Chapter 19 – Cruel
Tuesday
It had taken me a week, but I was ready to face the school cafeteria again.
RJ hadn’t mentioned anything about the countdown. But it didn’t matter. My head was still focused on Jacob. I’d made so many mistakes. I knew I had. But if Jacob would just give me one more chance... I’d be better. For him. I was going to ask him to the Sadie Hawkins dance. Again.
He’d said we could go to the Caldwell Halloween party as friends. If he could agree to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance with me as friends, maybe we’d have so much fun that I could convince him to be more than friends again.
Even if I wasn’t his type.
I shook the thought away. I didn’t need to second guess this anymore. I had a million reasons not to ask him. But I’d always regret not asking.
I took a deep breath and hurried into the cafeteria. Jacob was standing in line to get pizza. I cut in front of him, to the annoyance of a few people behind us. But I was on a romantic mission, didn’t they see that?
“Hey,” I said.
He was wearing his varsity jacket again today. And it felt strange to see him in it. Because it felt like it still belonged to me.
Jacob smiled. “Hey. I thought you’d be eating with your dad again.”
“He makes me grade papers when I eat with him.”
Jacob laughed. “Seriously?”
I shrugged. “I didn’t mind helping. But that’s not what I wanted to do today.”
“What did you want to do?”
“Proposition you.”
Jacob laughed. “What?”
“Is that... Wait. No. Wrong word. I meant I have a proposition for you.”
“Okay?” He didn’t look super enthused about this. He stepped around me as the line started to move.
I stepped forward too so that I’d still be next to him. “I figured when we broke up, that meant any plans we had disappeared, right?”
“Yes,” he said deadpan.
I swallowed hard. “Well, I am sorry about everything I did. Truly. I’d apologize a thousand times if I could.”
“It’s fine,” he said.
“Okay. Well. I wanted to re-ask you to the Sadie Hawkins dance. As friends,” I quickly added when I saw the pained expression on his face. “Like how you said we could still go to the Halloween party as friends. And we always have so much fun together. Right?” I cringed. I hated how needy I sounded.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Oh.”
“The Halloween party was like a family thing, Scarlett. The Sadie Hawkins dance isn’t. And I mean, surely you have someone else to ask.”
“Oh,” I said again. “Right. Yeah. Surely.” I shook my head.
“You should go with someone you like.”
“But I like you.” The words just tumbled out. And I instantly regretted them, because he was starting to look annoyed now.
“I told you that we were done, Scarlett. I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
It felt like he’d slapped me. “Of course. I’ll stop annoying you.”
“That’s not...”
“No, it’s fine. I get it. Sorry I said anything.”
He lowered his eyebrows as he stared down at me.
“You know what? No, I’m not sorry. And I don’t just like you. I’m still in love with you, Jacob.”
“Please, stop.”
“But I...”
“You’re embarrassing yourself, Scarlett.”
For the first time I realized all the people in line were staring at us.
I didn’t think he cared about me embarrassing myself though.
He cared that I was embarrassing him. I’d done what I wanted to.
I’d given it one last shot. There was nothing else I could do.
I’d apologized. And Jacob just...hated me.
He had to, right? Because why else would he treat me this way?
I didn’t say anything else, I just turned and walked away. It was so tempting to go hang out with my dad again. But I didn’t want to give Jacob the satisfaction. So I sat down next to Sophie, instead of in my usual seat next to Jacob.
“How did that go?” she asked.
“Terribly.”
“Good. Because I’m Team Axel.”
I laughed, but it sounded strange in my throat. “I know I messed everything up. But I never took Jacob to be so...”
“Cruel?”
I nodded.
“Yeah.” She stared daggers at him in line. “Want to go hang out with Uncle James?”
“No, I’ll stay.”
Sophie smiled. “Atta girl. Now that you’ve gotten that out of your system, we need to get back to Operation Sadie Hawkins Dance.”
I groaned. “I’m not going. It’s a stupid dance anyway.”
“You’ve been planning it with student council for weeks. Speaking of which, have we found a new venue yet?”
“Sophie, we can’t change the venue. It’s always in the high school cafeteria. A better plan would be to get Mr. Halifax to chaperone.”
“I think that’s going to be a hard sell after what happened last time he chaperoned. Because of your dad,” she added, as if I didn’t know what she was referring to.
