Chapter 40
Zane
I have to tell her no.
That's what every sane part of me is screaming as she pulls my hand to her breast, soft fingers guiding mine like it's the most natural thing in the world. As if I didn't just admit to violating her trust and becoming exactly what I've tried to protect her from.
But the look in her eyes is quickly unravelling me and I can’t peel my hand away from her supple breast.
“I want you,” she murmurs as her hand slides up my arm, “now.”
Now? When she's battered and bruised. When I've been a ghost all day and a monster the night before.
I cup her cheek with my free hand, thumb grazing the edge of a fresh bruise. “No, sweetheart. You're hurt.”
She nods slowly, but her hand slides down my bare chest until I have to bite my lip to stop groaning.
“Please, Zane. I can’t stand it any longer. I need to feel you,” she begs softly.
My heart lurches and my thumb twitches over her hardening nipple beneath her shirt. “God, Ivy. I want you… so fucking much. But I don’t want to hurt you. I won’t be able to stop myself…”
“Then don’t,” she pleads so softly it sounds like a prayer.
And fuck if that doesn't make something inside me break and rebuild all at once.
Fuuuck.
Leaning in, I inhale a resigned breath, pressing my forehead to hers. “You have to tell me if anything hurts, okay? Say ‘scavenger’ if it's too much and I’ll stop.”
“Why ‘scavenger’?” she asks, a frown playing with the smile on her face.
“Because I might not hear you if you say ‘stop’, if you cry or beg me… it’ll only turn me on more and your voice won’t get through to me,” I tell her honestly.
If I end up hurting her because I get too lost in my mind, I’ll willingly let Myles and Phoenix execute me.
“Okay. But I trust you.”
My breath shakes as I press my lips to hers, barely a brush at first. Just enough to taste the honey from the concoction Phoenix forced her to drink earlier. Then deeper and she opens for me like she’s been starving for this.
She's warm and soft under my hands. I don't even realise I've stopped shaking until she curls her fingers around the waistband of my combat pants, and I shudder.
“You're allowed to want me,” she whispers against my lips.
Exhaling hard, I grin. “Not like last night.”
“Exactly like last night. Show me the way you wanted me. Show me the things you want to do.” She doesn't say it with fear. She says it with hunger.
Taking my time pulling the blanket off, my hands trail over her waist with reverence.
Depraved thoughts immediately cloud my mind, and I freeze, squeezing my eyes shut.
“Zane,” she says softly. “You're not gonna break me.”
I arch a brow at her. “Sweetheart, I’m six foot five. I could crush you on a good day… and today is not a good day.”
“I'll be the one to break you if you don't stop stalling,” she says impatiently, giving me the cutest little glare.
It shouldn't make me laugh. But it does, real and breathless.
Trailing kisses from the corner of her mouth, across her jaw, down the line of her throat, I feel her heartbeat flutter against my lips.
“You're a goddess,” I groan against her skin. “You deserve better than what I want to do to you.”
Her fingers knit into my hair as I kiss her collarbone, and my hand slides slowly down her stomach to grip the hem of her shirt.
She bites her lip and watches me push her shirt up. Her eyes wide, alive and soft all at once.
“Tell me if I hurt you.”
“You won't.”
Sitting back, I part her thighs gently.
I groan at the sight when I see she's already glistening, still aching for me. Still mine.
My fingers glide over her folds, circling her clit and teasing her dripping entrance. She gasps softly, and I pause, panicked for half a second.
“Don’t stop,” she breathes.
Breathing in relief, I continue, watching as her eyes fall closed and her hips lift, body writhing, needy for more.
Give her more. Fill her greedy holes. Show her why she should be afraid of monsters.
My eyes search the room quickly before landing on the perfect thing. She wants me to lose control, but she doesn’t understand what that means.
Leaning over to the nightstand I grab the police baton I considered beating Myles with earlier.
Myles’s nightstand is filled with weapons, but this one is long and smooth and the kindest thing my depraved head has suggested so far.
This is the safest way I can give her more without breaking her.
I’m certain Myles has cleaned this recently—in fact it looks brand new—but I wipe it over quickly anyway. I don’t want her getting a UTI.
Dipping my fingers into her entrance, I find her soaking wet. Perfect.
When I rub the rounded end of the baton slowly against her slick core she gasps at the cold metal, eyes popping open.
My chest tightens like I’ve been caught red-handed. Her eyes lock on the baton in my hand, and she whimpers, her hips trembling.
A deep growl rumbles through my chest, and I pinch her clit before plunging the tip of the baton into her pussy. She cries out, gripping the sheets as her voice tapers into a moan.
