Chapter 33 - Cooper
Cooper
Looking at the group of people standing around the rented SUV, my heart is full.
The fact that all of them showed up for me is mind-boggling.
They all have jobs and lives, but they dropped everything for a week-long trip so I didn’t have to face my demon alone.
Nine years ago, I was completely alone. Now I have Max, Lane, Mom, and, of course, Teddy.
My own little family. I’d almost forgotten what a real family felt like.
Max comes over and wraps her arms around me, leaning down so her head rests on top of mine. “How are you feeling?”
“Right now…I’m good.” She eyes me skeptically. “Really. I am. As we get closer to Nebraska, that’ll definitely change, but here, surrounded by you guys, all I feel is love.”
After placing the last suitcase in the trunk, Teddy comes over to where we’re standing. I hold out my hand, and he immediately latches onto it, placing a feather-light kiss to my knuckles. “Ready for this?” he asks.
The others probably think he’s asking about the long drive, but I know better.
It’s in the barely noticeable hitch in his voice.
The way his hand tightens briefly around mine.
The tiny step closer to me. The twitch in his free hand.
He’s worried. If I’d let him, he’d snatch me right up and run me all the way back to our bedroom, where he’d bury me in markers and give me free rein of his body.
He knows that this is gonna hurt me, and he can’t stand it.
He’d never try to get me to change my mind, though.
I move out of Max’s arms and step straight into Teddy’s.
Max wanders off in Lane’s direction, probably sensing that we need a moment.
Teddy leans down, instantly finding his favorite spot and inhaling deeply.
“It’s gonna be alright, big guy. I swear…
I mean, it’ll suck while it’s happening, but it’s gonna set me free.
I need it to be over. One way or another, we’ll get through this, and then we can come home and focus on our future instead of my past.”
We stand there, locked in each other’s embrace for several minutes, just existing in a moment where the outside world doesn’t matter.
LB and Teddy. All of the good and none of the bad.
Real life doesn’t work that way, though, and our moment comes to an end when Mom gently places her hand on my back.
Pulling away from Teddy’s hold, I turn to look at her.
“I hate to interrupt, sweetheart, but we really need to get goin’ before we get caught in mornin’ traffic,” she says.
Her eyebrows are pinched together, her lips are swollen and red where she’s bitten them, and she’s trying—but failing—to not wring her hands.
I’ve never seen her this worked up, not even during the hearing when she tried to get custody of me.
I feel a pinch of guilt for causing her so much distress, but before it can become too overwhelming, I hear Teddy and Dr. K in my head reminding me that I am not the one to blame.
Mom’s forehead drops to my chest after I take a step forward and wrap my arms around her slim shoulders.
A shuddering breath escapes her. “I wish I could do this for you. I wish I could tear that man limb from limb. I just… I wish the world had been kinder to you.” When she pulls back, I can see the tears swimming in her eyes.
Her hands tremble as she reaches up to cradle my face, but they’re as strong and grounding as always.
“Let’s go take that bastard down. Then we’ll come home, and I’ll make sure the world is never cruel to you again.
” We both know that’s a promise she can’t make, but the sentiment behind it has tears welling in my own eyes.
I bend forward and allow her to place a wet kiss on my forehead.
She steps back and turns towards the SUV. Her son immediately replaces the warmth she takes with her by plastering himself against my back. “Ready?” he asks.
“Ready,” I say, and this time, I actually mean it.
When we pull into the gas station, Teddy is first out of the SUV. Gentleman that he is, he heads straight to the pump. Max is quick to follow. She’s been complaining about needing a bathroom for at least thirty minutes now.
“I’m gonna stretch my legs for a little bit. Long car rides are a little harder on me these days,” Mom says from the front passenger seat.
Lane and I sit there for maybe an entire minute before boredom overtakes me. Turning to face him, I ask, “Snack run?”
“Oh, fuck yeah.”
We scramble out of the vehicle, pushing and shoving the entire way, bickering about which snacks are the best. When we burst through the door, the poor girl manning the counter startles. “Sorry!” Lane and I say at the same time.
We circle the store twice, making sure we go down every aisle. Our arms are buried under our snacks by the time we reach our final stop in front of the coolers.
Chocolate.
Chips.
Sour candy.
Fruity candy.
A variety of snack cakes.
Three different types of gum.
A pickle.
You name it.
We got it.
“Energy drink? Lane asks.
“Trust me, absolutely nobody wants to be trapped in a car with a highly caffeinated me for several hours.”
“Fair.”
We end up going for juice instead. Cran-Grape for Lane, and pineapple orange for me, which I think says a lot about who we are as people.
I make sure to grab the biggest water I can find for Teddy, who doesn’t like overly sweet drinks, before heading towards the front to check out.
