Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
JD
I walked out to the truck, slamming the door after putting her first suitcase in the backseat and climbed in.
What the fuck had I been thinking?
She’d been out of the hospital for less than two days and already I was mauling her in her apartment. Taking advantage of her in a weak moment. I needed my fucking head examined. I’d just taken sick fuck to a whole new level.
I closed my eyes, trying to breathe through the throbbing in my dick. I couldn’t stop thinking about the sight and smell of her drenched cunt. It had taken every ounce of willpower I possessed not to bury myself in her tight body the minute she exploded in my arms.
I wanted her more than air right now.
Not for the first time, I questioned why I kept punishing myself when it came to her. On several occasions she’d made it clear she was down with whatever, though I didn’t fully trust she understood what that meant. She just didn’t strike me as the kind of woman who wanted to spread her legs for the MC at will and leave it at that.
She deserved more. She wanted more. I could feel it down to my bones. I could see it in the way she behaved in her juvenile record. And I could see it in the way she interacted with the club. Hell, I could taste it in those fucking delicious orange rolls she was always making.
Which meant I had to stay the fuck away from her.
And yet, I still couldn’t stop thinking about her cries as she came from our hands working her clit together. That scream that I’d ripped from her throat had nearly sent me over the edge as I drank it down. The look in her eyes. The intensity. Fuck, who was I kidding? She’d sent me over the edge a long time ago. I was just hoping I could find my way back without anyone else getting hurt again.
Especially her.
I really didn’t want to hurt her. I cared about her well-being. She was one of my girls. My employee. Of course I wanted what was best for her.
With her though, all bets were off. It was my job to protect her from harm, but who the hell would protect her from me? Bear? I bristled against that thought. Fuck no. I could take a lot of shit, but watching that? That wasn’t a position I could put myself in.
Bear was loyal to the bone, but watching him with Sasha made something dark twist in my gut. She deserved his kind of devotion—just not from him.
As for me? I was fucked no matter what I did next.
I wasn’t going to forget this moment any time soon.
Her perfect little cries still echoed clearly in my ears, especially that breathy little “Daddy” that had nearly broken my control.
Fuck. In that moment I would have given anything to put her on her knees so she could take my cock down her soft, slender throat and swallow me down. I wanted to come down her throat and watch what she couldn’t swallow dribble down her chin only for me to push it back into her mouth and make sure she didn’t miss a drop.
I wanted to see that look in her eyes again. That worshipful stare that said she liked what she saw in me and made me feel fourteen feet tall.
A roar erupted from my chest and I slammed my hands against the steering wheel with all my strength.
Not once in my life had I ever had a thing for a daddy role, but with her, everything I knew got turned upside down and inside out.
When she whimpered it like she couldn’t help herself—I fucking felt it. Right in my gut. Like it belonged to me .
Whatever she wanted, I ached to give to her. All it would take was that look and a sweet pretty please from her lush lips and I would do it.
God I was so messed up when it came to her. I seemed to have no control, and it was getting worse. Any other woman I would have just taken what I wanted, given them a hard fuck, and then after we were both satisfied, I would have thanked her and sent her on her way.
That was my MO and everyone knew it. I always went out of my way to make sure every woman I was with understood that there would not be anything more than a good time, and I chose women who felt the same way.
So how the hell had Sasha missed the fucking memo?
Or how had I failed to give it to her and make sure she understood? Because I’d fucked up. That’s fucking why. I’d had ample opportunity before the bombing to send Sasha on her way, and every time I tried, I couldn’t do it. Whether we were fucking or not didn’t seem to matter. She was the first person I wanted to see in the morning and the last person I wanted to see at the end of the night.
My thoughts spiraled with every passing second I waited for her text, and she was taking her sweet fucking time. Was she up there right now using her vibrator to finish what we started? Parting her sweet pussy lips with a piece of cheap silicone instead of the real thing?
FUCK!
I slammed my hand against the steering wheel again. Once…twice…three times.
No amount of want could change the outcome. This couldn’t happen. Look what keeping her close had already gotten her. Her scars were going to haunt me. Not because they made her ugly—nothing could do that. She had the kind of beauty that radiated from the inside out that nothing in this world could take away from her.
But she could be taken from me if I didn’t get my head on straight. And I wasn’t thinking of Bear this time. Every selfish minute I stayed close to her put her in more danger.
I had to find this traitor fast before everything spiraled again. He was a wild card the club couldn’t afford. He’d turned on us once, which led me to believe it would happen again and what then? I’d lost one woman because of my belief I could keep her safe, and I had no right risking another.
Finally her door opened. I watched her exit the apartment and lock the door behind her before heading to the stairs and my truck. She smiled nervously at me and I somehow managed to smile back even with the sinking pit in my stomach.
I was going to have to hurt her again and I didn’t look forward to that. So much so that my stomach twisted in pain. I’d already spent over a month without her, and that had been the longest hell of my life in a very long time. I slammed my hand against the steering wheel again.
“Fuck.”
Why did everything about her have to remind me of the past? I mean, what was even the point of getting the club cleaned up and on a road that helped people instead of hurting them if I couldn’t enjoy the fucking rewards?
I refused to actually answer that question because there was no rational thought processing going on tonight. Sasha made me crazy in every way possible.
Before I could get too deep down that rabbit hole, she pulled the truck door open and stuck her head inside. “Everything okay?” I could see the fear in her eyes as she waited for my answer. She was expecting the pain I would dole out as much as I knew it had to happen. But not right now. This was neither the time nor the place to be an asshole. I needed her settled and comfortable first. Then I’d see about what moves I could make to keep her away from me.
“Sure, babe. We’re all good.” I kept my voice as light as possible considering it felt like the words were strained right out of the blender of my throat.
She didn’t look convinced, but she let it go and hopped into the truck. When she closed the door, I could smell the strong, sweet scent of vanilla and cherry soap she’d used to clean herself. I closed my eyes and inhaled deep and let that sink into my bones. She’d washed that sweet cum from her fingers when it should have been mine to lick—or coat my dick.
I blinked. Wait? What? Did my brain seriously only give me five seconds of determination before I broke again?
“We going home now?” she asked.
My stomach clenched at her choice of words. Yeah I was taking her home. “Yeah, but you should have texted me so I could carry your extra bag down.”
She shot me a smirk. “It’s one tiny bag, with wheels on it. I didn’t need your help.” I felt the admonishment in that statement all the way to my soul. So she had— “Besides, I prefer to carry my unmentionables on my own.”
My head jerked in her direction. “Excuse me?” I choked.
She ignored me and simply stared straight ahead out the window as if she hadn’t said a word let alone the fact that she’d packed and carried down her own toy bag. I bit back a groan as I turned back to the front and started up the truck. Fuck me if I wasn’t going to be jacking off all night to the image she’d just put in my head of her playing with that sweet pussy right under my own roof.
Fuuuuucccccck.
It was set then. My days were numbered. Because this woman was definitely going to be the death of me.