CHAPTER FORTY
S TEFANIE
––––––––
T HE SUN WAS SHOWING off that afternoon, high and hot, blanketing everything in a golden haze. I was hanging out on Ronnie’s patio, reclined in one of his comfy pool chairs with my legs stretched out and a cold glass of lemonade in my hand.
My purple one-piece swimsuit hugged me in all the right places, the matching floral wrap knotted at my waist fluttering in the breeze. Flip-flops dangled from my toes, and my curls were pulled into a high ponytail.
Ronnie was next to me in bright orange swim trunks that complemented his dark chocolate skin tone. He was finally relaxing after grilling all day. The scent of barbecue clung to the air, smoke, hickory, and spice. It was almost time to eat.
The pool glistened under the sun, but neither of us was in it. We were just lounging, listening to the gentle slosh of water from the filter, the occasional bird call, and the distant hum of a lawn mower down the street.
Inside the house, India was busy chatting on the phone with her friends and scrolling through birthday pictures. My baby was officially eighteen, and she’d had the birthday celebration she deserved.
It had been a full-on bash at Ronnie’s restaurant with decorations, music, and people she loved and enjoyed hanging with. She’d been surprised that most of the people she’d invited actually showed up.
Like me, she was an overthinker and had thought most of them wouldn’t come. Seeing her happy had made me happy. I smiled as I stared out at the water.
“Alright,” Ronnie said suddenly, dragging his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose to squint at me. “What’s with that smile? You look like a cat that just found a slice of cheese.”
I blinked, caught off guard by the question. “I can’t smile now?”
He raised a brow. “It’s not just the smile.” He waved his hand over me. “It’s everything. You’re practically radiating, woman. What’s going on?”
I took a sip of lemonade, trying to hide the grin tugging at my lips. “I’m just happy my baby had a great birthday. And she made it to eighteen. When I first brought her home, you told me that I couldn’t keep a plant alive, so there was no way I’d keep a human baby alive.”
“I did say that. And I commend you for keeping our little bumble bee alive and thriving because you make that shit look easy when I know it’s not. But don’t change the subject. I can tell when something is going on. What’s up?”
I knew exactly what he was talking about. There was no point in pretending I didn’t want to talk about it, too.
“For the first time in a long time... everything feels right,” I told him. “Like life finally lined up the way it was supposed to for me.”
Ronnie tilted his head. “Everything?”
“My daughter is happy,” I said, setting the glass down and looking toward the house to make sure India wasn’t coming out. “I’m happy. And...” I took a breath and faced Ronnie before exhaling. “I’m in love.”
His brows lifted. “Hold up. In love ? Not lust, but love?”
I nodded.
“That’s why you’re glowing?” he asked, leaning in like I’d just confirmed a juicy secret.
I blushed, heat crawling up my neck. “Keep your voice down before India comes outside asking questions I’m not ready to answer.”
Ronnie laughed loudly and shamelessly. “You’re in love,” he whispered, clapping his hands together. “Goddamn, it’s about time! You look so fucking adorable in love, Stef. And now you’re blushing. This is the fucking cutest I’ve ever seen you.”
I tried to frown at him, but it wouldn’t stick. “Shut up,” I laughed.
“No, I’m serious,” he said, tone suddenly softer. “You look relaxed. Unbothered. Like the weight you’ve been carrying finally got lifted off those shoulders.”
I looked down at my lap, twisting the fabric of my wrap between my fingers.
“He’s... good to me. Julian is,” I whispered.
“Good, how?”
“I feel seen when I’m with him. And not just because I’ve got big boobs and a big ass. But he sees me. He knows what I need before I even think to say it. He’s the kind of man who notices things. Small things. And he doesn’t just notice them and keep it moving. He notices them and does something about them. He’s a man of action. His love is active. It’s not just flowery words. He makes me feel safe. He puts me first, not just in bed, but in everything. His first thought is always me.”
Ronnie’s hand reached over, settled on mine with a warm squeeze. “That’s exactly what you needed. What you deserve .”
I looked over at him, my eyes stinging just a little. “I didn’t think I’d ever get to feel this way about anyone. To be honest, I thought Archie had broken me, not just my heart. But me.”
Ronnie shook his head, tears shimmering in his eyes. “He didn’t break you. That’s why he left, because he couldn’t break you. You’ve always shone bright and given your best. And he didn’t change that. You’re not broken, just bent, like the singer Pink says.”
