CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
S TEFANIE
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I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT to say. Love? That was a strong word to use for a fling that hadn’t lasted long.
“You don’t love me, Julian. There’s no way you can love me. You don’t even know me.”
“I know enough to know I love you. I hadn’t planned to tell you this way. I’d wanted to do it face to face once I thought you were ready to hear it. But I don’t regret saying it. I love you, Stefanie Adams.”
“Julian!” I sighed, already feeling the walls going up.
“I love you.”
“Julian!” I said louder.
“I. Love. You.”
I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply, and exhaled slowly. Praying for patience and maybe a little divine intervention.
Opening my eyes, I said, “You shouldn’t toss that word around so easily.”
“I’m not. I’m serious. I’m not a casual dater, Stefanie. I don’t date. At all.”
“Yeah, right.” I rolled my eyes before staring at the red dot. “You may not date, but you fuck. Everyone has needs.”
“Yes, I’ve had sexual relationships based on mutual desires. But they weren’t serious. And we didn’t date.”
Jealousy tugged at my heart. I stamped it down. I had no right to be envious of those women.
“I’ve had similar relationships and...” I started, trying to prove that sex didn’t equal love.
“You may not want to continue that sentence, unless you want me to murder every man who’s seen you naked.”
I was left with my mouth open.
“I’m a jealous man, Stefanie. I don’t want to hear about the boys you’ve been with. That’s in the past.”
“You just told me about the girls you’ve been with.”
“ You brought them up. If you want, I’ll have one of my female cousins kill all the women who’ve seen me naked.”
If I wanted them dead, I’d do it myself.
I cleared my throat. “Why are we discussing murder like it’s a hobby or something?”
“It’s not a hobby. But you know who I am. You know my last name. You know I’m not... innocent. I have a dark side that will never hurt you or India. I swear.”
And I have a dark side that India can never find out about, which is why I can’t risk letting you in.
“Julian,” I sighed. “This entire conversation is getting us nowhere. You don’t love me and...”
“Stefanie Adams, I do love you. And I’m sure you’ve figured out that I’ve loved you for a while now. I won’t give up on us.”
“There is no us.”
“There has been an us for a while now. You’re just too afraid to admit it.”
My lips parted to argue, but nothing came out. Because damn it, he was right.
“Tell me you don’t want me.”
“If I do, will you let this go?” I whispered.
“No, I’ll work harder.”
I shook my head. “You’re being difficult.”
“And you’re denying us a chance at happiness. I can make you happy. I know I can.”
You already do, and that was the scary part. How much happier would I be if we were truly together? I wanted that type of happiness. But I knew it wouldn’t last long. And it would hurt like hell when I lost it.
I was trying to save us both the heartache and headache. It was clear that he wasn’t going to give up. So, I had to be the strong one.
“How do I turn this thing off?” I asked, steeling my emotions against him.
“You can’t turn it off on your end,” he told me.
“Okay. Well, it’s going in the garbage on trash day.”
“And a new one will arrive the day after.”
“I won’t sign for it,” I vowed.
“Then I’ll arrive the day after that.”
“Is that a threat, J.C.?”
“No, that’s a promise, S.A.”
“Ugh!” I stood up and gripped the teddy bear.
What to do with it? For now, I could put it in the corner and turn it to face the wall. That would keep him from seeing me. I did just that.
“You can listen in all you like,” I said to the back of the bear. “But you won’t see anything. Eventually, you’ll give up.”
“If you think that, you don’t know me very well.”
I rolled my eyes at the bear. I was not about to stand here and argue with a stuffed animal. Arms folded, I tried to stomp away dramatically, but the slick plastic underfoot nearly took me out. I yelped, flailed, and caught myself.
“You almost fell, didn’t you?” Julian’s deep chuckle filled the room. “That’s what happens when you mistreat the man who loves you. It’s called instant karma.”
“Shut up!” I called out, stomping from the room with his laughter following behind me.
“Do you want me to kill that plastic for you?” he shouted.
I ignored his jokes. In the kitchen, I stopped and pressed my back against the wall. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Love . He said he loved me. Had loved me for a while. Not liked. Not cared for. But loved. I peeked around the corner into the living room.
