Chapter 16 #2
That was a really good thought. Nikki had never flown with Gunter for the fun of it. There had always been a reason, a grim mission ahead of them, which had taken a lot of the enjoyment out of it all.
“If you feel like you want to get professional help, like a therapist, I think that’s okay to do as well.
They help more than you’d think. I started talking to one about six months ago.
” Tori’s nose scrunched up in aggravation.
“Mostly because I hated dumping all my baggage at Baldewin’s feet and making him deal with it.
My husband doesn’t deserve that. And really, I don’t want to carry those issues with me for the rest of my life.
My lifespan is now hundreds of years long because I’ll live as long as Baldewin does.
Who wants to carry all that crap for hundreds of years? ”
“You really think if I ask, I can have a therapist?”
“Hell yeah. No one even blinked when I asked. They were relieved, actually. I think they thought I’d have to be talked into it.
” Tori held up a stern finger. “The Jaeggi’s issues are theirs, and theirs alone.
They’re not yours. You don’t have to carry them.
You want me to help you find a therapist?
Hell, you can even use mine. She’s great, super friendly, and approachable.
And unshockable. I’ve told her stories that would turn most people’s hair white and she’s just intrigued by it all. ”
Any therapist who’d taken on Tori would know more about dragons and mates than the average therapist. They’d be broken in and Nikki wouldn’t have to explain every little thing.
And Tori had a good point, about not wanting to carry baggage around.
Nikki certainly didn’t. They didn’t want the Jaeggi to continue to have that much power over them.
They’d already done enough damage; Nikki wasn’t letting those bastards do even more.
They wanted to be truly comfortable here and not be a burden to Gunter.
Therapy…might be a really good idea, actually.
But it also wasn’t something they wanted to decide right this second. “Let me sleep on it. I’m probably going to say yes, though. Because you’re right, I don’t want these issues living in my head rent free.”
“Good. Just let me know.” Tori clapped them on the shoulder. “I’ll let you enjoy the sunset. I’ve got a husband with the sniffles to get back to.”
“Oh. I did wonder about the eucalyptus.”
“Yeah, it’s just allergies, easy to cure. Take your time, Nikki. Don’t force yourself back in until you feel comfortable.”
That sounded like experience talking. Nikki gave him a nod and a grateful smile. “Thanks, Tori.”
“You’re more than welcome.”
Nikki watched them retreat back into the castle. Tori really was good people. Considering all he had survived, the trauma of it all, he should be scared, angry, and vulnerable. But he wasn’t. He was kind. He’d made himself kind.
It had been the right choice to trust Tori.
And Nikki was ever so glad to have taken a leap of faith and been proven right.
Maybe they could trust all the mages in the same way—like a domino effect, letting Nikki connect to each mage here and get comfortable in the clan.
Tori’s efforts to reach out to them today touched Nikki deeply.
Tori was something of a role model for Nikki. They wanted to be that well-adjusted, that comfortable in their own skin, that they could reach out a helping hand to someone else as Tori had just done.
Nikki mentally hashtagged it: #lifegoals.
They really did feel better after talking it all out and sitting here. The antsy feeling was gone completely. Relieved, they chose to sit for another moment and really enjoy the sunset. And only then, when they were perfectly ready to, did they go back inside.
Gunter lay ensconced in bed, reading, when the text came through on his phone. He set the book aside and opened the message.
It was from Tori—something of a rare occurrence—and said simply, Your Nikki is struggling. Found them outside the castle tonight, fighting with some demons. I talked them into coming back in, but you better get on this, Gunter. I’ll help.
Gunter frowned at the message and typed back, What demons?
The feeling-caged-in type. Nikki knew it was ridiculous even as they escaped outside. Sometimes, they need to leave these walls.
This alarmed Gunter thoroughly. They wanted to leave?
He’d never thought Nikki would even entertain the thought, especially not after their courtship had started.
He flailed upright in a panic, feeling his heart breaking.
Surely not, surely he was misinterpreting Tori’s text.
He couldn’t fathom Nikki ever leaving. He called Tori immediately, unable to continue this conversation in text.
“Don’t panic,” was how Tori answered the phone.
