Chapter 39 Xander
XANDER
I crushed her against my chest, my arms locking around her like steel bands, her body a delicate thing that might shatter in my grip. She trembled, still reeling from Asher’s fire.
Her heartbeat hammered against mine through our clothes.
My scent plumed in response to her proximity, spicing the air.
Gasoline didn’t mar her own perfume now, though the smokey air added an unwanted layer.
But, even so, the smell of her was intoxicating.
It hit me with violent force, nearly making me stagger.
My vision narrowed to pinpricks as it washed over me.
My throat closed, blocking the animalistic sound that wanted badly to escape.
Every muscle in my body went rigid. It wasn’t just the way she smelled.
It was the feel of her. The look of her.
The… everything of her. Fuck, I couldn’t feel this way. Not for someone like Lucy.
But she reminded me of something I’d forgotten existed: salvation.
“You shouldn’t smell like this. Not after—” I began, my voice unsteady, but then I halted. I caught myself before I said something monumentally stupid.
She stared up at me, confusion swirling in her eyes. “After?” she echoed softly.
My unspoken thoughts weighed heavily on us.
And the words she couldn't voice joined mine in the air.
If I didn’t pull myself out of this now, I’d drown.
I almost spoke again, but then the chain of the silver heart necklace caught my eye. I released my hold on her, stepping back to put inches between us.
Without a word, I reached up, pinching the chain and pulling the necklace free of the suit.
I hooked my finger through the hollow heart’s center, tugging gently to tighten the necklace.
Yet, I stopped short of letting the links truly dig into Lucy’s delicate skin.
I pulled only enough to get her attention. Then I just stood there like an idiot.
“Xander?” Lucy made my name a question, her voice quiet but steady.
“I can’t—” I found myself murmuring, hesitation boiling just below the surface. I wanted to wrap her in my arms again and push her a mile away simultaneously. Get away from her. I told myself angrily. You’re acting like a goddamn pussy.
But how could I retreat when every part of me wanted to draw her closer? I cursed myself silently, wishing I’d just told Eros to fuck off and keep the money, that we didn’t want some broken Omega.
What would it mean if I let her linger in my life? Would I break her eventually, even if I didn’t want to?
Her eyes were wide.
Face pale in the dim light.
She was so strangely beautiful.
I can’t fucking feel this way.
Pushing everything I didn’t want to face down, I turned and began pulling Lucy behind me. She moved, keeping pace with me, saying nothing. She didn’t need to speak; the way she’d said my name replayed in my mind as an endless loop.
Xander. Xander. Xander.
As we moved through the house, Asher's laughter echoed faintly in the distance, followed by Kane’s voice.
I didn’t know what the hell we’d do if Asher went back to how he used to be—slipping in and out of psychosis that only brute force could break.
He might try this shit again. If he did, I’d put him in the hospital.
Hurt him that bad for this woman?
Yeah, maybe.
My insides twisted, conflicting feelings battling. The closer we got to my room, the harder it became to quell those feelings churning inside me.
We reached the door, and without a word, I pushed it open, pulling her into my space. A few paces to the bed and I let go of the necklace, then I reached for her waist.
My fingers wrapped around her narrow middle, my large hands nearly touching at the small of her back. So. Damn. Tiny. I could squeeze firmly and crush her.
With a swift, deliberate motion, I turned her body and pushed her down against the bed. She landed with a soft thud, body slightly bouncing. Though I’d manipulated this scene, it still felt like an invitation.
To lay down beside her.
To touch her.
To have my way.
“Sleep,” I said quickly, spinning towards the door before the word had finished leaving my mouth.
When I was outside my bedroom, a barrier between us, I fisted one hand and slammed my chest. I wanted to knock Lucy out of my system. I had to, or I’d be a goddamn goner.
“Son of a bitch,” I breathed out. “She shouldn’t smell like that. Not after how we've been treating her.” I ran a hand over my face, callouses roughing my skin. My thoughts were a mess. I was a mess. This whole situation as a fucking mess.
Impulsively, I turned back to my door. My hand curled around the knob before I realized what I was doing. When I came up for air, I pulled away like I’d just touched hot embers.
I reached for the knob, this time intentionally. One more look at her face would be fine. It wouldn’t mean anything. Yes, it fucking would.
A storm brewing inside, I spun on my heels and stalked back across the house to the smoky bedroom.
