Chapter 31 – Everything
Saturday
I was humming as I walked through the door of my apartment. I closed it and twirled in a circle as I made my way into the kitchen. My skirt lifted so I could just see the tulle peeking out.
My heart was so full it felt like it might burst. Really. I was so happy that I was almost in tears. I barely understood the feeling. I think it had been a really long time since I was this happy.
I kept humming as I opened the fridge. I was thirsty from running through Central Park and Axel probably was too. I grabbed two water bottles and pushed the fridge door closed with my hip.
I twirled in another circle, but froze when I heard someone clear their throat.
I almost dropped one of the water bottles when my mom hit a light so I could see her sitting at the kitchen counter with a cup of tea.
Why did she keep trying to give me a heart attack?
“Thirsty?” my mom asked.
I looked at the two water bottles in my hands. Which I realized was very suspicious. “I’m super parched,” I said and lightly coughed.
“Here. This will help.” My mom poured me a cup of tea and set it down on the other side of the kitchen island from her.
I really wanted to get to my room. Axel was waiting for me. But I couldn’t exactly say that. So I sat down and took a sip of my tea. It was cold. And I wondered how long my mom had been sitting here in the dark.
“Were you waiting for me?” I asked.
She shook her head and looked down at her cold tea. “No, I couldn’t sleep.”
“Is everything okay?”
She didn’t respond. She seemed lost in thought.
“Are you and Dad fighting?”
She finally lifted her gaze back to mine. “You know when I told you that love hurts?”
I nodded.
“I am so mad at your father. We tell each other everything. And I can’t believe he meddled like this and kept it from me.”
“I don’t want you guys to fight.”
She smiled. “I know he did it out of love. It’s hard to stay mad at him knowing that. But...”
“He’s the worst.”
My mom laughed. “But also the best.”
I nodded.
“Besides, fighting isn’t so bad because making up is so great.” She gave me a knowing look.
Even though I absolutely did not know. But I got the hint. “Ew! Mom!”
She laughed. “I think the two of us can have conversations like this now.”
“Can we maybe not though?”
She blew on her tea like she thought it was still hot. “I was hoping to catch you. To see if maybe you changed your mind. I figured your dad could use a bit of a warning before he saw in the morning.” Her eyes fell to my left hand. “But I guess you haven’t?”
There was no point in lying. “I want to say yes. Whenever he asks me again, I will. But it just feels too soon. And I can’t help but think about how it would make Jacob feel. I never wanted to hurt him.”
“Jacob is the most resilient young man I know. And I know your feelings for him were real. At least near the end. But, sweetie. It’s always been you and Axel.
Since you first learned to speak. You’re allowed to be selfish when it comes to love.
You have to be. And I just wanted you to know that even though your father will act upset if you get engaged at 17, it’s only because he means well.
We will both support whatever decision you make. ”
“How long did you know Dad when he proposed?”
“Only a couple of months. I think I might have died if I’d had to wait 17 years.”
I laughed. But then I pressed my lips together. “It’s always been the four of us. I don’t want anything to change.”
“Sweetie.” She reached out and grabbed my hand.
“Yes, it’s always been the four of you. But you and Axel were always a duo in that four.
Acknowledging your feelings doesn’t change that.
Sophie already knew how you felt about Axel.
And I think Jacob probably did too. The only difference is now you don’t have to hurt anymore. ”
I felt tears welling in my eyes. She was right. I was so tired of hurting. And maybe love did hurt sometimes. But it didn’t have to right now. “I love him so much.”
My mom rounded the corner and pulled me into a hug. “I know, sweetie.” She held me tight and I heard her sniffle.
I pulled back. “Are you crying?”
She laughed and wiped beneath her eyes. “I was just thinking about bringing you home from the hospital.”
I stared at her.
“I wanted the whole world for you. And I know Axel will give that to you. Despite what your father thinks, Stevenses are really great guys. And Axel is more like your father than he realizes. Stubborn and driven and confident and a little manipulative.” She smiled.
“Which is probably why he’s been so hard on him.
But I’m so glad you chose a guy like your father. ”
“Ew.” I wanted to protest, but I had just thought earlier tonight that they were similarly manipulative.
She laughed. “I’m going to head to bed. Now that I don’t have to worry about you and Axel finding your way back to each other, I really need to figure out what’s going on with your brother.”
“Did Liam do something?”
