Chapter 11
The Biggest Asshole in the World
Adam
What a fucking fuck-up. I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life, but this… this was unprecedented. It was so mind-boggling that I couldn’t explain it to myself, let alone to someone else.
I could vaguely remember sitting next to Jordan and my senses becoming heightened.
His scent filled my nostrils, making my breathing quicken.
His proximity unsettled me, and then his body heat engulfed me until I felt strangely hot.
I got itchy, I got anxious, and I got fidgety.
Jordan started showing me his scars, and his bare skin made me think of something I tried hard not to think about—our time in prison.
It made me think of things that happened that should never have happened.
It was when my descent into madness began.
Somewhere along the way, I found myself kissing him without deciding to kiss him.
After I began, I couldn’t stop. If you had put a noose around my neck, I wouldn’t have stopped.
Since I wasn’t gay, or even bi, I blamed it on Jordan.
He pushed me into it, first by becoming my sleep token and then by kissing me after he got drunk.
He let me sleep at his place when I expected him to refuse me.
He made me hang out with him last night, confusing me even more.
I came there to sleep, for fuck’s sake, not give him a fucking massage.
I tried to rationalize it before I tried to forget it, but nothing worked.
After I came home, I took an hour-long shower that still couldn’t wash the scent of lemons off me.
No wonder I ended up drinking and cursing myself for my stupidity.
I could have been with Jordan, sleeping in his bed like a baby.
Instead, because of my lapse in judgment, I was at home alone, sleepless, frustrated, and horny.
I was wallowing in despair and perspiring from all the anxiety.
Fucking blushing probably, but regretting?
I couldn’t find an ounce of regret in me.
The only question remained… Now what? Should I pretend it never happened?
Should I act as if it were a one-time good time between buddies?
Or should I just quit? Leave this damn job and this damn town and just be done with it?
If there were another option available to me, I couldn’t see it.
Bottom line, I was desperate. And drunk.
And clueless. It was past midnight when I reached for my phone, desperately needing to hear a friendly voice.
“Verna’s Psychic Retreat, Verna speaking.” The soothing female voice could be heard after the first ring. “What’s troubling your soul, traveler?”
“Vern, it’s me,” I said, rubbing the now-empty bottle of bourbon against my cheek.
“Adam, hun,” Verna whispered. “I’m in the middle of the session. I’m trying to communicate with a malevolent spirit, and it’s not going well. Are you okay?”
“I’m not okay, Vern. I’m not fucking okay.”
God, I felt so sorry for myself that it made me physically ill.
“What happened, hun?”
“I had sex with someone I shouldn’t have. Well, not sex exactly, but close enough.”
“Was it bad? You sound bad.”
“No, it wasn’t bad, Vern,” I whined. “It was fucking amazing, but it can’t happen again. I’m working with this person, and it’s the wrong fucking person.”
“What’s wrong with him?” Verna said, biting into what sounded like an apple.
“Are you watching me through that crystal ball of yours?” I grumbled because she guessed the gender of my problem.
“No, but you mentioned that there are no women detectives in your department, so… what’s wrong with him?”
I snorted. “His sex. Obviously.”
“I don’t think that’s what’s bothering you,” Verna countered.
“We’re also working together,” I added, trying to remember all the reasons that made this shitshow a shitshow.
“Close but no cigar, hun.”
“I can’t control it… him… or me… or it.”
“Do you like him?”
“No!” I scoffed. “I hated him until, like... yesterday.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you sure it was hatred?”
Of course, it was hatred. What else could it be?
“Stop drinking and go to bed, Adam,” Verna said with a sigh. “By the way, it’s October. What did I tell you when I read your cards?”
“That I need to let someone into my life by the end of the year, or great misfortune will befall me. You were also making it up.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’m a detective.”
Verna giggled. “Time will tell. What’s his name, by the way?”
“Whose name?”
“The name of your guy.”
“He’s not my guy,” I growled.
“Name, please.”
I rubbed my forehead in frustration. “Jordan.”
“That’s a nice name. Do you know his zodiac sign?”
“Of course not.”
“This is what you will do. Tomorrow you will invite Jordan for a coffee and ask him what his zodiac sign is. Just talk to the guy, Adam. He is probably as confused as you are. Okay? Okay. Now, I really have to go, or my client will think I’m a fraud.”
“You are a fraud.”
“Why don’t you arrest me then?”
“I will.”
“You won’t, hun. Would you like to know why?”
