Chapter 32 - Cooper
Cooper
A hand wraps around my wrist, and reality slowly invades my senses.
My skin is slick with sweat. I’m shaking, and my hand cramps.
The cramp draws my attention to the vise grip I have on my pocketknife that’s pressed against my skin.
With a sharp inhale, I quickly release it, allowing it to fall to the ground.
A slow glance around tells me that I’m standing in the middle of our bathroom. How did I get here?
“LB, talk to me. What’s going on?” Teddy says softly.
Shaking my head, trying to clear the fog, I respond. “I… I don’t know.”
His brows dip low in confusion. “What’s the last thing you remember?”
“I remember dropping Max off at the airport. Then…” I scrub my hand across my face and start to pace.
My agitation feels like ants crawling under my skin.
Think. What happened after you dropped Max off?
“I came home.” I pause again, fighting to piece together the memories.
“My attention was so caught up on an idea for a tattoo that I wanted to get sketched out, I almost forgot about you asking me to check the mail—” A gasp escapes me, and I turn towards Teddy, burying my face in his chest. I breathe in his scent, trying to ground myself.
“Max’s flight was at four this afternoon. It’s a little after eight now. Have you been in here like this the entire time?”
“I must have been. It was the mail, Teddy. The letter. We finally have a court date.”
I feel him stiffen when the significance hits him. His hands come to my face, lifting until I meet his gaze. “I’m so proud of you, baby.”
“How can you be proud of me right now? You found me in the bathroom with a knife to my arm!”
Completely unfazed by my outburst, he kisses my forehead and smooths my brow with his thumb. “Exactly. I found you without a single mark on your skin. You stood here for at least three hours fighting with yourself after facing a major trigger all alone.”
“I didn’t cut myself,” I say, slightly dazed. He shakes his head. “I fought it.” A nod. “I won.” The smile that spreads across his face makes my heart skip a beat.
“Dang right, you won. I’m so proud of you, baby. You are stronger than anyone I have ever met, and I love you more than words could ever express.”
“I love you, too,” I choke out, trying to hold back my tears. Seriously? More tears? Absolutely not.
“In the morning, we’ll need to call Dr. Krazinski, but tonight, let’s focus on the win.” I know he’s right, so I just nod. “What do you wanna do for dinner?” he asks. “Wanna go out? Order in? Want me to cook?”
“I don’t really want to be around a crowd right now, and you just got off of a twelve-hour shift. You shouldn’t be cooking. Why don’t we order some Chinese and watch that movie we’ve been talking about?”
“Sounds perfect. I’ll call and place the order before I shower and change. Why don’t you go get the blankets, drinks, and snacks, and I’ll meet you on the couch?
“Deal.” I say, puckering my lips in a silent demand, and Teddy leans down to meet me. The kiss is slow and gentle, more of a breathing each other in than anything. A sigh escapes me when I finally pull away. “Don’t take too long.” He just smiles and gently pushes me towards the door.
Everett
I lean against the cold tile, letting my tears mix with water as it rains down on me.
Seeing LB standing there, blade to his wrist, terrified me.
I was right back in that ER, begging him not to leave me.
I can’t imagine how much strength it must have taken to stand there for three hours, locked in a battle with himself.
He never ceases to amaze me. I just hate that Silas still has that much control over him.
Hopefully, once everything with the court case is settled, there will be fewer triggering events.
He deserves to live a life not weighed down by memories of the atrocities committed against him.
Despite the pride I feel for him, my mind can’t help but focus on the what-ifs.
What if I hadn’t gotten off on time? What if there had been traffic?
What if he had cut? Would it have been shallow or life-altering?
I feel a sob trying to claw its way out of my throat, but I manage to swallow it back down.
I crouch down, hugging my knees to my chest.
I’m not sure how much time passes, but LB’s soft voice pulls me out of my spiral. “Teddy, please look at me.” I raise my head and meet his worried gaze. “You were in here so long the food arrived. What’s going on? Why are you in here crying?”
Scrubbing at my face, I stand, and LB follows along with me. “Nothing is wrong, baby. Just give me a minute, and I’ll be right out.” I kiss his forehead and start to turn back towards the spray, but a hand on my arm stops me.
“Don’t do that. Don’t bottle it up. I’m proof of how unhealthy that is. Talk to me, please.”
With a sigh, I concede. “Let me get washed up and throw some clothes on. Then we can talk about it over dinner.”
“Okay, just don’t take too long. We both know I can’t be trusted to be alone with food.” Once I nod, he hugs me tightly and exits the shower. He grabs a towel on his way out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
I enter the living room to find LB doing his best impression of a burritoed chipmunk.
“Mmph…really good,” he says around a mouthful of lo mein. Seeing him in his natural habitat, surrounded by food and buried under at least three blankets, relieves some of the pressure that had been weighing on my chest. I shake my head and take a seat next to him.
The lo mein smells heavenly, and I find myself leaning in, trying to catch more of the scent.
LB suddenly stops chewing as he becomes aware of my position.
He leans back slightly and puts a defensive arm around the lo mein container.
The severity of his squinty-eyed glare is undermined by his adorably full cheeks.
“Relax, LB. The lo mein is all yours,” I say, unable to resist booping the tip of his nose.
He grunts and goes back to shoveling food into his overly full mouth.
I reach for the beef and broccoli instead, kissing my chance at carbs goodbye.
Honestly, I only have myself to blame for failing to order more than one container.
Once the remnants of our meal are all cleaned up, we sit back down on the couch. LB places his feet in my lap, the innocent touch causing warmth to spread through my chest. He bites his lip, assessing me, before blurting out, “So are you gonna make me drag it out of you?”
Sighing, I let my head fall against the back of the couch. “It’s not that big of a deal. Honest. I just had a little freak-out about finding you like that. It brought back memories of that night in the ER. I’m good now, I swear.”
LB pulls his feet back as he sits up. His hands grip mine with a strength that’s inconsistent with their size.
“Please don’t downplay your feelings. Spending thirty minutes silently crying in the shower is more than just a ‘little freak-out.’ And flashbacks are a sign of something more serious. I’m so sorry that I did this to you.”
“Nope,” I say. “If I don’t get to downplay my feelings, then you don’t get to take the blame for them.”
LB is silent for a minute before he finally nods. “You’re right. I’m not responsible for anyone’s emotions but my own. I hate that my actions have affected you, but the only thing we can do is move forward. I think it might be a good idea for you to talk to someone as well.”
“You mean someone like Dr. Krazinski?”
“Well, I think it might be a conflict of interest for him to see us both, but I bet he could suggest someone good for you.”
“Yeah… I think that might be a good idea. Would you mind reaching out to him about it in the morning?”
“Of course not, babe. I’m proof of how important mental health care is.
We’ll get it all set up. If you need me to go with you the first few times, I don’t mind, but no pressure.
It’s a very personal matter. I just want you to be comfortable, however that looks for you.
” I interrupt his ramble with a kiss that he returns with a sigh.
Pulling back, I say, “You’re welcome to join me for that first appointment.
After that, we can play it by ear. Now, how about that movie?
” LB shifts, and we lie down with his back to my front.
I pull one of his blankets over us and bury my face in his neck.
I spend the rest of the evening exactly where I want to be, lost in the smell of the man that I love, with the feel of his laughter vibrating against my chest.