Chapter 15
Wes
Learning to fly was the best part of training for me. It’s nothing like driving a car. Something about being in control of the helicopter as it lifts in the air with the sky like an unpaved road. It’s freeing, and while there should be an element of danger, I don’t feel any of it.
Up in the sky, I’m able to breathe better than I do while my feet are planted firmly on the ground.
It doesn’t matter where we are. The fact that we’re in a war zone, and that danger is around us doesn’t change things. The sky feels different. I’m in control up here.
“Anderson,” Chris says through our headphones, getting my attention. “What’re you looking forward to most when we get out?”
Our tour is over in three months, and I know a lot of the guys are getting antsy since it’s the end of several of their contracts. Many of them, Chris included, have a wife and family to get to. Not me. Which is why I fully intend on signing on for more, though no one knows that yet.
“Some good food from home,” I joke. Chris chuckles, shaking his head while we continue to fly around.
“I’m looking forward to becoming a dad,” he says seriously.
I nod, but can’t say I relate to that feeling. I’ve never been interested in kids. Maybe a wife, but no one I’ve dated has ever made me see a future with them.
This isn’t the first time Chris has brought this up. He’s talked to some of the other guys in our battalion about it, especially those that have pregnant wives and girlfriends back home.
“I know Isla is really hoping for a girl, but I think I want a boy.”
“And I don’t think you get to choose,” I deadpan.
“No shit, but I have to keep looking forward to something to keep me sane in this mess.”
“We’ll be going home soon.”
“Then what’re you going to do besides eat?”
I shrug.
“You’re reenlisting, aren’t you?”
This shouldn’t come as a shock. I’m sure it doesn’t, but maybe he thought I would change my mind. “This is a career for me, man. I’m in for life.”
“You’re just built different.” He shakes his head, focusing ahead once again.
I never saw myself doing anything else. I knew this was going to be my job, and as soon as I flew an Apache for the first time I knew there was no going back. This is my life. Nothing else could ever compare.
Except that choice was taken from me, and I didn’t get to make it my career or my life. Everything I ever thought I would have was snatched away in a single moment. Now, here I am, no clear direction, filling my days with anything that gives me some semblance of feeling.
All while the vision for my life remains unfocused because the only thing I ever saw was shattered.
Somehow the only thing that’s given me any sort of feeling lately has been Bailey.
The control she gives me, and the way she doesn’t give it easily. The way I’m able to go to a different space in my mind with her. It’s something that makes me feel for the first time in a long while.
My mind is distracted from the flashback of one of the good times from the Army, but it doesn’t make it any easier to sleep. Especially thinking about how Bailey looked when I left and the restraint I had to walk out that door.
Leaving her house, while she was naked, wet, kneeling, and covered in my cum was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
But I want her even more desperate. This game we’re playing feels a lot like playing with fire, and despite the fact that we might both go up in flames, I’m not afraid of being burned.
She makes me want to push both our limits, which is exactly what I intend to do. My relationships aren’t always…conventional. And while we haven’t discussed limits or boundaries outside of a safe word, I can tell Bailey likes this.
She wants to continue to push my buttons. To get punished and I want to give it to her. When she deserves it she will get rewarded. But I’ll enjoy every step along the way.
Her lights are off right now. I could go over there, see how she reacts and what other punishments I could inflict. Maybe next time I’ll let her come so many times she can’t see straight, until she’s begging me to stop.
She’s going to drive me out of my mind with everything I want to do to her and with her.
My dick is hard in my boxers, but I don’t touch it.
Not unless she’s here to watch. Maybe tied up to my bed, helpless to do anything but look.
She could beg, plead, and try to move but I’d just ignore her.
I’d make her watch as I brought myself to another release.
I drag a hand down my face, needing a distraction. Anything to pull my mind away from the thing I can’t have right now. I need to shift into safer territory that won’t send me spiraling into the weight of old memories.
I pull on sweatpants and a T-shirt before grabbing my keys and heading out.
I keep my eye on Bailey’s house as I turn my car on, waiting to see if she’ll appear and yell at me for the loud engine.
If she does, I don’t think I could stop myself from getting out, bending her over the hood, and giving her exactly what she deserves.
