Chapter 12 #2
My mind stalled for a moment, his words echoing in my head before they fully landed. “Your real name is Alexander? Okay… Thank you for telling me. It’s a great name, great ruler in human history, also—”
“With a K,” he interrupted, cutting off my rambling.
I blinked. Slowly, the weight of his statement began to settle.
No.
No, no, no.
Not again. This was not happening again. Not another secret, not another bombshell to shatter the fragile pieces I was barely holding together.
“What are you saying?”
“You know what I’m saying.”
I shook my head in disbelief. My chest tightened as if the air itself had turned to stone, and the walls of the room seemed to close in.
I hadn’t even been back for five minutes, and already my world was tilting, spinning with new secrets and fresh lies. I hated how he did that. Always bombing me with new truths, piecing together a puzzle I never agreed to solve.
“You’re the father? We’ll have a son…and we’ll name him after you?”
James nodded. “Yeah. Looks that way. Unless you’d think Colt would ever name his son after me.”
The mention of Caden shook me to my core, flooding me with the sudden, aching realization of how much I missed his steady, comforting presence.
I needed him. Needed his arms around me to anchor me while I processed this news. I needed the soothing cadence of his deep voice, the quiet strength in his warm whiskey eyes—eyes that promised he’d burn the world for me if it meant making everything all right.
But clearly, any confusing feelings I had about Caden needed to be smothered if I were to birth James’s child.
My anger flared up again. “Tell me, Aleksander. How long have you known?”
James’s expression flickered, guilt flashing in it as he glanced away. “Since Switzerland.”
I frowned at him. “But you knew his name before then?”
James shook his head once, his shoulders tense. “No. I only found out when we took the blue portal to the future with Stephen. Which was the first time I saw what happened at the ruins of Cyclos. Before, I’d only seen the part near Sapere, and I only knew him as the ‘Krait.’”
“But you’ve known since Switzerland?”
James nodded, his face tight with tension.
“Which is why I didn’t contact you for five months while you were at Crown, with…
him. You were already pulling away from me.
Telling you then wouldn’t have helped. I wanted to wait until we got back together, but I didn’t want to lie to you anymore, so I just… ”
“So, you just decided to tell me the second I walked back in?”
James nodded again, and I could see what it cost him. What it meant.
Growth, however overdue.
“Yes, well,” I said, managing half a breath of a smile. “I can appreciate you wanting to be honest for once…”
The words faltered, enough for him to hear it.
“But?” he asked quietly. He knew me too well to miss the shift.
I scoffed. “Do you have any idea how selfish it is for keeping me in the dark for over five months? You were living with the certainty we’d end up together, have a kid together, but I didn’t.
You left me to deal with real doubts, fears, and insecurities about us, all this time.
You didn’t even try to reassure me, didn’t talk to me about how you felt. ”
I paused, forcing myself to add this truth. “You didn’t fight for me, James. You didn’t even nex me once to apologize for lying throughout our entire relationship!”
The sound was jagged and raw as I struggled to keep my composure. “And now…” I sucked in a shaky breath, forcing my expression to harden again. “What the hell do you expect me to do now?”
"Forgive me for all of it, while we try to work through this," James said, his voice tight, barely held together.
I could see it, the way he clung to those words like they were his last lifeline, desperate to grasp onto any shred of hope.
“I forgive you, yes,” I said, calmly but with unflinching resolve. “But you and me, back together…” My words trailed off, heavy with finality.
His face crumpled slightly, and for a brief second, I saw the cracks in his armor—the vulnerability he always tried to hide. But then, as I expected, he fought back, clinging to his denial.
“Yes, Emma,” he said, louder now with a desperation that bordered on panic. “You and I are getting back together, and we will provide the future with its savior.”
My body stiffened, all the blood in my body rushing to my head as anger flared inside me.
“I will do nothing I don’t want to,” I snapped with every ounce of strength I could muster, letting him see my fire.
He fucking rolled his eyes at me. “Not suggesting anything against your will here. Merely pointing out the future proves it’s what you will want.”
I stared at him, my heart pounding with a mix of anger and pity. How could he not see it? How could he not understand the pieces of us, even if I’d wanted to, could never fit back together the way they had before?
He wanted absolution, but he wasn’t willing to face the truth. And the truth was, I wasn’t the same girl he’d broken, and I wasn’t about to pretend I was for his sake.
"I will not be forced into anything, least of all into a future I’m not even sure will happen. Even if we do get back together someday, it is not how I feel right now."
His stare hardened slightly. "And how do you feel right now?"