“Well, I don’t think my dad is chaperoning this one. There’s no reason to. I’m not going.”
“Of course you’re going. With Axel.”
“Sophie, my heart is broken.”
“And Axel is going to piece it back together. It’s very romantic.”
I pressed my lips together. I didn’t know if I wanted it to be pieced back together. I just wanted to go back in time.
“So back to Operation Sadie Hawkins Dance. What the heck is going on with the Mr. Nigel grandfather thing? Do you think Axel was somehow involved in us not getting the Odegaard video footage? Or was it just a coincidence that Mr. Nigel was too busy hanging out with him?”
“I have no idea.”
“Do you think Mr. Nigel could be your kiss thief?”
I laughed. “Stop it, no. He’s happily married. Haven’t we already talked about that theory?”
“Have we?” She laughed. “It’s hard to keep track. But if he’s Axel’s new grandpa, maybe he was helping cover Axel’s tracks.”
“Yeah. It’s definitely a good theory. Minus the fact that Leo has already confessed to being my kiss thief.”
Sophie sighed. “Right. Sorry, that mystery consumed me for so long, it’s hard to let it go. But all that is over now. And all we need to focus on is Operation Sadie Hawkins Dance.”
I nodded. “Has RJ told you about the countdown yet?” Having this operation to focus on was actually a good distraction.
“No, but it’ll have to wait. Shush.”
Axel sat down next to me. He took one look at the empty spot on the table in front of me and slid his tray between us. “We can share.”
“Thanks, Axel.” I picked up a fry and ate it.
“Are you okay? I saw you talking to Jacob.”
“Did you hear the conversation?”
Axel shook his head.
Good. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied.
RJ plopped down across from Axel and Liam sat down across from me. “Yo,” RJ said. “Anything you’re looking forward to, Axel?”
Oh no. I’d tried this tactic.
Axel shrugged. “Not really, no.”
“Well that’s depressing,” RJ said. “Surely you’re looking forward to something.”
Axel just shook his head.
“I’m personally a big fan of Valentine’s Day,” Liam said.
What was he doing?
Liam winked at me.
God, had RJ looped him in too or something?
“Are you?” Axel asked. “Have you ever even had a girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?”
“No,” Liam said. “I don’t do girlfriends.”
“What about Natalivanka?” I asked.
“You know that’s casual.”
“Back to Valentine’s Day,” RJ said. “Do you like it, Axel? Like...do you have plans for this year’s or something?”
“I feel like you’re trying to ask me out on Valentine’s Day and I’m very uncomfortable right now.”
RJ laughed. “I’m much more likely being forced on a date with your sister for Valentine’s Day.”
“Excuse me?”
“Nothing,” RJ said. “You know what else is on Valentine’s Day though?”
Axel didn’t respond. “If you’re coming out of the closet, I’m happy for you, man. But you’re barking up the wrong tree. And can we circle back to what you just said about my sister?”
RJ laughed. “I’m not hitting on you, weirdo. I just said I’m more likely being forced to go out with your sister.”
Axel looked kind of pissed now.
Liam cleared his throat. “Speaking about sisters. Valentine’s Day is also my sister’s birthday. Did you know that?”
“I’ve been to enough princess themed birthday parties over the years to know that, yes. Can we go back to Parker real quick? What is this about you going on a date with her?”
RJ choked on a fry he’d just eaten. “Nothing.”
“It seems like it’s something.”
“This has gotten very derailed. I was just wondering when you’re thinking of February 14th, what’s the first thing that comes into your head? Valentine’s Day or Scarlett’s birthday?”
“Both?”
“Damn it,” RJ said. “I think I worded that question really poorly.”
“What’s up?” Jacob asked as he sat down next to Liam.
“Nothing,” Liam said. “RJ was just hitting on Axel.”
“Are you idiots ready for the game on Friday?” Axel said.
RJ stared at him. “That must be where Parker got that rude term from.”
“I swear to God, RJ, I will kick your ass. Why do you keep talking about my baby sister?”
“Dude, she’s nine.” RJ shook his head. “Which is still a baby. Yes. I don’t know. I hate this situation.”
“Are you high?”
RJ ate a fry. “Not right now, no. Are you high?” he asked Liam.
“No, not right now,” Liam said.
