17. Ivy
Fridays were spent in lecture for two hours, then the rest of the day at the stadium. My knee hurt a bit, but I practically floated out of bed.
Callum kissed me.
Unreal. So good.
Terrifying. Science had it right. There were millions of nerves on the tips of my lips, and each one was on fire last night with want and heat.
Throwing on joggers, a Central State polo, and a blue bow today, (yes, it did match Callum’s eyes) I walked out into our kitchen to see Esme sitting on the stool with two cups of coffee waiting for me. Her arched brow was loud enough. She had questions. “Hi,” I said, blushing.
“Good morning. Sit your ass down and tell me everything. You have twenty minutes before you leave, plenty of time for all the details.”
I snorted. “How long have you been preparing this speech?”
“Since I woke up an hour ago. Do you realize the amount of strength it took to not barge into your room? I’m honestly incredible. How was last night? Did he come back inside? The way he looked at you Ivy… I might not forgive him yet for what he did, but he’s into you. That was painfully obvious.”
My face heated as I sipped the coffee. She’d put creamer in it for me. “You really are the best.”
“I know, now tell me.”
I told her everything. From the conversation, the car ride, the kiss, the things he said during the kiss. The way I threw the past in his face but how he was stubborn as hell. She nodded and withheld all judgement, which was my favorite thing about her. I told her how I was terrified but hopeful, that maybe this new flavor of our relationship could work.
“Wow.” She sipped her coffee, a smirk forming. “Honestly, not that you need this from me, but this kinda makes perfect sense.”
“How so? I’d love to get to that conclusion. I almost feel like this is a dream that is going to end, so I’m still guarding a small part of my heart. It doesn’t make sense to me when I’m not around Callum. When he’s around me, he overtakes my senses and makes me feel important.”
“I’ve had a falling out with a friend before. Don’t get me wrong, friend breakups hurt. You mourn them in silence because we just aren’t as forgiving about it like we are a breakup. But, when we met and became friends, you were grieving. You were devastated. You reminded me of me when my high school boyfriend of three years cheated on me.”
“Where are you going with this?” I gripped the mug tighter, nerves weighing me down. This sounded a little like what Cal hinted at.
She pursed her lips before sighing. “I think you guys were almost dating before but without any physical stuff. You emotionally leaned on each other, were each other’s person, were each other’s everything minus attraction. From what you’ve said, you avoided it because you never thought it mattered with him. Did you ever date in high school?”
“Uh, not really.”
“Did you the last three years?”
“A few times, yeah.”
“Because he wasn’t in your life. Because you loved him. You still do, but it’s a different kind of love now.” Esme smiled, looking mighty proud. “I’m such a good best friend.”
I rested my forehead on the counter. “You are, and you might be right about me. Now Callum though?—”
“Same thing, girl. Same thing. He might not realize it yet, but he was in love with you too. He has work to do, which he seems to realize.”
That same fluttery feeling returned but mixed with the sensation of falling. Callum being in love with me was such a curveball, but I didn’t hate it. Not even a little bit. It made me feel special, like I was amazing. Not that I had major self-esteem issues, but I stood a little taller thinking about him loving me. But the second I experienced a little joy, reality crashed back down.
He’d missed a lot of my life the last three years. I’d been working toward a goal of getting a job at the NFL, and our relationship could jeopardize that. The love bubble popped, and within seconds, the warmth turned to ice. How could I navigate these new feelings and him while focusing on my internship? He’d put me second most of college, so why would I put him first right now?
Fuck. The internship!
I stared at Esme, my eyes wide.
“What is it, girl? What?” She jumped up, glancing around the apartment.
“Henry! What about Henry!” I shouted, my voice cracking. How could I be so silly not to think about this until right now? “I can’t get involved with a player! Henry literally said that, and look at me, disobeying. Oh man, I could lose my spot or my chance at getting a job or?—”
She grabbed my hands with a small smile. “First off, breathe.”
I did.
“You said Henry knows y’all are friends, yeah?”
I nodded.
“Okay, then be friends at work. Explore this new thing elsewhere. Easy. It won’t ruin your internship, Ivy. You deserve to see where this goes.”
“I gotta talk to Callum though. Tell him what the plan is so he knows. He wouldn’t want to ruin this for me, that I know.” I finished the cup. “Thank you, for being you and the coffee and listening to me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Likewise.” She took my mug and cleaned it. “But you owe me. I have a date tonight and need help not freaking out.”
“Ah, that explains it. Focusing on me, so you don’t worry. Classic move.”
“Get out.”
Laughing, I grabbed my bag and left for the day, only to find Callum standing outside our apartment with his backpack.
He waited for me.
He used to wait for his girlfriends in high school too.
Giddy. I was fucking giddy.
He smiled and rushed over to me. “Hey, good morning.”
“Hi.” Damnit, I blushed again.
He closed the distance between us and kissed me, a simple one, and hummed. “Better than I remembered.”
“Jeez, I didn’t take you for a sap.”
“With you, Ivy Lee, I’m a mess.” He chuckled. But he said the words with his serious tone. Like he actually meant it.
He scanned my outfit. “You look great. Do you want coffee before classes?”
“Esme made me one, but thank you. Are you—waiting for me?”
“I knew you didn’t get into the stadium until midday on Fridays, so I assumed you had a lecture. I checked the schedule online and anyway, figured I’d walk you to class.” He gripped the back of his neck as his ears turned pink. “I wanted to see you.”
