23. Ivy
“Emerson, I need you on the field today with me.” Henry stared at his clipboard, his tone harsher than normal.
“Yes, sir. Should I head there right now or wait to be dismissed?”
He ran a hand over his eyebrow before staring at me, then Abe, then Kamrica. It was Friday, which was way more chill since tomorrow was an away game. Special teams focused on plays while most of the guys did a light workout. The quarterbacks reviewed the plays while others watched tape to look for weaknesses.
“I wanted to tell you both that we’re down an intern the rest of the season. I divided all the stations planning for four, but we’re at three. You might carry an extra task here or there, so tell me if it’s too much.”
“What happened?” Abe asked, his voice worried.
Henry ran a hand over his jaw, he gaze moving toward the window and back. “I can’t speak on it, but please remember to review the code of conduct you signed before working for me. Abe, could you go to the restoration room with Kamrica? Two guys have to spend time in there, and I’m needed with Romano. His arm is tight, and that worries me.”
Shit. Fear laced through me like an ice pick to the sternum. The code of conduct. The one I was absolutely breaking. My pulse raced, and I almost fell over with worry.
This isn’t good. Not good at all.
“You got it.”
Henry grabbed his walkie and phone, then handed one to each of us. “Call for me if anything happens. I don’t know if it’s a full moon tonight or what, but today has just been weird.”
Fact: the moon has earthquakes, but they are called moonquakes.
Cool. Focus on dumb facts instead of your entire future.
“What the fuck?” Abe whispered once Henry left his office. “Code of conduct?”
Kamrica lowered her voice and motioned us closer. “I heard Petra, the intern for sports management, slept with someone on the team. She went wild at a party or something, and word got out. Henry was pissed.”
Slept with someone on the team.
My stomach bottomed out. Gravity ceased to exist as I stumbled slightly to my right. I hit the cabinet, and Abe reached for me.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, sorry, my, uh, knee hurt.”
“Sorry, Ivy.” He frowned before letting his hand slide off my arm. “Okay, Kamrica, tell us more. Petra slept around? I mean, Henry can’t do anything about rumors, right?”
“Henry said explicitly to not get involved with the players.” Kamrica swallowed. “Freaks me out a little. I ran into Xavier at the coffee shop, and we talked for an hour. It was awesome, but now I’m paranoid. Like, is Henry always watching?”
“Nah, you’re good. Ivy is friends with Callum O’Toole, and Henry doesn’t care.”
My face heated. I could barely look at them. It was so foolish of me to openly date Callum at this point. I couldn’t go to the house or out in public… we had to keep everything secret. I couldn’t handle it if Henry found out, and my dream got crushed. Disappointment gripped me though at the thought of slowing things down with Callum. Things were just feeling right and to scale back? It made my throat ache.
“You’re friends with O’Toole?”
“We grew up together.” I swallowed the ball of emotion and fear and tried to keep my voice as natural as possible. “Childhood best friends.”
“Oh, that’s sick. I bet you have good stories on him.”
I nodded, but Abe stared at me with a weird look. Almost like… he knew something. I shook it away. “I’m heading down to the field. Everyone, be careful.”
“If anyone hears any more gossip, tell the group,” Kamrica said.
She walked toward the restoration room, but Abe hung out for a second. He glanced down each hall before leaning toward me. “Ivy, I’m not asking your business, but we’re friends, right?”
I nodded. Shit. He knew. He knew. He’d tell Henry.
“Don’t look so afraid.” He smiled and squeezed my forearm. “I’m not gonna say anything. I’d never do that to you. Who would I be to stop your dream of entering the AT hall of fame?”
I snorted, but the anxiety didn’t ease whatsoever.
“You paled when Kamrica said that, and you almost fell. Whatever you’re hiding, you need to mask it better.”
“Abe—”
“It’s alright. No one else knows shit. I just watch you a lot. Oh my god, that sounded weird. No. I’m around you and care about you? Is that worse? Shit. How am I so bad at this?”
“I don’t know, but this is painful.”
With that, we both laughed, the sound echoing in the tunnel. I needed the tension reliever, bad. “Thank you for…you know.”
“You’re welcome. I don’t want to lose you here, selfishly, but I know what this means to you. So either stop your secret or be better at hiding it. I’m off to work with Kamrica. She just gossips, I swear.”
