came from, and striking blue eyes stare at me.
“You’re okay, Caleb. It’s just me. You had a nightmare.”
She continues to brush my hair off my forehead, and the tension slowly leaves my body. I lean back on my pillow and let out a deep breath. The feeling in the air changes when Bailey walks away. Noise comes from the washroom and then the bed dips as she climbs next to me. The feeling of a cool washcloth on my forehead has me closing my eyes. She stays quiet, patting it along my forehead as I lie here silently, allowing it to happen.
I begin to drift back to sleep. The bed moves as she moves to climb off, but my hand reaches out and grabs her wrist.
“Stay, please,” I ask.
She comes back and curls into my side, throwing an arm around my middle as I wrap mine around her, holding her to my side. I can’t remember the last time I held someone as I fell asleep. I’ve never asked someone to stay like I just did. Bailey is slowly chipping away all these preconceptions I had about how my life was going to be. I quickly fall into a dreamless sleep.
I wake up wrapped around Bailey. A sense of contentment washes over me, feeling her so close. I turn and look at my phone and see it’s 6:30 a.m. I slip out of bed and quietly make my way downstairs, Finn following behind me.
I decide to whip up some French toast, eggs, and bacon. I put Finn’s food in his bowl before I hurry upstairs. I pop my head into my room and see Bailey still wrapped in the covers in the centre of the bed. I quietly walk over to the bed and climb in beside her. Brushing the hair that’s covering her eyes behind her ear, I smile. It feels like I’ve done this a million times before.
“Bails,” I whisper, and her eyes flutter open. A smile spreads across her face as she snuggles deeper into the bed. “Bailey, it’s time to get up.”
A groan escapes her. “No.”
I chuckle. “Yes, I made coffee and breakfast.”
She opens one eye. “Coffee?”
“Yeah, I’m going to wake Charlie up. You think you can make it down on your own?”
“Yeah.” She rolls over and stretches.
I smile as I make my way towards the guest room. The door is cracked, probably from when Bailey made her way into my room last night. I give it a little nudge and see Charlie is curled in the centre of the bed, exactly like her mom was just curled up in mine. Like mother, like daughter.
I brush her hair back in the same way. “Little Bear,” I say, and she rolls and stretches. “It’s tim e for breakfast. I made French toast.”
The mention of food seems to wake her up quicker than I ever would have thought.
“French toast?”
“Yup, and eggs and bacon.”
She climbs out of bed, and we make our way downstairs and into the kitchen. I get a plate made for her with a glass of orange juice and then make my coffee. A minute later, Bailey makes her way into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes.
“Morning.”
“Good morning, Mommy,” Charlie says around a mouth full of French toast.
“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” I say as I push a cup of coffee towards her.
She cradles the cup between her hands like it’s the most precious thing. I chuckle as I make her plate and leave it on the table. After I make mine, I join them. Charlie’s too busy eating as much food as she can to talk, and Bailey is very focused on her coffee. Finn’s positioned himself at Charlie’s feet, hoping to steal whatever she may drop. We eat breakfast in silence. When Charlie and I finish, I clear our plates and she runs upstairs to brush her teeth and get ready for school. I smile as Finn chooses to follow her upstairs.
I sit across from Bailey and make sure she makes eye contact with me before I say, “About last night.”
A blush tinges her cheeks, but I’m not talking about what she thinks I am.
“I’m sorry if my nightmare scared you. That was the last thing I ever wanted. Thank you for checking on me, though.”
She places her coffee cup down and reaches across the table, taking my hand. “There’s nothing to apologize for. You didn’t scare me. Are you okay, though?”
I squeeze her hand. “Yeah, I’ve had them for a while. I’m used to them by now.”
“You called a name out last night,” she says quietly, almost too quietly. “You kept saying Tyler.”
I sigh and look over her shoulder at a blank spot on the wall. She must take this move as me pushing her away, but I’m not. I just don’t think I can look at her while I retell this story.
“It’s a lot to process. Are you sure you want to hear this story?” I force myself to look at her so I can gauge her response.
I can see the steeliness in her eyes, and she squeezes my hand. “Yeah, Caleb. I want to know whatever you’re willing to tell me. About anything.”
I lean back in my chair, and my eyes find that blank spot again. I haven’t told anyone this. The thought that I’m willing and about to tell Bailey shows me I feel safer with her emotionally than I have in any other relationship in my life.