“This whole conversation has been very unenlightening,” Axel said.
“I couldn’t agree more,” RJ said. He shook his head and stared at me. “Sorry, baby doll.”
Why was he apologizing to me? I had no idea what the hell was going on.
Olivia walked over and plopped down next to Jacob. “Hey,” she said.
He smiled down at her. The way he used to smile at me.
“I was wondering if you had a date to the Sadie Hawkins dance?”
Jacob glanced over at me.
I stopped breathing.
“No,” he said while looking at me. “I don’t have a date.” And then he turned back to her.
He might as well have spit in my face.
“Well then I am officially asking you,” Olivia said. “Be my date to the Sadie Hawkins dance?”
“I’d love to,” Jacob said.
He really threw the word love around pretty nonchalantly.
It actually felt like I was going to die.
My heart hurt and my stomach churned. I stared at the way Olivia’s top few buttons were undone and her tie was loosened around her neck.
I was school president. Could I get her kicked out for breaking the dress code?
It wasn’t really that I was jealous of her anymore. I was just...sad. And I was so tired of feeling sad.
Liam knocked his water bottle over and it spilled all over Jacob’s pants.
“What the hell?” Jacob said and stood up.
“Oops,” Liam said. He sounded very insincere about it.
Yeah, sometimes I really liked my little brother.
“You okay?” Axel whispered.
I wasn’t sure which was worse. Jacob so vehemently denying my request to the dance. Or him so joyfully accepting Olivia’s invitation. And the way he’d stared at me before he had. Like he’d wanted to hurt me.
But either way. I was seconds away from crying.
“I gotta go,” I said.
“What?” Axel whispered.
“I just...yeah.” I stood up and walked away from the table. I wasn’t sure what I’d been thinking. Eating with my dad was so much better than whatever that was.
“Wait up!” RJ yelled as he caught up to me.
We both walked out into the hall.
“By the way, Axel was about to run after you, but I told him I had it. He’s totally into you.”
“He’s not. Would you please just stop? I just want to be alone.”
“Baby doll.”
“Stop calling me that!” Yelling made the dam break and my tears started streaming down my cheeks. “I’m sorry. I...”
RJ hugged me. “It’s okay. Let it all out, baby doll.”
I laughed and sobbed at the same time into his shoulder. When had RJ gotten so tall?
“And he is into you,” RJ said.
“Really, stop.”
“I’m serious. The countdown is to your birthday.”
Wait, what? I pulled back to stare at him.
“Your birthday. Valentine’s Day. I don’t know, I was trying to get to the bottom of it, but I formed that question really poorly.
I should have asked, what do you think of when you think of February 14th?
But then I gave him two choices. And I’d already been asking him about Valentine’s Day and your birthday.
” RJ sighed. “I might have messed that up. And I’m pretty sure Axel thinks I’m into his sister now which is definitely not the case. That little twerp.”
“He’s counting down to my birthday?”
“Yeah. Or Valentine’s Day. But I can’t see why that would be important, right?
It must be your birthday. Even though his answers back there were a little suspect.
He even insulted your princess themed birthday parties.
” RJ shook his head. “For the sake of argument, let’s just go with it though.
Why is this birthday suddenly so important?
Because you’re turning 18 or something?”
Axel’s answers were definitely suspect. I wasn’t sure he was counting down to my birthday instead of Valentine’s Day. But it certainly seemed more fun to focus on the birthday thing. “I don’t know,” I said. “Did you figure out when the countdown started?”
“Years ago. But I’m doing some more research about that. I’ll let you know soon.”
I slowly nodded. So if this was right, Axel had been counting down the days until my 18th birthday for years. But...why?
“Be careful though,” RJ said. “The countdown still has serial killer vibes if you ask me. Crap. And now I’m on Axel’s shit list too. Freaking Parker. I can’t wait to tell her I’m not taking her to the dance.”
“Be sweet.”
“She kicks me!”
I laughed.
“Not funny,” RJ said as he put his arm around my shoulders. “Let’s go hang out with Uncle James and forget about everything you just saw.” He pulled me down the hall and away from the cafeteria.
But that scene with Olivia was going to haunt me forever.
It was official. Actually, it had been for a while now.
Jacob no longer loved me.
It was over.
I tried to focus on why on earth Axel was counting down to my 18th birthday.