When we deposit our small hoard onto the counter, the cashier’s eyes practically fall out of her head.
“Road trips,” I say with a shrug. As far as explanations go, that one feels pretty solid to me.
Once we pay for everything, Lane and I take our bags and head out to the car. When the other three notice us approaching loaded down with half the store, their expressions land somewhere between shock and amusement.
“Who left the children unsupervised?” Max stage-whispers.
I flip her off, but Lane decides to go for the knockout. “Just for that, I’m not sharing my chocolate with you. And I got the king size Reese’s!” Never one to miss a dramatic exit, he stalks away to the other side of the car.
Max follows hastily. “No, wait! You know I didn’t—”
Teddy is chuckling when he steps up beside me.
I hand over the water and beef jerky I picked out for him, not missing the longing glance he sends the bag holding all the good snacks.
I hate that he feels like he has to deny himself.
Well, fuck that. I hand him a package of powdered donuts, but I don’t let go when he starts to take it. His eyes jump to mine.
“You. Are. Perfect. Just the way you are.” I make sure to hold eye contact. I want him to see the truth written in mine. It must work because I’m graced with the sight of my favorite soft smile.
“I love you,” he says.
“Good, because you’re stuck with me.” I smack a kiss to his cheek and make my way over to the SUV.
“Give it back, you uncultured swine!”
“I’ll give you uncultured, you basic ass bitch!”
At that, Max gasps. “You take that back right now! I am anything but basic, and Britney is a goddess among men.”
“Babe, her last decent album was over two decades ago. You’ve been listening to the same three albums the entire time I’ve known you. Be more like Elsa, and let that shit go.”
“Never!” she says in her most dramatic tone, reaching forward to snatch the aux cable from my hands.
“You get fifteen more minutes, and then you’re giving up the cord, Maxine. I will not suffer through three more hours of this.” Cheater that she is, she levels me with her best pleading eyes and pouting lip combo, and I groan as I relent. “Fine, thirty more minutes, but that’s it!”
“Deal,” she says, wiggling with happiness at her victory.
A snort from the front seat has Max glaring in Lane’s direction.
“What’s so funny?” I recognize her squint as the threat it is.
Poor Lane, however, isn’t fluent in Max’s face yet. “You can’t seriously be this obsessed with Britney Spears. Isn’t she, like, before your time or something?” Here we go.
Max rips into Lane with well-rehearsed bullet points on all the things that make Britney the best to ever be.
I smother my laugh in Teddy’s shoulder, wanting to stay out of the line of fire.
A soft jostling tells me that he’s struggling to keep his composure as well.
I catch Mom’s eyes in the rearview mirror, and I don’t miss the humor sparkling in their green depths.
As we cross the Nebraska state line, a chill races down my spine.
I left this state as quickly as I could nine long years ago, never once glancing back.
Being back now is nerve-racking. I know why I’m here.
I want to be here, but there’s a part of me that still feels like the boy I was then. Isolated and afraid.
The brush of skin against the nape of my neck pulls me from the thoughts threatening to drag me back into the past. Blinking slowly, I turn and meet Teddy’s stare. “Hey,” I say quietly.
“Hey, yourself. How are you doing in here?” he asks with a tap to my temple.
“Nothing too overwhelming. It started to get bad, but you pulled me out of it. There are so many terrible memories in this state, and I underestimated how hard seeing it again would be.”
“That’s understandable. It’s easier to anticipate what your reaction to the person who hurt you may be. Less so when it comes to the inconspicuous reminders.”
With a sigh, I lie down with my legs on Max and my head in Teddy’s lap, and gentle fingers begin to brush through my hair.
“Babe…” The sound of Teddy’s voice pulls me from the dream I’d been having.
“Wha—” I look around, but quickly realize I can’t see much from my position.
“We’re here,” Teddy says. “Mom is getting us checked in with the front desk. We just need to start getting our luggage out of the car.”
Out of the back window, I see the sign for the hotel we’re staying at. Between that and his explanation, my tired brain finally starts to come back online. Slowly, I sit up and realize we’re the only two left in the car.
“Max and Lane spotted a Mexican restaurant a few blocks away. They went to grab dinner for everyone.” At that, my stomach immediately starts to growl. Teddy just shakes his head. “Honestly, I’m surprised that monster didn’t wake you up sooner, demanding a sacrifice.”
“You’ve been spending too much time with our friends. Sassy is not a good look on you,” I reply in my most haughty voice. I even go so far as to stick my nose in the air to really play it up, but Teddy is having none of it. His fingers dig into my ribs, making me squeal like a five-year-old.
“Cheater.”
“Drama king.”
“At least you recognize me as the royalty I am. Now fetch my bags, peasant.”
He shakes his head at me, but his smile only grows. “I walked right into that one.”
“Indeed you did. Now, chop chop.”