13. Ivy
Facts were firing off in my mind like fireworks on Fourth of July. My body was in full defense mode, about ready to overheat. Callum looked at my mouth like he wanted to kiss me. Which was absurd. I couldn’t think of a justifiable reason for him to do that. It was Callum.
I didn’t have a lot of experience, and he was the guy who craved adventure in all areas of his life. For just a fifteen-minute ice bath, my axis was tilted. This was a heavy conversation, and now he was staring at me like that. I snorted and rolled my eyes. “Knock it off, Callum. You’re looking at me like you want to kiss me.”
His eyes flashed a grin.
“Maybe I do.”
What.
What.
Suddenly, I was very aware of his large and wet body under me. Before, with my back to him, I could share hard truths without his probing gaze boring into me and seeing my secrets. His hand still cupped my face, and his jaw flexed a few times.
“No. No you don’t.” I shook my head, my pulse racing so fast I could actually pass out. “Come on, Callum.”
He pressed his lips together as his nostrils flared. His thumb remained on the middle of my bottom lip as a torn look crossed his face. He blinked, and all the heat left his face, his eyes clear of lust. “Sorry.” He dropped his hand from my face and gently nudged me around, so my back was to him again. “Only a few more minutes, Ivy.”
What.
Just.
Happened.
He sighed as he wrapped his arms around me again, resting his chin on my shoulder as his body relaxed. His breathing was heavier than before but nothing like mine. My pulse still raced from that zing.
Callum had stared at me like he’d actually wanted to kiss me. I had never seen that expression on his face directed at me. Other girls? Yes. All the time. We’d go to parties, and once I found a friend to hang with, he’d take off with someone. But at me? Never.
Heat flickered in my core, a feeling I hadn’t had in months. The thought of kissing Callum was so off-limits it felt naughty even entertaining the idea.
Fact: there was science proving that opposites really did attract.
“Two more minutes. Almost done.” His voice seemed slightly off, which appeased me. I wasn’t the only one having a moment after that almost-kiss. Talking about the ice bath was safer.
I’d get out, dress, and run home. Then tell Esme everything.
“I don’t even feel the cold anymore,” I said, my voice a little husky. “I watch people do this every day, and I had no idea how it actually felt. Just the research around it.”
“Now you know, so you can sympathize with us more. Work on that bedside manner.”
“Hey, I have great bedside manner.” I tried to elbow him, but our skin just slid together, causing another warm sensation in my stomach. “Jerk.”
He chuckled and clicked his tongue. “Okay, time. Let’s get out.”
I stood, gripping the side of the tub, but he hopped out first. Water dripped from his hair onto his face, down his neck, and over his chest. Ripples of moisture formed against his stomach and over his skintight black shorts. Holy shit. He shook his head, water droplets flying everywhere as he pulled the black material from his thighs.
The sun hit his skin, making it glisten from all the water, and my feet rooted themselves to the grass beneath my toes. I was breathless. Utterly, breathless at his beauty.
“You okay? Need help walking inside?” His gaze met mine and only for a second did his attention drop to my legs. He stared right at my face. A door shut nearby, and he frowned. “We should get you out of that wet shirt before my teammates see you.”
I glanced down.
Oh.
I didn’t… the gray shirt was almost see-through, my nipples poking through the fabric completely. My face heated as I crossed my arms. Other people’s nudity didn’t bother me. Myself though? I was shy. My scars already showed too much, and without clothing as a barrier, what else could someone see?
“I didn’t think this plan through.” Callum ran a hand through his wet hair. “Let me run inside to grab a towel. I’ll be right back.”
I stood there, watching Callum’s back muscles as he jogged into the house. I stared at the sun, closing my eyes and letting the warmth wash over me as I sorted through my feelings. Maybe the attraction was because I didn’t know this newer version of Callum. I was used to the grade school, middle school, and high school Callum. This almost-NFL version was different and oof. My preferred body type for men were skinnier, leaner. Swimmers, maybe. I’d never been attracted to large, muscular types. Ever.
Yet, my nipples tingled in a different way, and I adjusted my stance. Being attracted to Callum would be the most idiotic thing for me to do. We couldn’t even handle our friendship again, and throwing in attraction would make our relationship catastrophic.
“Here we go.” Callum jogged down with two large beach towels in his hands. He tossed one on the ground and unwrapped the other covered in frogs and held it out for me. We’d bought that towel together on a senior year trip to Panama City. “Come here.”
