12. Rowan
12
ROWAN
H ow is it only Thursday?
My gaze swept over the mess of contracts, notes, and headshots spread across my desk—prospective clients, so fresh-faced and full of dreams. There were times when looking at them made me more aware than ever of what set us apart. I had been that bright and full of hope back when I had my first headshots taken.
“First thing Monday morning, send onboarding materials out to Isabella along with a welcome to the family bouquet. Confirm the meeting at the studio next week to go over the final draft of her contract.”
My assistant nodded, jotting down the instructions. Noelle was one in a million, able to predict my next thought before it even began to stir in my head. “You also have the dinner with the Landry International people on Tuesday night. Are you confirming?”
“Yes, of course. I almost forgot. What would I do without you?” I asked. My head was just shy of pounding after days of back-to-back meetings, lunches, anddinners. Hollywood newcomers worried about their future, parents worried about their kids, executives wanted to be sure they were covered against any liability.
Those were the meetings that made me grind my teeth a little. It was a necessary evil, a means of creating and maintaining relationships with heavy hitters who could end up bringing me endless business in the future. But they weren’t the people I was trying to help, to protect. I didn’t get the same feeling of pride in my job after working out a deal with them.
“Do you have any plans with Hannah this weekend?” Noelle asked.
That I could talk about until I went blue in the face. “Nothing concrete, but I have a few ideas.” Most of them revolved around the man who’d been sending texts all week, checking on me, asking if Hannah was doing all right, andfinding out whether we could get together this weekend once he flew into town.
And I was basically fighting for my life, reminding myself with every text that came through and made my heart skip a beat that I was Hannah’s mother, that I had to remove my personal feelings from the situation and keep her best interests in mind. That meant making sure not to get all wrapped up in his enthusiasm.
Thinking about Hannah jogged my memory. A few texts came in while I was on a Zoom call earlier in the morning, but I had been too busy to check. Once Noelle left my office, I opened the app to read what Spencer sent.
Spencer: Does Hannah like baseball?
Spencer: A friend of mine has a luxury box with the Giants and is always offering his tickets. We can take my jet.
Spencer: Has she been to Disneyland?
How was I supposed to guard either of us when seeing him so eager to please made my heart ache in the best way? I’d always hoped that if the day ever came, he would want to be part of her life.
Even so, one of us had to be intelligent about this.
Me: I think Disneyland might be a little much at first. The jet too. Maybe we could settle for dinner and a movie? Work our way up?
Yes, I was essentially hinting at a future by saying that, but I didn’t bother correcting myself before sending the message. She liked him, and he was clearly enamored with her. I didn’t want to stand in the way.
I only hoped he wouldn’t let me down.
More importantly, let her down.
A calendar alert chimed on my computer, reminding me of a lunch date with my sister. We hadn’t spoken much in the almost two weeks since the break-in attempt. She was busy with her job, which was nothing new, but she sounded almost giddy when we made these plans.
“ I have news for you, ” she had said a few days ago over the phone and refused to give me any details until we saw each other today. Even if I weren’t half-starved after working through breakfast, I would’ve hurried through, grabbing my purse and taking a last-minute trip to the ladies’ room before speed walking the two blocks to the café, where Rhiannon was already waiting at one of the tables set behind a low, decorative fence separating it from the sidewalk.
Right away, I noticed her gorgeous, trendy outfit. She looked like she had been shopping on Rodeo Drive recently, something that had never interested her much in the past. Was she finally starting to spend her savings on herself? Her freshly blown-out hair and new designer sunglasses gave me hope.
“You look fantastic,” I told her once I reached the table, kissing her cheek and sitting across from her. We ordered salads and iced tea. Then I got down to business. Why bother beating around the bush? There was an elephant in the room that needed discussion.
“Spill it,” I demanded, folding my hands on the table, facing her the way I would face somebody in an important meeting. “What is it you wanted to tell me? I’ve been dying to find out.”
“Now I feel dumb for overselling it.”
“Don’t do that,” I warned with a shake of my head and my sternest big-sister scowl. “Don’t act like you weren’t practically jumping out of your skin when we decided to have lunch today. What’s the big news?”
“I’m just saying, it might not be as big of a deal as I want it to be…” She chewed her lip, positioning her sunglasses on top of her head so I could get a look at the excitement in her eyes. “I’m seeing somebody. He’s really great.”
“That’s amazing! It’s about time, woman!” When our iced teas were delivered to the table, I lifted my glass in salute. “No wonder you look like you just walked off a runway, girl. I’m going to need to know where you’ve been shopping.”
“It’s just been really nice.” The joy in her smile was like sunshine after a storm. Rhiannon was beautiful, smart as hell, with an amazing heart. For some reason, she had a habit of looking down on herself. She didn’t see herself the way we did, the people who loved her. She was a late bloomer, so it hadn’t always been easy to find her place in the world. That sort of thing could stick with a person even when they were grown up.
“So what’s his name?” I asked. “Tell me everything about him.”
Her head tipped to the side. “Tell me who you’ve been seeing.”
“No fair! I’m not seeing anybody, anyway,” I reminded her.
She pursed her lips, eyes narrowing to slits. “That’s not what Hannah told me.”
“That little stinker. She is in so much trouble.” I was all smiles and laughter on the outside, but internally? It was a different story. I quaked, going cold even in the brilliant midday sunshine.
“So you admit you’ve been lying to me, and you are seeing somebody.” She was enjoying the hell out of this, riding high on the adrenaline rush of a new boyfriend. So what if I was dying inside?
“It’s complicated.” Please, let her leave it there. “I want to hear more about your situation since I really don’t have anything to tell you.”
“No way. You’re not going to get me off topic.”
