Chapter 18
18
RYLAN
It’s funny how a life can change. The minute I decided I wanted to date Joss, my schedule got so busy, I barely saw her for weeks. I’d always loved being on the go. To move around and engage in my surroundings, to be active to the point that I could fall in bed at night and be dreaming of my next adventure within minutes.
Now all I dreamed of was sitting on the new sofa in the lobby, enjoying the quiet between us as I watched her cheeks pink each time she felt me staring.
Damn, she was the most gorgeous creature in the world. Not having her near me left me itching, aching to see her again. I had to cancel an appointment and turn down an offer to go home and see Ma and Pops to make time to see her, but I couldn’t wait any longer.
When she pulled open her apartment door, the smile on her face would have been enough to tide me over for another month had it not already been so long. Not really. Joss was a drug I couldn’t get enough of. Seeing that smile only made me want her more.
Seeing the rest of her left me aching for something I promised myself I couldn’t have. Not yet.
“Hey.” Joss stood in the doorway, smiling, looking me over like she felt the same way.
Dragging my gaze down her front, I struggled to find words. My attention zipped back to her face. “Hot damn, gorgeous. You are stunning.”
I’d wanted to start over. To take her on a proper first date where we didn’t end up married and in bed. When I mentioned it to her, I hadn’t expected this.
She was dressed in that same sun dress she’d worn when I first saw her, her cowboy boots replaced with slightly more sensible shoes—since I told her we’d be walking.
She even had a bruise on her leg, a Band-Aid slapped right in the middle. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and nodded to it, feeling like, if I did more, she’d be in my hands and we’d never leave her apartment. “Quite the bruise you got there.”
Her face screwed up, the smile dropping as she gestured over her shoulder toward the couch. “That stupid table.” She grabbed her purse from beside the door and strung it over her shoulder. “I was watching videos on my tablet and when I stood from the couch, I stepped forward and smashed my shin into the edge.”
Joss stepped into the hall next to me, and if I hadn’t had my hands secured, I would have pulled her to me. Her bruise—in the exact spot it would be if I believed her, and I did—had those same protective instincts racing through me that I had before.
I offered her my elbow, which she took with a smile that had my brain melting. “Need me to take care of it for you?”
She laughed, rolling her eyes and lifting her shoulders. “You’re crazy, Rylan Dennis.”
“Just crazy for you, gorgeous.” I bit my tongue, because hadn’t I told myself this night was going to go different? The color that rushed to her cheeks had me loosening my jaw. No words came, though. Because her flush stole whatever sanity might have been left in my head.
Lucky for me, that flush didn’t seem to affect her the same way. She led me down the hall toward the elevator, chattering as she went. I listened intently, eager to soak up every last thing she said.
“So where are we going?” Joss asked as I pulled from my parking spot in front of her apartment and into the evening traffic.
I kept my eyes on the road—Van had mentioned how freaked out Joss would get if he turned his attention to anything but driving—and told her, “I’m taking you to dinner.”
Was it possible to hear when someone rolled their eyes? I was pretty sure I heard hers—or maybe it was the groan. Though, that groan had me thinking of her moans of pleasure when she came, and I?—
“I kind of figured that much,” she said, interrupting the stampede of my thoughts. “I figured you could tell me where . Or is that still a secret?”
A grin stretched my lips, and I took a chance, shooting her a quick glance.
She was beautiful when she got riled up.
“That’s still a secret.”
“Rylan!”
So. Fucking. Beautiful.
Reaching across the center console, I took her hand in mine. “Patience, gorgeous. You’ll know soon enough.”
And she would. I could see Navy Pier from where we sat at the red light. By the time we’d pulled into the parking garage, she was bouncing in her seat.
“I can’t believe you’re taking me to Navy Pier!” She had the widest smile on her face when she spun my way. “I’ve only been there a few times and I absolutely love it.”
As I cut the engine, I put on a frown and turned toward her. “And here I thought I had something special planned.”
Joss grabbed my hand and practically crawled across the center console, that wide smile turning my fake frown upside down as she moved closer. “Oh, Rylan, you have no idea.”
She reached for me, her fingers dancing up my bicep, sending warmth spreading through me as my blood fucking woke up and took notice.
“This place feels so magical to me, and I keep meaning to come but I always have something else that needs done.” That hand of hers reached my shoulder and swept across my chest, and she was leaning in, her gaze dropping to my mouth as she brought her hand to my cheek.