I walked toward his outstretched arms, and he wrapped me in the frog-covered towel. His lips quirked up as he wrapped me like a burrito.
“I can’t believe you still have this stupid towel.”
“I love this thing.” He wrapped himself with a blue one around the waist. That left his chest on display, and I gulped. His pecs were wet and glistening, and I squeezed my thighs together.
Don’t look at his muscles!
“How is your arm and knee?” He gently lifted my right forearm, running his fingers over the scar that went from mid-bicep to mid-forearm. It wasn’t as noticeable with fifteen years of healing, but he knew exactly where to look. His touch caused goose bumps to explode head to toe. “I still think it would be cool to make this scar into a tattoo of ivy.”
My throat filled with emotion. He didn’t know that I took his tattoo idea, ivy with blue flowers like his eyes, and got it tattooed from my hip to my thigh. He used to say ivy was strong as hell and always came back, no matter how many times you tried to get rid of it.
I liked thinking of myself that way and needed the reminder some days.
“You gonna answer?” He narrowed his eyes at me, letting go of my arm. “How are you feeling?”
“Okay, honestly better. I need to rest and take some painkillers when I get home.”
“Are you in a rush to head back?”
“Uh, no, well, I mean?—”
“I can make you some dinner and you can rest here? If you want, of course. If not, I can drive you back.” His gaze moved toward my hips, and he ran a hand over his mouth. He frowned, like he was debating something before he opened his mouth. Then he closed it.
“I’ve never seen you struggle to speak,” I teased.
“I noticed ink on you earlier and am dying to know what it is.”
My skin flushed. No. I would not be showing him that. “That’s a question for another day.”
His eyes flashed with challenge. “Okay. I can deal with that. So, dinner?”
I planned to leave and think, but his eyes had that look in them, like he really wanted me to stay. “Aren’t you sick of me yet?”
“I don’t want you to leave.” He shrugged, but the familiar slump of his shoulders told me he was sad. He spoke in a serious, deep voice. “I’ll always want more time with you, no matter what we do. I’ve always felt that way.”
But three years ago!
I bit my tongue, the tingling sensation between my thighs really liking the way he stared at me. But I needed to shift this tension. From the almost-kiss in the tub to being attracted to him to this… heavy statement, if I was gonna stay, I wanted lighter. “I don’t know, Callie. You banned me from your tree house one year.”
“Because you wanted to play doctor!” he yelled, his smile returning. “It was clearly a tree house for battles, and you had all your stuffed animals and doctor equipment.”
“I’m just saying, you have been sick of me before.” I winked.
He sucked in a breath as his expression warmed again. “I didn’t know anything then. I was a fool.”
“Most ten-year-olds are.”
He laughed but stepped toward me again. “Let me cook for you, please. You can tell me all the other times I was a fool. I’ll take you home after.”
“Okay.” I could text Esme I’d be gone for dinner. She’d want all the details, which I would give her, but there was something about the way Callum asked me. Like my answer really mattered to him. Only one problem though. “I have a small favor?—”
“Anything,” he interrupted.
“Do you have any other clothes I could borrow? I don’t want to put on my sweaty work clothes if that’s alright?”
“Of course.” Relief flashed on his face at my request. “Come on, let’s go to my room.”
My stomach dropped. I’d spent years being in Callum’s or my bedroom. Video games, cards, homework. You name it. This felt different somehow. I had no idea why.
Maybe because hundreds of girls had been in here? No. He was like that in high school too.
“One thing that hasn’t changed at all, you’ll be shocked to learn, is that I am still very messy.” He chuckled as he led us into the backdoor and through the kitchen. “Dean runs a tight ship here, where we keep the common areas clean. You think he’s bossy on the field, but he’s worse in real life.”
“I’m right fucking here. Don’t slander me to Ivy.” Dean stood with a box of cereal in his hands. “Don’t judge me. Cereal is good any time of the day.”
“No judgement from me.”
“Why are you in a towel?” he asked Callum. “Oh, yeah, the ice bath for Ivy. How was your first time?”
“Jarring.”
“That they are.” Dean went back to eating, and Callum led me to the stairs.
“Don’t worry, he has no idea about the injuries. He thinks you asked to try it so you could talk to the guys easier. That was the best I could come up with. I had to say something, since they all wondered why I set that up for the first time ever.”
