Chapter 26
26
RYLAN
Ma took a seat on the couch next to Pops and pulled her tea to her face with both hands. She’d been here all of twenty minutes, and this was the first she’d sat down. After flitting around my apartment to look it over, commenting on everything she saw, she’d wheeled me into the living room and fixed us all coffee and tea.
When she turned her attention on me, my heart rose to my throat, choking me. “How are you doing, sweetie?”
It took a moment before I could respond. I had to work through the knot in my throat. “Been better,” I managed. I didn’t get a chance to say more.
“Well, you look like hell. Is your nurse not doing enough for you?”
“My nurse?” I caught Pops lifting his eyebrow, but he didn’t say a word. “You mean Joss?”
Ma’s brow pinched and she tilted her head, taking another sip of her tea. “Joss. Isn’t that the lady who got us our tickets, Ray? I thought that pretty lady was your nurse.”
Somehow, I managed to shake my head. “She’s…”
Everything. She was everything. And I was a giant sack of shit.
“Rylan’s refused the help of a nurse,” Pops said, his tone gentle yet firm at the edges. “That nice young lady is the receptionist at Bridgewater.”
“She’s more than a receptionist,” I argued. Every word from my mouth felt like a fist pounding me into the ground. “She’s the office admin. She handles scheduling and reception, manages the whole damn office and keeps us all corralled.”
Pops lifted his brows again and dipped his head, looking at me like he expected me to say more.
But how could I? He was the only one who knew about me and Joss. The only one I trusted to know the truth. And I hated that he did know, because the whole point of not telling anyone was so it wouldn’t hurt so bad when she walked out on me again.
Like she just did.
That’s your fault, asshole.
“Well, that’s very nice of your boss to lend you his assistant,” Ma said, setting down her tea. Her gaze wandered around my apartment again, and dread curled into a ball in my stomach as my heart kicked faster in my chest.
“What are you doing, Ma?”
Her eyes flashed to mine and a bright smile lit her face. “Oh, Rylan. You should see the nice hotel they set us up in. There’s a fancy restaurant and a spa. They even have room service and a hot tub in our room. I tried to convince Ray to get in last night but, well.” She shrugged, glancing quickly at his leg. “Anyway, I enjoyed it. I’ve never been in one before, and it was wonderful.”
“I’m glad you liked it, Ma.”
My vision dotted at the edges as I watched her body nearly tremble in excitement. And as she scooted toward the edge of the couch, the sensation of suffocating overwhelmed me until I thought I might pass out.
“You know, Ray, they said we could use the spa any time we like.” She was off the couch in an instant, as if the fire alarm went off. My breath came faster as she stepped around the table and headed toward the kitchen and her purse.
“Susie,” Pops called, but I could already tell it was too late.
“What?” Her tone was defensive, her purse already strung over her shoulder. “A massage would be nice. I’ve never had one, you know. We should make the most of our time here in the city. Who knows when we’ll ever get back?”
“Ma.” I maneuvered my chair, careful not to push too hard because Joss wasn't here to pick me back up if I fell. “Where’re you going?”
“Just back to the hotel.” She met me near the door, dipping down to press a kiss to my cheek. “We’ll catch up soon, okay sweetie? I’ll get a massage and, oh! Maybe a pedicure. I’ve always wanted one of those. I’ll talk to you tonight, okay?”
“Susie.” Pops made no move to get off my couch and there was no missing his disappointment. It made me want to get down on my knees and apologize even though the look wasn’t directed at me.
Ma waved him off, completely unaffected by the frown that I’d tried my whole life not to put on his face. “It’s fine, it’s fine. You just stay here then. I’ll take a cab back to the hotel and you can come join me when you’re ready.”
She was out the door without another word, her fingers waving briefly in the air before the door slammed shut.
“Fuck.” I stared at the wooden door, my eyes feeling hot and my limbs so heavy I didn’t think I could move. As it turns out, I didn’t have to. Pops came to my side, turning my chair and pushing me back into the living room. He parked me next to his seat on the couch.
“Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?” Gentle, but firm. That was my Pops.
“I don’t know what you expect me to say,” I started, still reeling from Ma’s sudden and not fully unexpected departure.
Pops didn’t speak, and the silence made me itchy. Made me wish I could stand up and walk out the door the way Ma just had. The way Joss had moments before.
Made me want to follow after Joss.
“I can’t do it,” I muttered, more to myself than to Pops.
Didn’t stop him from asking, “Do what?”
I shook my head, because the answer would gut me. It killed me, too, because Pops was staring at me with his patience settled over him like a blanket. My eyes burned again and the ache in my throat turned to pain.
“I can’t lose her.” It came out just a whisper as I pressed my palms to my face.
“Now, why would you think you’d lose her?”
For a moment, I was too overwhelmed by my fears to gather my thoughts. When I finally did, I dragged my hands down my face and let them fall to my lap.
“Because I’m an insufferable ass.”
Pops let out a quiet chuckle but didn’t respond, which only made me try to fill the silence.
“She does everything for me, Pops. She is everything. And I’m grouchy and angry and frustrated as hell. I was supposed to take on a new client, a fucking lucrative one, and since I can’t work because I can’t even walk, they gave the client to Kolton. I mean, I like the guy, but he’s a total noob! He’s never had a client of his own, just passed his tests, and now he’s got one of our biggest, all because of my goddamn leg. Meanwhile, I’m stuck at home, unable to take a piss without relying on Joss to help me, and I hate it. I hate it and…”
I slammed my eyelids shut and sucked in a deep breath.
“And what?” Pops asked when I didn’t go on.
Turning my head, I muttered, “And I keep taking it out on her.”
“That why she ran off looking like she was going to cry?”
My chest squeezed and I opened my eyes. “You saw that?”
He lifted one eyebrow.
“She left me, Pops. Just like she did on our wedding night. Just like Ma—” I slammed my jaw shut, because that was one thought I’d never shared with anyone, and it just came tumbling out.
Ma always left me, just like she had a few minutes ago. I wasn’t enough for her. Not enough for her to come see me without someone forcing her to, and certainly not enough to keep her around once she got here. It was on me to care for myself, because no one else ever did.
“You know, sometimes marriage?—”
“I know, Pops. You told me before.”
“Did I, now?” He scrubbed his hand over his jaw, then shifted his leg, making his prosthetic thunk against the floor. He leaned back in his seat, quiet again, and it ate at me.
“What?” I asked, lashing out at the only one I had left.
Pops smiled, but it was full of sadness. “Don’t know that I ever told you the truth, Rylan. Might have beat around the bush a bit, hoping you’d get it without me having to say it, but I think I missed the mark.”
“What are you talking about?”
“It wasn’t Susie I was trying to save when I married her, kid.”
My brow furrowed and I shook my head. “What are you talking about?”
“I married her because of you . I married her because I couldn’t stand the thought of what would happen to you if I didn’t. That day I found you with blood coming out of your ears, I overheard the nurses whispering that they thought it was child abuse and they were going to keep an eye on you. They were going to strip you away from your ma and send you off to live with people you didn’t know. I couldn’t let them do that to you, kid. And I knew they would. Susie could barely take care of herself, let alone pay attention to you. She and I may not have been serious when we were together, but I had a soft spot in my heart for you, and I couldn’t let them take you away.”
He rubbed his thigh, casting it a glance I was sure matched the one I’d been sending at my own leg. When he continued, his voice had lost some of its emotion.
“I wasn’t much of a catch. With my leg and all…”
“Don’t do that,” I chided, only for him to turn a chastising glare my way. I ducked my head and let him continue.
“I had benefits. I couldn’t work, so I had plenty of time on my hands. And you needed someone to care about you.”
“I could have taken care of myself!” I bit out only to cringe as the words hit my own ears.