“Tyler and I served in the same unit. He became my best friend. We spent our leaves together, met each other’s families, and had each other’s backs. Always. During our last tour, we were patrolling a small village in Iraq. We were on our way to see a family who claimed to have information for us. We were ambushed on our way to their home. All hell broke loose as gunfire rained on us.”
I can hear the sounds of the guns going off and the cries of people as bullets hit them. The smell of sand fills my nose and lungs. My breath starts to come faster and more shallow. Bailey squeezes my hand, and I close my eyes, taking deep breaths and counting. After three counts of eight in and eight out, I open my eyes again. Bailey’s eyes catch mine. There is no fear in them, just empathy. It gives me the strength to continue.
“One of the bullets went straight through Tyler. At first, I thought the bullet got stuck in his plate carrier. There was no blood. I waited for him to sit up, but the n the blood started to appear and it came fast. I held pressure on the wound. I tried to keep him awake so we could get him loaded on a chopper. I kept talking to him. I did everything I could.”
My words get caught in my throat, and heat builds behind my eyes. Leaning forward, I rest my elbows on my thighs. I rub my eyes with the heels of my hands, the pressure helping to hold back the tears.
“I could see him fading. I saw his life leaving right before my eyes. When I went to call for help, I was met with the barrel of an AK-47. I swore I was a dead man. In those three seconds, I had resigned myself to my fate. But just as his finger was about to twitch and pull the trigger, a shot rang out and a bullet went straight through his head. I felt relieved I hadn’t been killed. Then the guilt flooded me. I was kneeling over my dead best friend and I was feeling relieved. What kind of person kneels over their dead best friend and feels that way?”
I can’t look at her, I can’t see the disgust I know will be written all over her face. She squeezes my hand, and I continue to look at the floor between my legs. Her chair scrapes across the floor, and the next thing I know, she’s kneeling between my legs, making eye contact with me. I don’t see disgust on her face, though. I see sadness and empathy.
She reaches up and places her hands on both sides of my face. “You had every right to feel relieved in that moment. Any normal person would feel relief. I can see you, touch you, smell you. I know that you’re right here. You’re with me, but hearing you tell that story, I felt relief when you said the man holding the gun to you was killed. Your feelings don’t make you less than. They don’t make you a bad person. They make you human. You, Caleb Sutton, are a good man. Please don’t question that.”
She lifts herself up, and her lips brush over mine. I close my eyes at the contact, savouring the feeling. My entire body hums with electricity. I reach out and wra p my arms around her, holding her to me. She places soft kisses on my cheeks, eyelids, forehead, nose, and neck. Each time her lips touch my skin, it sends another hum of electricity through me, but they also calm me. And not just my body, but my soul. I’ve been more open with her than I have been with anyone else in my life. No one has heard the full story. The military got a very technical recall for the KIA report. Grayson, my mom, and Max know that Tyler was killed during my last tour, but they don’t know any specifics. Especially not the feelings I felt over it.
I sometimes still wonder about what his life would be like if the roles were reversed. He and his girlfriend were talking about trying for a baby. He wanted a daughter so badly. He kept talking about how cool it would be to be a girl dad. The two of them loved each other fiercely. Would the world be better if I was the one that was shot instead? Would Tyler and Tayna be married? Have a few kids running around?
“Stop that.”
Bailey’s words rip me from my thoughts.
“I can see you’re going somewhere dark. A what-if place. Don’t.”
She holds eye contact with me until I nod.
“Please don’t think less of yourself over any of this, Caleb. I don’t see you as less than.” She gets up, standing between my legs. “I need to check on Charlie and I need to get ready for work.” Her hand runs through my hair a few times. “Thank you for sharing that with me. It means a lot to me.”
She leans down and kisses my forehead before making her way upstairs. I need to shower, so I make my way upstairs too. I shower quickly and change into my uniform, taking my gun from the safe in my room and securing it on my hip. I jog down the stairs and fill two to-go mugs with coffee, making one for me and one for Bailey. I meet her and Charlie in the entryway as they’re putting on their jac kets. I hand Bailey the mug and a spare key to the house.
“This works on the front door. If you have any issues, just text me. Finn should be good for you when you get home. Let me know if you have any issues with him.”
She smiles and says, “Thank you.”
I nod before crouching down in front of Charlie. I make sure her jacket is zipped up and she’s bundled warm.
“Have a good day at school, Little Bear.” I kiss her forehead before standing and doing the same to Bailey. “Have a good day at work,” I say as I open the front door.
“You too, and be safe.”
I smile at her over my shoulder. “Always.”