“I love that song,” I said with a teary chuckle.
“But seriously,” Ronnie continued. “Sometimes the right one doesn’t show up when we want him, but when we’re ready for him. Maybe you’re ready.”
I held onto that for a second, the words soaking in like sun on my skin.
“Thanks, Ronnie,” I murmured, squeezing his hand again.
He grinned. “I’m happy for you, Stef. Really happy.”
I replayed Ronnie’s words in my head. Sometimes love didn’t come when you wanted it, but when you were ready. I was finally ready. I closed my eyes, letting the sun kiss my skin, and for once in my life, I didn’t worry about what came next.
Because tomorrow, I’d be back in Julian’s arms, finally ready to say what my heart had been screaming for weeks. I glanced back over at Ronnie and found him watching me, one brow arched beneath those ridiculously oversized sunglasses. He didn’t say anything, just sipped his sweet tea and waited.
“I’m going to tell her today,” I said, voice low, like India might hear me through the glass patio door. “About me and Julian.”
“I was waiting for you to say that.” He whistled under his breath and sat up straighter. “About damn time.”
My fingers plucked at the edge of my floral wrap. “How do you think she’ll take it?”
Ronnie shrugged. “Depends on how you tell her.”
My brows drew together. “You think she’ll be mad?”
“I think she’s sensitive, like her mother,” he said. “And she’s going to be even more sensitive when she finds out you’re with her roommate’s brother.”
I groaned and leaned my head back against the lounge chair. “Shit.”
“But,” Ronnie added, nudging my ankle with his foot. “If you explain how he makes you feel and how he cherishes you... that might help.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. He was right. No matter what, this would put her in a weird position, and I understood that. I just hoped she could understand me and how I felt.
“But, Stef,” Ronnie said, quieter this time. “No matter how she takes it, whether she’s mad, confused, shocked, whatever, don’t let her reaction make you run from this man. You hear me?”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I didn’t know if I could promise that. India’s feelings came before my own.
“Stef, you’ve finally found someone who sees you, who treats you like the goddamn queen you are. Don’t walk away from that because you’re scared of upsetting your daughter.”
I didn’t say anything. Just looked out at the shimmer of the pool and sighed. The thought of losing Julian made my stomach knot. I didn’t want to end things. I couldn’t see myself being happy with anyone else.
But if India looked at me with disappointment, with that betrayed expression I feared... could I really go on loving him while hurting her? Maybe I should wait and tell her later. Maybe I should give it more time. Tell her after the summer. No, after school started back up. After...
A buzzing sound cut through the air.
I sat up, startled. “Was that my phone?”
Ronnie waved a hand toward the grill. “Nah, that’s mine. Some guy I met at poetry night won’t stop blowing me up.”
I was already patting down my wrap, peeking under the towels beside my chair. “Where the hell is my phone? I had it out here earlier.”
Ronnie smirked. “India has it. Said she was recording some birthday messages for you.”
My whole body tensed. “Wait. What?”
“She said she wanted to surprise you with a little video montage or something.” He paused, frowning at my expression. “Why do you look like you just got caught committing a felony?”
“I have pics of Julian in my phone,” I whispered, horror blooming in my chest.
Ronnie gasped, clutching his chest dramatically. “ Nudes? Can I see them?”
I slapped his arm. “Shut up! What if she sees them?”
“That... wouldn’t be good,” he agreed, sobering instantly.
We both stood at the same time. I moved faster, nearly tripping over my own damn flip-flops in the scramble. Ronnie was right behind me, laughing as we sprinted toward the house. I reached the patio door first, yanked it open, and muttered, “Heaven, please don’t let my child see a picture of her mama’s boyfriend’s junk in her phone.”
Ronnie wheezed beside me. “Girl, if she sees that man’s dick before you give her any kind of context, your ass is grass.”
I didn’t reply. I rushed into the living room with my heart damn near climbing out of my chest. India was standing there, stiff, pale, holding my phone in her hand. Her eyes were wide and shimmering with unshed tears. I knew that look. I knew that posture. I knew I was caught.
"India," I breathed.
She turned the phone around, her hand trembling. “Is this who I think it is, ma?”
It was a photo of Julian and me, fully clothed, lying on the couch, his lips pressed to my cheek, both of us smiling up at the camera as I took the photo. I took a step forward.
“Sweetie, I can explain.”
