Chapter 19
Chapter
Nineteen
Joel
T he five minutes of calculated silence that have hit my office are making me more anxious than normal. I’ve done this part of business many times, and where I’m usually not offended should my client not like any of my proposals, for some reason this one matters more than most because if it should go sour, I’m all out of ideas. Which seems to be the story of my fucking life at the moment.
“Design four.” Miss Anderson says in a cool, calm voice, tapping her overly pointed manicure nail on the design sheet in front of her before she lifts her head to scan the 3D design that is also rotating slowly on the computer screen.
“I’m sorry?”
Her eyes land on mine and she scowls at me over the rim of her sunglasses. “I said design number four.”
“Forgive me. I’m aware of what you said, but what about design number four?”
She studies me again as if I’ve just asked the most impossible question of all time and the longer she looks at me, the tighter my stomach knots. But then the biggest smile spreads across her face.
“I love it. I want design number four as my home.”
Shit.
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
My words come out as a stutter. “Y-you like my design?”
“No. I love your design. Why didn’t you come up with something like this before?”
Before I wasn’t drowning in whisky and fretting over what kind of relationship I now have with Edith.
Since she left that morning two days ago, I’ve been all over the place, and the only thing that seems to settle me on a night is more whiskey than I probably should consume. It’s the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other in years. I’ve sent texts and received the occasional reply, but nothing that has given me any sort of confidence.
During her absence, too many thoughts of my wife have seeped into my mind, along with the same question that Edith yelled at me over my wedding ring. I know she never meant it, but it seemed to have unlocked something that I’ve been battling for too long and that release had come in the form of tears.
I haven’t cried for my wife since we lost her.
I’d been crying for myself.
I’d cried for all the things I never had with her and all the things she denied me of. I’d cried because, although I'd loved Sophia once upon a time, my life with her had felt like a waste. And now she’s gone, she’s still got control over me because this damn fucking ring is like a death sentence tattooed around my skin.
“I guess I wasn’t ready to design it before,” I say, looking over the model of the six bedroom, mansion.
She sits forward. “However, can we maybe swap the porchway and drive with design two? Is that possible?”
“Yes. That’s possible.”
“Excellent. So we are good to go?”
“As long as you are sure this is the final design then things can be put into motion to get started with the build preparations, yes.”
She squeals—fucking squeals—and I can’t help the chuckle that leaves me. For the first time in all the times I’ve had meetings with this woman, she’s just showed a side to me that I think even caught her off guard.
“Forgive me, Mr Fitzpatrick.”
I hold my hands up. “It’s fine, honestly. It always makes me happy when clients are pleased with my work.”
“I most certainly am.” She stands abruptly. “Will that be all? I have a meeting in London I need to prepare for. Can you send me the details? Is there anything you need me to sign?”
“No. All the details will be forwarded to you via email if you prefer, and an electronic signature will be fine.”
“Excellent.”
I stand, rounding my desk. “Pleasure doing business with you, Miss Anderson.” I shake her hand and she looks along her nose at me once more. “And you, Mr Fitzpatrick. I’m excited to see the developments take place.”
As she heads out of my office, I let out a huge sigh of relief. Months I’ve worked with that woman, and she’s just decided on a design in less than thirty minutes.
Feeling a little optimistic, I pour myself a shot of whiskey and head to the window to look out over the busy town, hoping this sense of joy in the pit of my stomach lasts the rest of the day because I could really do with a fucking break right now.
“Happy Birthday, Fitz.” I sigh, downing my shot in one.
“ H APPY BIRTHDAY!” everyone shouts as I enter the Craven. Coloured streamers pop around me as I stand with a grin on my face in disbelief. When my brother text to tell me to get my arse down the pub, I never expected this.
“Happy Birthday, man,” Daniel says, being the first to give me a hug.
“Thank you. This is unexpected.”
“Just do me a favour and humour Teddy when it comes to the balloons. He demanded we get you them but being last minute, I couldn’t even get that right.”
“You’re never too old for balloons. ”
“Wait until you see them. It was all I could get. All this was all Edith’s doing, by the way.”
What?
“Edie’s? When did she—”
“Happy Birthday, you old goat,” Daisy shouts.
She’s sitting in the corner with Edith, and I feel like a teenage boy when the butterflies in my core take flight.
If this was all her doing, things between us can’t be all bad, right? I need to speak with her, only before I can say or do anything, my attention is drawn to Teddy when he charges towards me, leaping into my arms.
“Hey, Scamp.”
“Happy birthday, Uncle Fitz. Did you get everything you wanted?”
No, because she needs time.
“It’s no good getting everything you’ve always wanted in one birthday because there will be nothing left for the next.”
He screws his face up. “That sounds like something Dad would say.”
“Because Dad is always right,” Daniel says, placing my pint on top of the bar.
Teddy lifts the side of his mouth up and rolls his eyes. “Well, I asked him to get you balloons, and he didn’t get that right. I mean, look .” He points to the end of the bar, and I can’t help but chuckle.
“Dad got Barbie ones. Pink Barbie ones.”
“Pink is my favourite colour. And I love Barbie,” I tease.
He pulls back and looks at me as if I’m crazy. “You are weird. Would you like your present now?”
My eyes widen, matching his excitement. “I’ve got presents, too? Oh, man.”
He wriggles out of my hold and my eyes drift back to Edith, who is looking right at me. She looks nervous, yet her soft smile takes my breath away.
There are so many things I want to say to her, never mind the fact I want to pull her into my arms and hold her because, my god, have I missed her.
“Look what I made you.” Teddy’s voice has me dragging my eyes away.
He passes me a handmade card that is covered in blue crayon around the top half, the rest is in green. A brown, child-like dinosaur has been drawn in the centre along with what looks like birds and rocks.