“You know that’s not true. You couldn’t take care of yourself, kid. That’s why you were bleeding from the ears and hadn’t eaten in days. But that’s also not what I said. I said you need someone to care about you. Susie was so wrapped up in her own little world, she forgot about the most important person in it: You.”
“Pops.” Emotion clogged my throat and my eyes burned once again.
“You are special, Rylan. Having kids of my own was never in the cards for me, but I’ve never regretted a moment of that because I had you.”
A tear fell from my eye, but I couldn’t wipe it away. Pops had grabbed my hands in his, holding on so tightly I couldn’t have let go if I wanted to.
“I’ve always loved you, kid. Even when you were an insufferable ass.”
“Hey!” I couldn’t help but laugh, especially not after seeing a rare smile on his face. When my laughter calmed, I turned a sober look his way. “I’m lucky to have you.”
“You’re lucky to have Joss, too.”
Nodding, I wiped a hand across my face. “I love her.”
“Does she know that?”
“Yeah. At least I think she does.”
Pops didn’t speak for a minute, and as content as I was in that silence, I could feel something else coming. By the time he spoke, my shoulders were tense, waiting for whatever it was, because I was sure it was going to hurt.
“You two still married?”
It wasn’t quite what I was expecting, and I blinked at him as I tried to find whatever alternative meaning he might have had.
He shrugged, glancing down at my hand. “She wasn’t wearing a diamond ring. And I see you’re without a ring as well. So, are you still married or what?”
I huffed out a breath, then found myself baring my soul to my stepdad. I told him about Joss, how I’d walked into work over a year ago and found her standing there looking like the most beautiful woman alive. I explained how I’d hated her, and how that had slowly changed as I got to know her and the reason she left, and what happened after. I had tears in my eyes as I told him how she’d practically moved in with me after I came home from the hospital, how she made my life worth living when being stuck in my apartment had me itching for a way out.
“Why haven’t you left?” Pops asked gently, still holding onto one of my hands.
“I can’t.” I shook my head. “I’m not steady enough. I’m not strong enough to get up and stand on one leg.”
“Not strong enough,” he muttered under his breath before his voice took on a harsher tone. “I call bullshit. You’re trying to tell me that you—a man who hasn’t been able to sit still for more than an hour before he’s itching to move again, who has climbed the sides of mountains and jumped from airplanes and the tallest building in Vegas—you aren’t strong enough to pull yourself up and stand on one leg?”
“It hurts,” I tried, but Pops wasn’t listening. Instead, he unhooked his prosthetic leg and took it off, then made a show of pulling himself to standing, balancing himself on the only working leg he’d had since before I met him. My heart pounded in my chest as he let go of the couch, putting his arms out to his sides—reminding me of the yoga pose I’d done in the class Joss dragged me to. A pose I’d done without issue just days before that bullet hit my thigh.
Pops turned his gaze to me and gave a smile that said the words that’s fucking bullshit without him opening his mouth. He tilted his body, and I lifted my hands, worried about how I was going to catch him when I couldn’t even catch myself, but he righted himself before I had a chance.
My heart didn’t slow until he’d settled himself on the couch again, and it didn’t return to its normal rate until he’d picked up his leg and strapped it back on.
“You didn’t need to do that,” I mumbled as he lifted his attention away from his leg. “I know how much pain you’re in.”
“You’re right. I am in pain.” He reached out and took my hand. “But if I didn’t work through the pain, I never would have gotten out of my hospital bed and moved back home. I never would have met Susie, and I never would have met you. And while you may cause me pain,” he said, giving me a crooked smile, “I’ve never regretted a moment of it.”
I squeezed my eyes closed as my heart clenched in my chest. After a few deep, steeling breaths, I looked back at him. “I need your help, Pops.”
“All you gotta do is ask, kid.”
A little over an hour later, Pops pulled his rental car up to the curb near Joss’s apartment. He rounded the vehicle, helping me climb out and get situated on my crutches. Then he grabbed the can of unsalted peanuts from my seat.
