13. Chapter 13
Ihaven”t been able to stop thinking about that kiss. It”s been on my mind and I haven”t been able to see Carlee since then. I have no idea where her head is on it. It”s raining today so I have a feeling she is somewhere inside, but I know she is here because she has an art therapy class later this afternoon.
When I check out the room she has been using as a studio, I find her alone in there painting. Her back is to the door, so I stand there watching her, trying not to make a sound and distract her.
It’s obvious she is in the zone and completely into her painting of what looks like a farmhouse on a plot of land with some hills.
Every stroke of her brush has me mesmerized. It’s amazing how she makes a picture appear from imagining it in her head. When she pauses and stares off to space, I wonder if she is seeing the finished picture in her mind’s eye. All of a sudden, I can”t stand to not be closer to her, so I knock on the door frame. She turns to look at me and smiles a welcome to me.
Slowly, I make my way up to where she is at the front of the room.
What are you painting?I ask.
It”s silly. This one is just for me,she says, shaking her head and putting everything away.
It”s not silly. Tell me.Reaching out, I take her hand and stop her from moving around the room.
It”s my dream house. It”s actually about thirty minutes from here. Every now and then on my way to one of my favorite art galleries, I pass by it.
I step forward to look at the painting through new eyes. It”s a white square farmhouse with a wrap-around porch and a porch swing at one end. The house overlooks an enormous expanse of land with cows and horses grazing. A vegetable garden is off to one side and wildflowers cover the hill in the background. At the far end, there is a group of trees, making it look like the perfect place to spend a lazy weekend. Perfect to raise kids.
A pang hits me because that is what she wants more than anything.
Children.
I don”t know how to give that to her. I didn”t have the best example of a family growing up, so I’m not sure what kind of father I could be. Also, knowing my crappy home life, would she even want me to be a parental figure in her kid’s lives? But damn if I can let her go.
It”s beautiful. Peaceful, I say.
Yes, she says. I can picture myself sitting on the porch painting. Or sitting in the swing watching a storm roll in while reading.
As she describes it, I can see it. Me curled up with her on that swing, maybe with a dog at our feet. Fuck, if I don”t want that with her more than I should.
Imagine the painting that would come out of it. You will do it one day. I know you will. I tell her and send a silent prayer that maybe I can be the one by her side when she does it. Though I don”t know how to get us there.
One day at a time.I just keep reminding myself. Right now, I don”t need all the answers. Just remind myself to take life one day at a time.
So how has your day been so far?She asks, trying to change the subject.
I had my monthly testing. They checked my hearing to see if there is any improvement.
After the first time, I learned not to get my hopes up. I”d rather live with this and know this is my life now, than to get my hopes up each time I go in for testing, only to get disappointed when the tests show no improvements.
What did they say?She asks, though I can tell she is trying to keep her emotions out of it.
Still the same. They still have hope something might change, but I don”t. It’s not something I want, to be disappointed over and over again. I”d rather go in one day and be shocked there is a change,I say.
That makes sense. I can”t imagine getting my hopes up each month only for them to be crushed. Oh, that”s my phone. Hang on.She picks her phone up from the table next to her easel.
I can”t tell what she is saying. Maybe I”ll learn how to read lips after I master sign language. I like knowing what people are saying around me when they think I don’t have a clue.
When she hangs up, she turns back to me.
That was Noah. Due to the weather and some of the delays with other appointments today he suggested we cancel the class and move it to tomorrow. I agreed. So do you have any plans today because I”m suddenly free?
Well, I”m sure we can find some trouble to get into. Want to head back to my room? Rainy days are great for watching a movie,I say. Really what I’m thinking is it’s a way to get her alone and spend some time with her.
That sounds perfect. Let me clean up. She says with a smile.
What can I do to help?She puts me to work cleaning brushes while she puts the paints away and sets her canvas up to dry. Then after wiping down the counters and sink, she makes sure all the lights are turned off.
I take her hand in mine and lead her from the room, through the lobby and upstairs to my room, closing the door behind us. Immediately, she goes over to the couch and slips off her shoes, curling into a ball. I have to say she looks right at home, like she has always belonged there.
For the first time, it hits me how well she fits into my life. Even with all the changes going on in it right now, it’s as if she was made for me. On instinct, I lock the door before I join her on the couch. She snuggles right up to my side.
What do you feel like watching?I ask.
Maybe something funny?
What do you normally watch when it”s just you? I ask because I have a feeling it”s something she doesn”t think I will like.
Romantic movies, Rom-Coms, comedy. Nothing too serious. I like to laugh while watching TV.
Of course she does. This ball of sunshine doesn”t want the darker things. But does she realize that my darker side comes as part of the package deal?
I put on a rom-com that she gets excited about. Even though there are captions, my mind wonders until she wraps her arm around me, holding me to her like I’m her favorite snuggly things.
When she looks up at me to make sure I”m still watching TV, I”m gone. I lean in and kiss her. She moves into me, letting a small moan escape as she wraps her arms around my neck. The next thing I know she is straddling my lap, her core pressed against my hard cock and I want nothing more than to lay her on the bed and have my way with her.
When she slowly starts grinding against me, my hands go to her hips and stop her. I pull back and lock eyes with her.
You can”t tease me like that. It makes me want you in ways that require us moving to the bed.I’m hoping she will get the hint.
