11. Spencer
11
SPENCER
W hy did people think it was so hard to handle kids? Before tonight, I had all of five minutes of experience being around them, if that. The first meeting with Hannah should have been awkward. I should’ve been tongue-tied.
“Tell me the truth.” Rowan left her purse sitting on the sofa and took off her heels, sighing in relief while Hannah went to her room to drop off her books and backpack, leaving us alone for a second.
With a glance down the hall toward Hannah’s bedroom door to make sure we were alone, Rowan asked, “Have you been hanging out with kids all these years? Do you have a lot of friends with big families?”
“Not even close.” I studied the alarm system keypad mounted beside the door, nodding in appreciation. “This looks good. Are the windows alarmed too?”
“Yes, of course.” She let out a flat laugh behind me. “I should’ve done it sooner. Now, I have to remember to disarm it before opening the door. I doubt the LAPD would appreciate being called out here for nothing.”
Her tap against my shoulder came as a surprise. She was damn silent in her bare feet. “So how the hell were you so good with her?” she asked when I turned around.
“When I was her age, I hated people talking to me like I was a dumb kid,” I mused. “It was patronizing. So I talked to her like she was more grown-up, the way I wished somebody would talk to me.”
“Very smart. She hates being talked down to.” She then voiced a revelation before I had the chance. “She takes after you.”
There was something humbling about that. A part of me existed in the world with the same tendencies. I could see a little of myself in her face too. The whole damn thing was unnerving, but not in a bad way. It was damn baffling.
Hannah called out from her room. “Mom! I’m putting my pajamas on, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to go to bed.” Yep, she was my kid. Always setting the rules.
“She does this every. Single. Weekend.” Raising her voice, Rowan replied, “You’re creeping up on bedtime. How about we compromise, and you read in bed until you get sleepy?”
“Okay!” The door opened, and Hannah poked her head out into the hallway. “Spencer, if I don’t see you, thanks for dinner.”
This was a great kid. Maybe I recognized how great she was because I was such a little shit growing up. I only hoped she didn’t take after me in that respect. “You’re welcome. Thanks for splitting that brownie sundae with me.” I felt a little sluggish, but it was worth it.
“And if you end up with a stomach ache tonight,” Rowan called out. “You can call Spencer and thank him for that too.”
“Oh, Mom.” Only a kid would roll their eyes and look so over everything. “I’m not a baby.”
“She’s got you there,” I muttered, chuckling when Rowan shot me a dirty look.
Once things quieted down again, I sank into the sofa and had to resist the temptation to unbutton my pants. It had been a long time since I ate that much junk in one sitting. “So. What did you want to talk about?“ I asked because I wasn’t going to make this easy for her. Not after she damn near tore my head off earlier on her parents’ street. It was one thing to have a surprisingly good time with my kid, but she was out of the room now, and the grown-ups had important things to discuss.
I knew she was regretting that text. She looked like she swallowed her tongue before retreating to the open kitchen, where I watched her puttering around, unloading the dishwasher and wiping the counter with a dish towel. It didn’t look to me like it needed cleaning, but she seemed pretty intent on doing chores.
“Would it help if I made a mess for you?” I asked. “So you’ll have a reason for all of that.”
The moment a grin touched her mouth, I knew I had set myself up. “I think you’ve already made enough of a mess. Thanks so much,” she murmured with a sweet, sarcastic smile.
Dropping the dish towel, she leaned on the granite counter with her palms. “I hope you don’t think this is the kind of thing that’s going to happen all the time. You randomly show up and suddenly, the three of us are spending an evening together.”
Here we go. I was expecting this. A week of thinking and planning had left me with an arsenal to use against her if need be. I only hoped there wouldn’t be a need. “Why can’t it happen?” I asked.
“Why do you want it to?” she countered.
“You can’t mean that.”
“I absolutely do.” I opened my mouth to protest, but she held up a hand, “Listen to me before you start throwing your ego around. This is not some new hobby for you to become interested in. I’m not going to have you becoming part of her life and making her care about you, only for you to disappear when you get bored or something more interesting comes along.”
Again, not surprising. If anything, she was more predictable than I expected. That didn’t mean I wanted to hear her talk down to me like I was some slug. “I’m insulted you think I would do that.”
“Here’s the thing,” she fired back in a loud, fierce whisper from the other side of the breakfast bar. “This isn’t about you. It’s not about what I think of you. It’s not about our past. It’s about looking ahead to the future, mapping out possible outcomes, and doing everything I can to prevent the shitty ones. So I have to say to myself, what’s the worst possible way this might turn out? Then, I do everything I can as her mother to avoid it.”
Glancing toward the hallway, she continued, “After watching her with you, the worst possible way this could turn out would be for you to show an interest in her and then walk away. It would be one thing if you did it right now because she doesn’t know who you are. If you ever want her to know you, to really know you, you need to commit.”
