20. Sawyer
CHAPTER 20
Sawyer
LONE STAR STATE
Heart pounding, I park my truck beside Ava’s Subaru outside the cute carriage house. I cut the ignition and wipe my clammy palms over my jeans.
It’s not like me to get nervous. But here I am, nervous as hell as I shove open my door and step out into the warm twilight. Even though it’s still technically winter, we’ve been getting some hints of spring. Lots of sunshine, temps in the sixties, a mild breeze. I don’t hate it, especially when it allows me to take a girl out to a bonfire for a picnic dinner.
I really hope she likes the fried chicken. Patsy was so patient as she walked me through me her Mamaw’s recipe last night. My kitchen was a mess, but Ella got a huge kick out of dredging the chicken first in buttermilk, then in Patsy’s secret flour-and-spice mix that we had to pinkie-promise not to ever, ever share.
Not gonna lie, I’m damn proud of how it turned out.
I grab the roses I ordered from an out-of-town florist—cost me a small fortune, but worth it for the inside joke—and head across the driveway.
Like the rest of the Wallace Ranch, the carriage house is thoughtfully designed and beautifully maintained. It’s constructed in their signature limestone and painted timber mix, with a tin roof and steel windows.
I smile when I see a glittery purple scooter on the walkway, complete with a foam unicorn head and rainbow streamers on the handles. Is Junie as obsessed with riding her scooter around the ranch as Ella is?
Apparently they had a ball together baking with Mrs. Wallace on Wednesday. I had to work, so my nanny dropped off Ella and picked her up. But Ella was all smiles that evening, and Ava told me they got along well when she and I were texting later that night.
Because that’s our thing now. After we get the kids down, we text about everything and nothing. We catch each other up on our days. What we’re thinking. What we’re reading. No filter. No games. Just us shooting the shit. She’s really into a gal named Martha Beck, and I can’t get enough of the Slough House spy novels I bought after binge-watching the show Slow Horses .
Then we send each other nudes. I’ve thought about calling instead—I’ve never had phone sex, and I’d like to try it—but I don’t want to push or overwhelm her. Figure we have plenty of time to explore that particular avenue. Plus, I like having the pictures she sends me for the morning, when, without fail, I wake up hard and hungry.
Apparently, Ava’s turned me into a horny teenager again. I don’t hate it.
I keep waiting for the spark between us to fade. For my hunger to lessen, or at the very least become manageable.
Instead, I think about her all day and dream of her all night. I go to bed sated after sexting but wake up hard enough to fuck a hole through my mattress.
The exponential acceleration of my feelings, our level of connection—it’s scary as hell. Difficult to control. Even more difficult to believe. I’ve waited my whole life to feel this way, but now that it’s happening, I feel unprepared. It’s so much better than I could have imagined.
So much more of a mindfuck.
I carefully tuck the roses into the crook of my arm. Picking up the scooter with my free hand, I set it underneath the eave by the garage door. We’re supposed to get rain tomorrow, and I don’t want the scooter—or Junie’s day—to get ruined.
Then, taking a deep breath, I head for the front door. Earlier, when I dropped Ella off at Cash and Mollie’s place, Mollie said I looked “handsome as all get-out” in my jeans, button-up, and jacket. I debated wearing a baseball hat—backward, of course—but Mollie said I should definitely wear the brown felt Stetson I borrowed from Wyatt.
“Baseball hats are hot, but cowboy hats are hot ,” she explained.
Cash grinned, putting a hand on Mollie’s growing belly. “Here’s proof.”
“I’m happy for y’all, really, but—yeah, please don’t elaborate,” I said, but I was smiling as I headed back to my truck.
Luckily Ella was thrilled to be spending time with Uncle Cash and Auntie Mollie, and she didn’t give me a hard time as I left. My brother and his wife insisted they take her overnight, despite my warnings that my little sleep terrorist likely wouldn’t want to stay in her bed in the guest room.
In fact, they seemed pretty thrilled about having her over. Cash bought Disney+ just for the occasion, and he told Ella he couldn’t wait to become acquainted with Rapunzel, Elsa, and Ariel. Mollie wouldn’t stop texting me this week about how excited she was to play with the scratch-and-sniff stickers she’d grabbed at the pharmacy downtown.
Go figure, my family really is okay with lending me a hand. No one seems any more overwhelmed than normal. No one seems to resent me.
I’m okay with it.