Then take me to the bed,she says without missing a beat.
Wrapping my arms tightly around her, I stand with her legs and arms wrapped around me and make my way to the bed and gently lay her down. After taking off my shoes, I climb in with her.
She looks so pretty lying in my bed with her long hair on my pillow. Suddenly she looks shy.
I haven”t… I haven”t been with anyone since my accident,she says
I instantly get her meaning. She has scars from it, I”m sure. Just like I have new scars that no one has seen yet.
Do you want this? Because I want you more than my next breath and a few scars aren”t going to scare me away because I”ve got some of my own to match, I say.
I want this, and I want you. I have for a while now, she says.
Well, game on. Before I do anything, I want to feel her lips on mine and enjoy this moment before everything changes. When I remove my shirt, her jaw drops as she takes me in. It”s hard to sit here and let her look, but if I want her to be comfortable, I need to do this before I take it any further.
After she takes me in, she sits up and reaches out to touch my skin. The sizzle between us is electrifying. Then, instead of tracing my scars, she traces my tattoos, which cover my arms and chest. When she begins kissing one of my scars, a shiver racks my body. I can”t wait another minute to see her gorgeous body. I reach for her shirt and she lets me pull it off her. She is in a plain tan lace bra and her pale skin prickles with goose bumps. I remove the bra and it lands on the floor in the growing pile of clothes.
Her breasts are perky, and her nipples are waiting to be nibbled or licked. But before I move to them, I see the pink scars across her belly. Some are straight that look to be from the surgery and some are jagged and twisted that must be from the accident. I run my tongue over each one as my hand undoes the button of her shorts so I can see the entire scar. She lifts her bottom and I slide the shorts down and off her, tossing them aside.
You’re beautiful, I say, looking into her eyes. These scars remind me of all you have been through and all that you fought through. They are the best part of you. And after we do this, you will be mine. I tell her as the tears well in her eyes.
Unable to watch her shed a single tear, I kiss her like I need air to breathe. Our kiss becomes like a volcano, hot, hurried, and frantic. We can’t seem to get close enough to each other. She tugs at my jeans and before I know it, they are gone and I”m in my boxer briefs and she is in a tiny pair of lace panties.
You sure you want this? I ask one more time.
More than anything.
Standing, I pull my underwear off and my cock springs free. Her eyes go wide. I”m not a small guy in that department and if she hasn”t been with anyone since her ex she only has one person to compare me to. I get the idea that he was small in more ways than one.
I grab a condom from the nightstand. Never so glad Noah put a few in there just in case he said. In record time, I’ve got the condom on.
Then I climb back into bed and kiss my way up her legs to her panties before slowly pulling them off and tossing them aside.
When I get to her center, I pull her legs apart and find her soaking wet. Fuck, she is perfect. I don”t hesitate before diving in for my first taste of her. Fuck, is she sweet. I”m instantly addicted.
Her hands grip my hair and hold me in a place which makes me determined to hear her cries as I play with her.
Taking two fingers, I slide them slowly into her as my tongue keeps working on her clit. What I wouldn”t give to hear her moans right now and to hear what she sounds like when she comes. But I know she”s close because her thighs are gripping the side of my head tightly and her body is tensing up.
When her pussy constricts to a death grip on my fingers, I can tell she’s coming. Knowing I was the one to make her is a feeling that soothes my soul.
When she starts to relax, I’m satisfied to see she’s flushed with a smile in her face.
Even though my cock is hard and yelling at me, I want to stay in this moment as long as I can.
Finally, not wanting to wait any longer, I kiss my way up her body before my lips land on hers. She wraps her arms around my neck, holding me to her.
I’m settled between her legs, with my cock nestled at her entrance, while enjoying the feel of her curvy body pressed against me. But it seems my girl is a bit more impatient. She wraps her legs around my waist and digs her heels into my ass, pushing the tip of my cock into her.
Taking the hint, I slowly slide into her. Her eyes close and her head tilts back. Then I pull out and thrust back in again and again until I bottom out inside her.
For a moment, I rest my head on her shoulder because fuck she feels so amazing and I want to remember this. But what I really want is to tell her that. Lord, the things I”d tell her if I could speak right now.
Gaining momentum, my cock is drilling into her wet pussy. She clutches me tightly, opens her eyes, and they land on mine. Our eyes lock and it”s like we are saying everything we want to tell each other, but can’t say. I keep a steady pace and she meets each of my thrusts. Picking up my speed, her eyes start to close. Desperate for that connection again, and needing her eyes on me, I touch the side of her cheek. Once she understands, she opens them, looking at me with passion.
Her pussy starts to flutter around me and fuck, I want to tell her to come on my cock like the good girl she is. But the better use of my hands is reaching between us and stoking her clit, causing her body to tense as her orgasm builds. Her pussy has a vise grip on my cock and pulls my cum from me harder than I thought possible. By the time I”m done cumming, her body is relaxed and she’s got a smile lighting up her face. I collapse beside her and pull her into my arms.
Her body fits perfectly against mine and I know this is where she is meant to be. Holding her tightly, I kiss the top of her head as she snuggles into me. I want to lie here forever, but our beautiful moment is broken when her body tenses and she pulls out of my arms and looks over at her phone.