“You love it.” I shoved him away, just as footsteps clicked down the hall. “See you later, Abe.”
He headed the other way just as Callum and the defensive coach were mid-conversation, voices intense, but Callum’s gaze was definitely on me. His jaw tightened as he stared at the direction Abe left, but I didn’t have any energy to manage his accusation.
Petra had been dismissed. I had an interview because Henry set it up for me. I couldn’t lose this opportunity. My stomach churned with unease. As they neared, I pretended to talk on the walkie. “Yeah, headed down there now.”
And I ran away.
I swore I could feel Callum’s gaze on my back, questioning me, but we’d have to talk later. In private. In my apartment. Where no one would ever see us. God, I hated this. It seemed unfair that he returned to my life only for me to pull back.
What if he doesn’t want that?
What if he refuses?
What if he leaves again?
“Ivy, Jameson needs stretching, and Cobalt’s wrist is being shit. You able to help?”
“Yes, sir.” I smiled at their coach as I walked toward Jameson. He sat on the bench, and by some grace of a higher being, I channeled all the worry and stress into being the best AT I could.
I laughed. I put the guys at ease. I high-fived and remained confident. Even when my skin prickled with Callum being on the field, I didn’t look at him unless it was required.
I was a goddamn professional, even though I might’ve let those lines blur the last week. My dream was getting closer, and he had to support that. My ankle ached, and I sweated way more than normal, either from the brutal humidity or the stress. All I knew was when everything was done, I was exhausted.
Bone-tired.
I hadn’t checked my phone at all, per Henry’s rules, and after I used the bathroom and signed out, I glanced at it.
Callum: Why was Abe touching you?
Callum: Okay, that sounded accusatory. I’m super chill. The chilliest. But hey, Abe… he was touching you, and you were laughing?
Callum: Something is wrong. I need you to tell me. I’m freaking out.
Callum: Also not chill of me, but idc, Ivy. Call me annoying or obsessed, but what’s going on?
Callum: You haven’t looked at me once. If you need space, tell me, okay? I don’t… want it, but if that’s what you need, I’ll give it. I promise.
Callum: Can I walk you home?
I chewed my lip, smiling at the string of texts from him. This unhinged behavior had always been there, like the times in high school where I wouldn’t answer right away. He wanted to know I was safe or that I got a ride home or if I was okay. I didn’t want to worry him intentionally, but we had to revisit the conversation about my internship.
Ivy: hi, want to meet at my place?
Callum: where are you?
Callum: I’m waiting outside the stadium.
Another thing I knew about Callum was that once his mind was set on something, he wouldn’t change it. He also needed reassurance. I’d be a bad girlfriend, or friend in general, to let him stress without easing his mind. We could walk home together. That was no big deal. Henry knew we were friends.
Then, once he was inside, we could talk more. Yeah, that was a good plan.
I shouldered my bag and made my way toward the exit. My nerves were a hot ass mess. Full pandemonium to the point my whole body ached from the tension. The stadium was the southernmost part of campus and next to some freshmen dorms. There usually weren’t a lot of people on a weeknight here, so it was easy to spot Callum’s large frame sitting on a bench.
He jumped the second he saw me, scanning me head to toe. His hands were in fists as he rested them against his thighs. He wore loose shorts and a fitted tee, and he looked good.
“Did I do something? Did you hear something? Last night was amazing, so I’m not—” He reached for me, and I stepped back.
His face fell, and hurt stretched all over his expression. I hated myself in that moment. Our timing. The fact I’d hurt him for even a second.
“Callum, not here.” I shook my head and walked toward my place. “I’ll explain, I promise.”
“What can I do? Why can’t I touch you? Ivy, I’m… please.”
“They fired an intern for getting involved with players.” I moved fast and kept my voice down. I might be paranoid, but I didn’t want anyone hearing us. “I need distance from you here at the stadium.”
“Okay, okay, yeah. So, this is about that? Not us?”
“Not about us at all. I’m so sorry to hurt you. I hate that I did or that you were worried. It’s about my internship.”
“Fuck, Ivy, I can work with this.” Our fingers brushed together, and he squeezed my hand a second before letting go. “I’ll do whatever you need me to. Of course, I will. I just thought… I’m so afraid of messing this up that any change of behavior has me freaking out. I can’t lose you again.”
