Chapter 17
17
JOSS
For over an hour, I worried that what I’d done—what I felt—had ruined the peace that Rylan and I had. While he supervised Kolton with the security system. While I helped Van with securing the sound system speakers into place. While the four of us cleaned the lobby until it was spotless, ready for our first customers to show up.
All that worrying seemed to be for nothing. Rylan treated me the same as he had earlier in the day. He even flirted with me like always, offering me help with things—like climbing into the front seat of Van’s truck—that I was perfectly capable of doing myself.
At Dueling Axes, all three of them treated me like I was incapable of doing a thing. Kolton signed us up for a cage while we ordered food and drinks from the bar, then Van and Rylan insisted on carrying it all while I clutched my purse and felt dumb.
I didn’t know what to do with myself. I wasn’t used to being treated like this. Peter never lifted a finger to help me out, even when it was something I could barely lift myself. Even my parents would have made me carry my weight—both figuratively and literally. It was just expected of me. The zoo always came first.
“Something wrong?” A hand wrapped around my hip as the voice rumbled close to my ear. A voice that had me trembling for reasons I wasn’t used to.
Turning my head, I sucked in a hint of peppermint-scented air. Rylan was so close to me it felt like he’d stolen my remaining breath. I offered him a smile that didn’t feel any stronger than my shaky knees, and I fingered my hair at my shoulder. “Nothing.”
The word was a breathy whisper that had Rylan’s face morphing—his furrowed brow melted, his probing gaze softened, his frown transformed as the corners of his lips turned up. He squeezed my hip, giving it a tug that pulled my body against his. “Have a seat, gorgeous.”
He had his free hand on the back of a chair at our high-top table. The hand on my hip slid lower, half on my ass as he gave a squeeze.
“Up you go.” Just like when he helped me into Van’s truck, Rylan offered me his hand. I slid mine into it as I had then. Although then, I’d done it more out of reassurance that he wasn’t pushing me away than of need.
Now, I needed it. I needed his steady presence and the hand on my ass that helped boost me into my seat.
Rylan stepped up into his chair beside me, immediately busying himself with the baskets of wings and fried pickles and onion rings they’d ordered for us. His sudden lack of attention left me floundering—it felt like whiplash, the way he showered me with attention and then pulled away.
I lifted my gaze, only to find Van frowning at the two of us.
With a hard swallow, I turned on a smile. “This looks amazing.”
“You look nervous.” Van’s cocky grin was almost as infuriating as Rylan’s, though for different reasons. Van’s was so much a part of who he was, whereas Rylan’s just left me hot and bothered.
“I’m not nervous,” I told him, only realizing as he dropped his attention to my hands that I was wringing my hair as if it were wet. I stilled my hands before I forced them to my lap. “This should be fun.”
Rylan grinned. “Damn right.” He bit into a wing just as Kolton reached for one of his own.
“I’m not going to lie. I’m a bit nervous.” He brought his wing to his lips, only to pause and pull it away. “Kacie said this was one of the most terrifying things she’s ever done.”
“Terrifying? What’s terrifying about it?” Rylan asked.
While Kolton responded, I turned to Van, brow scrunched as I mouthed Kacie?
Van leaned closer until he could whisper in my ear. “One of his two sisters. You haven’t heard about them yet?” I shook my head and Van let out a chuff. “Then you’re in for a treat.”
Van pulled back and I reached for the basket of fried pickles, only to brush the bottom of my forearm against Rylan’s clenched fist. The mere sight of it had me recoiling as the hair on my arm and neck rose. I dragged my attention toward his face and a small amount of relief rushed through me when he offered me a tight smile.
“—And Kendra said she was just being a pussy,” Kolton said, “that it isn’t that bad. So, I don’t know who to believe.”
“I side with Kendra on this one.” Van laughed and Kolton shook his head.
“You always side with Kendra.”
“That’s because”—Van snagged the last two potato skins from the basket nearest Kolton and tossed one on my plate—“she’s the most reasonable of the two.”
Rylan’s smile grew even tighter. “Maybe the asshole in you just loves the domineering bitch in her.”
My eyes widened and my hand shot out to cover his fist. “Rylan!”