“Why?”
“Because you want to believe.”
I chuckled. “In what? Magic?”
“No. In people.”
I had no witty repartee for that. In other words, I was fucked.
After I hung up, I went to bed, ignoring my hard dick that didn’t get the memo.
And that right there was an even bigger problem than my insomnia, because my dick needed more of Jordan’s dick.
Why? Because no woman ever made me this hard.
No porn ever made me this hard. Still, I refused to give in.
Fuck insomnia, fuck my dick, and fuck Jordan Slade.
I was a man in control of himself, dammit!
Or I was one until dawn. After my self-control crumbled, I came into my fist to the image of two cocks spurting cum.
It should have made me feel better, but instead, I felt helpless, desperate, and no less horny.
I was wiping the remaining spunk off my belly when I got a text.
Weirdo: Hey. I… Are you awake?
I slammed my head against the headrest in frustration.
Weirdo: If you’re awake, can we talk?
Hell, no.
Weirdo: Please.
No other text came after that, but it still left a bad taste in my mouth. Ignoring him was cruel, but I wasn’t in the right mindset to converse with him, and I didn’t want to hurt him.
In the morning, I got out of bed and showered, but I was still none the wiser.
I refused a call from Jordan, which made me feel like a massive douchebag.
I made myself breakfast to postpone going to work.
After that, I decided my apartment wasn’t clean enough, so I vacuumed it.
Twice. After that, I had to shower again, so it was almost eleven when I left home.
Before going to the station, I stopped by Pete’s because I needed a drink, only to find Maddox there.
“Why aren’t you at work?” I said, sitting down next to him and ordering myself a shot of tequila.
“Chief Bibb told me to get out of his sight.”
“Why?”
Maddox grinned into his glass before taking a sip. “He saw my latest psych evaluation.”
I made a face. “I don’t want to know, Maddox.”
He shrugged. “I don’t blame you. By the way, where have you been all morning? Your partner is going off the rails, and it’s not even noon yet.”
“I have been busy,” I grumbled. “Is that damn fool okay?”
“How the hell should I know?” Maddox replied, downing his drink. “Incidentally, have you two fucked yet?”
Motherfucker.
“You’re overstepping, psycho,” I said through my teeth. “Also, I’m not gay.”
“No, you’re an asshole,” Maddox remarked. “That boy is the only thing that makes you human. If you’re smart, you’ll use it.”
“First, he’s a man, not a boy,” I said, motioning for another drink. “Second, I don’t want to use him.”
Maddox rolled his eyes. “Then at least text him. Jesus.”
“I’ll see him soon enough.”
After Maddox left, I drove myself to the laundromat because my washer broke and I had to wash my clothes.
I had a quick lunch despite having no appetite, only to put off the inevitable.
I even considered going to the dentist—I was that desperate.
When I finally came to the station, I’d barely set a foot inside when Chief Bibb bellowed.
“Markland! In my office!”
Fuck.
I headed there when amber eyes stood in my way. Just like that, my heart jumped in my throat, and I got a semi.
“Can I have a minute?” Jordan said calmly, but judging by the fire in his eyes, little Jordie was about to lose it. His usual amiability was gone, and what was left of him barely counted—just anger and bones.
“Stand in line, will you?” I grumbled, heading to Chief Bibb’s office. “Bosses first.”
As I suspected, the chief was already in a bad mood.
Since I was behind with paperwork, it gave him reason to yell at me for more than half an hour.
His rant could be summed up as “you’re an imbecile,” “I will fire you,” and “get the hell out of my office.” When I finally returned to headquarters, I had a migraine.
“Well done, Markland,” Buck said after I left the chief’s office. “As if he wasn’t pissed off enough.”
“Fuck off, Buck,” I bit out when I felt a presence behind me.
“I need to talk to you,” Jordan said in a voice that left no room for refusal, making my skin crawl.
“Not now,” I said, reaching for the folder on my desk. “I have a ton of paperwork, and Chief Bibb is five seconds from firing me.”
“Where were you?”
I forced myself to face him. He looked the same as always, but my heart was thumping as if I’d faced Beyoncé. And he was blushing. God, was I blushing, too? I would rather hang myself than allow my body to do that.
“I had a busy morning,” I replied without going into the particulars. “Look, I don’t have time for—”
“Well, I suggest you make some,” Jordan said through his teeth. “Now!”
He was about to make a scene, and I couldn’t have that.