Chapter 40 Lucy
LUCY
I’d been awake for a while, sunlight streaming in through the tall windows and pressing against my eyelids, creating the illusion that the world beyond was somehow a luminous orange.
My body was cocooned in a heavy comforter, but it was Xander's scent that truly enveloped me.
His personal cologne was sharp and intoxicating, making my mind instantly muddle, but my body ignite.
Keeping my eyes closed, I basked in the newness of it all, letting my other senses take lead.
My nostrils flared, capturing notes of leather and spice.
My fingers splayed out, whispering across the fitted sheet. It was silky and smooth to the touch.
My tongue darted out uselessly, as if I thought I could taste Xander in the air.
I should get up, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave this bed or this room, where every item offered me pieces of an Alpha who brought to life something undeniable in me.
Did it mean something that he’d brought me here after the fire?
No, I doubted that. Not enough time had passed for any of them to change their minds.
I was still just the unwanted Omega, the recent arrival ruining their lives and keeping them from finding their real mate.
I needed to constantly remind myself of that while I was here.
I was a steppingstone, someone DemonX had to walk all over so they could make Eros match them again.
Yet, the warm longing in my belly smacked of both safety and insanity for wanting more from Alphas obviously hellbent on destroying me. My Omega side stretched beneath my skin, waking up after a lifetime of sickness. I inhaled deeply again, letting the masculine spice in the air wash over me.
Two sides of myself—angel on the left shoulder, devil on the right—began to argue.
I can’t trust them. They hate me. Asher almost killed me.
I don’t want to be rejected. I don’t want to be abandoned again.
I can’t deny how my body responds to them.
I can’t ignore the fact that my Omega wants them.
I can’t mate with psychotic Alphas… can I?
Logically, I should find a way to escape. Even if I had to roam the streets of Las Vegas looking for a stranger’s mercy, it would be better than waiting for another murder attempt. But my desire wasn’t logical. I hadn’t realized that attraction could make someone so stupid.
I finally opened my eyes, fluttering lashes as the early morning, golden light pushed against my pupils.
I wanted to rest here forever—on the softness of the mattress, aroused by the smell of a man who loathed me—but I had a feeling that if I didn’t choose to face the day myself, the Alphas would force me to face it using zero gentleness.
As I reluctantly sat up, the bedding slipping down to gather against my lap, a whiff of smoke hit my nostrils, tainting Xander’s gorgeous scent.
I tilted my face down, sniffing the tight black shirt I’d worn under the protective suit.
Suddenly, last night’s fire came scorching into my mind.
With the memory, the argumentative angel reminded me that I’d almost died.
That wasn’t something new—to dance with death—but dying at the hands of another human being? That was a very different ballgame.
Then, as if the Devil made me do it, I brought the comforter up to my face and I inhaled deeply. The fire faded, and all that remained was the Alpha who made my Omega purr.
Idiot, the angel sighed.
Smart girl, the devil crooned.
I dropped the comforter, embarrassed that I’d been sniffing it like a lovesick moron. These men hated me. Fantasizing about them would only lead to heartbreak.
“Get up, and handle whatever they throw at you,” I said out loud, steeling my resolve to leave the bed. “I’ve been through a lot worse,” I reminded myself, slowly pushing the comforter away.
A fresh wave of smoke hit me when my legs were uncovered.
I pulled one knee to my chest, bending down and inhaling.
My leggings reeked of smoke just like the shirt.
I had nothing to change into though. Unless I was willing to put on the back-up protection suit.
That thought made me frown. Waking up in a regular bedroom, on a normal bed, wearing only normal clothes felt wonderful.
Even at Eros, in the luxurious suite, I could never forget the fact that I was still a patient.
So, no, I wouldn’t put on the second suit, at least not right now.
I was about to swing my legs off the bed, when the sound of footsteps made me freeze.
What should I do? My brain screamed the question. Be brave, like I’d just told myself I would be. Or hide like a coward?
In an instant, I made my choice. I dove back beneath the heavy comforter, heart racing as I rolled onto my side, pretending to be asleep.
I was closing my eyes too hard; I could feel the skin around my eyes crinkling.
I tried to relax, but the more I tried, the tenser I grew.
I couldn’t even steady my breathing as I clutched the thick bedding against my body like armor.
The footsteps grew nearer. I rolled to my other side.
Then back again. Finally, I ended up on my back.
by the time I realized that was the worst position to be in, because my face was on full display, the subtle creak of the door pushing inward told me it was too late to readjust. So, I moved my head quickly to the side, causing hair to slip over my face, and I willed my face to go slack.