Van and Kolton only laughed. The two of them offered up one form of excuse or another—something I was sure I should probably listen to. But there was no listening, at least not on my part. Not when Rylan flipped his hand over and snagged mine, tucking it under the table to rest it on his knee.
Much like when he’d pulled me close to him back at the office, my brain short circuited. I couldn’t focus on anything but the feel of his fingers strung between mine. That, and the way those lifted hairs on my arm seemed to stir. The way my skin itched with the need to have him closer to me.
Rylan was already close. Any closer and we’d be pressed against each other. These tables weren’t large, and with the placement of it inside our cage, it didn’t leave much room.
The space it did leave felt inadequate. Felt like Kolton and Van were too close. Like Rylan was too far away, even though he was right here, holding my hand the way he had as we walked all over Vegas three years ago.
“Okay, here’s one.” Rylan loosened his grip, though he didn’t move to take his hand away. “If you could have a pet in your apartment, what would it be?”
When Kolton scratched at his chin in thought, I realized Rylan’s question wasn’t directed at me.
Did he play this game with everyone he met? Was my experience with him in Vegas just normal for him?
I slipped my hand out of his and picked at an onion ring as Kolton said, “Hmm. I’d say a golden retriever.”
“Why?” Van asked with a smile before he raised both pointer fingers like they were guns and aimed them at Kolton. Both he and Rylan responded at the same time Kolton did, the three of them saying the exact same thing: “Kendra said I should.”
Kolton’s cheeks pinked as the two men laughed at him. I didn’t catch his response. I was too distracted by the finger rubbing circles in the middle of my back.
Rylan kept his attention on Kolton while his arm was draped over the back of my chair. Each swirl of his finger left a chill—a thrill—racing along my spine, and once again I was too distracted by what he was doing to me to follow the conversation.
It wasn’t until the three of them laughed again, and Rylan paused, pressing his palm to my back, that I forced myself to tune back in.
“Rottweiler,” Van said when the two others turned their attention to him. He grinned, lifting his palms in defense. “I know, I know.”
Once again, the three of them said the exact same thing: “It’s fucking fitting!”
“No, really.” Van didn’t turn pink like Kolton did, but he did rush to explain. “I always wanted a dog growing up. My sisters tried to convince my dad to get one of those fru fru, yippy yappy dogs with the poofy white hair?—”
“A poodle?” Rylan asked.
“No, smaller than that.” Van pointed at me and snapped his fingers. “What is it? A bitch-something?”
“A Bichon Frisé?”
“Yes!” He pumped his fisted hand like he’d just won something. “The bitchy thing. Anyway, I refused to have one of those in my house?—”
“It was your parents’ house,” I interjected, but Van glared my way.
“ My house.”
As if he felt he needed to soothe away the sting of Van’s glare, Rylan started drawing circles on my back again. I peeked at him, but his attention was locked on Van as he continued to speak.
“Patty threw such a raging hissy fit, Dad put his foot down and said no pets.”
“Who is Patty?” Kolton asked.
“The Devil incarnate.”
I rolled my eyes, reaching forward to put a calming hand on Van’s arm. “She’s his stepmom.”
When Van glared at me again, Rylan twirled his finger through my hair, tugging gently as if he was trying to pull me close. When I leaned back in my chair, he ran his fingers through my long locks before brushing a few strands off my neck.
“Either way,” Van continued, his attention blessedly on Kolton and not my heated cheeks, “I’ve always wanted a Rotty. Pretty sure a dog like that would keep the Devil away.”
Both men shifted their attention, and I was glad it went to Rylan and not me. I was even more happy when, with one simple sentence, he brought me up to speed.
“If I could have any pet, I’d choose a Boston terrier.”
“A little yappy thing?” Van’s face pulled into a grimace. “Here I was starting to respect you and you have to go and say that.”
“Little, yes, but not yappy. I met one once and her most annoying trait was the slobber she left all over her favorite tennis ball. She could play fetch for hours and not get worn out.”
Kolton nodded. “Fetch is nice. Golden retrievers play fetch.”
“I bet a Rotty would fetch.”
Rylan gave one of his infuriating smirks. “If you could get him to let go of whatever he’s fetching.” He reached across the table so quickly I jumped, and he grabbed hold of Van’s forearm in a hard grip.
Van laughed as he tried to get away. When he finally did, the three of them turned their attention to me.