The only sound for a long time was that of her breathing. It must have taken a lot to get through that. I wasn’t the only one who had done a lot of thinking lately. “Is that it?” I finally asked. “Because I’ve been putting plans together this week and thought you’d like to hear them since you’re all about commitment. Nothing’s set in stone. It’s all completely flexible. I thought you would want to have a say in things.”
“That’s generous of you, giving me a say in things, but what are we talking about?”
“Financial planning,” I explained. “A means of providing for Hannah for the rest of her life. I’d set you up as trustee, giving you the power to control her money until she comes of age.”
What did I expect? Not profuse thanks. I knew better. Something more than the disdain she shot me, though. “Wow. That’s not even remotely what I was talking about.”
“Why do you have to sound so combative?”
“Why do you have to butt in where I didn’t ask you to be?” She stepped into the hall and held up a finger, cocking her head toward Hannah’s room. Exercising the superhuman hearing that seemed to come with being a mom.
Once she was satisfied it was safe to continue, she turned to me with her arms folded. “Well? Answer the question.”
If she’d been grilling anyone but me, her attitude would’ve gotten me rock-hard. She was smoking hot even in bare feet, with a small ice cream stain on her pale green blouse. I pulled my attention from it and stood, hands on my hips. “A man has the right to provide for his kid. It’s bad enough I only found out about her. You can’t expect me to stand back and act like I don’t know she exists. I’m going to provide for her.”
Her lashes fluttered as she stammered, sounding a little softer when she spoke again. “I understand how you feel, and I appreciate it, but I can provide for her. I’m not exactly doing badly for myself.”
Only reminding myself Hannah would be able to hear kept me from losing it. Why did she have to be so fucking stubborn? “Would you stop letting your pride get in the way? What’s wrong with me wanting to set up a college fund for her?”
“You said trust,” she pointed out. “Now we’re talking about a college fund?”
“We’re talking about whatever I say we’re talking about,” I growled out. Fuck being the bigger person. “Why wouldn’t you want to give her the best possible start in life? I’m not asking for anything in return but knowing I gave her everything I could. Especially since…”
Arching an eyebrow, she asked, “Especially since what?”
“You never planned on telling her about me, did you?”
That got her. Her invisible barriers dropped. She touched a palm to her forehead before running her hand through her hair. The energy between us shifted, softened. “Spencer, until a week ago, I thought you deserted me. You hired somebody to draw up an agreement that guaranteed I would never bother you again. I mean, there’s rejection, and there’s a binding legal agreement. Can you understand why I wouldn’t be in a hurry to tell Hannah all about the magic of how she came to be?”
Now that she put it that way, it seemed fairly obvious. “All right, point taken.”
“And to be honest with you, I don’t know that I want my daughter involved with a family where there are people capable of the sort of shit your father and his lawyer did to me.”
“Let’s get one thing straight.” Her head snapped back at my sudden change in tone, but I wasn’t about to apologize. She needed to understand. “He will never have anything to do with her. He was in such a hurry to pretend she didn’t exist? Fine. He will never be fortunate enough to speak to her. Do you think I’m lying?”
“No.” There was no hesitation. “I don’t think you’re lying. And I understand you wanting to put money aside for her, and I think that is a good idea. But understand me… this isn’t going to be a tit-for-tat situation. You provide her college fund so that gives you leverage over me or like a louder voice when it comes to making decisions. Do you see what I mean?”
I did, and I was a little disappointed. This was a possibility I hadn’t considered. That she might kick me in the balls or as good as. My pride stung as much as my balls would have. “You think I would do that?”
“How the hell would I know?” she whispered. “This is all new. Everything’s changed. And yeah, we had six great months together, but that’s all we had. I don’t know you well enough to know what to expect, and…” she sighed as the fight drained from her, “… and I’m a little scared. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I guess I feel like I did at first, back then. Everything is new all of a sudden. I have to relearn the rules.”
Her lips drew into a thin line as she turned away, wrapping her arms around herself and going back to the kitchen. I followed her into the spotless space. “Do you have somebody come in to do the cleaning?” I asked since it hardly looked like the room was ever used. It was that clean.
She looked around, letting out a soft laugh. “I clean when I’m stressed. I’ve been doing a lot of it this week.”
Did that mean this clean room was thanks to me? I was about to ask the question when she shut the cabinet door hard, her head hanging low. “I was going to make tea, and I don’t even have tea. What the hell is wrong with my head?”
“Hey. I know this has all been a lot.” It had been a lot for me, too, but something told me she didn’t want to hear it. Not with the way she was feeling. “But you don’t have to worry. I’m not trying to take her from you. I’m not trying to outdo you or erase everything you have together. It’s not like that.”