I grabbed the ruined mattress, hoisted it onto its side, then lifted it awkwardly.
Carrying the damn thing reminded me of Lucy’s struggle to slide it across the floor.
She’d not given up. She’d pulled and shoved until she’d won. That wasn’t weakness.
When I was outside, I headed toward a project car parked haphazardly in the driveway.
Kane needed to keep his broken ass vehicles over near the damn garage.
I grunted, lifting the mattress higher and tossing it onto the auto.
The impact made the windshield crack. There, that would remind my pack brother to not leave his shit lying around just anywhere.
With the distraction ended, Lucy came into my head again.
She shoved into my grey matter, wherever she’d fit.
“She can’t stay. She’s a goddamn porcelain doll,” I muttered under my breath.
Just then, something whizzed by my shoulder. I tracked its path, watching the object embed itself into the charred pillow top. My head snapped in the direction the knife had come from, and I found Nitro stepping out of the shadows, spinning a second blade around his finger.
“Fuck happened to that?” he asked, nodding at the mattress.
“Asher,” I replied tersely. No further explanation was needed.
“Been a while,” Nitro said, his demeanor suddenly serious. “Something triggered him.”
I nodded.
Without a doubt, that something was Lucy.
I spent the night drinking until I passed out on the sofa. Before dawn the next morning, hangover in full force, I left the compound and headed straight for the nearest place I thought might have something passable for a bed—an outdoor recreational store about five blocks away.
After paying fifty bucks for a rickety folding cot, no frills, I returned. The makeshift bed went straight to the bedroom that reeked of blackened wood and smoke, then I went to my room. I’d kick her out and dump her back into the fire-ravaged space where she belonged.
My room where Lucy was still sleeping… in my bed… against my sheets… under my comforter.
Her head was tilted to one side, downy pale hair falling over her face. She looked so peaceful.
My entire room smelled of her; she’d permeated every surface.
Just being in the room made my head fog and my body buzz with insatiable need.
Without meaning to, I advanced towards her.
It wasn’t until my legs pressed against the mattress that I came to my senses.
Still, I reached my hand out, fingers aching to push the platinum hair away from her pretty face.
I only had to move a few centimeters further. I knew her skin was incredibly soft.
Baser needs took over, drowning out any rational thought.
I deleted the tiny distance between us, letting my fingertips gently gather the out-of-place strands. I pushed them to the side, fully revealing her delicate features. Fuck, had I really never seen another woman as beautiful as Lucy?
No, was my brain’s resounding, confident answer.
The next thing that ran through my brain was, If she stays, we’ll ruin that beauty. We ruin everything.
We had to double-down our efforts to make her miserable. Asher’s murderous act last night was just the appetizer. The main course needed to be far, far worse.
I realized then that my fingertips still lightly rested against the side of Lucy’s face.
Despite myself, I cupped her cheek, longing for a firmer connection.
My hand looked enormous next to her tininess, bottom of my palm lined up with the base of her chin, fingers able to curl around the top of her head.
She subconsciously turned into my touch, letting out a soft sigh.
And my world stopped.
My heart slammed against my ribcage, so loud I knew it would wake Lucy.
I shouldn’t be here.
I shouldn’t hover over her like a predator while she’s sleeping.
All the ‘should nots’ rained down on me, slumping my shoulders beneath their weight.
But as I felt her warmth against my palm, my resolve truly began to crumble. No, I didn’t want to ruin her. I’d also rather ruin her than let someone else have her in this stunning form, all liquid metal hair and snow-kissed skin.
No, I quickly pulled away from her, stepping back until my body hit the dresser. What the hell was I doing? I had no right to be drawn to her, and even less right to wreck her chances at a happy future.
A flash of white-hot anger shot through me. It was Eros, I decided. They’d done something to Lucy to make her irresistible.
She was their tool.
Somehow soaked in the perfect Omega perfume to make my Alpha nature spiral.
Somehow molded in a lab to make the sight of her undo me.
Somehow trained to keep us hooked on every bit of her—the quiet strength, the loud defiance, the innocent nature.
Eros gave us a woman to tame us.
And that would never happen.
I stalked toward the door, my earlier plan to scoop Lucy up and take her back to the charred bedroom all but forgotten.
When I opened the door, I told myself not to look back.
But when I turned to close the door—facing the room, peering through the narrowing gap—I devoured the sight of her.
She’d just arrived.
And I was already a damn goner.