“How about you, gorgeous?” Rylan snapped his hand at me like it was a mouth. I let out a yelp of surprise, which had them laughing again.
Straightening in my seat, I tucked my hair behind my ear. “I already have pets.”
“In your apartment?” Kolton asked. “How’d you swing that?”
Van was shaking his head before he finished. “She’s got fish.”
I scoffed. “And shrimp and snails.”
“Those aren’t pets. They’re food.”
With the back of my hand, I slapped Van across the shoulder. He’d said the same thing the first time he came to my place.
“They’re my pets, and I love them.”
He pointed at me, though told Kolton in a mock whisper, “She loves them so I can’t eat them.”
I rolled my eyes at my friend even as I smiled.
“Other than fish,” Rylan said, and I was suddenly aware of how much closer he was than before, “what kind of pet would you get?” His fingers were in my hair again, tugging gently as he caught a snag.
The little hairs on the back of my neck rose and goosebumps peppered my skin. I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“A golden?” Kolton asked.
“Nah,” Van told him, rubbing his thumb across his own chin, “Joss is more a German Shepherd kind of girl. Nice and big, highly trainable. The perfect dog to keep her safe.”
My cheeks warmed and I ducked my head. Van was always looking out for me, always thinking of my safety. “I’d honestly rather have a guard donkey than a dog.”
There was silence for a moment as my response sunk in. Then, as if he was worried about offending me, Kolton tilted to one side and asked Van out of the side of his mouth, “What the fuck is a guard donkey?”
Van burst out laughing, and the sound ricocheted around the entire room. He slapped his palm against the table, causing me to jump.
I jumped, right into Rylan’s side.
The man curled his hand around my hip, tugging me closer as he pressed his shoulder to mine.
“What’s a guard donkey, gorgeous?”
Rylan had a glimmer in his eyes, but they weren't filled with skepticism like Kolton’s were. Instead, it was Vegas all over again. It was him genuinely interested in every single thing that came out of my mouth.
It warmed me, that look. It made me feel like I was in a safe place.
“It’s a donkey that protects livestock. My neighbor had one and his sheep never once got attacked by coyotes.”
“Um.” Kolton cleared his throat. “Couldn’t a dog protect livestock? I mean, don’t they?”
“They can and do,” I told him, “but donkeys won’t keep you up all night barking.”
Van wiped a hand down his face, but it didn’t wipe away his smile. “She’s telling the truth. Some farmers use donkeys to protect their herds. These things are smart and fiercely loyal. They’ll chase after a threat if they have to.”
“My neighbor’s donkey saved his niece from getting attacked by a coyote,” I said with a shrug. “Another time, he woke the guy up with his braying.”
“Thought you said they didn’t keep you up at night?” Kolton said with a grin.
“Oh, he didn’t. One of their horses got his head stuck between the wires of the fence. She would have died overnight, but the donkey woke him up and led him to the horse and he was able to get her free.”
“That’s crazy!”
“They’re smart. They’re calmer than most dogs. And they?—”
“They shit everywhere,” Van said with a laugh.
Which only set the rest of us off.
We finished our food and ordered more drinks, then Van hustled us over to the opening of the cage.
“Ok, I’ll go first. Just watch how I do it.” He showed us how to hold the ax, then how to throw. He used both hands, pulling the ax back over his head before flinging it at the target at the other end of the cage. It didn’t hit the bullseye, but it got pretty close to the green ring around it.
Next was Kolton’s turn. Van walked him through it, adjusting his grip, talking about speed and force and a whole lot of other nonsense. Kolton missed the target eight times under Van’s brilliant instruction, a fact that Rylan didn’t let go unnoticed.
When it was his turn, Rylan didn’t give Van the time to adjust his grip. It was probably good that he didn’t. Rylan got closer to bullseye than the others, slicing through the edge of the green ring.
Finally, it was my turn. Van went monologuing again. He reached back to grab one of the extra axes so he could show me how to adjust my hold. But when he turned back, I was no longer holding the ax in my hand.
It was stuck in the target, the entire blade embedded in the bright red center ring.
“Holy shit.” Van blinked, then wiped his hand down his face and blinked again. “You hit the bullseye.”