It was time to backpedal a little and find out just how much trouble I would end up in. “Exactly what did my traitorous daughter tell you?” I asked, smiling gratefully at the server who dropped off my chicken Caesar salad, though I wasn’t feeling very hungry anymore. This had the potential of going very, very badly.
“She only told me she met your boyfriend, and the three of you went out for burgers last week. I asked her for more details, but she told me to ask you.”
Well, she hadn’t used his name, which, now that I thought about it, was fairly obvious. The second Rhiannon heard the name, Spencer, she would have been banging down my front door or maybe even kicked it in. “Honestly, she assumed he was my boyfriend, and I sort of think he got a kick out of it.”
Rhiannon‘s eyebrows lifted as she cut into her grilled chicken. “That’s a good sign, right? He didn’t run screaming.”
“If anything, I think he thought it was funny because he knew it made me uncomfortable.” I shrugged when she frowned. “It’s hard to explain.”
“Who is he? At least tell me what he does for a living. Does he work in the industry?”
“Actually, he’s in tech. I don’t know the details,” I told her, which was the truth. “I wouldn’t understand anything about it, anyway.”
“A tech bro, huh?” She chuckled, shrugging. “Good for you. I never thought you would be with a guy like that. I always figured you would end up with an actor or at least another lawyer like you.”
She was going to find out. She was the only person in my life who knew the name of the man who caused the accident because she was the only one I’d ever told we were dating. As far as Mom and Dad were concerned, I was out with a random man at the time, some Hollywood wannabe I was dating. They thought he ghosted me and ran away to avoid charges, which, on the surface, was exactly what he had done. They thought he left town before I could tell him about the baby, which again was what happened. Just not exactly how I’d explained it in those awful, stressful first days in the hospital. It was better for all of us that they believed my fabrications. The fact that my hospital bills and tuition were covered by the generous settlement went a long way toward them accepting the outcome.
But she knew. And eventually, sooner rather than later, Hannah was going to use his name. Did I want to risk Rhiannon freaking out on her? Maybe even telling her Spencer was her father? Or was it better for me to control the narrative?
When I looked at it that way, there wasn’t really a choice to be made.
“I’m going to tell you something.” I set down the knife and fork, my heart in my throat, a cold sweat beading on the back of my neck. “But I need you to promise me you won’t say a word to Hannah, to Mom and Dad, to anybody.”
“Rowan.” All the playfulness was gone, replaced by suspicion and maybe a little bit of dread. It wrinkled her forehead and narrowed her eyes. “Who is it? What’s the problem?”
Here goes nothing . “A couple of weeks ago, completely by accident, I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in a long time.” I had to sip my iced tea when my mouth went dry, and that was the only reason I was able to add, “Around eleven years or so.”
In many ways, we were as different as sisters could be. We may have resembled each other, we shared a lot of the same history, and she had my back more times than I would ever be able to count or repay her for, but we had differing temperaments and interests. She had always been patient, and I tended to blow up too quickly.
Those differences were what made it uncanny whenever she was able to see through me the way she clearly did at that table. She lowered her brow, eyes blazing. “No. You are not telling me this.”
“Just hang on before you?—”
Her silverware clattered onto the plate while horror washed over her face, widening her eyesandmaking her mouth drop open. “Did you forget what he did? How can this be possible?”
“We aren’t seeing each other. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
Blue eyes, much like mine, narrowed in disbelief while her glossy lips tightened in a disapproving line. “No, but you went to dinner with Hannah? You can’t be serious!”
By now, a few people around us had noticed her outburst. How could they not? She was practically shrieking. “You need to calm down, please,” I begged in a soft voice.
A violent shade of red crept up her neck, then over her cheeks. “Rowan. He ruined your life. Then he ran away from you. He deserted you.”
“That’s not technically true.”
“Oh, he told you that? Of course he would. He would say anything. And now he knows about Hannah?” She was going to hyperventilate soon if she didn’t get a hold of herself.
“Respectfully, you’re overreacting.”
She clearly didn’t care. If anything, she got louder while venom leaked into her voice. “How could you bring him into her life? Are you trying to get her hurt, too, the way you were hurt? What if we can’t all support her the way we supported you?”
Her mouth snapped shut, but it was too late. It might have hurt a little less if she had punched me. “Wow,” I whispered. “Thanks for that.”
She sat back in her chair, shoulders slumped. All the happy, shiny energy was wiped away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it came out. I’m worried about you. About Hannah.”
“You don’t have to worry about me.” I picked the napkin up from my lap and dabbed the corners of my mouth before dropping it onto my plate. “As for Hannah, she’s my responsibility.”
“Come on,” she pleaded in a shaky voice. “Don’t leave. I only want what’s best for you.”
“I’m sure you do.” I stood, pushing my chair in even when she whimpered. “Which is why you’ll be glad to know we aren’t seeing each other. Like I told you. Please, don’t say anything about it. You promised.”
As an afterthought before turning away, I added, “I’ll Venmo you for my half of the check.” It seemed like that hurt her worst of all, making her face crumple. She heaved a sigh behind me, but I ignored her, leaving the restaurant and heading back to the office while a storm raged in my head.
Was she right? Had I lost perspective? The more I thought about it during that seemingly endless walk, the clearer my choice became. I had no business entertaining Spencer’s little daydreams about us taking his jet to San Francisco or spending the day at Disneyland. We weren’t a family. It was Hannah and me. We were all we needed.
Before I could punk out and betray my daughter—and myself—I texted Spencer from the lobby of my building. This had to be done. It didn’t matter how much I didn’t want to.
Me: I think we need to take a step back and reevaluate. We both need a little space.
This was for the best. I’d thank myself for it later, no matter how I hated myself now.