Chapter 16
Bailey
I’m plopped down on my couch as soon as I get home, folding my arms across my chest before pulling my phone out to text Sutton. I know I shouldn’t since she’s on her honeymoon, but if she wants to meddle, then I’m going to bother her.
Bailey: Was your plan to try and get Wes and me alone?
Sutton: I have no idea what you’re talking about?
Bailey: No? You didn’t know Jameson asked Wes to help at your house while you asked me?
Sutton: …Maybe
Bailey: I thought we were friends!
Sutton: We are, which is exactly why I did it!
Bailey: I’m all for you pulling this stuff with Lily, but her situation is different than mine.
Sutton: Lily went back to school so it has to be you for now. And I’m not even sorry about it.
Bailey: Give it up. Wes and I are neighbors, we see enough of each other without needing to be caught up in whatever scheme you two have cooked up.
Sutton: Whatever you say. *smiling emoji*
Bailey: I mean it.
Sutton: Of course you do. *smiling emoji*
Bailey: Seriously, Sutton.
Sutton: See you when we get back. *smiling emoji*
Tossing my phone down, I shake my head, knowing she’s brainstorming some sort of plan. Little does she know that I need to stay away from Wes, because I don’t trust myself around him anymore.
I was able to push away the memories of how he feels for years, but now that we’re playing this game with each other, I can’t stay away. Even though I should. I don’t want a relationship. I doubt he does either. And sleeping together while we’re just neighbors seems like a recipe for disaster.
There’s just no way this ends well for either of us, which is why it should stop right now before anything else can happen. Before I can lose any more of myself with him. He’s already seen pieces of me that others haven’t.
I let out an annoyed sound and grabbed the remote to turn on the TV to drown out my runaway thoughts before I can spiral too far.
I forgot the last thing I had on was the sports channel.
Sometimes I watch to see if there are any updates in the hockey world.
The season is about a month out from starting.
My attention is pulled to Brent’s headshot being shown with the Denver Dragons team logo next to him.
I turn up the volume, and am a little surprised to hear what’s being said.
“Brent Collee, the captain of the Denver Dragons, has announced his retirement going into this season. Who do you think will take over as captain or will the Dragons go without one for now?”
Another voice chimes in while the camera shows four men sitting at a giant glass desk. “Do you think they will ask Matt McQuaid? His temper has been better in recent seasons.”
“Hardly,” another man scoffs. “McQuaid doesn’t have what it takes to be team captain. They might consider Vince Dumont or Charlie Mann for the spot.”
“Mann and Dumont aren’t captain material either. What about Wheeler? He’s shown improvement both in his gameplay and attitude.”
The first man speaks again. “I think no matter who they choose, it will be an adjustment. They’re losing a great captain and a great player.”
I mute the TV while they continue to talk about the future of my brother’s, soon to be previous, hockey team. It’s weird, even though I don’t really talk to him, but the thought of him not playing hockey isn’t something I’ve ever thought about.
He’s Brent. My big brother, the hockey player.
And now he’s just not going to anymore? Sometimes I would find myself turning on his games for a glimpse of him.
Although hockey is so fast paced and it’s not like I could really see him, it was enough to know he was okay.
As ridiculous as it seems, that was enough to justify not needing to reach out and check in on him.
Brynn texts me enough for me to know she’s okay.
Bryson is probably out screwing half the population and updates his social media enough for me to know he’s okay.
Brandon lost his battle with addiction, and none of us talk about it. We didn’t even have a funeral for him.
I chew on my bottom lip, staring at my phone laying face down next to me. I debate for several minutes, but finally pick it up and type out a quick text to my brother.
Bailey: You’re retiring?
Part of me doesn’t expect him to reply, especially not so quickly, but my phone dings in my hand and I fumble with it for a second, almost dropping it on the floor as I open the text.
Brent: I am. It’s time since there’s about to be two babies around. I don’t want to be on the road as much.
Brent: I’m surprised you heard.
Bailey: Apparently losing you from the team is a pretty big deal.
Brent: They’ll be fine. How’re you doing?
Bailey: I’m fine.
Brent: Fine enough to come visit sometime? Chandler wants to meet you. Brynn misses you.
I sigh. I know my sister misses me, and I would like to meet the woman my brother is with. The woman who is strong enough to be with three men—three hockey players at that.
But just the thought of facing two of my siblings has panic surging in my chest. What if the moment we all see each other the thoughts from the past consume me and I can’t pull myself out?
What if it’s the same for them, and we all regress when we’ve all finally managed to build our lives up to be how they are? It wouldn’t be fair to them.
Yet, I can’t bring myself to say no, just like always, because I don’t want to explain why.
Bailey: Maybe one of these days.
I’m sure he knows the true meaning behind my words, but instead of calling me out on it his reply is simple.
Brent: I hope so.
I’m tossing and turning, which isn’t totally unusual for me, though this time it isn’t because I’m struggling with memories from the past. I’m not thinking about my siblings or the hell we went through. I truly have no real explanation for my restlessness except the fact that I know Wes is home.
It’s insane. I’ve lived here for years. Lived next to the same annoying man the entire time, and he’s never been the reason I’ve struggled to fall asleep.
But right now, the only thing I can think of is if I asked him to come over, or showed up at his door.
The things he could do to make my body sing over and over.
And I’m sure it would lead me to a completely peaceful sleep.
But that’s not going to happen.
I continue to toss and turn, trying to find a comfortable position when I start to rationalize going over there and how it wouldn’t be giving in.
Really it would be empowering because I would be the one in control of our interaction.
It wouldn’t be a moment of weakness, but really a moment of strength.
Yeah, that’s it, I can do it.
I toss my legs over the side of my bed, when I hear a loud noise. One I recognize well as the sound of his car starting up. I go to the window facing the front of the house and watch his black car drive off.
Guess that takes the choice away. He probably got a better offer since I’m convinced that’s where he races off to in the middle of the night.
I flop back onto my bed, burying my face in my pillow, I just hope that knowing he’s no longer close by will help me fall asleep.
Still I struggle. It’s not until the sun starts to peek through that my eyes finally grow heavy enough to pull me under. And, of course, just before sleep takes me, I realize I never heard Wes come back.