The desire to kiss her was so strong, it took everything in me not to. This wasn’t how I wanted tonight to go. First date kisses were meant for after the date, not before it’d even started. I was trying to be good, trying to prove to the both of us that this thing between us had staying power. That we could be more than a flash in the pan after a night of desire.
As if sensing my thoughts, Joss lifted her gaze to mine. Her smile faltered as she lowered her hand, though she fought to keep it in place.
“Thank you.” She took hold of my hand and squeezed. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
“Don’t thank me yet, gorgeous. We haven’t even gotten out of the car.”
She rolled her eyes—damn, she was beautiful when she did that too—and her smile came back. “Then what are we waiting for?”
“Not waiting on anything.” I swept her hair off her shoulder, then bent to place a kiss on her cheek. “Come on. Our reservations are ready.”
Joss held tight to my hand as we strolled along the pier, passing a crowd gathered around a band playing an upbeat song. The cool wind blowing in off the lakes whipped her hair around her shoulders, making her look full of the magic she thought this place held.
She’d certainly put a spell on me—I’d been weak in the knees for her from the first time I saw her. She caught me staring and though color rose to her cheeks, she didn’t comment. Only smiled shyly and leaned in a little closer, until our shoulders were pressed together as tightly as our palms.
At the restaurant, Joss ordered a daiquiri, and I got a beer—as if we really were starting all over again. Once the waiter stepped away with our order, I turned my full attention back to her.
“So, Joss, tell me about yourself.”
She dipped her chin, clutched her drink between her hands, and peeked up at me. “What do you want to know?”
I leaned forward in my chair, ignoring my beer in favor of learning more about my girl. “Favorite hobby?”
She blinked at me, then dropped her gaze. Something flashed across her face—something I didn’t understand. But in an instant, it was gone. “Right now, probably watching my fish. Doing what I can to make sure they are healthy and enjoy their home.”
“They’ve got a nice home. Your tank is pretty cool.”
“Thank you.” She pulled her hair off her neck, then shifted in her seat. “Do you always do this?”
That look was back. Whatever had been bothering her a moment ago had come back to the forefront of her attention. “Do what?”
“This.” She waved her hand between the two of us. “The questions. You did it at Dueling Axes with Kolton and Van, and I…”
I took hold of her hand and waited until she looked back at me. “You what?”
“I thought this was something special between us.” Her voice was strained, higher pitched than normal. I wanted to pull her to me and soothe away whatever was eating her.
“Of course, this is special.”
“But you did the same thing with them.” She cleared her throat. “I thought?—”
Shrugging one shoulder, I tilted my head. “I like asking questions. I like hearing people talk. It’s the best way to get to know someone, and some of the stories I hear, well…” I tugged her hand closer. “I never knew guard donkeys existed until you said you wanted one. Guard donkeys. Who’da known?”
She let out a light laugh when I shook my head, some of the lightness from earlier returning to her eyes.
“You’re fascinating,” I told her, smoothing my thumb along her fingers. “People are fascinating, but none more than you.”
Pink tinted her cheeks. The way the sun shone through the windows, landing on her, made her glow. “What about you? What’s your favorite hobby?”
“Learning about people.”
She rolled her eyes and laughed. “Seriously?”
“Well, right now it is. But if anyone else were to ask, I’d probably say rock climbing.”
She perked up at that. “I’ve never been.”
“It’s a blast. I’ve tried getting Weston and Zane interested, but I don’t think they like that they’re not as good as me.”
Joss let out a laugh that had my heart skipping a beat. “Ego much?”
“Not so much ego as the truth. They’re decent enough, but they don’t spend every spare moment they have climbing walls and hanging off cliffs.”
Didn’t need her to know this little hobby of mine grew as a way to distract myself from thoughts of her. I couldn’t think about the pain of losing her while I was hanging from my fingertips from the side of a mountain. It took all my focus to make sure I stayed alive.
Not that it always worked. I’d had enough close calls to last me a lifetime.
Luckily, I was saved from elaborating when our waiter brought us our meals. This was no surf and turf, but Joss had commented how she was craving a good hamburger and I couldn’t let her down. We both dug in, enjoying our food and drinks, enjoying each other’s company in a way I missed.
I missed being able to talk to Joss so freely. This secret between us—that we were married, that we knew each other in a way no one could have guessed—hung over our heads whenever anyone else was around.
Hell, even this date was a secret. Joss told me that she almost let it slip to Van that she was going out with me, and the embarrassment on her face ate at something inside me, leaving me with an all too familiar feeling I’d been living with my entire life.