Good question. One I wasn’t sure I had the answer to.
"Is this about Colt?" he asked suddenly, his tone laced with something between jealousy and accusation.
My gaze shot up to meet his. "What about him?"
"You two spent a lot of time together," he said, his jaw tightening. "Did… Did something happen between you two?"
I frowned, shaking my head quickly. "No, of course not."
Except that wasn’t exactly true. A small, nagging voice in the back of my mind reminded me of that last moment between us, right before James had interrupted us. What would’ve happened if he hadn’t? I had been so close to kissing Caden, so close to…
"But," I added hesitantly, the words trailing off as the memory tightened in my chest.
James’s expression froze. "But?"
"I do feel…some kind of attraction to him," I admitted, my words tumbling out before I could stop them.
"To Caden Colt?" He snapped at me with anger. "The man responsible for those?" He gestured toward my arm, where the scars lay hidden beneath my sleeve.
Wrong thing to say.
“He’s more than the man who hurt me physically, James.” My voice was edged with quiet anger. “And considering the absolution you’re asking of me for your mistakes, you’re being more than a little hypocritical.”
His jaw worked, like he was grinding down whatever he really wanted to say. "You're seriously standing here, telling me you're attracted to him?"
But his tone wasn’t angry, it was wounded.
“I’m sorry, James,” I said quietly. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
His nostrils flared, before he rose to his feet. “You have no idea who Caden Colt is. You might think he’s some charming villain you can change, but he’s no more than a manipulative asshole who will stop at nothing to get what he wants.”
My eyebrows lifted. “Excuse me?”
James’s tone turned cutting. “You come back from a few months at Crown, and suddenly you’re all over the guy who tortured you? You think that’s a coincidence? He’s playing this perfectly, and you’re falling for it. I thought you were smarter.” He shook his head. “Maybe I was wrong.”
I clenched my jaw. “James—"
"I don’t want you to see him anymore," he said, his tone final, commanding.
Now I laughed bitterly. "It’s funny you think you have anything to say about that. Whatever I may feel for the guy, he’s still my friend."
His voice dropped dangerously. "It’s funny you think I don’t have a say in that. I’m not only your ex-boyfriend, Emma, I’m your Leader. You came back to this Collective, and you’ll do as I say. And I say, for the safety of this Collective, no contact. Not unless I allow it."
My mouth fell open, disbelief crashing over me. "You’re enforcing this?"
"Hell yeah," he shot back, his rage haze flickering faintly at the edges of his hands. "You want to push me on this? I’ll make it impossible for you to talk to anyone outside of Cyclos."
This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t the James I knew. "You would prohibit me from speaking to my friends?"
"You can talk to whomever you want," he said, his tone firm but cold, "but not him. You stay away from Crown’s First Offensive, and that’s an order. Defy me, and you’ll find all contacts to the outside world forbidden."
I jumped to my feet, furious. "You can’t do this!"
"Watch me." His tone was flat, almost cruel. "The Great Exposure is giving me free rein to impose whatever rules I deem necessary. And even putting my personal feelings aside, it’s not safe for our Collective for you to have intimate contact with Crown’s First Offensive.”
Intimate.
“If you follow my orders,” he added, ice-cold, “we’ll re-evaluate in a few weeks.”
Tears stung my eyes, not from sadness but from sheer powerlessness. "I’ll hate you for this," I whispered.
He shrugged, indifferent. "Maybe. But the future reassures me there’s not much I can do to push you away. So let’s test that theory, shall we?"
Before he could leave, I reached out, grabbing his sleeve. "I want to visit my parents," I blurted out, the words spilling out fast.
His expression shifted slightly, confusion flickering across his face.
"I want to go to them," I continued, my voice breaking. "They now know about magi. I want to explain where I’ve been, what I am. I want them to know me. Please, James. Don’t keep me here. Don’t force me to stay away from them.
Don’t…” I took a deep breath. “Please, don’t hold me prisoner here. Not again."
For a moment, the weight of his authority lifting just enough to let the James I used to know peek through. "I’m not allowing anyone into the Human World right now," he said carefully, "but if you keep away from Colt long enough, I might open the borders for a parental visit."
Trading Caden for my parents? What kind of a deal was that?
“What the hell happened to you?” I whispered, barely recognizing the man standing in front of me.
James shrugged, his expression vicious. “You chose yourself, when you could’ve chosen me. I’m simply doing the same.”
With that, he portaled out without another word. The moment he was gone, my body started shaking with pure and unfiltered rage.
And my heart fractured in a million pieces for the man who had just become a stranger before my eyes.