“Sure did.” I lifted my chin, then huffed on my nails before shining them against my chest. It wasn’t until then that it hit them. All three of them turned to look at me before Van and Kolton lifted their arms and cheered. Rylan wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me against his chest as he jumped and hollered with them, as if they had gotten the bullseye on the first try.
Their laughter was contagious, their celebration filling me with so much happiness I felt like I could cry. Could life get any better than this? Friends that helped me and protected me. Who celebrated my wins and cheered me on?
I looked at Rylan, at the dark glint in his deep blue eyes.
Maybe. Maybe life could get just a little bit better.
“Do it again,” Kolton said, taking an ax and shoving it my way. “Show me how you did it. This guy can’t teach worth shit.”
“Hey!” Van shoved Kolton’s shoulder. “It’s beginner's luck. Just watch. She won’t be able to hit it again.”
“You sure about that?” Rylan asked, sliding his arm around my shoulder and tugging me close.
Van and Kolton turned their faces toward the target and both their mouths dropped open when they saw the second ax sunk not far from where my first had hit.
Kolton turned his wide eyes my way. “Where’d you say you were from again?”
Over more drinks and more wings, I explained to them that I’d been throwing hatchets and knives at targets since I was a little girl. Cheyenne’s dad had taught her how, and we often threw at the target he’d set up for her and her siblings in their back yard. Though the hatchets were smaller than the axes at Dueling Axes, and it’d been a long time since I’d chopped wood for Peter’s fire pit, handling them felt like second nature. Like riding a bike, this was something I hadn’t forgotten over the years.
As the guys drank, they got louder and even worse at hitting the target. Even Rylan, who’d barely drank any of his second beer, couldn’t quite get the ax in the center ring. It got to the point where even Van was begging me for pointers, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
When our time was up, both Van and Kolton were drunk, and neither should have been handling the axes, let alone driving home. That was a problem, considering I’d come with Van and had planned on him taking me back to my apartment.
“We’ll call a car,” Van slurred as his hand slipped off the back of the high-top chair and he almost fell. “We can split the fare. We’ll drop you off, then circle back to this side of town to get Kolton and I home.”
“You two live over here?” Rylan asked from where he stood a good six feet away. When they both nodded, he swung his gaze to me. His teeth grazed his bottom lip before he offered me a smile. “Let me take you. I’m safe to drive and then these two don’t have to worry about getting you home.”
Van’s brow furrowed and he blinked at me. “You okay with that, Joss?”
Ever the protector.
I tugged my hair off my neck, trying to keep from overheating at the thought of Rylan taking me home.
What would he do? Would he try to kiss me the way I was so certain he was going to earlier today? Would he ask to come up? Would he ask to stay?
There was no way I had the ability to tell him no. Not with the amount of alcohol I’d drank. Not with the way I was already dying to close the gap between us.
“Yeah, sure.” I fingered my hair. “That’d be great.”
Did my voice go up a notch when I responded? If so, no one acted like they noticed. I grabbed the axes while Rylan walked between Kolton and Van, occasionally correcting their course and heading them toward the door. Once they were in their car and had pulled away, Rylan turned to me, stretching his hand out between us in an offer to take mine.
“Come on, gorgeous. Let’s get you home.”
Tomorrow morning, I’d deal with my embarrassment at how quickly I rushed to his side. With my hand in his, I let Rylan led me to his truck. It wasn’t quite as high as Van’s, but that didn’t mean Rylan didn’t guide me inside the same way. He even helped me buckle in, making sure the seat belt was secure around me before closing me in and walking around to the driver’s side.
The whole way to my apartment, Rylan kept his eyes on the road. I loved it and I hated it. I loved that he wasn’t distracted, that I could trust him to see any obstacles or oncoming cars. But I hated it, because I missed his gaze raking over my body. I missed the warmth of his palm against mine and the pressure of his fingers as they wound around my own.
At the curb outside my apartment, Rylan put his truck in park and turned my way. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to drag me to him and steal my breath away.
He did, just not the way I imagined.
“Can I walk you up?”
Thank goodness for the darkness of the night, or Rylan would have seen my cheeks flame red. “Yes.” Yes, I wanted him to come up. I wanted it so much. “That’d be great.”