Toward the end of our meal, after the waiter brought a second daiquiri and another beer for me, Joss excused herself to use the restroom. It was nearly impossible not to follow her, to make sure she wasn’t slipping out on me again. As I watched the hallway she’d disappeared down, I was tempted to call Pops.
I needed him to tell me what to do. I needed him to tell me it was going to be okay, because the pit that developed in my stomach when she disappeared from view kept telling me I’d lost her again.
A sharp breath left me when she rounded the corner and stepped my way, and it didn’t want to return. She stole it from me. If I thought she glowed earlier, the dying sunlight left her looking like a fucking angel as it hit her beautiful skin.
Rising as she neared, I pulled out her chair and helped her into it, so damn tempted to curl myself around her and hold her so she could never leave me again.
I knew I was fucking pathetic. That I was so completely lost to her that I’d never be whole again.
I just couldn’t bring myself to care.
After we’d finished our drinks and paid, I tugged Joss into a little chocolate shop we’d passed on our way in. She hadn’t noticed, but I’d been thinking about the chocolate covered strawberries they’d had sitting in their window, and I knew I had to have some.
The only problem with that was the memories it brought up. The way her lips curled around the dark chocolate, her teeth tinted red from the sweet flesh of the fruit, reminded me of how she looked in Vegas after devouring the strawberries I’d bought her, her eyes heavy while she laid naked in my bed.
I wanted her there again, and that was a problem. Because I’d promised myself too many times that tonight would not end that way.
Instead, I took Joss outside and over to the Polk Bros Park. A nice, relaxing walk would get my mind where it was supposed to be. On connecting with this beautiful woman’s mind, not her body.
Unfortunately, nature had other ideas. No sooner had we stepped foot onto the grass of the park that the sky opened up and dumped a frigid rain down upon us.
“Oh my God!” Joss exclaimed as I climbed into the driver’s seat of my truck after we’d ran back to the dry safety of the parking garage. “Where did that come from?”
I started the engine and turned on the heat, then looked across the cab to her. She was drenched, head to toe, her long hair clinging to her face, her dress stuck to her skin as water still ran down her in rivulets. I wasn’t much better, my clothes soaked through. “There was no rain in the forecast. I promise, I looked.”
Joss threw her head back and laughed, baring her delicate throat.
No bruises.
Still, I was drawn to her. The moment my fingers touched her skin, her laughter stopped. Her eyes were dark as they locked on mine, and my body screamed to kiss her. To take her mouth and explore it with my tongue. To taste her for the first time since she’d left me in the desert without the flavor of her to sate my desire.
Her hand covering mine was the only thing that stopped me. It brought back an ounce of sanity, reminding me, once again, that’s not what I wanted for the night.
“I’d planned on a nice walk,” I told her, edging back so there was more distance between us. “You mentioned you like hiking, and while there’s?—”
“When?” Joss wrung her hands in her lap.
“When what?”
“When did I say— Oh.” She tucked a long, wet lock of hair behind her ear and bit her bottom lip. “Back then.”
“Back then,” I repeated. I turned away, because if I didn’t, I was sure to take her the way I’d been dreaming of. “There’s nowhere to hike here, but I thought a nice long walk would do. Get you out in nature, like you like.”
“That’s very sweet of you.” She reached for my hand. “Thank you.”
Giving her a squeeze, I nodded, then let her go so I could drive the truck. We were quiet while I drove her back to her place, and I feared I’d ruined everything. Reminders of our past were a real mood-killer, I’d found. The surprise thunderstorm—because that’s what the torrential rain had become as lightning clashed between the clouds—had ruined a perfectly good evening.
Or so I thought. Joss grabbed for my hand again after a particularly nasty clap of thunder had her jumping out of her seat. Once again, I wanted to hold her. To prove to her that she was safe, that I wouldn’t let anything happen to her.
“Let me walk you up,” I told her, nearly shouting over the sound of the rain pummeling my truck. There wasn’t a parking spot right out front, but I found one at the end of the block. Joss let me go long enough for me to pull into it and round the back of my truck, then we were clinging to each other as we raced to her front door.
Once inside, I couldn’t leave her. Not with the feel of her skin beneath my hands. We rushed into the elevator, and Joss slapped a button before she was suddenly in my arms.
Did I pull her to me, or did she turn into me? I couldn’t be sure, but as our mouths crashed together, I forgot to care.
There she was. The woman who stole my heart, clinging to my soaked body as I clung to hers. Kissing my mouth as I thrust my tongue into hers and tasted what I’d been missing all these years.