“Thank you.” My face warmed. I didn’t want the guys to treat me differently if they knew I had injuries. It was always the same, the face of pity and then the shift of expectations. I didn’t want people to lower them for me.
“I’m on the top floor. One more set of stairs to go. You alright? Need a lift?”
“I can walk upstairs.”
“Just checking, no need for that tone, Ivy Lee.”
I rolled my eyes to hide my inner turmoil. The thought of him carrying me right now? I’d burst into flame.
“I heard that eye roll.”
“I meant it too.”
“Fuck, I missed you.” He paused at the top step and stared at me, a smile stretching across his face. “I’m so happy you’re here.”
What did one say to that? The joy on his face? From me?
He didn’t wait for me to respond before taking three large steps down the hall. “Okay, this is me. We have a shared bathroom between Xavier, Luca, and me. It’s usually clean, but if you’re more comfortable you can change in my room, and I’ll step out.”
I followed him in and was immediately brought back to memories. The room smelled like cologne, leather, and sweat. Just like in high school. He had a queen bed in the corner with a fish tank on the ledge next to him. “You have your fish!”
“Of course I do.” He scoffed as he rummaged through drawers. “They’re my homies.”
That made me grin, hard. There were more elements remaining of my Callum than I thought. Not… my Callum, but my version of him. That was what I meant.
“Ah ha.” He spun and held a black sweatshirt. “This was my sister’s. She left it here last winter, and I forgot about it. I don’t have pants, but I have some shorts you could roll up?”
“That works, thanks.” I took his clothes, and he grabbed a few more things for himself.
“I’m gonna change. Be right back. I’ll knock when I return.”
I wanted the cold, wet clothes off me. I tossed them onto the floor and slid on the sweatshirt and baggy shorts. I rolled them up a few times and stared at myself in the mirror. I looked ridiculous but happy. I didn’t wear underwear or a bra, but that wasn’t unusual for me when I was lounging at home.
I used the extra time to snoop in his room. Not the boundary-crossing type, just staring at the things on his walls and his desk. There was a picture of him, his mom, and his sisters. They all wore jerseys with his number. His dad was definitely absent from the pictures. I wanted to ask about that. He didn’t have much, but a corner of a canvas stuck out near his dresser. It leaned against the wall, and my heart galloped when I realized what it was.
We’d made that together. It was a month before our fight, June after we graduated, where we kept hearing about this new painting class at midnight. It was all neon lights and drums, and you had to wear goggles. We stayed there for hours, laughing, and it took weeks to get the color out of our nails and hair. But we made this stupid painting that was only twelve by twelve inches, and he’d kept it.
I didn’t have much of Callum in my room. I purged it because the memories were too much. My eyes prickled just as he knocked on the door.
“You all dressed?”
“Yeah, I’m good.”
Callum walked in with dry gray shorts and that was it. No shirt. I gulped, blinking away the bout of moisture forming from seeing the painting.
Of course, he caught on. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“You kept that painting.” I jutted my chin to it. “After all these years. Why?”
His jaw flexed as he stared at it, then me. “I already told you, Ivy. There is an entire part of my mind dedicated to you. I liked having things that reminded me of you around me.”
The prickle returned. “I threw it all away, and now I feel horrible.”
He frowned before walking toward me and pulling me into a hug. “Don’t feel bad. That means we’ll make new memories together. I’ll find another class or something.”
I loved Callum’s hugs, but he was shirtless, so my face was pressed up against his bare chest as my hands gripped his bare back. He was so warm and strong and shit. I dug my fingers into his muscles, feeling how thick they were. It made my face heat and my mouth water. He was so toned and beautiful it made me breathless.
“No more tears, you hear?” He tilted my chin up. His blue eyes were the color of the sky, first thing after the sun rises. “I learned how to make homemade mac and cheese, and you’re going to be super impressed. Trust me.”
I snorted and wiped under my eyes. “Cheese?”
“That’s my girl, still obsessed with cheese?”
I followed him out of the room, his phrase echoing in my mind. That’s my girl. I wore his clothes and was letting him cook for me when he said those words. I didn’t do this with my other friends, ever, but then again this was Callum. He was always different to me. Larger than life.
When he grinned at me with mischief, it was hard to remember to protect my heart. Because one thing he’d always been good at?
Getting me to love him.