Rylan rushed around the truck, helping me out and onto the crooked sidewalk. He held my hand as we went inside and didn’t let go until I needed it to unlock my door.
“This is it,” I told him, tossing my purse to the table against the wall. I closed it behind him, then watched as he took in all my stuff. My second-hand couch. The coffee table I’d salvaged from the front stoop on garbage day. He even eyed the prints of flowers and plants I’d framed and hung where a TV should have gone.
Inevitably, his gaze landed on my fish tank. It was hard not to, considering it was the second biggest thing in the room.
His face lit up as he moved toward the tank, eyes wide as he bent at the waist to peer in through the glass. “I didn’t expect it to be so big.”
I went to his side, aching to touch him but unsure if I should. “They need a lot of space. It makes them happy and helps them grow.” I watched him watch my fish. Watched as he got just as lost as I did. Then Gary had to go and fall to the floor of the tank, ruining the mood.
Rylan stood to his full height and looked down at me. “What makes you happy, gorgeous?”
I swallowed hard. Rylan made me happy. Being close to him. Feeling his hands upon my body, his breath upon my neck. For a brief moment, I was consumed with memories of our wedding night. Memories I wanted to make more of.
“This,” I finally managed, though I wasn’t sure exactly what I meant. Rylan, being here in my apartment? Rylan, being so close?
Or was it just this? My apartment. My fish tank. My container of unsalted peanuts and the basket of trinkets I got in exchange.
Whatever I meant, Rylan decided on his own what it was. He closed in, taking hold of each of my hands and pulling me close.
“Are you and Van?—”
When he didn’t continue, I guessed at what he meant. “Friends?” When he nodded, I did too. “We’re just friends. He knows I’m married.”
He let out a huff. “He told me as much. Told me to lay off you, not flirt with you anymore.”
“What?”
“I didn’t listen.” He squeezed my hands and pulled me closer, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“I noticed.”
Rylan’s head dipped closer. “I had fun tonight.” His voice was low and deep, and it warmed me as much as his body heat did. “I’d like to do it again.”
I blinked a few times and tilted my head. “I’d like that too.”
“Just the two of us, gorgeous. I want—” His mouth worked for a second before he glanced away. When he looked back, his brow was furrowed. “I want to go out with you. Just you and me. Alone.”
“Okay.” I dragged the word out. “Like, on a date?”
Rylan’s shoulders dropped and he smiled. “Yeah. On a date.”
“I’d love that.”
He nodded, then his gaze dropped to my mouth. “I really want to kiss you.”
Holding my breath, I wet my lips. There wasn’t much more I wanted than that. He let go of my hand and curled his palm around my cheek. With his head tilted to one side, he ran the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip.
“But I’m worried.” His voice wasn’t much more than a whisper. I curled into him, trying to get closer, trying to make sure I didn’t miss a thing. “I’m worried that once I start, I won’t be able to stop again.”
“That’s okay.”
His smile wasn’t the wide, infuriating grin I was so used to. It looked sad. He looked sad. “Promised myself I wouldn’t do that again.”
My eyes snapped to his as I edged my head back. “Do what?”
Rylan cupped my other cheek. His fingers wrapped around the back of my head, cradling me in his palms. “Lose myself in you.”
I placed my hands over his. “Rylan?—”
“It hurt, Joss. Losing you wrecked me. As much as I know I should walk away and never look back, I can’t help wanting you. I can’t help wanting a second chance.”
“I want you too.”
He squeezed his eyes shut as a smile tugged at his lips. Pressing his forehead to mine, Rylan nudged my nose with his. I held my breath again, waiting, wanting, ready for his kiss.
When it came, it wasn’t at all what I expected. Rylan dropped a kiss between my brows, then edged back, that sad smile still in place.
“Gotta check my schedule,” he told me as he let me go. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the little slip of paper he’d taken from me earlier. He took my hand, placing the paper in my palm before squeezing my fingers around it. “Soon as I can, I’ll take you out. Wanna do it right this time, gorgeous. I promise, I’ll make it right.”
With nothing more than a nod, he walked to the door, stopping before he stepped out into the hall.
“See you on Monday?”
With a tight throat and burning eyes, I nodded, lifting my hand to wave. “See you Monday.”
Then he was gone, and I was left hating myself more than I ever had.