28. Laila
28
LAILA
My eyes flick from the clock to the door. Every so often, I catch Nina looking that way, too.
“He’ll be here soon,” I coo, poking the perfect dimple in her little cheek. “Daddy is going to be so excited to see you.”
But not as excited as Mommy will be to see Daddy.
At first, I tried to deny the flutter in my stomach when Arsen walked through the door. Or the way I would come home from my classes and go straight to the kitchen, looking for Arsen at the stove, hoping to find him and Nina there waiting for me.
One pot of puttanesca and I’m putty in the man’s hands. I’d be ashamed of myself if it wasn’t so predictable.
I’d also be ashamed if Arsen hadn’t been so predictable.
He’s been running like clockwork for two weeks. He picks Nina up when he’s supposed to and delivers her back to me with a warm, friendly smile.
There hasn’t been a single problem.
Except he hasn’t tried to bend me over the sofa even once.
Okay, so there may have been one dirty dream a few nights ago that involved Arsen and a sofa and a slow striptease that ended with me waking myself up in the middle of the night, whimpering his name.
I glance at the clock again, counting down the minutes until I may or may not maul my own husband.
When the door opens, my mind is made up. My heart soars…
… and then immediately sinks.
“There’s my sweet girl!” Polina sweeps into the room and scoops Nina off the floor without a second glance at me. “Are you ready to spend the morning with Auntie Pol?”
Nina squeals, and I’m not sure which of the two of them is more excited.
I know it isn’t me. I can’t do any seducing with Polina in the room.
“Sorry, Pol, but Arsen is coming to get her in just a few minutes.”
“That was the plan.” Polina blows a raspberry on Nina’s belly, making my daughter giggle. “But something came up, and he had to work.”
He isn’t coming today.
I swear I actually hear my sexual frustration erupt. It spills over, fizzing through my veins until I’m almost vibrating.
Arsen promised he’d be here. He swore that our family would come first. But at the first inconvenience, he sends someone in to pick up our daughter without even coming to tell me himself?
“Let me guess,” I grit out. “Pobeda?”
For the first time, Polina looks at me. “It sounded important. He wanted to be here, but he couldn’t?—”
“He’s the boss, Pol,” I interrupt. “If he wanted to be here, he would be.”
And if he wanted to ravish me, he would have already. Clearly, I’m alone in these aching, needy, desperate feelings. Feelings that make me feel even more pitiful now that Arsen didn’t even bother mentioning that he couldn’t make it today. No text, no quick drop-in. Nothing.
“I don’t think that’s true,” Polina argues. “And I’m happy to babysit Nina. He’s been around so much, I haven’t had as much alone time with her recently.”
“It’s not about—” I snort out a frustrated breath and stalk past her towards the door.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I imagined Arsen walking through the door, tossing a smile my way. I thought he would say, Hey, Laila. Why don’t you come with me and Nina today? Let’s spend time as a family. Then hours would pass, Nina would go to sleep, and we would talk and laugh until it was too late for me to go all the way upstairs to my room. And then we’d recreate my dirty dream and patch things up.
Bing, bang, boom. Easy as that.
Instead, I storm through the house alone, shove through his unlocked office door, and slam it shut behind me.
Like the Greek statue come to life that he is, he’s leaning over his desk. One hand is resting on the desktop, the muscles in his forearm flexing and defined. He lifts his head when the door thunders closed.
“What was so important you had to ditch your daughter, huh?”
His eyebrows knit together. “I’m not ditching anyone. Something came up this morning, and?—”
“You sent Polina in your place,” I snap. “I know. I was there.”
“I didn’t plan on this, Laila.”
“I don’t think anyone ever really plans to abandon their family. I’m sure it just, you know, happens. ”
His eyes gleam. “That’s not fair.”
“Don’t talk to me about ‘fair,’ Arsen. Nothing about this situation is ‘fair.’”