Her thumb swiped across the screen. She showed me another photo. It was Julian in my kitchen. Shirtless. Wearing only those damn grey joggers that hugged him just right, stirring something in a pot.
“Can you explain this one too?” she asked, voice trembling. “And this one.”
Another swipe. It was Julian again, sprawled across my bed, bare-chested, this time in those black shorts that hung low on his hips. She went to swipe again, and I lunged forward and snatched the phone out of her hands before she ended up seeing something she shouldn’t. She didn’t move. Just stood there, her face crumbling as a tear slipped down her cheek.
“India, baby...”
“Ma,” she started, and the way her voice cracked made my heart ache. “Why do you have pictures of my roommate’s brother in your phone?”
“India, sweetie...”
“Ma!” she shouted, cutting me off. “Why is Julian Cattaneo in your phone? In our house? Cooking in our kitchen, lying on our couch, in your bed ?!”
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I had no words. I mean, I had the words, but I couldn’t voice them.
Her eyes widened even more. “Oh God... are you screwing him?”
My silence answered for me. India made a gagging noise, heaving like she was about to be sick. Ronnie stepped in, hands raised like he was the ref in a street fight.
“You two need to sit down and talk this through...” Ronnie mediated.
“You knew?” India turned to him, voice sharp as a knife, eyes wounded. “You knew about this, too, Ronnie?”
“No, sweetie,” I rushed out, not wanting her to be mad at Ronnie also. “I hadn’t told anyone yet. I was waiting to tell you first,” I lied and instantly felt guilty.
“So it’s real?” she asked, stepping back like she needed space from me, from the truth. “You’re really sleeping with Julian Cattaneo?”
I swallowed. Hard. “We’re... dating. Sort of. I care about him, India. Deeply.”
She backed up again. “Ma, he’s young enough to be your child.”
“Not quite,” Ronnie cut in. “Your mom would’ve had to have been ten for that to be true.”
“You know what I mean!” India snapped.
Oh, hell no. There would be none of that.
“Excuse me,” I said, cocking my head to the side. “You can be upset. You can complain about this. But you’re not going to talk to me or Ronnie like you’ve lost your damn mind.”
“I’m not the one who lost their mind, Ma. You are. Is that why you don’t like Hudson? Because you had Julian stashed away the whole time?”
I crossed my arms. “I don’t have to justify who I love. Not even to you, sweetie.”
She stumbled back as if I’d struck her. More guilt hummed through me.
“You can’t love my roommate’s brother, ma,” she said, desperate. “What will my friends say? I already told you how awkward things have been for me. And now you’ve made it worse.”
Those words? They sliced away at my heart, my pride. But she wasn’t done cutting me up yet. She kept going.
“They’re going to call you a cougar, Ma. You know that, right? They’ll say you’re chasing after some young guy because you’re desperate. And that you’ll do anything to keep him.”
“Julian’s not that young,” I muttered.
“He’s not your age, Ma.”
That one stung.
“I’m sorry this upsets you,” I said, jaw tight. “I didn’t plan on hiding it this long. I just wanted to be sure before I told you.”
She blinked like I slapped her. “And now you’re sure? You’re sure about Julian Cattaneo?”
“I am,” I said, meaning it. “I love him, Indi. He makes me happy. He sees me. He puts me first.”
She shook her head. “He’s just using you. There’s no way he loves you back.”
That hit me harder than I expected. “Why wouldn’t he?”
She didn’t hesitate. “He can have anyone. And you think he just... picked you?”
I squared my shoulders. “He did pick me.”
“Ma...” Her voice dropped, hurt and bitter. “That’s why you should date someone like Hudson. Guys your age. The ones who actually want a real relationship. Not some college fantasy. Guys on campus joke about cougars all the time, how they'll do anything in bed to keep a man around. I never thought you’d be like that.”
My hands clenched. “Wait just a damn minute, India Adams. I am not like those women. And if you keep talking recklessly to me, we’re going to have a problem.”
“We already have a problem,” she muttered, snatching her phone off the couch. “And I can’t do this with you right now.”
“Where do you think you’re going?” I asked.
“Away from here,” she said, walking to the door.
“You better turn your little ass around...”
Her hand hit the doorknob. She paused. Looked back at me with tears shining in her eyes.
“I’m eighteen, Ma. I can leave if I want. And if you’re going to keep seeing Julian Cattaneo, then I don’t want to be anywhere near you. Ever.”
