Thirty-Four
Home’s not where the heart is
Home’s not where they are
Home’s not the place where you park your car
Home’s a feeling
As deep as the midnight sky
Home is where I’m kissing you
hello and goodbye
‘Home’ from The Brink of Teenage Freedom
So that’s how I end up on a train to London with Ty. I’m still wearing my sash and tiara, getting some interesting looks from strangers.
Kira and Faye are very excited that I’m going to spend the day with Ty.
I insist it’s as friends, and Kira says something about romantic gestures, which I ignore.
Plus, I get a text from Ollie that he’s on his way down south.
I don’t tell him I’m spending my day with Ty.
I feel bad about it, but I don’t want him reading too much into it.
‘What exactly are we doing?’ I say, as the train finally pulls into London Bridge.
‘We are going to live my best British tourist life,’ he says, getting up.
‘Isn’t it my birthday?’ I laugh.
‘Hey, you can live your best British tourist life too,’ he says. He looks down at me. ‘Unless you have anything you want to do. We can do whatever you want.’
I stand up. ‘No, let’s see what your plan involves.’ I pause. ‘Plus I’ve not really done most of the touristy stuff since I was a kid.’
‘So, where’s the bridge?’ says Ty.
‘Erm, not really sure,’ I say.
‘Don’t you live here?’
‘No, I live in Croydon. The same as you. A suburb of London. Do you know every part of San Francisco?’
‘I would be able to tell you where the Golden Gate Bridge is.’
‘Oh come on,’ I say, marching on ahead.
We skirt past tourists and families, and I see an exit sign pointing towards London Bridge.
‘What’s the matter?’ I say, looking behind to see Ty, dashing up to me.
He looks out of breath. ‘There’s so many people,’ he says.
‘This?’ I say, looking around. ‘This isn’t even rush hour. People aren’t even going to work now.’
‘It’s still busy!’ he says.
‘Is this your first time into London? You’ve been here three months!’
‘I’ve been busy, you know, adjusting to the move.’ He looks abashed. ‘That’s why I thought this was a good excuse. It’s a good reason to go in, for your birthday.’
‘Isn’t San Francisco a city?’
‘Yeah, but not like this, Selena. This is one of the biggest cities in the world. San Francisco is slightly bigger than Croydon.’
I shake my head. ‘Well, I’m looking forward to giving you the full London experience. Come on, let’s find your bridge.’
A few moments later we are at the bridge.
‘Is this it?’ says Ty, as we look at the slab of concrete in front of us. He takes a few photos with his camera, which is slung around his neck and held protectively every time it’s not in use.
‘What were you expecting?’ I say, trying to hold back my laughter.
‘I thought it was meant to be like, a thing?’ he says, jabbing his hand towards the bridge. ‘This is meant to be one of the best cities in the world, and that’s London Bridge.’
‘Maybe you were thinking of another bridge,’ I say, trying again not to lose composure, while glancing behind him. ‘How about that one there,’ I say, pointing over his shoulder.
He spins around. ‘Oh,’ he says.
He’s looking at Tower Bridge, with its ornate towers, blue-iron structure and famous pull-up bridge.
‘Are you sure that’s not London Bridge?’ he says.
‘Nope,’ I say. ‘Tower Bridge.’
‘You knew that all along,’ he says, accusingly. He takes his camera, focusing with more intent. He bends down on a knee, pointing his camera up. I wish I could see things the way he does.
‘I’m not an expert, but I am from here,’ I say, grabbing him by the hand. ‘Now let’s take a closer look.’
‘Actually,’ he says, as we start walking again. ‘It’s nice . . .’
‘But . . .?’ I say.
He swallows, I watch his Adam’s apple bob. ‘I know this sounds weird, but I think bridges make me homesick.’
I pause, raise my eyebrows.
‘Because I live on a bay, and it’s surrounded by bridges. And not any bridges, dramatic bridges, like this one is.’
‘I knew about the Golden Gate Bridge, but I didn’t realise there were more.’
‘San Francisco is part of a big bay,’ he says. ‘Imagine if this river ran in a circle all around the city. And the river was the sea.’
‘So nothing that alike, really.’ I laugh.
‘No, not quite, but my point is, it’s a place surrounded by water.’ He looks at Tower Bridge.
‘Do you miss it?’ I say.
‘Home?’ he says, still looking out on the water. ‘It’s part of my identity, it’s part of who I am. But I don’t think I miss it as much as I should.’
‘Why do you think you should miss it more?’
‘Because I love it. I love the sea breeze, the hills and the fact there’s no seasons. And I miss my friends, I do. And cheetos, I really miss cheetos.’
‘Pretty sure there’s an American import shop somewhere we can go to.’
Ty laughs. ‘For sure. But I think what I actually miss is the sense of belonging. I don’t have that here.’
He looks so troubled, I feel compelled to say something. ‘That’s okay,’ I say, grabbing his arm. ‘Because this is London, full of people who don’t quite belong. So maybe that in itself may make you feel more at home.’
‘What do you think of the bridge?’ he says.
‘It’s nice, but it’s just a bridge.’ I shrug. ‘I think what is cool is not the design or engineering of it, but the amount of people that have crossed it, the history it has.’
‘Do you like history?’ he says, turning away from the bridge and looking at me. People bustle past us, as we crowd closer to the riverside.
‘I like stories,’ I say. ‘That’s why I want to study English.
I like the idea that loads of people have walked this bridge before, that they will again, and they’ll all have different stories, different places they’ve come from and are going to.
’ I pause and look at him. ‘Don’t you think that’s brilliant? ’
He catches my eye. ‘I’m not sure, but I do think you’re brilliant.’
He holds my gaze for so long, I start to feel myself blush. I hope the fact it’s freezing might stop my face from actually heating up and giving me away.
‘So what now?’ I ask him.
Ty stretches his arms wide to the sky. ‘Let’s go explore.’