11. Chapter 11
When I find her in the garden today, Carlee seems different. She is sitting on the swing, staring off into space. Normally, her head is buried in her sketchbook, but today, her mind is anywhere but here.
Since hasn”t seen me, I take a moment to observe her. There is definitely something on her mind, but it doesn’t affect her prettiness. She still looks more beautiful than my mind can remember when I think of her at night. She has that girl next door vibe going on. With her, what you see is what you get. She doesn”t wear a ton of makeup, and her glossy brown hair is either down or in a messy bun, and it’s both natural and appealing.
Making my way over to her, she doesn’t even realize I’m there. When I sit on the swing making it move, she jumps, obviously startled. Then when she finally notices me, she looks at me with those wide amber eyes and a big smile.
Are you okay?I ask.
I don”t know. She sets her sketchbook down by her side.
Want to talk about it?I’m hoping she says yes because whatever it is, I want to help her through it.
I had dinner at my sister”s last night, and things were good. Today, they left to check on her husband’s mother. He”s an only child, and his mom fell and broke her hip, and now he”s moving them to assisted living. There are a lot of things both my sister and Brian will have to deal with, like the house and getting them moved. My niece is going to stay with Mom and Dad during the school week and with me on weekends until they get back.
Dinner was peaceful and fun until my mom shows up for dessert.
She pauses and I instantly know whatever is going on in her head has to do with her mom. I haven”t met the woman, but I know what Carlee has told me and her mom sounds like a real piece of work just like my dad. The problem is, I walked away and never looked back. Though she seems to have more trouble cutting those ties.
Reaching out, I take her hand in mine, trying to offer her comfort while she gathers her thoughts.
My mom brought her banana pudding, which I love. When I wanted some, she was hurtful and mean. She told me that I don”t need dessert if I plan to catch a husband and maybe she will give me the recipe at my wedding. As if that wasn’t enough, she went on about how I should crawl back to Eric. I lost it. My sister lost it. Even Brian said something to her. How can she want me back with someone who left me in a hospital fighting for my life and never bothered to even call my family?
At this point, there are tears in her eyes, so I put my arm around her, pulling her into me. Wrapping her in a hug, holding her close to me, I wish more than anything I could protect her from the outside world. That I could stop all the pain she was in and keep her from ever getting hurt again. But this is a battle she has to fight herself, and I have to support her from the sidelines. However, it doesn”t make it any easier.
Last night I think it really sank in that she doesn”t care for ME just what I can give HER aka grandkids. I left without saying a word to her and didn”t even say goodbye. I don”t know what happened after I told my sister I”d talk to her tonight. When I go to pick up Liz for the weekend, I will have to face my mother.
While I hate she is being treated like this, do I really have a foot to stand on to defend her? I want to. I want to be the one who stands up for her and shields her from people like this. I don”t care who it is, even if it”s her own family.
I ask, wanting to see where her head is. How do you feel about it all?
Honestly, it felt good telling her what I thought. But then I felt bad about liking how it felt. She”s my mom. I know how she treats me isn”t okay, and it certainly isn”t normal. I know it, but she is still my mom, and it”s so hard to walk away from her. You know?
I get it. It was easier for me because by the time I left for boot camp, my dad had pushed me past my limit.
Silently, we sit there in the garden, soaking up the beauty and peace. She rests her head on my shoulder, and I pull her to my side. Right now in this place, I can shield her from the world and give her some comfort.
As I take in the garden around me, I keep my eyes toward the garden entrance making sure no one disrupts the peace Carlee so desperately needs.
Tell me about your family?she asks.
I guess she wants to take her mind off it all and I can”t blame her. I debate what I should say. Telling her the truth about my family seems like a bad idea. It’s the wrong time because she is looking for a distraction, not something sad. So I go for a funny story instead.
My dad loved to fish. He runs a fishing charter company, and he was looking for me to take over. That”s another story. But the first time he took me out fishing on a charter with him, I was ten. We would go fishing around town all the time, but this was the first time I was allowed on the boat with him during a paid charter. I felt twenty feet tall.
Pausing, I am remembering that day clearly. It”s the day that changed everything, but at the same time I still laugh every time I remember it.
As soon as we are leaving the harbor, the fishermen start drinking. So by the time we reach our spot to fish, they have had a few. I helped them bait their hooks and get them all set up. I felt so important. Once they were ready to go, my dad asked me if I wanted to put a line in the water with him at the front of the boat. Of course, I said yes.
I’m smiling, remembering the way the sun hit my skin that day and the look on my dad”s face as I helped bait all their hooks.
At this point I”m smiling from ear to ear, lost in the memory.
Well, the day goes on, and more drinking happens, of course. By the time my hook gets a bite, I’m struggling to reel it in. So my dad is helping, and the guys who hired him are grabbing nets and leaning over to try to get the fish. They had too much to drink and fell in. My dad fell in, trying to pull them back in, and then started yelling at me.
Carlee sits up, looking at me with her eyes sparkling. What did you do?
I jumped in the water because I didn”t want to be the only one not swimming.
This causes her to burst in to laughter. Fuck, what I wouldn’t give to hear that laugh. To know what she sounds like. But just the fact that I”m the one who made her laugh does something funny inside my chest.
Still laughing, she is leaning closer to me, pulling me in to her. Already so close, I don’t want to lose this opportunity, so I rest my head on her forehead, soaking her in. She still has a smile on her face as she looks up at me. Whatever that look that’s in her eyes, and the way she smiles teasingly, makes me come undone.
Before I know it, my lips are on hers. She lets out a small gasp and then she is kissing me back. Tangling my hands in her hair, I use them to angle her head to deepen the kiss.
She tastes like cherry chapstick and innocence and an indefinable something I want more than anything. When she moans into the kiss and places her hand on my waist, I know this girl is mine.
There is no evading it. I need to stop using all those excuses on why we can’t work and show her we can. Every day, I’ll show her how perfect we are together. How we need each other.
I’m not going to lie. I’ve kissed many women, but this one? It’s unlike anything I”ve ever experienced. My heart is racing, my cock is hard, and all I want is more. While the last thing I want to do is end this kiss, I”m also aware we are in a public space, so I reluctantly pull away.
She is breathing as hard as I am and her lips are slightly swollen and her cheeks are flushed.
Yeah, I’m pretty proud that I put that look on her. It’s never mattered to me before.
This woman has wormed her way through my walls and into my heart. She doesn”t even know it.
But that kiss? It’s sealed her fate. She is mine and there is no going back now.