“I want to believe you.”
I hated how defeated she suddenly sounded. That was what scared her most of all—losing Hannah to me. I had to convince her that would never happen. It would make the difference between getting to provide for what was mine and being kept on the outside for the rest of my life.
Stepping up behind her, I touched my hands to her hips, leaning close. “You have nothing to worry about. I’m ready to take things slow. I do understand where you’re coming from. You’ve raised a great girl.”
“I wish I could take credit for her,” she snorted. I couldn’t help lowering my head to indulge in her hair’s floral scent. Her head tipped back to touch my shoulder as she sighed, melting into me. “Sometimes, I wonder if I’ve had enough of an influence in her life. I’ve missed so much too. You’re not the only one. I wonder if I’ll spend my whole life trying to make up for that.”
“Take it easy on yourself.” It was natural, necessary to touch my lips to her ear, her jaw. I couldn’t be this close to her without wanting more.
“There’s never a time I feel like I have everything under control.” She surprised me by chuckling softly while my lips skimmed her neck. “Wow, it actually feels good to be able to say that. I never felt comfortable enough to say it to my family.”
I saw how that would feel good. I understood how isolated she must’ve felt all this time. No wonder she hated me so much during that first meeting when we went for drinks, and all I cared about was covering my ass. That was miles away now. Still important, but not nearly as much when compared to the woman my arms slid around.
“Spencer…” There was a mix of desire and warning in her whisper when my hand cupped her tit. Her nipple went hard under my thumb, and I ran in circles over the tight peak. “No fair. You know we can’t do this. She’s, like, feet away from us.” Turning in my arms, she wrapped hers around my neck and smirked up at me. “And just because we slept together doesn’t mean you automatically get access every time we’re in the same city.”
“Every other time?” I suggested, making her blurt out a laugh. She wasn’t fooling me. This pretense of resistance was just that. The last gasps of whatever it was she thought she should do. Who she thought she needed to be.
“Fine, but not while Hannah is mere feet from where you’re groping her mother.” Her smile hardened into something fiercely maternal. “Hard boundary.”
My dick was halfway to going rigid, and I would’ve loved nothing more than to be balls-deep in her, but I saw her point. “We have to get together on a weeknight,” I decided, breathing her in again, pulling her essence into my lungs. It was the most I’d get tonight.
Nothing could have been sweeter than her smile. “Yes. We definitely do. You’re not the only one with a craving,” she purred, running lazy fingers through my hair and setting my blood on fire. That was all it took—the simplest touch, so long as it came from her.
“A craving?” I couldn’t help groping her ass a little while she was still in my arms. “I like the sound of that. I’m something you can’t shake.”
Her hips shifted as she thrust her pussy against my growing bulge. “That’s a good way of describing it. The kind of thing you know you should resist…” she grazed my lips with hers, making me groan and grind against her, “… but you can’t,” she concluded with a wicked grin that did dangerous things to organs other than my dick. My heart beat harder, faster, like something exciting was happening. Maybe it was.
It didn’t have to mean anything. Whatever was happening between Rowan and me could be separate from Hannah and me. I would keep the lines from blurring.
“I guess I’ll have to go home and jerk off.” I sighed, pouting until she giggled.
“I have an idea.” There was a wicked gleam in her eye as she bit her lip. Dear God, she was a drug. “Why don’t I send you some inspiration for when you get home?”
“What did you have in mind?” I asked with a growl.
“Why don’t you head out, and you’ll see very soon?”
It wasn’t easy, pretending to be scornful as I let her go and backed away. “I see what this is all about. You lure a man into buying you dinner. Then you get them out of the apartment by promising to send nudes? That’s a unique hustle you have going on.”
“Get the hell out of here.” She laughed, turning me in place and pushing me toward the door. “And thank you for dinner.”
“Thank you. ” I turned to her when I reached the door, taking her face in my hands. Instead of shoving my tongue down her throat the way instinct demanded, I settled for a soft kiss that ended before it could lead anywhere else.
I was behind the wheel in the garage when the first text came through from her.
Rowan: Inspiration part one…
And a photo followed.
“Fuck me.” I groaned, my dick swelling at the shot of her tits in a see-through lace bra. Her nipples stood out and begged to be sucked through the fabric until she creamed her panties.
Rowan: Part two.
I held my ragged breath while waiting for the next image. This time, she’d hiked her skirt up to flash a bit of a lace thong. My dick jumped at the idea of what was coming next.
Another text.
Rowan: Maybe I’ll make myself come for you later. Maybe I’ll let you listen while I do.
At this rate, I might not be able to make it home before I had no choice but to fuck my fist with her name on my lips. “There had better not be traffic,” I muttered, starting the engine and pulling out in a damn hurry.