It’s not fair that he looks this good in the middle of a fight.
It’s not fair that I still want him so much.
It’s not fair that I can’t stop, no matter how hard I try.
He edges around his desk, stepping into my space. I have to tip my head back to meet his green eyes. “You were supposed to be there.”
He looms even closer until he blots out everything else in the room. “I know, but I had to rearrange my time so I can handle my shit at work and still be there for her. I’m trying to deal with the situation at Pobeda as fast as possible so I can rush back home and salvage my morning.”
“Yeah, see, what I’m hearing is that work comes first. Pobeda comes first. Your duties as pakhan come first. And when you have the time—when it’s convenient for you—then you’ll throw your family a bone and spend some time with them.”
All at once, I have the feeling he can see straight through me. “What is this really about, Laila? Are you pissed that I’m letting Polina babysit for me? Or is this about you?”
I drop my arms. “Don’t turn this around on me.”
“I’m simply asking you a question. I’ve been consistent these last few weeks—months, really. I’ve been present. I’ve put Nina to bed at night. I’ve handled her late night feedings. I’ve spent more time with her than you have.”
“Only because of my training sessions at the academy!”
“Does that mean you’re prioritizing your yoga certification over Nina?”
I rear back as though he’s just slapped me. Silly as it seems now, I didn’t expect him to fight back. I’ve been the one doing all the fighting recently. I expected to come in here, burn off some energy, and then be on my way.
“Of course not! Nina is everything to me.”
“So why do you assume it’s different for me?” Arsen demands.
I don’t. Not anymore.
Arsen left. He abandoned us. He sent us away.
But he’s trying to make it right. Mom told me he would make it right if I let him, and this is what she meant. I just didn’t expect it to be so hard.
“ Blyat ’,” he mutters, running a hand over his clean-shaven jaw. “You’re still angry with me.”
“I’m not…” A surprise tear slips down my cheek, and I brush it away hastily and turn away from him. “It would be easier if I was just angry. It would be so much easier if I could hate you for what you did, but…”
Suddenly, his hand is on my cheek. He tilts my face to his, and I’m helpless to stop him. “But what, roza ?”
But I want you.
“I want you to keep your word, Arsen. I want to believe all of your promises, and I want to trust you.”
He bends to meet me, his forehead touching mine. “Then trust me.”
I squeeze my eyes closed. “It’s not that easy.”
“It is.” His breath is warm on my face. I inhale the woodsy, minty scent of him, and God, I’ve missed him. He cradles my face. “Trust me.”
I’m trapped between his body and his desk. Even with pain flaring through my hip, I don’t want to move. I want to stay here in this moment for as long as I can.
But Arsen’s hand strokes down my side. “Your hip hurts.”
“How do you know?”
“I may not know everything . But I know you.” He lifts me onto his desk. Without meaning to, my legs wrap around his waist. “I’m far from perfect. I’m going to make mistakes. But I’ll never stop trying.”
His fingers brush over my thighs, up and down, following the rhythm of my ragged breathing.
It’s been so long since he’s touched me like this…
“I should go…”
“No. Stay.” His thumbs work over my thighs, slipping along the insides of my legs.
“We shouldn’t… This can’t happen…” My heart is in my throat and hammering in my chest and thrumming between my legs. It’s been so long since I felt like this that I thought maybe I was broken. But now, my body is making up for lost time.
“What do you think is about to happen?” He gently slides me to the edge of his desk. My legs open for him, parting until I feel the hard evidence of his need against my center.
“Nothing is sorted between us, Arsen,” I force out, trying to ignore the way his hand is sliding beneath the hem of my skirt. “We’re blurring a lot of lines.”
“The lines are pretty fucking blurred already, baby.” He pushes a lock of my hair back behind my ear. Then, just when I’ve made up my mind that I’m going to push him off me and get the hell out of here, he drops his lips to my neck.