“He keeps dating these much older women. What the heck is that about?”
I laughed. So my parents did notice? I shrugged. “I have no idea.”
“I’d be concerned that he has mommy issues, but I’ve been very present in his life.” She sighed. “And hopefully he’ll wake up one day and realize what he wants is right in front of him too.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Look around the room at the Giants game tomorrow. Someone looks at him the way you look at Axel. But if Liam only likes older women, that’s going to end badly.”
I had no idea who she was talking about. I’d been so in my head about my own love problems, I’d never even noticed. Was it Uncle Mason’s daughter Nova? Or maybe Jacob’s sister Chloe? Or even little Alora? No. Parker was the only one that bold. I’d definitely look around the room next time.
“Goodnight, sweetie.” My mom abandoned her cold tea and walked up the stairs.
I waited until she disappeared completely before grabbing the water bottles and heading to my room. I expected Axel to be sitting there waiting for me. But the shower was running. He must have realized I’d gotten held up.
His crown was sitting on my desk where it had been earlier. And his varsity jacket was sitting on the back of my chair like always.
I didn’t know if Axel would want to go all the way tonight. But in case he did, I wanted to wear something sexy.
The shower turned off and I realized I only had a few seconds to change into something.
I pulled off his leather jacket and my dress. I was wearing a simple black thong and pushup bra. It wasn’t exactly first time pajamas. But Axel had already seen those. Besides, I had a feeling he’d been fantasizing about something else a lot more. He’d certainly left enough hints.
I pulled his varsity jacket on and sat down in the middle of my bed cross-legged. I let one of the shoulders fall so he could see the top of my breasts better. And I waited.
The bathroom door opened with a puff of steam. And then Axel was standing there with a towel wrapped around his waist. The ends of his hair were dripping.
I stared at the way his abs tapered off at the bottom in what Sophie called an Adonis belt. The name was fitting. The way Axel was sculpted was perfection. He looked like a god standing there in the steam.
I saw his gaze travel down to my chest. He didn’t try to hide it. He stared at me the same way I stared at him.
“When I die, I hope I have this image in my head,” he said.
I laughed. “You like it?”
“I pictured you wearing my varsity jacket to school. But this is a hell of a lot better, baby.”
“I like when you call me that.”
He walked around the bed. He put his hands on the mattress and leaned forward.
“Baby.” He kissed the side of my neck. “Baby.” His tongue lightly traced a path down to my clavicle bone.
“Baby.” He left a trail of kisses down the center of my chest. “Baby.” His breath was hot on my skin as he placed a soft kiss between my breasts.
I lifted my hands and did what I’d been dreaming of my whole life. I sunk my fingers into his hair the way I’d always wanted. It was still wet and softer than I expected. I could definitely get used to this.
He lifted his gaze to me. “It’s late. Are you tired?”
I shook my head. “Not even a little.”
His breath tickled my chest. He kissed the spot right above the strip of fabric that connected my bra cups. It looked like he wanted to bite the fabric with his teeth and lower it. Instead he took a deep breath and stood back up. “I’m actually pretty beat.”
Whatever high I was on came crashing down. “Oh. Right. Yeah, it’s really late.”
He lowered his eyebrows as he stared at me.
I felt my cheeks growing hot. “I should go brush my teeth.” I climbed off the opposite side of the bed and hurried into the bathroom. I pressed my back against the door. Had I done something wrong?
“Scarlett?” Axel’s voice was close. Like he was leaning on the opposite side of the door.
“I’ll be right out!” I called. I pushed myself off the door, quickly brushed my teeth, and washed the makeup off my face. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I wasn’t even sure why I was upset. Axel and I had already hooked up tonight. It had been perfect. It was enough.
But for some reason, him pulling back made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Had he thought I’d look different in nothing but my bra and thong? He’d seen me like that before by accident. Maybe it was different when it was on purpose. Or maybe I’d worn the jacket wrong?
My head was filled with maybes.
I took a deep breath. I’d read into every little thing that Axel did for years. It was hard to get the questions in my head to stop. But Axel loved me. I knew that. He was just tired. Or else he wouldn’t have said that he was.
Still, I waited several minute before braving opening the door. I peered out. Axel was on the bed with his eyes closed. Sometimes he slept on top of the comforter. But tonight he was beneath the sheets. He wasn’t pulling away from me. He was just tired like he’d said.