The bear was in the corner, facing away from me, in timeout. I smiled at it. Julian Cattaneo was creative, I’d give him that. Damn, I wish I’d made better decisions in my past. If I had, I’d be free to be with a guy who wasn’t ashamed to say what he felt.
But if I hadn’t made those decisions, I wouldn’t have India. Every storm had its rainbow, and she was mine. I pushed away from the wall. There was no point in standing around, wishing for something that couldn’t be.
On trash day, I would get rid of that bear. Until then, the only thing Julian would see was the wall. I was heading toward my bedroom when my phone rang. India’s ringtone. I strode over to the kitchen table and answered it.
“Hello.”
“Hello, my caramel sundae,” India greeted me.
I burst out laughing. “Hello, my mischievous minx. Finally worked up the courage to call me and confess your crimes, huh?”
“I was soooo scared, ma. And Ronnie was scared, too. It took us an hour to plan out how to handle it.”
“Are you serious?” I asked as I walked to the bedroom.
“I am. Are you really okay with it?”
I hesitated. “Is this what you want, sweetie?”
“I want to earn some money to buy the things I need for next semester myself. I also need to start working on my resume. I don’t have a lot of job experience.”
“You’re not supposed to. You’re a teen.”
“I know. But... mom... I. That’s not the only reason I want to work here. I... I’ve got a question.”
Oh, no! What had she heard?
I stopped just shy of entering my room. “What is it?”
“Am I awkward?”
I relaxed a little. For a second, I thought she was going to say she’d heard an old rumor about me or something.
“Of course you’re not awkward, love.”
“You’re just saying that because you’re my mom.”
“No, I’m saying that because it’s true.” I hesitated. “Nothing is wrong with you, India.”
And even if there was, I’d still love her with every inch of me.
“Sweetie, where is this coming from?” I asked.
“I just. I have friends and stuff. But, outside of them, I’m not very good at talking to people.”
“Is this about boys?”
“No, ma. I’m not worried about any boys right now. I... I have a speech class. And I have a good grade in it. But the professor told me that I don’t make eye contact when I’m giving a speech, and my voice shakes. And then last week, I was at the library with my friends. Some more girls joined us, and I shrank into myself. I didn’t know what to say to them or how to respond to their questions. They looked at me like I was awkward. I’m not this way with Aubrey or the girls on my floor. But that’s because I’ve made it past that stage with them. I can talk to them now without feeling nervous. But when I meet new people... I...”
“You clam up.”
“Yes! And when people learn I’m your daughter, the Weather Diva on social media and the TV, they expect me to be all...”
“Outgoing and talkative.”
“Yes. That’s why I want to work and be around different people. I don’t want to be all awkward. I want to be like you.”
I chuckled. “India, you’re right. Working with different people will help you lose some of that shyness. And talking with different people will help with your communication skills. But being awkward isn’t a bad thing. We all have our quirks. I can talk about the weather because it’s my passion. But I once went to a restaurant convention with Ronnie and felt like a cow in a tornado. I was lost. I had no idea what to say to those people.”
“ You didn’t know what to say?”
“Nope. Ask Ronnie. He’ll tell you. I stayed in the corner, sipping my drink most of the night. Ronnie had to force me to mingle. It was horrible. And I haven’t always been the Weather Diva. In high school, I was called nerdy because I liked anime.”
“Anime is cool.”
“My friends didn’t think so. But I didn’t care. And neither should you. You’re probably the youngest among your new friends. So, it’s normal to feel different, like maybe they’re more outgoing than you. But I guarantee they have their quirks, too. And I’m sure they’re just as nervous as you. Some of us are better at hiding it than others.”
“You think so, ma?”
“I know so. We’re all awkward in different ways. But we all shine in the way we were meant to. Trust me, India. You have a bright light. Awkward or not, you will always shine.”
My baby sniffled.
“You always make me feel better, ma. Thank you, my awesome mother goose.”
“You’re welcome, my flame-haired baby goose.”
Laughing, I entered my bedroom, climbed into bed, and talked to my daughter for an hour. After our conversation, I decided to take a nap. The nap lasted far longer than I’d planned. When I woke up, it was dark outside.
