Twenty-Two
My nerves are on fire
This is desire
Oh . . . I think this is the start
Of something electric, magnetic
I hope I don’t regret it
‘Electric’ from The In-Between
I’m in the kitchen, with my laptop open, ready to book the world’s longest coach to get to Manchester.
It’s now mid-October and Ollie’s birthday is three weeks away, and the train tickets are eye-wateringly expensive.
And for every day I’ve not booked, the prices have climbed higher and higher.
The coach may be a lot cheaper, but what it doesn’t cost me in money, it costs me in time.
Seven hours, to be precise, because of a ‘route diversion’ which means they’ve added five more stops than usual. Wonderful.
Luckily Ollie’s birthday has timed with half term, which means I can afford to spend a full Friday travelling to Manchester.
That’s when I notice the basketball in the garden. I see it as a signal that Daze wants to speak to me. He simply can’t be this bad at basketball, no matter how hard the tricks are.
I walk outside in a puffer jacket, pick up the ball and throw it over the fence.
‘Aren’t you cold?’ I say. Daze is dressed in a basketball jersey, but with leggings under long shorts.
‘Hell yeah,’ says Daze. ‘But it keeps me moving.’ He starts dribbling aggressively, then stops suddenly, walks away and picks up a jumper. ‘But I guess to talk to you I should put this on.’
‘How’s it going? How’s school?’
‘I like it,’ he says. ‘I took your advice to make some friends, and now I think I like soccer. Well, football.’
‘That’s good!’
‘You should write an advice book or something. Ty told me you like to write.’
‘I’m not that good.’ I laugh. ‘I barely know what I’m doing tomorrow.’
‘But you’re so . . . cool,’ says Daze. ‘Like, nothing gets you. You didn’t get Rose Conrad tickets and you seem fine, even though I know you must have been sad.’ I decide not to tell him how I wept to Dreamers for several hours in my room.
‘I’m definitely not as cool as you think,’ I say.
‘But it’s nice of you to say anyway.’ I pause.
‘In fact, I spend a lot of time in my head and I keep putting off the big decision about the future. I don’t think any of that is cool.
Plus, I cried for hours after not getting Rose Conrad tickets, you didn’t see it. ’ So much for not telling him.
‘Well, that sounds like . . . a lot,’ says Daze, scrunching up his face.
‘I shouldn’t be telling my life problems to an eleven-year-old.’ I sigh.
‘It’s all right, people end up telling me things.’ He shrugs.‘I have that type of face.’
Suddenly I see my shot. ‘Does Ty tell you things too?’ I ask, as innocently as possible.
‘Naw, Ty actually tells me nothing. He’s easy to read though,’ says Daze, starting to bounce his ball around again.
‘Oh, in what way?’ I say, leaning on the fence, trying to fake nonchalance. Good thing my target is an eleven-year-old boy, I don’t think anyone else would be convinced by my acting skills. But hey, I want to write, not be on stage.
‘He gets kinda obsessed about things. Right now, he’s trying to beat Level 17 of this video game and that’s, like, all he does apart from school and the gym.’
I make a mental note: Into video games.
‘And what does that mean?’ I say. ‘Since you said, you know, he’s easy to read.’
‘It means he’s trying to avoid something,’ says Daze. He looks at his phone. ‘I’ve got to go, it’s my turn now to play on the PS5. Ty said I could have a go after an hour.’
And before I can even say bye, Daze legs it back to the house.
I’m about to turn around, when Ty calls out my name.
‘Hey,’ I say. ‘I was giving Daze his basketball back. I think he uses it as a way to talk to me.’
‘Interesting communication form,’ says Ty. ‘He mentioned you were out here, so I came out.’
‘Without a jacket?’ I say. Ty looks cold, in tracksuit trousers and a T-shirt.
‘I was in a rush,’ he says, sheepishly. ‘I didn’t want to miss you.’
I feel a rush of emotion. He ran out for me.
I walk towards him. ‘What did you want to talk about?’
He looks surprised, as if he didn’t expect the question. ‘Well – er . . .’ he stumbles.
‘It’s rare for you to lose your cool.’ I laugh.
‘Maybe because I’m freezing,’ he says.
‘It is impressive you are standing out here in the cold like this.’ I want to reach out and put my hand on his bare arm, but I hold myself back.
He staggers back, as if he’s been wounded.
‘Writer called me . . . impressive? I think that’s the most complimentary adjective you’ve used yet.’
‘And you know what an adjective is.’ I smile. ‘Even more impressive.’
We’re flirting. I know we are now.
He smiles at me, and picks up the basketball, bounces it a couple of times, then throws it to me. I catch it.
I’m frozen, not sure what to do next. I should do something impressive, like dribble it myself, but I’ve never played basketball and I don’t want to embarrass myself. Or maybe I should throw it back at him.
Instead, I stare at him.
‘Are you not going to throw it back?’ he says, walking up to me.
The fence reaches our waists, my hands holding the basketball over it.
He’s close to me now, so close I can see the stubble on his chin. So close I can smell the spice of his aftershave. I look into his eyes, and I feel my words catching on my tongue.
‘I wouldn’t know where to start,’ I say.
Ty’s mouth curves into a smile, his eyes on my mouth. I tilt my head up, never breaking eye contact. The electricity is tugging me closer to him.
He reaches out his hands, grabbing the ball by putting his hands over my own. I feel electric pulses run up my arm. I drop the ball.
This is a boy who knows he’s attractive. A boy who probably has never been told no before. A boy with eyes that can melt you and a smile that draws you in.
So I get drawn in. Ty’s head is dipping lower and lower, my eyes flutter close, and in the last moment, I—
He moves away.
‘Sorry,’ he says, throwing the ball on the floor, not looking at me.
I feel a wave of frustration and rejection crush through me. What was he doing? What was I thinking? Then a roil of guilt; I’m meant to like Ollie.
‘My mind is all over the place,’ he says, looking up at me. He looks lost.
I take a deep breath. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ I say. Better to move on. It was a moment of thoughtlessness for both of us.
He blinks, looking a bit stunned, then regains himself.
I need to break this weird silence. ‘What’s going on? You’re acting . . . strange. Stranger than usual.’
He looks around. ‘Do you want to go for a walk?’