“I know, but I can’t lose this internship.”
“Understood. So, what does this mean for us?”
“So much for waiting until we get to my place.” I laughed and nudged my hip against his. That was totally a friendly gesture.
“If we talk now, then I can touch you the second we’re inside. I’m efficient. I know, it’s a talent.”
I rolled my eyes before smiling at him. He stared at me, wide blue eyes and nothing but awe in them. “We can’t date openly until this season is over. No flirting near the stadium. I want you and us to work, but this could derail my career, and I couldn’t… I’d resent you if I was fired.”
“I really don’t want that. Seeing you happy and achieving your dream is like, my main goal every day. All I desire is your happiness, so yeah, I’ll be better. Try not to get jealous as fuck when Abe touches you.”
“He told me to be careful, that he knows that something is going on and that I need a better poker face. He’s a good friend, Callum. Friend.”
“I have some jealousy issues.”
“Which is wild because your friend group is all women. All wonderful, beautiful women.”
“Yeah, but they are friends.”
“Wow,” I laughed. “That clears it up. I said the same thing, but that wasn’t acceptable.”
“I told you. I have an entire part of my brain that is dedicated to you. Just Ivy. So friends or teammates or jobs or whatever, they all matter, sure. But nothing matters more than you. And until you start believing it, I’ll keep working on it.” His gaze moved to my mouth, then back to my eyes. “Please acknowledge the strength it’s taking to not kiss the hell out of you. I want to devour you right now.”
“So strong.” I gripped his biceps, grinning like a fool. He somehow managed to ease my worry and made me laugh. Sure, the worry about Henry was still there, but we could navigate this. We’d figure it out, and it was clear Callum understood. He was hard but soft, jealous but also endearing. Man, I had it bad for my former childhood best friend. “I really like you.”
“Yeah, well, I fucking love you.” He blinked, slowly, before holding up his hands. “Wait, no. I told myself not to say it. Erase that. Rewind. Redo. Please.”
“What?” I whispered, tears in my eyes. He fucking loves me. He loves me. We stood outside, in the middle of September humidity, with the sun setting, and he told me he loved me. Bird chirped, and the wind grazed my face.
No guy had ever said that to me. The words were powerful, and he wanted to rewind them? My heart crept up my throat, constricting it as the shock hit me. “No.”
“No?” Callum winced and ran a hand over his face. “Fucccck. I didn’t mean to say it now. I tried hiding it. It just came out. I know it’s too soon. Please don’t worry about this. I’m not going anywhere. You just have to trust me on that.”
“I’m not… Callum. You can’t take it back.”
He dropped his hand and stared. “You’re not freaking out?”
I shook my head, my lips curving up. My chest panged with want, with love, with a future. I wanted it all with him. “Say it again.”
“I love you, Ivy. Every part of you is ingrained in me. I was put on this earth to love you. I know that. And we’re young, we have a lot to work through, but I love you.” His eyes shone with emotion as his voice cracked, but his face was genuine. Pure truth. It made me gulp and feel powerful.
My eyes prickled, and I sniffed. “I’m so mad we’re outside right now. I want to wrap myself around you.”
“I know. I had this whole thing planned, actually. It was gonna be romantic as hell, but you had to ruin it by saying you really like me.”
“I didn’t ruin it. Your big mouth ruined it.”
He grinned and gripped the spot on my shoulder that I loved so much. “I love your attitude. But baby, for real, we’ll figure out the internship so nothing is ruined for you. I’ll behave and do whatever you tell me, as long as you’re okay with my panicked texts from time to time. That probably won’t change. I’m needy.”
“I don’t want you to change. I love the way you are, even if you’re extra.”
“Almost sounded like you said you love me.”
My face heated. I was close to loving him. Too close, but I wasn’t ready. That meant fully trusting he’d never hurt me again. And I didn’t think he would, but it was still too fast, too soon. “I’ll say it when it’s the right time.”
“I know, baby. I’m teasing you. I know how you feel about me, and I don’t want you saying a damn thing until you’re ready.” He groaned as he glanced down the road. “Can we run to your place? This no-touching situation might kill me.”
I chuckled. “I can’t run, but I can walk fast?”
“Then walk fast, Ivy Lee. I’m a desperate man.”