“Whoa. Ted, this is impressive.” I open it up to find Happy Birthday, Uncle Fitz scribbled inside in big, squiggled letters. “That is some super handwriting, too.”
“I made you this. ”
He holds up a dinosaur keyring that has been made from clay or something, painted in blue with yellow spikes down its back. “Wow, thank you so much. I will put this on my house keys.”
“Don’t break it. It took me hours ,” he emphasises, causing us all to laugh.
“A lot of blood, sweat and tears went into making those, let me tell you,” my brother says.
“I bet.”
Having done with the exchanges and conversation, Teddy runs off to humour Milo, who is now sniffing out his toy dinosaurs.
Taking a mouthful of my beer, I spot Edith heading towards me.
“Happy Birthday, shit head,” she murmurs before I bring her in for a hug, not caring if I’m overstepping it. ‘Happy Birthday, shit head’ has been her go-to birthday greeting for me for as long as I can remember, and it never fails to make me smile.
“I didn’t expect to see you today,” I whisper.
“I’ve never missed your birthday. I’m not going to start now,” she smiles. “I got you a little something.” She hands me a small rectangular box and I take it from her. Opening it up, I find a black and silver ballpoint pen with my name inscripted on it. As much as I appreciate the present, and the party she’s put together, I’m more confused than ever because I still don’t know where we stand outside of our friendship.
“Thank you.”
“I must admit it was very last minute, so if you don’t like it, I can exchange it for something else. But I—”
“Edie, I love it.” She’s rambling. “You didn’t have to get me anything at all.”
“I couldn’t not. You’re still my best friend even if…” She looks away from me, and I can see in her eyes she’s still not my free-spirited Edie. Something is troubling her, and it hurts to witness because I feel it’s all my doing.
“Do you want a drink?” I say, not able to take my eyes off her.
“I’m good for the moment; Daze just got a round in.”
I nod, letting my eyes scan her body. She’s in skinny jeans, a short white, strapless crop top and a blue, lace shrug that hangs off one shoulder. Her outfit alone is not helping me one bit as her soft skin is on show. I remember it under my hands, the taste of her on my tongue and the way I felt as she came over my dick.
A beat of silence falls between us, and I take that moment to have a drink .
God this is tense. Not awkward, just fucking tense.
I want to tell her to stop penalising herself for something I know we both want. I want to yell at her for making me stare at my phone since that very morning, wondering if I should call and hating myself when I texted because I’d promised her I’d give her time. Above all that, I want to kiss her shitless because of how much she’s got me on my knees here.
“I set a deal with Rebecca Anderson this morning,” I say.
Her eyes widen and she steps closer, resting an arm on the wood of the bar. “Joel, that’s amazing.”
“Thank you. I was glad it went so well and that she’s finally settled with a design.”
“She would be silly not to. Your work is amazing. I’m so proud of you.”
I notice her necklace, which I’ve not seen before. “I like your necklace. Is it new?”
Her fingers immediately go to the shiny silver, and a beautiful smile appears on her face. “Yes. Dad gave it to me yesterday when I met him for dinner. It was my mother’s.”
“How did it go with your dad?”
“It was really nice. I had a good time.”
“Good. You deserve it.” Needing to touch her, I can’t help myself when I softly dance my fingers over her wrist and lower my voice. “It’s so good to see you.”
“You too,” she whispers.
She holds my stare, and as if times stands still, we forget everything around us. A flash of something clouds her eyes and I want to believe it’s desire, but as quick as it’s there it’s gone when Teddy calls her and breaks the spell between us.
She cocks her thumb over her shoulder. “I promise Teddy a game of Dino wars. I’ll chat in a bit.”
As she walks off, I release along breath. I hate this. This is not who we are, and I fear we will never get back to how we were.
“Everything that goes wrong is down to you.”
Sophia’s voice cuts through my thoughts, twisting that knife once more.
“Why can’t you be the husband I married and not some warped version of him?”
Finishing off my pint, I demand my brother fix me a double whiskey, needing this tightness in my chest to ease because I suddenly can’t breathe with the insecurities that are suffocating me.
“Why don’t you ask your precious fucking Edie.”
Your precious fucking Edie.
Your precious fucking Edie.
“Dude.” My brother jolts me out of my trance, holding the drink I asked for and chuckles. “If you stare at her any longer you will burn a hole in her arse. What’s up with you?”
I run my hand through my hair and exhale. “Let’s just say the night of her dad’s party came with many surprises.” I give him a knowing look and it’s enough to make him understand.
His eyes widen, his voice low. “Oh shit. You’ve bedded the bestie.”
He turns, and this time he gets himself a whiskey. I’m met with silence and I’m almost certain he’s gearing up to give me some verbal comeback until he says, “And?”
“And what?”
“Well by the look on your face you either wished you hadn’t or—”
“I can’t stop fucking thinking about her,” I admit, glancing back at Edith. “Meanwhile, after having the best sex of my life, she’s freaking out because I’m married to her sister.”
“And you’re not okay with that?”
“No. I mean, I get it, and I’m not mad with her or anything, but I just wish she’d talked to me about it instead of going batshit, which caused us to argue.” I down my drink in one .
“So where does the land lay between you both now?”
“She said she needs time.”
“So, give her that. It’s not like you’re some random dude she had a one-nighter with. You’re her best friend, for Christ’s sake. It’s bound to mess her up a little.”
“And what do I do in the meantime? Because I feel like I’m going out of my fucking mind here.”
Finishing his drink, he leans forward. “Like I said, you do what she’s asking and be patient. She will find you when she’s ready.”
I know he’s right, but I also know Edie, and the more time she has to think, the faster she will withdraw. And I’m not prepared to let her do that.