I guess I was more exhausted than I thought. I checked my phone for any missed calls. I had two. Both were from Hudson. Ugh! Why was he calling me? I was not about to call his ass back. There were also two front-yard camera notifications.
I pulled them up. They both said vehicle in front yard . I stared at the vehicle. I knew that car. Wait! Had Hudson not only called, but also come by my house too? I hadn’t heard his knocks or the doorbell ring.
I checked the time stamp. That was ten minutes ago. I checked the times he called. Around the same time. It was eight o’clock at night. What the fuck did he want with me this late at night?
A weird sensation crept over me – part dread, part disbelief. I pulled up the camera’s live feed to make sure he was gone. My lips parted, eyes widening, that sense of dread increasing.
He was still out there. Hudson was seated in a car outside my house. What the hell? Should I call the police? I mean, he hadn’t done anything illegal, technically. Still, why was he there? I zoomed in on the image.
That only made the footage grainy. I couldn’t see inside his car. I lay there for a few moments, hoping he’d drive away, not sure what I’d do if he didn’t. Five minutes later, he was still there. I exited the camera’s feed, pulled up his number, and hit call. He answered quickly.
“Stefanie,” he muttered, sounding surprised.
“Hudson, what the fuck are you doing in front of my house?”
“Who’s in there with you?”
“What?”
“Who’s in there with you, Stefanie?”
“Why?
“When I knocked at your door earlier, I heard a man’s voice say who is it .”
Real fear coursed through me. Was a man in my house? Oh, wait . The bear. Julian . Had he heard someone at my door and tried to answer it? I swear men these days had some fucking nerve.
“Who’s in there, Stefanie?” Hudson asked again.
“No...” I started to say no one, but thought better of it. I didn’t want him to know I was alone. “None of your business. And if you don’t leave from in front of my house, I’m going to call the cops.”
“It’s a free country. I don’t have to leave.”
“Lies. You can go wherever you want in the country, but you can’t sit in front of my house. Leave, before you piss me off.”
“You’ve already pissed me off and you don’t want to keep doing that, Stefanie.”
I took a deep breath and released it slowly. “Hudson, have you been drinking?”
“No. I never drink before a workout.”
Oh, yeah. He worked out at night to avoid being there with the morning regulars.
“Then go work out. Why are you here?”
“We used to go to the gym together, remember?”
What? “That was years ago. And we went as a group with other members from the station. Hudson, why are you here?”
“I thought maybe we could start over. By doing things we used to do. We were closer back then. You listened to me back then.”
“I tolerated you back then. Now I don’t.”
Silence .
Finally, he spoke again, tone one of disdain. “I think you say mean things to me to see how far you can push me. I’m tired of this game, Stefanie. You’ve pushed me as far as I can go. I’m done playing with you. I can romance you or ruin you. You choose?”
This motherfucker!
“I’m choosing to call the cops. Bye, Hudson,” I said, bluffing. “Hopefully, your father will come and bail you out.”
Mentioning his father always made him change his tune. The prick didn’t want to be disowned.
“I’m leaving,” he growled. “Whoever you have in there, I’m sure he’s a piece of trash. You have bad taste in men. And they all leave you in the end.”
Ouch!
“I’m the only one who stays. That guy will leave too. You’ll see. I’m the only man who can have you, Stefanie. I will have you. But now, I don’t want you to be my woman. I want to make you suffer.”
And on that ominous note, he ended the call. I sat there, phone to my ear, staring at the wall. When I heard a car crank up outside, I pulled up the live camera feed again in time to see Hudson drive off. I exhaled.
I thought I’d left Hudson and his bullshit behind when I quit my job. But he’d followed me. I just wanted him to leave me alone. But that man wasn’t going to give up so easily. I couldn’t call the police on Hudson and risk him bringing up old rumors.
In this day and age, rumors went viral. And viral meant India would learn about those rumors. I could not have that happen. Ever! So, no police. I’d have to handle this on my own. If Hudson showed up here again, I’d let him inside, since he was so desperate to get in.
But once he was in, he’d never leave again.