Nothing happens, and I’m not going to sit here forever, so I take off driving to nowhere in particular.
While I’ll never fly again, this is the closest I can get to feeling free.
Empty roads, windows down, music blaring.
It’s almost good enough. Almost. It’s enough to keep the booming sounds from that tragic day at bay.
Enough to keep me from thinking about the burning sensation in my leg.
Enough to drown out the yells from the people around me.
It’s all just enough.
But like always, it comes back. It always does, because nothing about that day ever truly goes away. It never will. No matter how badly I want to forget about it, it lingers—etched into me—because I live with the aftermath every single day.
All while people I knew—friends—don’t get to live at all.
Jameson and Sutton are on their honeymoon, so I’m helping out with his property like he asked. Honestly, it’s got me thinking maybe I should get some land and a few farm animals of my own. It would keep me busy and I could use that.
Bruno came with me, and he sticks close by my side.
At first, I was worried he would try to run off, but it’s the exact opposite.
It’s like he’s afraid to get more than a few feet from my hip.
The farthest he went was into the barn. He approached one of the horses, the large spotted one named Juniper.
Everything seemed okay until she let out a puff of air through her nose, and Bruno jumped back, pressing his side against my leg.
I pet his head. “It’s okay. I don’t think she’ll hurt you, but we can tell Gloria not to let you go to a home with horses.”
I make sure all the animals are fed, and the horses are brought out to the pasture for the day, when I hear another car approaching.
Bruno follows behind me as I exit the barn, and I recognize the white SUV pulling up.
I can’t help the small smirk that appears on my lips while I fold my arms across my chest and lean against the entrance, waiting for her to notice me.
She’s not looking up right away. I see the moment she notices me while stepping out of the car, pausing before she shuts the door. Her eyes narrow, while mine remain still.
“What’re you doing here?” Her tone is accusing.
“Helping Jameson, like he asked. What’re you doing here?”
“Helping Sutton, like she asked.” She sounds unsure, looking around and I want to laugh, but keep my face completely still. “Do you think they did this on purpose?”
I shrug. “Have you ever taken care of a ranch before?”
She folds her arms to match my posture. “Have you?”
I don’t answer, just keep looking at her, waiting for her to say something else because I know she will.
“My bad, didn’t realize you were such a cowboy. I guess that’s why you showed up to my house smelling like you rolled in horse shit,” she sasses, and I love that she’s being feisty like this again.
Submissive Bailey is fun. Bratty Bailey is entertaining. Bailey coming is beautiful. And the thought of turning her ass red from a paddle is magnificent.
Either way it’s a win-win for the both of us, and she knows it whether she wants to admit it or not.
“You’re too late anyway.” I push off the frame of the barn, and step toward her. She doesn’t move from where she’s standing as I approach. “I already took care of everything.”
“Well some of us have a job.”
“Some of us don’t need one.”
“A cowboy and a trust fund baby, I’m learning so much about you,” she says condescendingly.
I scoff. “You can have my cock in your throat, but are so wrong about knowing things about me.”
“The feeling is mutual because you don’t know shit about me either.”
“Don’t I?”
Her jaw snaps shut so hard I hear her teeth click. I notice Bruno starting to approach her, and it catches my attention for a brief moment that he doesn’t seem afraid of her. He allows her to pet his head. Maybe she wants to adopt him, then he can stay close by.
She stands up once again, and I continue to tell her exactly how much I know about her.
“I know you have a tattoo on that perky little ass of yours,” I state easily, and her jaw clenches.
I step closer to her. “I know what you look like when you come.” Another step.
“I know that you like a little pain.” Another step.
“I know that you want a repeat of that first night we had together, and maybe if you behave you’ll get exactly that. ”
She adjusts her stance, steeling her spine and standing up straight. Her green eyes glare directly into mine as she opens her pouty lips to speak. “Knowing my sexual preferences is not the same as knowing anything about me. And you’ll never know any more than that.”
Bailey gets in her car, the door slamming shut, punctuating the end to her statement dramatically.
I watch her drive away, continuing to smirk in her direction as she leaves.
She may be right that knowing that information isn’t knowing her, but she’s wrong that I won’t know more, because now I’m determined to know everything there is to know about Bailey Collee.