Who was it? Please don’t let it be Asher again…
The person came closer. Every instinct told me to open my eyes in case I needed to protect myself. Don’t open my eyes. Don’t. I told myself over and over again to just stay perfectly still. That was all I had to do until they left. But what if they don’t leave?
I held my breath, heartbeat pounding painfully in my ears, as I listened to the footsteps shuffle closer and closer, until the person had to be right next to where I feigned sleep.
Before I could wonder who it was again, his scent hit me.
It was the same one I’d been sheltered by all night, the same one kissing every surface of this bedroom.
The same one that made me want more than I should, and more than I could ever have—real love, real mates, true marks.
I almost forgot to keep up the act. I almost parted my lashes so I could see his face.
I felt lightheaded when his personal cologne intensified.
He was so close. Why didn’t I feel more afraid?
After last night, I should be terrified.
Yet, Xander had pulled me from the fire.
He’d carried me to his own room. He’d let me rest until morning.
Was he here now to wake me up? To erase his savior act last night, replacing it with a cutting bout of cruelty?
He was even closer now; the scent of him making my stomach warm with white hot need.
It didn’t seem real, that he could smell so good.
Was it just because he was one of my scent matches?
Again, I wanted to open my eyes. I wanted to ask why he saved me, if he hated me so much.
Clarity surfaced then, helping me to use good judgement.
I took a measured breath and kept my eyes firmly closed.
Xander rescued me because he needed me alive.
I was sure the Institute would dissolve the contract if DemonX killed their first Omega.
But then he gently touched my cheek.
It was a barely-there graze of fingertips that sent my pulse into overdrive.
I didn’t think any of these men were capable of tenderness.
A tremor of longing shot through me. I didn’t care how dumb it was to want him. All I knew was that his touch made every bad thing fall away—all the hospitals, the needles, the abandonment—and I also knew that if Xander kept touching me, I’d die a little when he eventually stopped.
His touch shifted, fingers whispering up the side and palm coming closer until he cupped my face with his incredibly large hand.
My Omega scent went wild, perfuming the air so heavily that it made breathing a chore.
Our chemistries swirled together and I felt an unfamiliar twinge in my middle. Not quite pain, but not quite pleasure.
Desire pooled in the depths of my belly, rising up and up, journeying to my heart. Now, my instincts screamed at me to open my eyes, to see his expression. What was he thinking right now? What expression did he wear? Did Xander feel this aching, insatiable need too?
He hates you. The angel was back.
His touch is so warm. I want more. The devil’s voice was louder.
Without consciously deciding to, I leaned into his hand. The sigh that escaped me was involuntary; the sound held all the things I should never say to this Alpha who didn’t want me.
Minutes felt like hours while Xander lingered. Nothing mattered while he touched me. The world outside this room could be crumbling to pieces, and I couldn’t care less.
But then his hand fell away. A pang of grief and longing flashed through my heart, transforming the organ. It was a thunderbolt hitting sand, turning particles to glass. I was brittle now, more easily broken than ever. Petrified lightning in human form.
His footsteps receded.
The door whined and then clicked into place.
And a lone tear slipped down my cheek.
The sobering reality of my situation washed over me. These Alphas could be my future, if they chose to be. Like my parents, these men were supposed to want me. They were biologically predestined to have me in their lives. Another tear slipped down. I felt abandoned again. Unwanted. Worthless.
With a deep breath, I pressed my hands against my eyes, desperate for control.
It wasn't fair. The heat from his touch, urged me to reach for more.
I wanted to scream, to lash out against the emptiness that clawed at me.
I needed to purge the swirling cocktail of desire and desolation that Xander left in his wake.
With a stuttering, body shaking sob, the tears began to fall freely. I curled into myself, fists moving to press against my chest like I could stave off the mounting grief. I rolled onto my side, pushing against the waves of sadness that felt all-consuming.
I cried until every drop of moisture in my body was used up.
I cried until I felt numb.
Rubbing the heaviness from my eyes, I drew in a steady breath, and I got out of the bed. Lying there, wrapped in Xander’s lingering presence, wasn’t helping.
I made the bed, smoothing each wrinkle. Then I dragged both palms across the comforter, mussing my perfect work. I stood back, feeling proud, like it was some huge act of rebellion. It was pathetic.
Turning toward the door, I hesitated, not knowing what kind of greeting I’d get on the other side.
If only they could accept me. If only they could realize I was more than my broken past. I’d fought so damn hard to get to right here, to this place, to be with the five of them.
Would it change their minds if they knew how much I wanted to be part of their chaotic lives?
Would they look at me differently if I told them that DemonX, for me, was a dream come true?
I wanted to be their Omega.
Not their victim.