We fumbled out of the elevator, down the hall and to her door. She’d barely got it closed before I was sweeping her into my arms and turning to the room.
“Bed?” I asked, unable to say more, to keep my mouth from hers.
She whimpered and pointed, and I stumbled in that direction, my attention split between where my feet were taking me and what she was doing to me.
She tore my T-shirt up, exposing my rain-slicked skin before her fingertips grazed the top of my pants. I sucked in a sharp breath as she flicked through the button and zipper and shoved her hand inside. Her long, delicate fingers grazed the head of my cock before she wrapped them around it and that gentle touch had me buckling, dropping her onto her mattress before I was tumbling after.
“God, I’ve missed this,” she mumbled against my lips, her greedy hands raking my jeans down my hips and thighs as she latched onto my mouth and fucked it with her tongue.
She yanked my shirt over my head, breaking our kiss long enough for me to mutter, “Jesus, Joss,” before we were at it again. I shucked my pants, unable to think of anything but her touch as she returned her hands to my dick.
She swirled her thumb over the tip, which would have had my legs buckling if I weren’t already on my knees. In an instant, her hand was gone, but I didn’t have a chance to cry out my displeasure before she tore her mouth away from mine and licked my cock like a fucking lollipop.
This time, I did buckle. I fell to my hands, barely holding myself up as Joss shifted below me, taking my length into her mouth one smooth inch at a time. I looked down at her, at her hollowed cheeks, at her half-mast eyes, at her greedy hands that were clinging to my ass, pulling me forward until I hit the back of her throat.
She whimpered, then swallowed, and I swore to God, I died right there. It felt too good, too goddamn perfect, and though I’d never seen anything as sexy as Joss worshiping my cock, this wasn’t how I wanted this night to go.
Nothing about this night had gone the way I planned. A thought I pushed aside as I pulled free from her mouth, hooked an arm around her, and dragged her up to the middle of the bed.
“Let me take care of you, gorgeous.”
“Please, Rylan.” She stretched her neck, trying to reach my mouth, but I edged back and away.
“Be a good girl and tell me what you want.”
“I want you.” Her eyes locked on mine as she gripped my hips between her palms. “I want all of you, Rylan. Every last bit.”
My heart clenched and my stomach flipped and before I could respond, Joss was kissing me again. She tugged at my hips, guiding me between her open legs. I reached between us, only to be stopped by a silky fabric. Mouth locked on hers, I tugged her soaked panties down with one hand, my girl shimmying to get herself out of them. Then her hands were back on my ass, her tongue thrusting into my mouth, and she guided me forward until I was poised at her entrance.
“So help me, Rylan Dennis, if you don’t fuck me right now, I’ll never forgive you.”
I slid in slow, gaze locked on her, on the way her eyes rolled back in sheer pleasure and her mouth dropped open and her jaw trembled. When I could go no further, I stopped, grinning down at her.
She blinked to clear her vision, blinked again as she tried to focus on me. Then she asked in a needy whisper, “Why’d you stop?”
“Not gonna fuck you, gorgeous.”
“What?!”
I slid out of her tight clutch, then pushed my way back in. “Not gonna fuck you, baby. I’m going to make love to you.”
Because I love you.
I bit the words back, biting my tongue to keep them from falling free, especially when Joss’s eyes got all soft and watery. She kissed me again, her lips pursed until I thrust and her mouth fell open, and I licked inside at the same pace as I filled her with my cock.
“Gonna make you feel like a queen,” I whispered as I gathered her in my arms. And when I swirled my hips, dipping deep inside of her, I told her, “Gonna give you everything that you want.”
“I only want you.”
Her words wrecked me, because I couldn’t believe them. I wouldn’t believe anyone who told me that, regardless of whether they’d walked out on me before.
I couldn’t believe what I’d never found to be true.
That anyone would want me around long enough to love me.
I cast those thoughts aside, giving Joss all I could give while trying not to break in two.
I loved her. There was no doubt in my mind. Not as her orgasm took her, not as mine spilled from me in hot spurts that left me weak and sated and more needy than I’d ever been. Not as she curled herself around me, panting breaths slowing as she gripped me tight like she thought I’d leave.
Leaving wasn’t an option. My heart wouldn’t have let me back then, and it certainly wouldn’t let me now.
If only there was a way to ensure she’d stay. That I’d never wake up to an empty bed again. That she’d love me the way I loved her.
If only she would stay.