I bury my fist in his shirt and tip my head back, giving him better access.
“There’s nothing blurry about that.” I feel his smile against my skin. “There’s nothing blurry about what I want.”
I can’t think with his lips on my neck. With his thumb tracing the line of my panties. With his palm kneading the hard point of my nipple.
“Arsen…” I mean to follow that up with a well-thought-out argument for why this is a mistake and why he should take his hands—and his lips—off of my body.
But all I manage is his name. His name in a breathy, whispered moan.
That’s all the invitation he needs.
Arsen kisses my neck and my collarbone and my ribs, gently working down my body as he pushes me back on his desk. He shoves my skirt around my waist, and I don’t have the capacity to do anything but lift my hips when he tugs my panties free, flicking them over his shoulder.
“I missed you,” he whispers, his breath warm across the scar that twists over my hip. “I missed all of you. This. Us. ”
I want to agree, but I don’t even know what “this” is. We aren’t back together… are we?
The blurry lines become damn near invisible as Arsen hooks his hands around my hips and lifts me to his mouth.
I grip the edge of the desk, desperate for some way to ground myself as the world as I know it crumbles around me. There’s nothing except Arsen’s lips, his tongue. The press of his hands into my ass like he can’t get me close enough.
I know doing this with Arsen isn’t a good idea, but that doesn’t stop this from feeling like the best decision of my life.
I rake my fingers through his hair and drag him closer. “More,” I pant.
But as soon as the word is out of me, he’s gone.
I blink my eyes open and find him over top of me. He looks as lost in this as I feel. He’s breathing heavily, his lips swollen. I stretch up to kiss him, squeezing my eyes closed because, yes, I definitely missed this.
Then I unbutton his pants, and we shove them down together.
There’s a fleeting moment when I feel him pressing into me that I think we could stop this here and reclaim some sense of boundaries, but the thought shatters as he fills me.
There’s no going back from this. From him .
No matter what happens with us from this moment on, this part of me will always belong to Arsen Adamov. I’ll always want this.
“Laila.” He growls my name, banding an arm around my back to haul me against his chest.
He tips my head so our eyes meet, but he doesn’t kiss me. He doesn’t bring me closer. He just holds my gaze as he fills me again and again. Like he wants me to remember it was him. As if there is any chance I could ever forget.
I’m gasping for air, poised on the edge of release, but I can’t let myself fall. I don’t know what’s on the other side.
Like he can read my mind, Arsen grips my hips and slams me against him, forcing a cry out of me. “Don’t overthink it. Come for me.”
I fall apart like I was just waiting for his permission.
The orgasm tears through me, and I collapse against his chest, clinging to him as he pumps into me. His breathing grows heavier and heavier until his hands slow on my body.
Arsen squeezes his eyes closed and then he kisses me. His usual grace is gone as he groans into my mouth, chasing his own release.
We lean against each other, sweaty and breathless, and I barely remember why I came here.
Then I hear Nina’s excited squeal from outside, and I stiffen.
“Shit!” I shove against Arsen’s chest. He slides out of me, drawing another involuntary breath from my lips. I hop off his desk and find my skirt.
Arsen slides his pants up and leans back against his desk, arms crossed over his bare chest. I don’t even remember him taking his shirt off.
“Where are my shoes?” I bend down to look under his desk.
“You weren’t wearing shoes.” I hate the smirk in his voice. I hate even more that he’s right.
“We shouldn’t have done this. What were we thinking?”
One damned sex dream, and I lose my mind.
“I know what I was thinking,” he says. “But I’ll spare you the gory details.”
“That—” I can’t help staring at his messy desk, the scene of the crime, “—shouldn’t have happened. It makes everything so much more complicated.”
“I happen to think it’s simple.”
“Simple?” I gawk. “How? On what planet?”
He crosses the room and grabs my chin, pressing a kiss to my lips. “We’re husband and wife, roza . What could be simpler than that?”