My chest got all warm and squishy. “I’m glad you did.”
His muscles relaxed. “So did you get yourself off last night?”
“Callum! Oh my god.” I shoved him, making sure no one was around us. “We are in public.”
“We’re outside, and no one is near us.” His eyes twinkled. “I’m taking it as a yes, since you’re avoiding the question.”
“Did you?” I fired, not thinking about it.
“Absolutely. I thought about the little gasp you made when I sucked on your neck. Then, I thought about how you ground into me when I kissed you.”
“Shit.” I gulped. “I’m not supposed to get turned on before classes.”
“Should’ve taken care of its last night then.” He slung an arm over my shoulders. “You’re in Foller Hall, right?”
“You really did spy on my classes.” I laughed. “Were you always this much of a stalker? I don’t recall you doing this with other girls you dated.”
“They weren’t you.”
Oh.
What a sentence. Those three words had me rethinking our entire past, where each moment could’ve had a different meaning.
“Hey, I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” I slid his arm off me, and his face fell.
“Okay, yeah.” His jaw flexed, and he gripped his backpack straps tighter.
“Don’t look so nervous.” I smiled and cupped his face. He leaned into my hand and closed his eyes, like my simple touch made him feel better. I loved the strength of his jaw and the slight stubble of hair. He didn’t have that in high school. “I wanted to remind you and ask that we tone this down at the stadium. I’m already nervous about disappointing Henry, but until the season is done, we have to keep it quiet.”
He ran his lips together. “Quiet everywhere or just at the stadium?”
“I mean, like we could go on dates and stuff.” I gulped, as if that sentence was super chill, like oh yeah, I could just ask Callum on dates, and it was no big deal. I had so many flutters.
He nodded. “I’d like that.”
“But when I’m work, we act like friends. Peers. Professional. Not a single sign we’re doing this. I’ve worked my ass off for this opportunity, and I won’t risk it.”
He tilted his head before tugging my hand into his.
“Hey, I understand. I will behave at the stadium. I’d never ruin this for you.”
“Thank you.” I smiled, and he pulled us toward the quad. “Do you have classes on Fridays?”
“One, but it’s kinda optional. Figured I’d walk you to class then check in on some of the younger guys. Two of them are already struggling week three. I have no idea how they even got here with their lack of self-sufficient skills. I also spy on their schedules to track them down.”
“Anyone else do that, or just you?”
“Me. Everyone else is too busy.”
“So are you.” Pride filled my chest. “You were always so adamant about helping the younger people on the team. I love that you’re still doing it and never wanting the glory for it.”
“I have the extra time to set up schedules and pair up some of the guys based on their skills. Did you know our boy Oliver is a math wizard? All these young pups coming in taking a legit math class for the first time, so they need him.”
“You should be super proud of this.”
He shrugged. “It’s a role someone needs to fill on the team, and I just do.”
I gripped his forearm with my free hand and squeezed it. “Well, I see you.”
“What do you mean?” His voice came out hopeful, curious. His eyes lit up, and a hint of a smile played on his lips.
“You told me freshmen year that Coach Barnes never saw you, just the punk you pretended to be. You were the first one there and the last one to leave. You were the DD for all the older guys, making sure they were safe. He didn’t see the real you. I do.”
His gaze dropped to my mouth, and his nostrils flared. “No one has the power you do over me, Ivy. I hope you know that.”
His words caused that swoopy, gravity-defying feeling that overtook my stomach and chest. Fluttering. My heart fluttered. “So, you plan the team stuff tonight?”
“Nah, I let Dean do the pregame. Him and Jameson will run the pregame rituals. That’s why I wanted to see you. I won’t be able to do this again until Sunday.”
“What, hold my hand?”
“No, this.” He backed me up toward the side of a building and kissed me. He held my ass with one hand, his other almost covering the whole back of my head. He groaned and nipped my bottom lip, sliding his tongue in and kissing me nice and slow. I felt alive, heated, and dizzy. His kiss was addicting and the right amount of pressure.
I whimpered and rested my hands on his abs. His torso was so toned, and I dug my nails into him, heat shooting between my thighs. “Wow,” I said, breathless as he pulled back.
He grinned, and his eyes were pure lust. “And you were worried about our chemistry.”
“Shut up.” I poked his side, and he caught my finger, twirling it with his as he wrapped me in a bear hug. “Uh, what’s this?”
“I’m obsessed with having you in my life.” He rested his chin on my head. “I want to go to class with you. That’s where I’m at right now.”
“No.” I snorted into his chest and squeezed him back. “There’s only eight of us, and it would definitely blow my internship.”
“Will you stay with me Sunday night? We can do whatever you want. I just want eight hours with you. Or ten. Or a whole day like we used to.”
“If you don’t mind going to the shelter with me, yeah, we can hang out.”
“Of fucking course.” He sighed and slowly released me, his hand smoothing over my ponytail. “I’ll see you on the bus tomorrow then.”
“Yeah, no flirting.”
He held up his hands. “Yes, ma’am.”
I left him there, outside the Foller building, with a huge smile on my face. Esme’s words took root, and this confirmed it. Callum had walked with me in high school. He’d planned all-day hangouts on weekends. He’d snuck into my room a few times if one of us had a bad day.
He’d hugged me long and hard and squeezed me like that.
The difference between then and now? The all-encompassing attraction that we both felt. I liked facts and using logic for making decisions, and it was becoming clear that Callum and I could actually work. What a wild thought.
We just had to make sure it stayed hidden.