“I’m not panicking. What do you mean Nikki wants to leave?”
“You are so totally panicking right now. Gunter. Deep breath. I fought with these same feelings when I first came into Burkhard. Do you know how many times Baldewin had to assure me I could leave if I wanted to?”
Actually, Gunter hadn’t known at all. “Really?”
“Nikki and I both lived for years in a very restrictive place where freedom wasn’t guaranteed. Where we had to escape. Our clan doesn’t have those same rules, but we’re still under restrictions for our own safety. Of course the overlap is going to sometimes trigger us in the wrong ways.”
“Oh shit.” Gunter groaned. He mentally kicked himself several times. “But they’re still in the castle?”
“I got Ravi to keep an eye on them from a distance. He just texted that Nikki came back in a second ago. They’re safe, Gunter, breathe. But also do something about this. I offered to introduce my therapist to Nikki. And they were pretty receptive to the idea. Reinforce it, if you can.”
“I absolutely will.” Gunter once again blessed Tori’s coming into the clan. He was an excellent friend and brother in many ways. “Thank you. I’ll follow up with you properly tomorrow. Your therapist is in Sonthofen, right?”
“Yeah, and she’s great. She’s up to speed on what all goes into mating to a dragon, and stuff, so I think Nikki would easily transition into talking with her.
But there’s other therapists in her practice if they don’t click with her for some reason.
Emphasize that Nikki has options, okay? That will help more than anything else. ”
“Because they’ve never had options before.”
“Yup. Just as I didn’t. Presenting multiple options will get you further than anything else.”
“I will.”
“Good, good. Give me a shout if you’ve got questions. I need to get back to Baldewin.”
“Thanks again, Tori.”
“Anytime.” Click.
Gunter let the phone go back on the nightstand as he thought it through.
Shit, he really should have realized Nikki would struggle in this way.
Especially since they’d tested their ability to leave the very first few days they were here.
And being on that blasted Jaeggi compound would only bring all of those negative feelings back.
He really, really had to start paying better attention.
The door opened and Nikki slipped through, quietly, as if expecting Gunter to be asleep. It was a tad early for that, though, and Gunter had no intention of sleeping until Nikki was properly in bed with him.
Halfway through the door, Nikki spied him sitting upright and stopped tiptoeing.
“Oh, you’re up.”
“Waiting on you.” Gunter gave them a smile, shelving his worries for a moment. “You smell like night air and wind.”
“Yeah, I maybe stepped outside for a moment.” Nikki kicked off shoes before crawling over to Gunter, snuggling in.
Gunter immediately folded them in, stroking their back with a soft palm.
Never, ever, did he want his mate to feel trapped here with him.
He didn’t want Nikki to be driven off by those dark feelings.
Or by something Gunter did—or failed to do.
But he didn’t have an immediate fix to this problem either.
And it wasn’t something that called for an immediate fix.
Time, and love, and patience. That’s what would help heal Nikki.
“Gunter?”
“Hmm?”
“I bumped into Tori outside. And he said dragons like to fly with their mates. Is that true?”
“We enjoy nothing more. It’s immensely satisfying, flying with our mates. I always enjoy flying with you.”
“Oh. The last few flights have all been about business. And I was kind of stressed out about where we were going. I guess I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to enjoy it.”
That sounded like an invitation to Gunter. “Would you like to go flying now?”
Nikki lifted their head, blinking down at him. “Right now? But you’re still injured.”
“Sora would have my head if we went tonight. As soon as I’m healed, we’ll go. Night flying is wonderfully liberating,” Gunter explained, smiling up at them. “The air is cool and crisp and fresh in your lungs. And the night sky envelopes you, makes you feel like you can dance with the stars.”
“Well. If you put it like that, all poetic and shit, of course I’m going to say yes.”
Gunter grinned and smacked a kiss on their lips. “Tonight, how about a drive with the top down? A similar feeling, and it’ll be relaxing to just drive for a while.”
“Done. Sold. Where the hell are my shoes?” Nikki was up in a flash.
Maybe not an immediate fix, but a drive together would do them both good. And maybe, maybe Gunter could quiet those dark fears in Nikki’s head for a little while.