“Are you sure about this?” he asked, eyeing me like he thought I might be crazy.
The thing was, it was true. I was crazy. Crazy for Joss. And I knew, if I didn’t do this, I’d regret it for the rest of my life.
“I’m sure,” I told him, taking the can and stuffing it into the pocket of my sweats. “Stay here. Frank doesn’t like strangers.”
While Pops got himself back into the car, I shuffled my way over until I was directly across from Joss’s fire escape. Frank was up on the roof with his buddies, and I swore I could feel his beady little eyes staring down at me. Bracing myself on my crutches, I slowly reached for the can in my pocket and pulled it out. Frank spread his wings when I gave it a shake but didn’t make a move.
“Oh, come on, Frank. It’s me! Your buddy, Rylan!” When he stomped his foot, I shook the can again. When he didn’t move, I opened it up and dumped a few peanuts into my palm. “Come on, buddy. You can’t tell me you don’t remember me. You’re the one who kissed me.”
Frank bobbed his head while he made a noise that sounded like laughter.
“Well, I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t need your help.” I lifted my hand, damn near losing my balance as I did. After a couple more tries, I was able to show my palm to the crow.
Frank jumped off the building, swooping down to the street in front of me. I glanced toward the car and caught Pops watching with fascination dancing in his eyes. I dropped a nut to the ground, tempting Frank closer. Then dropped another when he didn’t try to fly away.
After that, though, I just held my hand out flat. If he wanted more, he was going to have to work with me.
“Come on, Frank. Come on up here. I can’t get down there like I used to.”
He eyed me, tilting his head back and forth, and I was sure this whole thing was a waste when he opened his wings and let out a squawk. But suddenly, those wings flapped, and the bird took flight for all of a few seconds before he landed on my arm. He plucked a peanut out of my palm and swallowed it down before he turned his eyes on me.
“Find anything shiny lately?” I asked, the same way Joss always did when we met him on the street. “You been bringing Joss pretty things?”
Frank bobbed where he stood, then spread his wings wide before taking a menacing step toward my face. He jumped, and I swore I was going to lose my eyes, that the bird was going to pluck them right out of my head. But instead, he landed on my shoulder. And when his beak came toward my face, it was only to peck my cheek.
Laughter shook me as a smile ripped across my face. “Good job, Frank.” I brought my hand up, offering him the last peanut I’d shaken loose. “I’ve got a job for you.” I patted him atop the head, like Joss did when she was happy with his tricks. “Do you think you could do a job for me?”
He tilted his head side to side and seemed to glance at my empty hand.
“I’ve got more,” I promised. “I’ll give you all you can eat if you help me out.”
He blinked, then spread his wings. But he didn’t fly away.
Slowly, careful not to lose my balance and fall onto my ass in the middle of the street, I reached into my pocket and pulled out a pretty, pale blue box. Frank watched intently as I opened it up, then bobbed excitedly when he saw what was inside.
“I need you to take this,” I told the crow as I extracted Joss’s wedding ring from the black cushion where it sat. “I need you to take this up there and give it to Joss. Can you do that for me, Frank? Bring it up there and knock on the window and make sure she gets it?”
Frank bobbed again and spread his wings, reaching for the ring. I pulled it back, far enough away that he couldn’t snatch it and run.
Was I crazy? I had to be. I was about to give an expensive diamond ring to a bird who made his living stealing shiny objects and trading them for food. But I had to try. I had to get Joss back. And I wasn’t sure how else to do it.
“Promise me, Frank,” I whispered, my throat tightening as I pictured him flying away and taking Joss with. “I need her to say yes. I need her to take the ring and put it on her finger and say yes. Can you do that for me? Can you help me out?”
Frank stomped his foot like he was telling me I was stupid. Either that or he really just wanted the ring. He snatched it right out of my fingers when I brought it too close, then flapped away with my only hope.