CHAPTER 19
Murmured voices stirred him from his stupor.
Moonlight spilled through the window, bathing the quiet hospital room in a soft, silvery glow.
The steady rhythm of the heart monitor echoed through the silence.
Noeul kept his eyes closed. Ji-Woo and Duri spoke freely beside him, apparently believing he was still asleep.
“You should get some rest,” Duri said quietly.
Ji-Woo let out a tired sigh. “I can’t.”
“You’ve barely slept.”
“I know.”
The monitor filled the pause between them. After a while, Ji-Woo spoke again. “Just tell me…” The question came out low and tired. “How can someone abandon their family like that? How can someone just… disappear from the lives of the people who need them?”
Duri sighed. “Sometimes people have things going on inside them that they don’t know how to explain. They think leaving is the only way to stop hurting the people they love, to protect them.”
Bitterness sharpened Ji-Woo’s voice. Noeul’s right hand tightened around the bedsheet without him realizing.
“And what exactly was I supposed to be protected from?” Ji-Woo asked.
“From wondering every single day if he was okay? If he was alive?” He struggled to finish the thought.
“Every time the phone rang, I hoped it was him… but not about him. I just wanted to know he wasn’t dead. ”
“Maybe he felt trapped, Ji-Woo.”
“Great.” Ji-Woo let out another hollow laugh. “So he leaves, and I’m supposed to accept it because he needed time for himself?” Frustration sharpened his voice. “Why do I always have to understand everything? Why do I always have to be the one who fixes everything?”
“Because you care too much,” Duri said quietly.
“I don’t know if leaving was the right thing.
It hurt you. But you never stopped caring about him.
Maybe he knew that. Maybe he thought leaving would hurt you less than staying.
” Duri took a slow breath. “Ji-Woo… he’s desperate.
You said it yourself. He doesn’t even look like the same person anymore.
I know you’re angry. You have every right to be.
” He continued more softly. “But maybe… this is the first time he truly needs you.”
Ji-Woo let out a breath that held no humor.
“Oh… now he needs me? Where was he when I needed him? When he left… and I had to deal with everything alone?” The anger slowly drained from Ji-Woo’s voice, leaving only exhaustion.
“I just…” The words came unevenly. “I feel like there’s nothing left inside me.
Like a part of me disappeared the day he left.
How am I supposed to forget everything? All those nights wondering what I did wrong. Why I wasn’t enough to make him stay.”
“I don’t know.” His answer came almost as a whisper. “I hate what he did too.” He hesitated. “And… you know how important he was to me.” The rest came out too softly for Noeul to hear.
A long silence followed before Ji-Woo spoke again. “What if he ruins everything again? What if we let him back into our lives… and he leaves again? Or worse…” The last question was barely audible. “What if we can’t save him next time?”
After a beat, Duri answered. “Then at least we’ll know… We won’t spend the rest of our lives wondering what could’ve happened. We’ll know we did everything we could.”
“I don’t know if I can do this,” Ji-Woo whispered.
“You won’t have to do it alone,” Duri said softly. “I’m here.”
Noeul heard every word. Whatever he had been through, he should have been there for his brother. He wasn’t. He had wanted to protect Ji-Woo from the world. Instead… he had become another reason the world hurt him.
Not Gong.
Not their parents.
Not Haneul’s death.
Not friends.
Not strangers.
Him.
Duri had been there when Noeul wasn’t. He had stayed. Noeul tried to move. To silence the voices. To stop thinking. His body refused. A single tear slid down his cheek. Then, slowly, sleep pulled him under once more.