Chapter 31 – Everything #2
I padded quietly across the floor and hit the lights. I slid beneath the covers. Axel didn’t stir.
It reminded me of how I’d pretend to fall asleep next to him all those times I was secretly dying inside. Everything suddenly felt so awkward. An apology was on the tip of my tongue. But I wasn’t even sure what I was trying to apologize for.
I turned on my side away from him. I closed my eyes tight. Why couldn’t I get these negative thoughts out of my head? Everything was different now.
But...this wasn’t. Us falling asleep on opposite sides of the bed. We always woke up intertwined though.
I felt tears welling in the corners of my eyes. What if he really had changed his mind? What if he saw me exposed for him and wasn’t interested? Sophie always said that guys liked the chase. Axel had me. Could he really be bored of me so quickly?
The bed sagged behind me.
My heart started racing as Axel draped one of his arms across my body. His hand pressed against my bare stomach.
Just one touch and my whole body felt alive.
But it wasn’t just his fingers on my skin that had me pressing my thighs together. I felt his hardness pressed into my lower back.
If he was as turned on as I was...why had he pulled back?
His breath seemed ragged on the back of my neck. Like he was barely holding himself together.
And I didn’t want him to hold himself together.
Maybe now that the lights were off, we could pick up where we left off.
The way he used to hook up with me in dark closets.
I had this nagging thought in the back of my head about that, but I pushed it away.
I placed my hand on top of his and slowly lowered it down my stomach.
I was pretty sure he started holding his breath, because I didn’t feel it anymore.
I slid his hand beneath the front of my thong and the tiniest groan escaped his throat. I guided him even lower.
His sharp exhale was hot on my skin and he tensed behind me.
“Please,” I whispered.
The word was barely out of my mouth as he slid a finger inside of me.
I forced myself not to whimper as his finger slowly slid in and out of me.
“You feel like silk,” he whispered.
I lifted my thigh, trying to give him better access. And the action pressed my ass harder against him.
He groaned and slid another finger inside of me.
I twisted my head to moan into my pillow.
I’d dreamed of his hands on me every time he crawled into my bed. But I’d had no idea how good it would feel. I loved every second of this. But all I wanted was to experience all of him.
“More,” I whispered.
He just kept moving his fingers. Torturously slow.
I reached behind me, wrapping my hand around him through his boxers.
“Don’t,” he whispered.
What? I turned my head to look at him over my shoulder.
His eyes fell to my lips. “You’re killing me, baby. I’m trying to be respectful here.”
“I’d rather you disrespect me.”
The corner of his mouth ticked up. The way it only ever did for me. “You said you wanted to experience every moment,” he said. “To take things slow...”
“I never said I wanted to take things slow. I just said I didn’t want to skip any steps.”
“That’s the same as not rushing. I can wait. I’ve already been waiting.”
“I don’t want to wait.”
He stared into my eyes.
“You had me panicking. I thought you were pulling away because you didn’t like how I looked...”
“Not in a million years. I’ve never seen you look more beautiful.”
I was very aware of his fingers still inside of me. I felt like I was going insane with need. “I don’t want you to hold back. I want it all with you.”
He lowered his eyebrows as he searched my eyes. “Are you sure?”
I purposefully clenched around his fingers.
He groaned and started moving his fingers again. “I’m fine with you riding my hand all night. Or my face.”
“That’s not what I want to ride. Even though you are naturally good at that.”
He chuckled against my skin. And then he dropped his lips to my shoulder, lightly nipping the spot. “Are you sure you want this tonight?”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life...”
He slid a third finger inside of me, stretching me wide.
God.
He pumped his hand.
“Do you have a condom?”
He kissed my shoulder. “In my wallet. Give me a second.” He slowly pulled his fingers out and climbed over me and onto the floor. He hit the lights to find his jeans.
He’d put his t-shirt back on from earlier. I watched him rummage around in his pocket and pull out his wallet. He lifted the shiny foil wrapper and dropped his jeans and wallet back on the floor. He started walking toward me.
“You can turn the lights back off if you want.”
He ignored me and stopped at the edge of the bed. “And why would I do that?”
“We used to hook up in dark closets and...”
“Because it was my only way to be close to you.” He grabbed his t-shirt by the nape of the collar and pulled it off, exposing his perfect six-pack abs again.
“But you’re finally mine. And I want to see every inch of you.
” He discarded his shirt and stared at me.
Like he was waiting for me to discard an item of clothing next. Daring me with his eyes.
I sat up, letting my legs dangle off the sides of the bed.
His eyes trailed down my bare thighs. Like he was soaking in every inch, just the way he said he wanted to.
I reached behind me to unhook my bra, but my fingers fumbled.
He leaned forward, tracing his fingers beneath the bottom of my bra, and around my ribcage.
Goosebumps pebbled my skin.
He unclasped my bra for me and then slowly hooked his finger in the center of it, pulling it down my shoulders. It only went so far because of his jacket I was still wearing. But he didn’t seem to notice. He was too busy staring at my exposed breasts.
He slowly lowered his face and flicked his tongue against my left nipple.
I moaned.
“I love that sound,” he whispered. And then he wrapped his lips around my nipple and lightly tugged.
I moaned again.
He palmed my other breast as he pushed me down onto the bed. I somehow managed to push his jacket and the straps of my bra off my arms.
He moved his face to my other breast, giving it the same attention. “I take back what I said earlier,” he whispered against my skin. “I want to die with these pressed in my face.”
“You want to die suffocating between my breasts?”
“Absolutely.”
I laughed.
He kissed between them again and then ran his tongue down the center of my stomach, stopping right at my thong. “I want to see you.”
“It’s your turn.” I propped myself up on my elbows to stare at him.
Axel pushed his boxers down his hips. His erection sprung free.
I swallowed hard, everything I’d ever learned about sex coming back to me all at once. There was no way that wasn’t going to hurt me.
Axel seemed to notice the expression on my face. “We don’t have to...”
“Give me the condom.”
“You are very bossy when you’re horny.” He handed me the wrapper. “I like this side of you.”
I looked up at him.
“You always act like you’re so shy. But I knew you wouldn’t be that way with me. Especially after all those sexts you sent me.”
I knew my face was turning red.