It’s not thick enough to hurt her, but the sight of it slowly disappearing as I work it in and out is intoxicating. Her entrance grips it despite her arousal coating the shaft of the weapon.
“Fuck, Ivy,” I growl. “You’re such a good girl. Look how well you’re taking it.”
Her moans intensify and I push the baton deeper, circling her clit with my thumb.
“Goddamn, your pussy is dripping for me, sweetheart. I wanna try something else inside you.” My mind swirls with ideas now that I’ve seen her reaction to this. The way her slick drips down the baton is enough to tell me she might be as fucked up as I am.
“Maybe I want you inside me instead?” she murmurs as she pulls me down again, kissing me until I’m dizzy.
Her hands trail down my chest, muscles flexing involuntarily as her fingers run over my scars.
When she starts unbuckling my belt, I know there’s no chance of holding myself back any longer.
“You’re thinking too much, Zane,” she reprimands.
Standing up, I shed my combat boots and pants, wanting as much skin contact with her as possible.
I don’t miss the way her eyes widen when she sees my size.
I warned her… it’s too late to back out now.
Climbing back onto the bed, I help her take her shirt off. But she winces as she shifts, and I stop immediately. “What? Where?”
“Just my back,” she says through a small breath. “It's okay. I’m fine.”
Taking a shaky breath, I look over her dainty body. She’s gorgeous. But even with the fresh bruises, I’d still be worried about crushing her. I’m more than twice her size.
“I’ll go slow, okay?” I promise, hanging onto the last shred of my control.
Hovering my weight over her, I grip my cock and line myself up. Stroking over her folds a few times, I coat myself in her slick, groaning at the warmth before pressing into her entrance.
“Goddamn,” I rasp. “You’re so fucking tight.”
I grit my teeth as I push into her strangling pussy slowly, watching her face for signs of pain as I stretch her out, inch by inch.
Discomfort is written across her features, eyes wide and beginning to water, brows pulling together with a pleading expression.
Her hands clutch my arms, fingernails digging in, mouth falling open as I work my way in until I'm fully seated inside her. A groan tears through my chest as her wet heat engulfs me, her walls fluttering as they try to adjust to the intrusion.
“You’re so big,” she whimpers like it’s painful.
I can't even speak but I stay still, giving her a little more time to adjust. Her whimpers meld into a moan of relief as her body relaxes.
Resting my forehead against hers, I begin to move, shallow, slow thrusts at first. She moans under me, her pussy pulling at me with every motion, hot, wet and tight around me.
Every movement is gentle. I don’t miss a single sound she makes. When she gasps too sharp, I stop and check. When she pulls me closer, I sink deeper.
She wraps her hands around my hips, guiding me like she has control of this. But I want to be used, I want to be her puppet. To be completely under her control. A slave for her pleasure.
“God, you feel like heaven, Ivy… squeezing the life out of me.”
Her eyes shine. “You always treat me like I'm something soft.”
“You are.”
“But I'm resilient. I can take more. I can handle it.”
“You shouldn't have to.” I shake my head.
Her breath stutters. “But I want to… for you.”
Hearing that does something to me I don't know how to explain. I let go just a little more. Let my hips roll deeper, my hand gripping her thigh to guide her against me as I steadily pump in and out.
She moans my name, her body trembling under mine. “Zane, I'm close,” she moans.
“Then come for me, sweetheart,” I rasp, my thumb finding her clit again. “Come for me like you own me and let me feel you.”
She falls apart beneath me with a sweet cry, clawing at my ass, then biting down on my shoulder as her walls clench around me so tight I nearly go blind.
I barely make it three more thrusts before I lose it. Groaning her name into her neck, I pull out as quick as I can, spilling directly onto her gaping pussy, my hips shuddering.
Fuck, I hope I didn’t pull out too late. If I just fucked up the one thing I swore to protect, I’ll never forgive myself.
My mind is muddied with pleasure. Our bodies tangled together, breath mixing, as the aftershocks rip through us.
“See?” she says breathlessly, like the defiant woman she is. “Told you, you wouldn't break me.”
Pulling back, I scan her to check she’s not bleeding anywhere. She’s not. In fact, she’s glowing. This goddess of a woman just let me ruin her and she somehow looks even more powerful than before.
I can’t ignore the shadow of shame creeping up my spine but when I look at her… she looks more alive than ever.
Laughing breathlessly, I kiss her like I'm promising the rest of my life.
And I think I am. Because now I can’t imagine a world where I don’t live to serve her.