She opened the door. And just like that, she was gone. India stormed out of the house and slammed the door behind her. Ronnie grabbed my arm just as I reached for the doorknob.
“Let her walk it off,” he said.
“It’s not safe for her to be walking around alone,” I snapped, my panic rising.
“This is a good neighborhood,” he reassured me. “Plus, she made friends with that girl down the street, who also goes to her college, Joanie’s daughter. That’s where she’s headed. Joanie and I chat from time to time. I’ll text her to see if India went there. Just... sit. I’ll get you a bottle of water.”
I nodded stiffly and sank onto the couch. As soon as I sat, I buried my face in my hands, elbows on my knees. My skin felt clammy, my chest tight, and shame curled up inside me like smoke choking me from the inside out.
That had gone so bad. So bad. My daughter had looked at me like I was someone she didn’t even recognize. Her words were still ripping my heart to shreds even though she was no longer here.
I don’t want to be anywhere near you, ever.
That’s what she’d said to me, as if I’d done something horrible, something unforgivable. Like loving someone meant I’d betrayed her. All I wanted was to love Julian and be loved by him. Was that so horrible? Ronnie returned and pressed a cold bottle of water into my hand.
“I texted Joanie,” he told me. “I told her to hit me back if India shows up.”
I took a sip, then swallowed and asked, “Did you hear what she said?”
He nodded. “Yes. I was right there. I heard it all.”
“She’s never talked to me like that before, Ronnie.”
“If you ask me, you didn’t beat her ass enough when she was a child.”
“What?”
He shrugged. “I’m just saying, we would’ve never talked to our parents like that. Our little asses would’ve woken up in heaven.”
“Ronnie!” I gasped.
“I’m just saying,” he shrugged. “This is what happens when you follow that gentle parenting route.”
“She’s just upset, and she has the right to be,” I whispered, still clutching the water bottle.
“I know. She’s only eighteen. Right now, her friendships and reputation are her life. She doesn’t have a mortgage, car note, or credit card bill. She’s got tunnel vision. And right now, this?” He waved a hand toward the door. “This feels like the end of the world to her. But that doesn’t mean you give in just because she’s mad.”
I stared down at my phone. “I need to call her.”
“Give her some time to cool off,” Ronnie said. “She needs it. And frankly, so do you.”
“I leave tomorrow. I don’t have much time.”
“Then stay a few days. You need to, because this won’t be reconciled overnight.”
I sighed, already dreading Julian’s reaction. “I need to text Julian and tell him that I’m staying a couple of extra days.”
Ronnie tilted his head. “Are you gonna tell him about India finding out?”
I shook my head. “I don’t want him to worry all night. I’ll stay, talk to her, and convince her that this isn’t as horrible as it seems. I’ll ask her to give it a chance.”
Ronnie’s phone buzzed. He glanced down at it. “This is from Joanie. She said India’s at her house. Her daughter just asked if India could stay the night. Joanie said she told her yes. She wants to know if that’s okay.”
“Hell no, it’s not okay,” I snapped. “I’m calling India now and telling her to bring her ass back.”
“Girl, that’ll just push her further away,” he said, raising a hand to stop me.
“So what am I supposed to do?” My voice broke a little.
Ronnie tapped his fingers against his thigh, thinking. “Let her stay the night.”
“Hell no.”
“Hear me out. And in the morning, I’ll play mediator. I’ll tell her to come back for breakfast. I’ll moderate things while you two talk it out. Right now, she’s angry, Stef. She’s not trying to hear what you have to say.”
I pressed my hand to my forehead and exhaled. Every bone in my body resisted the idea of letting her stay away angry. But Ronnie wasn’t wrong. If I pushed, I’d just push her further away.
Finally, I sighed, long and heavy. “Okay.”
Ronnie nodded and started texting Joanie back.
“Come on in the kitchen,” he said, standing. “Looks like you need a drink. And I’m a damn good bartender.”
I didn’t follow him right away. My eyes drifted to the door India had stormed out of, the weight of her words still heavy on my chest. My heart was being pulled in two directions. Julian. India. But there wasn’t even a choice to make there. India always came first. Always.
I hoped I could convince her to give this a chance. I hoped she’d let me show her that things wouldn’t be as horrible or as embarrassing as she thought. But if she wouldn’t do it, there was only one thing I could do: say goodbye to Julian .
Even if walking away from him would shatter me in ways Archie’s betrayal never could.