Mostly. On the drive over to the Wallace Ranch, I had to turn up the radio to keep from spiraling. Should I have scrapped the whole overnight idea? I don’t want to have to rush through my date with Ava to get home, but maybe I should’ve insisted that Cash come to my place and babysit there for a few hours instead.
What if Ella wakes up twenty times and no one gets any sleep at all? What if she doesn’t eat, or she fights them on going to bed, or she makes a huge mess and they’re up late cleaning up after her? Cash and Mollie both have so much on their plates. They’re overseeing a major overhaul of a ranch that’s nearly the size of a small New England state, for crying out loud. Not to mention the fact that Mollie’s expecting. They need their rest.
Then again, I also need a night off. And I’m not about to let Ava slip through my fingers. If I’m real about making a potential relationship with her work, then I have to make myself a priority every once in a while.
I have to make some changes. Like Wyatt said, Cash and Mollie get to put up their feet and catch up on sleep after I take Ella home. That’s their break.
This is mine.
Lifting my hand, I knock on the door. My heart drums. Anticipation zips through my veins, making me feel lightheaded and nervous and … giddy.
Holy shit, I’m making changes.
I’m thinking about a relationship for the first time since, well, Lizzie and I decided to call it quits. Am I getting way ahead of myself? Or am I doing what I should be and quietly putting a wish out into the universe in the hope that it comes true?
Being with Ava is the first time I feel like there’s a real possibility that my wish actually will come true. Maybe it’s stupid. Maybe I’m assuming too much, and it’s going to end up biting me in the ass. But I don’t wanna be alone anymore.
I want Ava.
I hear the familiar pitter-patter of tiny footsteps. Then the door swings open and Junie appears, smiling up at me with her big, toothy grin.
“Mr. Sawyer’s here, Mommy!” she says.
I crouch, careful not to drop the flowers, and hold up my hand. “Hey, Junie. How ya doin’?”
“I’m good.” She gives me a high five. I notice her hand is covered almost entirely in purple marker.
“Ella says hello. She can’t wait to play with you again.”
Junie nods. “Yella is my friend.”
“She loves being your friend. Thanks for being so kind to her.”
“Ella has been the best guide to preschool. Isn’t that right, Bug?”
I look up to see Ava at the top of the steps that dead-end at the door. Her apartment is on the second floor while the garage is on the first, so the front door opens right onto the stairs.
“Yeah,” June agrees. “She’s the most special.”
Meanwhile, I’m struggling to breathe as I watch Ava descend the stairs. She’s in a pair of jeans and an oversize sweater that’s the color of sunset on a summer day. Her long hair is loose over her shoulders and back, and today she’s styled it in waves that frame her pretty face. Her lips are glossy and her eyes are bright, and I feel her excitement—her happiness—as a wallop to the chest.
“Hey, cowboy.” She smiles.
I notice she’s wearing a pair of new boots.
Bellamy Brooks boots. My heart skips several beats when I remember Mollie telling me how excited Ava was to buy a pair for our date.
This is happening, isn’t it?
When I look into Ava’s eyes, the realization hits home—we’re both really, really into this. Into each other.
I should be scared. Cautious.
Instead, I stand up and hold the flowers aside so I can kiss her cheek, flattening my palm on the small of her back so I can press her hips into mine. “Hey, pretty girl.”
Tucking her face into my neck, she takes a deep inhale. “You smell delicious. What’re these?” She nods at the flowers.
“Two dozen roses.”
Ava blinks, pulling back to get a better look. She glances up at me, her lips curving into a pretty grin. “That’s the song we danced to at the Blue Stallion.”
“And at the barn.” I hold them out to her. “Thought that’d make you smile.”
“Mr. Sawyer?” June tugs on my jeans. “Will you play duck duck goose with us?”
Ava blinks again before taking the flowers. “They’re beautiful. Thank you, Sawyer. And listen, Bug, Mr. Sawyer and I have to get going. You’re going to stay here and play with Miss Lee, okay?”
“Really, Ava, I’m not in a rush.” I smile down at June. “I could totally go for a round or two of duck duck goose.”
Junie jumps up and down. “Yes yes yes! Please, Mommy, let him stay. Just for one game.”
I love how excited she gets. Three is not an easy age, but it’s fun to witness how thrilling the world is to these kids. It’s a nice reminder that I wasn’t always a tired, overwhelmed parent.
I won’t always be that guy.
Ava looks at me. “You sure?”
“I’m sure.” Taking off my hat, I hang it on one of the hooks beside the door. Only polite to take off your hat when you’re indoors, especially when you’re visiting your date’s home for the first time.
I don’t miss the way Ava watches me run a hand through my hair, her eyes flashing with heat as I shoulder out of my jacket.
I follow them up the stairs. The apartment is beautiful, with a gabled beamed ceiling and newly refurbished finishes. The soaring living room opens up into a kitchen and dining area. Down a narrow hallway I can just glimpse a pair of doors, which I assume are the bedrooms.
It smells like Ava inside, girlie shampoo and that perfume of hers. I see her touches everywhere: the pink paisley kitchen towels hanging on the lip of the sink, the oversize couch piled with far too many pillows, and the bold, colorful art on the walls.
Ava sets the flowers on the kitchen counter. Junie immediately heads in the direction of the baskets of toys lined up on the living room wall. An older woman is already sitting on the rug there, and Ava introduces her as Miss Lee, her nanny.
I bite back a smile when Lee gives me a once-over. She does it again, and again, her blush apparent as I sit cross-legged on the rug beside her.
“You know, I dated a cowboy or two in my day.” She sighs. “Those were good times.”
Ava sits across from me, the three of us forming a little circle. “Uh-oh, Lee. Were you trouble?”
“Only the good kind.”
I laugh. “Funny, but Ava’s that kind of trouble too.”
“I am,” Ava says, giving her shoulders a wiggle.
“Okay, I’m it.” Junie stands beside me. “Mr. Sawyer, do you know how to play duck duck goose?”
“I sure do. Ella taught me well.”
“Good. Okay, I’ll start.” June plops her hand onto my head. “Duck. That means you don’t get up and chase me yet.”
I give her a thumbs-up. “Got it.”
“But if I tap your head and I say goose , then you have to chase me.”
“Great refresher of the rules. Thank you, Junie.”
“You’re welcome,” she singsongs, skipping around our circle. “Duck. Duck.” She pauses beside me, before tapping my head and yelling, “Goose!”
I push up to my feet. “Oh, girl, you’d best run, ’cause I’m gonna get ya!”
“You won’t get me!” Junie is giggling as she sprints away. “I’m very fast!”
I make a big show of huffing and puffing while I chase her, wiping my brow with the back of my hand. “Goodness, June, you are fast.”
Junie is laughing so hard that she can barely breathe by the time I grab her and toss her into the air.
“Gotcha! Finally.”
Junie pats my cheek as I settle her on my hip. “You’re slow.”
“I’m old. There’s a difference.”
Ava is still laughing. “Is there?”
“Why is your face so spiky?” Junie asks, peering at my mustache. “I don’t like it.”
Ava’s laughing again. “I like it. A lot.”
“Y’all are putting me between a rock and a hard place right now,” I reply. “I value both your opinions. What’s a guy to do?”
Lee slowly shakes her head, a wistful look on her face. “Keep the mustache. Always.”
“Always,” Ava agrees.
“Can I play with Yella tomorrow?” Junie’s hand is still on my cheek. “She can come to my house.”
“She’d love to play with you tomorrow. Maybe y’all could come to our place this time? Give your mama a break from cleaning up after you heathens?” I glance at Ava.
Her eyes are soft. “We could probably make that happen, yeah.”
“Yay!” Junie yells.
“Indoor voice, please,” Ava says. “All right, it’s time for Mr. Sawyer and me to get going. Do you promise to be good for Miss Lee?”
“I promise.”
“You’re such a big, brave girl.” I give Junie a squeeze before setting her down. “Thanks for letting me borrow your mom tonight.”
Junie grins. “You’re welcome.”
“God she’s cute,” I murmur to Ava as we watch June make a beeline for Lee.
Ava grabs a jacket. “She is when she wants to be.”
“Aren’t they all? Here, lemme get that.” I take the jacket from her and hold it up. “We lucked out. It’s not as chilly as I thought it’d be, but you’ll still be glad you have this.”
Ava digs her teeth into her bottom lip before turning around to slip her arms into the jacket. I place it on her shoulders, arcing my thumb over the inside of her neck.
Her breath catches, a flash of heat moving across her eyes. “Thank you. Now let’s get the hell out of here before Junie changes her mind about her allowing you to borrow me.”